AngelKitten said:
Hi. I have legitimately been incontinent, at least partially if not fully, since 2014, due to diabetic neuropathy and high blood sugars, which has affected my bladder and the nerves of my bladder. In addition, I don't completely empty my bladder - I take FLOMAX as a prescription medication to help with that issue. My question is though, I don't feel like having to wear diapers every day to manage my incontinence is a bad thing at all. In fact, I look forward to putting on my diapers every day, and I really like the look and feel of wearing diapers.
I wouldn't want or wish to be incontinent for a million years if I wasn't already. Incontinence can really suck some days - all the cleaning, grooming, preparation, and diaper maintenance every day can often be very tedious and difficult to keep up with. Fortunately, I have a wonderful PCA (personal care attendant) that helps me tons with these day-to-day needs.
Does anyone else who is incontinent also feel this way about having to wear diapers? I think, at least for me, my feelings are my coping mechanism to feel more positive about all the trauma, abuse, and body shame I suffered as a child. I still remember being potty trained as a toddler, and I remember it was quite embarrassing and shaming for me way back when it happened (I was born in 1968, so that was around the early 1970's).
I was just wondering if it's a bad thing to feel so positive/good about having to wear diapers to manage incontinence. I believe that if you have to wear, at least you can wear with some degree of confidence/pride, without feeling ashamed about it. The public can be very cruel, and i think it's nice to know that at least I can go out in public wearing a diaper, and I won't feel so stressed and worried about being "found out." I had a very rare anxiety/panic attack very soon after my incontinence diagnosis around December 2014 abut wearing a diaper in public - it was one of my first times doing so. Since then, however, I have learned to cope very well, and I know securely that no one knows unless I tell them explicitly.
So, what are your thoughts about this? I'd really like to know. Thank you! Be safe...
My wearing diapers is a mixed bag affair. I dealt with incontinence from about 13-22 years of age after my first two back surgeries. Nine total for scoliosis.
But prior to that I was slow being potty trained and mom used diaper punishment from about 3-6 years of age if I had even a small accident.
But the times of diaper punishment provided me a gift and a curse. Being born with severe scoliosis and a club foot I wore a back and foot brace through the eighty grade. I also had the first of eight surgeries as a child at six months of age with extended hospital stays hundreds of miles from my parents.
I seemed to discover a comfort and peace in mom diapering me for punishment. I didn’t realize it until we’ll into adulthood, but I was using mental regression to about eighteen months as a way to cope with all I was dealing with. The physical pain and discomfort of the braces, and the torment of my peers.
When I stopped having accidents, I still desired diapering myself. When mom would discover this she’d always ask me why I was doing it and I could only shrug. Then she’d threaten that next time she’d tell my dad, which ingrained shame into the mix.
So, between my first two back surgeries I was heavily sedated and had a catheter in place. One night a nurse was turning me to prevent bed sores. She got tangled with the covers and all but yanked out the catheter. In about four months I began having trouble with severe urgency, and an ever slowing urine flow. I was in the Shriners hospital for eight months and I began having accidents that I worked very hard to conceal as I thought that if I told the nurses, then they’d tell mom and she might not believe me. But on top of all this there were a few other kids on the ward that were incompetent and needed diapers and I was so envious of them getting diapered by the nurses. It was very confusing and stressful. I learned to manage by drinking little to no fluids anytime that I wouldn’t have a unreal nearby while in the hospital, like when they’d wheel us to a classroom each day, or once I got home I didn’t drink at school and went to the bathroom between every period of class. But at night I’d use bath towels to diaper ax I’d have occasionally accidents, but also found comfort wearing them.
Then, about a year and a half after getting married, (I told my wife I had incontinence issues) that my urine stream was neatly non-existent and finally went to a urologist. I then discovered that my track was closed down because of severe scar tissue due to damage from when the nurse had yanked that catheter about eight years prior. I had to have the entire track reconstructed and wore a large gage catheter for about a month while it healed.
But I began lying to my wife as I really didn’t want to give up wearing diapers at night and the precursors to pull-ups during the day ax I still found great comfort in the regression aspect. I was very confused and felt so alone. I thought, as many have, they were alone in the strange comfort regression provided them. I was in my early 30’s when I first discovered I wasn’t alone in this. Then in 1992 we got our first home computer. But also about that time I came home from work and my wife tells me about the Donahue program about infantilism. But what she described didn’t fit me fully as it was a coping mechanism much more than a sexual related deal. I did more research on this newly discovered thing but became more confused. But one morning, after nearly fourteen years of marriage and two kids, I left a letter for my wife to read that went pretty much ax I shared now. Tragically, that didn’t go well. Her response was to call all our friends and pastor and outed me. This all but destroyed me as a person for nearly ten years.
Then in 1999 I had two more major lumbar back surgeries to help me stand straighter than my original fusions allowed. This left me with moderate incontinence.
But now that I will be receiving an i heralded after losing my parents last year, I’d enjoy some traveling and cruises. But I am uncertain how to manage being able to bring enough diapers with me for 10-14 days away from home.
The loss of my parents, and the process of settling the large farming estate that my parents sadly didn’t plan for at all well, has brought me to a very low point in my life. That, and severe chronic pain is making life difficult right now, and the comfort I got from regression isn’t there.
Sorry for the downer, but your post that seemed to indicate mixed feelings as well caught my attention.