Too “Young” for Diapers

[newt]

For the second time in about a year I had a doctor tell me I was “too young” for diapers. I don’t know why these comments frustrate me so much but you’d think doctors would have better bedside manners.

And I know it’s not a generational thing. The first time was an older dermatologist who was looking at a mole on my lower back, saw the diaper, and then said that. But the one I saw today for my annual physical was a medical resident filling in for my normal PCP who was out sick.

She referred me to a new urologist and nephrologist because I was “too young to be in diapers and they could help if the others couldn’t.” It’s weird because she was actually very nice, very helpful, and sounded like she will be a good and caring doctor but still made that comment.

Anyone else deal with these types of comments? Maybe not the “too young for for diapers” but other comments from doctors that irk you. And how did you respond? Because I know I failed the test both times if I should have made a comment back after hearing it.

 

[slimjiminy]

I know the wording of that must be grating to hear. But it might just be their way of saying "you're too young to be suffering that way".

Now if they said "you're too old to be in diapers", then that might be fighting words!

 

[BobbiSueEllen]

Simply put, your problem is their business because you need their help; considering how benign diapers are, using them is none of their business. Their utterance sounds like something a morality-based preacher would say. It's their opinion and you're free to remind them precisely that.

 

[newt]

I know the wording of that must be grating to hear. But it might just be their way of saying "you're too young to be suffering that way".

Now if they said "you're too old to be in diapers", then that might be fighting words!

I think you’re most likely right but it’s so annoying. You’re definitely right about the fighting words!

But I guess the good news is, since this keeps happening, I should be able to report what age is exactly the age the medical community considers to be “ready” for diapers. Whenever I stop getting those comments must be the “Diaper age.” So far 34 is not it.

 

[BobbiSueEllen]

My opinion: if you were "too old for diapers", then diapers would be a prescription item and not as widely available and ready for anyone to buy as they are today.

Is your doc's name Charles Ingalls or something? Ingalls on Little House on the Prairie was so full of 'hot, righteous anger' at times...quite forcefully moralistic. And quite ridiculous at times, too.

 

[newt]

My opinion: if you were "too old for diapers", then diapers would be a prescription item and not as widely available and ready for anyone to buy as they are today.

Is your doc's name Charles Ingalls or something? Ingalls on Little House on the Prairie was so full of 'hot, righteous anger' at times...quite forcefully moralistic. And quite ridiculous at times, too.

My mom loved Little House on the Prairie growing up. Hadn’t thought of Charles Ingalls in a LONG time but couldn’t help but laugh at the reference!

 

[Sidewinder]

I've heard people more commonly tell someone they're "too old for diapers," as opposed to telling someone they're "too young for diapers."

To that, I say in retort: " You can never be too old for diapers... Or too young for that matter..."

 

[BigAl2]

Happened to me one time. I walked out.

 

[Edgewater]

I think you’re most likely right but it’s so annoying. You’re definitely right about the fighting words!

But I guess the good news is, since this keeps happening, I should be able to report what age is exactly the age the medical community considers to be “ready” for diapers. Whenever I stop getting those comments must be the “Diaper age.” So far 34 is not it.

Well, I am 75 and I do not get those statements "anymore" so, that means: I am now old enough!!

 

[daylight]

@Edgewater I am two decades younger and I don't get these comments either. So somewhere between @newt and me is the inflection point!

 

[newt]

@Edgewater I am two decades younger and I don't get these comments either. So somewhere between @newt and me is the inflection point!

Now we’re making progress. So far we know it’s older than 34 but younger than 54. We have narrowed it down to 20 years. We’re gonna need more data but we are on the right path

 

[caitianx]

No adult is too young to be in diapers.
I went back to diapers at age 29.
I am now age 65.

 

[StarWars7]

No adult is too young to be in diapers.
I went back to diapers at age 29.
I am now age 65.

My grandma said 30 is too young for incontinence issues

 

[StarWars7]

But in the contrary incontinence can happen to any age

 

[newt]

IC can happen to anyone at any age as I’m sure we all can attest to. I’m sure all the doctors who make comments like that understand that medically it’s not surprising. It’s just their personal surprise of the situation takes over and they say things.

 

[Hemix]

I think you're taking this kind of comments too seriously over here, and I'm sorry if I'm going to offend anyone, but it isn't a thing to open the door and leave, at least not without thinking about it.

Doctors try their best to cure people, it's their duty and their passion, so I understand that they worry about your health. In fact, I recall I've read more than once, in this forum, that incontinence is terrible.

I also read that keeping at least a little continence could be convenient, but I'm not sure if it was another member or if it was just a comment a doctor said to one of them.

 

[BobbiSueEllen]

Doctors try their best to cure people, it's their duty and their passion, so I understand that they worry about your health.

Not too sure about 'curing' as much as mediating the damage of incurable diseases or other major traumas survived. Sure, there are curable things but more often than not, it's simply to manage the existing damage.

Unfortunately, some docs let it go to their heads. As with everything else, passion is slowly turning into greed, evidenced by the fact so many docs, ARNPs and PA-Cs push pills...the kickbacks from Big Pharma are marvelous. I had to deal with that a lot in my disability era between work and Social Security. I guess when one's on Medicaid (a.k.a. "state"), they get what they pay for.

During that era, there were a few docs at the clinic (because in a Medicaid clinic, you never have one doc...it's random) who flat-out told me I was "a slacker", said "fibromyalgia is a myth", "go back to work" and to stay away from them. I was labelled as a "Gomer" (Get out of my emergency room").

The consistency of medical care is decaying...and they want to socialize medicine? What a laugh.

 

[Freddie07601]

Well, I am 75 and I do not get those statements "anymore" so, that means: I am now old enough!!

I'm 77. But I returned to 24/7 diapers more than 23 years ago. I don't get noticed very often and I rarely get a comment. These days I don't often get a second look, either. I believe we become less visible as we age.

My doctor believes sincerely that medications and other treatments could lessen if not "cure" my incontinence. He does, however, accept my decision to manage my incontinence with diapers. We have a good professional relationship. My doctor knows his job is to diagnose and present treatment options rather than to "tell me what to do."

 

[Belarin]

I can understand the frustration at this but I personally would take it a different way.

It kinda depends on how they say things like that (inflection, expression etc.) But I would take it that they are basically saying "hey you're young enough that some of the other solutions/fixes are more likely to take hold and be effective now rather than later in life". Basically they are assuming that wearing a diaper is much more of an issue/inconvenience for you than you actually find it to be and that you would be happier without them.

In a way they are sort of suggesting that there could be a corrective procedure or alternative that you might want to consider or they could look in to, and saying that if you took it now while you are young enough for it to work well might provide you with more freedom and a better quality of life now while you are still young enough to enjoy it. It is after all their job to consider ways to enhance the quality of life for their patients where possible and they are concerned that having to wear a diaper is more of a detriment to your quality of life.

Also...

Is your doc's name Charles Ingalls or something? Ingalls on Little House on the Prairie was so full of 'hot, righteous anger' at times...quite forcefully moralistic. And quite ridiculous at times, too.

OMG, don't get me started! I had to put up with that show for years as a kid, my mum LOVED it she has all of Laura Ingall's books too.

 

[newt]

It kinda depends on how they say things like that (inflection, expression etc.) But I would take it that they are basically saying "hey you're young enough that some of the other solutions/fixes are more likely to take hold and be effective now rather than later in life". Basically they are assuming that wearing a diaper is much more of an issue/inconvenience for you than you actually find it to be and that you would be happier without them.
In a way they are sort of suggesting that there could be a corrective procedure or alternative that you might want to consider or they could look in to, and saying that if you took it now while you are young enough for it to work well might provide you with more freedom and a better quality of life now while you are still young enough to enjoy it. It is after all their job to consider ways to enhance the quality of life for their patients where possible and they are concerned that having to wear a diaper is more of a detriment to your quality of life.

I agree. The one today was actually much more in line with what you mentioned here. It was directly related to my reason for being there since it was a yearly physical and the IC is my biggest health issue. If I hadn’t heard it before I’d probably not have even put any thought into it.

It was the comment by my dermatologist, who has no expertise in the area and outside of the reason for my visit that was so questionable. I get she is a doctor but she was probably in her early 60s and likely hasn’t studied anything related to urology since medical school. So her comment was not much different from a layman commenting on my diaper.

The two comments in context felt very different. I guess I’m more surprised that this type of thinking even in the medical community, is happening. If doctors are thinking and saying that, hard to blame the rest of society for thinking it.