How to get over the shame of not being "manly" with this kinks

[furry121]

Hi all,

I was just wondering how you dudes out there get over the shame of not being "manly" with this kink. I feel like I have like the most emasculating set of kinks. Obviously, ABDL is my primary kink, but I've also experimented with other kinks, such as chastity, sissification, and cuckolding in past relationships.

Obviously, I enjoy indulging my kinks, even as far as going 24/7 in diapers and chastity since the beginning of this school semester. Outside of kink, I feel very like I'm very successful, double majoring in Computer Science and Cybersecurity, having a internship with a Pentesting company, and having a few certifications. But at the same time, I feel a sense of shame that I'm not as "manly" or like I won't be desirable to date because of this. How do you all deal with this?

I'm gay, abdl but not what u think when u think gay..
I consider myself pretty masculine I consider abdl a pretty vulnerable thing I'm rough around the edges irl

I drink, ride motorcycles shoot guns hike camp i even work security all the manly things but I guess for me abdl is idk a sensitive thing never thought myself a sensitive person,

I take it your probably straight. Been there done that...

I have a very close friend who told me it's OK to be vulnerable sensitive and still be manly
Most women like sensitive men that can protect then women want to feel safe and protected.
At least that's what I've always been lead to believe. I guess take man and women out of it and just say partner...

A partner wants to feel safe protected and loved..

I know I do.. and I'm a man who does all the opposite when u think gay dude..

For me I always think it's ok to feel this way it doesn't make u any less a man...

If you know your strong and masculine and that's what u say,,, then that's all that matters...

Hope this helped u.

 

[Dune1001]

Hi all,

I was just wondering how you dudes out there get over the shame of not being "manly" with this kink. I feel like I have like the most emasculating set of kinks. Obviously, ABDL is my primary kink, but I've also experimented with other kinks, such as chastity, sissification, and cuckolding in past relationships.

Obviously, I enjoy indulging my kinks, even as far as going 24/7 in diapers and chastity since the beginning of this school semester. Outside of kink, I feel very like I'm very successful, double majoring in Computer Science and Cybersecurity, having a internship with a Pentesting company, and having a few certifications. But at the same time, I feel a sense of shame that I'm not as "manly" or like I won't be desirable to date because of this. How do you all deal with this?

I do sometimes struggle with imposter syndrome regarding masculinity despite generally holding the view that masculinity in most western society is an enforced toxic mindset that denies men the right to feel emotions that are fundamentally human and ok. But, I still grew up in a society which pushed it so its always lingering there in the background despite my parents never really pushing it. The subconscious it seems is quite powerful and works in the background and I guess as a child you end up passively absorbing a lot of these ideas even if your primary behavioural teachers aren't emulating them.

So how do I deal with it? I wish I had a proper plan but I definitely don't. hah. Just slowly working through it over the years and reminding myself that I don't agree with the wider perceptions of masculinity but also that embracing who you fundamentally are is good and kind of matches with the steadfastness trait associated with masculinity. And lets face it, sometimes its nice to take a break from the pressures society puts on people to conform with the wider norm around their gender identification. There is a reason why many men enjoy the power skewing dynamics associated with BDSM, haha

 

[StrawberryPan]

I just love this thread. I love all you weird weirdos. I was going to actually reply to it but I think everything I wanted to say has already been said. Such a diverse bunch of people here, but everyone has a heart. It is really just beautiful.

 

[Rainbow]

Masculinity and femininity are societal constructs. The idea that someone must "aspire" to be "manly" is ridiculous; if you are a man, you are one. You cannot "aspire" to be an identity.

Of course, I understand you mean "manliness" in the sense of what is expected of a man. But again, this is a stereotype and a box we've created based around a group. Attributing traits and qualities to a gender is, essentially, a strawman fallacy. I am not a man because I like playing sports (I don't) -- I am a man because I am one. Though, I suppose I feel somewhat uneasy about my current gender identity, too, but that's my cud to chew on. I don't think that j validates my point.

Who you are, your personality, is not a man or woman or non-binary person. Gender may be a facet of your being, but it does not describe your integrity and strength as a human being. Because here is the thing; if you aspire to be strong, then strength is not found in adopting the expectations of a label as trivial as "manliness." Strength is in accepting yourself, just the way you are, and learning to love yourself.

And once you can love yourself, you can healthily give love (I'm talking about all forms of love, romantic, platonic, and so on) to others. There is no greater act of strength in the world than when a person gives to others.

To be semi-metaphorical, you can wear a diaper and still be a great warrior. For some, maybe putting on the diaper is an act of rebellion against the absurdity of existence and the universe. For some, maybe the diaper represents their battle with their daily struggles brought on by disability. But I do not think a diaper is the antithesis of strength -- I think it can, ultimately, be the symbol of it.

I know that's just one object and you said you have other kinks, but to apply the above to them, maybe try to see those as facets of you to accept; parts of you that are not weaknesses, but simply parts of you that, once you accept them and learn to love yourself just the way you are, become symbols of your strength.

(Please excuse my ignorance, but as for cuckolding, there must exist a healthy expression of it, right? I mean in terms of mental health, the necessity of consent is a given. I think I just fear how it relates self-esteem especially. I'm not sure, but it's also not your job to educate me. You know better than I do about yourself, and I absolutely don't wish to kinkshame anyone. I think this anxiety is just my issue, I'm overly anxious about stuff that's probably none of my business)

These are my ideas about love and strength, anyway. And I'm a hypocrite, I'm still very much in the self-loathing phase of my journey. So I could be way off the mark in my suggestions. I only hope you will try to deconstruct and analyze why being "manly" seems important to you, kind person. I wish you my very best.

 

[BabyBluePup]

Well for starters, don't use toxic masculinity traits since that isn't the only way to make you "manly". So to speak.

 

[DiaperSissyStephanie]

sometimes i struggle with that as well but realize im destined to be a diapered sissy so i look myself in the mirror and smile

 

[BuddyBoy]

I’m going to offer a different perspective than what has been presented. Identity cannot be completely self-defined. It’s something we negotiate with others. It’s normal to feel unmanly when you’re doing things that go against what you yourself see as masculine. However, there might be something to the juxtaposition of your kinks to your more public persona that you like! That’s one of the things I like about wearing diapers - the contrast of the strong, capable, assertive, and firm vs. soft, gentle, submissive, and meak.
It’s ok to hold both of those ideals within you. The one doesn’t take away from the other, but provides a beautiful contrast to your life. You can appreciate how manly you are in some instances in contrast to how you can act on other occasions.
As for a significant other, the classic fantasy is well represented in Beauty and the Beast. The female protagonist is attracted to the idea of taming the wild beast through her femininity. The right girl will be delighted to know she has a manly man that she can tame in the bedroom.

Well thought-out and well articulated, True Hero. This is the first time I have seen a post from you. I hope to see more.

 

[BuddyBoy]

Hi all,

I was just wondering how you dudes out there get over the shame of not being "manly" with this kink. I feel like I have like the most emasculating set of kinks. Obviously, ABDL is my primary kink, but I've also experimented with other kinks, such as chastity, sissification, and cuckolding in past relationships.

Obviously, I enjoy indulging my kinks, even as far as going 24/7 in diapers and chastity since the beginning of this school semester. Outside of kink, I feel very like I'm very successful, double majoring in Computer Science and Cybersecurity, having a internship with a Pentesting company, and having a few certifications. But at the same time, I feel a sense of shame that I'm not as "manly" or like I won't be desirable to date because of this. How do you all deal with this?

I never thought of myself as manly because I am a bedwetter and a sissy. A real man showed me that my perception was correct. Later when I tried to be a man with a mature women I found I couldn't. I had to accept that I am a sissy-baby and always will be.

 

[Seasonedcitizen]

Years ago I bought a non discript purse at a thrift store to carry pens and a notebook when I went to the library. I later used it to hold my Bible and writing supplies when I went to Church and Bible study. On saturday I noticed that one of the other men did the same.

 

[Bedw3ttingcosmonaut]

Ive never thought about myself as manly and never felt like I needed to prove anything to anyone. It took me awhile to realize but do what makes you happy and don't worry about what others think! Life is too short

 

[PampersTheMan]

It's funny the different feelings we have. In general in my life, I have no interest in traditional ideas of manliness whatsoever, but in terms of my diaper-related turn-ons, emotionally I feel attracted to the failure of manliness by not being able to hold it and wetting, wetting the bed, the need to have tape on diapers on hand, and so forth. Being laughed at or teased, or sympathized with, all the things that were so horrible growing up are what fuel my experiences now.

 

[Teddy02]

To be honest, I don’t really think you can square this with the stereotypical view of masculinity. But I am happy just being a soft boy who loves to cuddle, likes his teddy bears and loves to be a baby boy. I think I can be a source of positivity in peoples lives and can provide a lot of love to the right person, and I think thats better than being a stereotypical manly man.

I am so pleased that you came to terms with who you are in your twenties. It took me until I was nearly 60 to reach that point. Now I am comfortable with it but I don’t feel a childish as I once did. I have always been able to ‘man-up’ to adult situations as long as my inner child is satiated at some point, but as I have got older the ‘child’ has had less time to indulge. I am still able to laugh at/with him though as he sucks his dummy!!!

 

[TabaCrate]

Second and last children of the family, I have a sister and I've been raised mainly by womens.
My father was part of the generation that never expressed love to their childrens (never said I love you to my sister or me). He was an intellectual with too much tendencies to drink alcohol... and he was away from home sometimes for years.

Once he left the family, another men took "care of me". I've been severely abused (raped) during years before taking my "liberty" at 15.

The vision I have from "mens" doesn't represent who I am. I have kids, good job, a wonderful wife. I reduced my working time to take care of my childrens (desperate housedad) and I'm the one that prepare food, clean the house, optimize finances,...

I'm a male with a strong ABDL background, but I never identified myself as a "man" defined by the society. I live a life where females and males share everything.

My kink doesn't make me more or less "manly". I'm a male, son, husband, father and have both male and female best friends and can spend time either reparing my motorcycle and drinking a beer or taking care of a newborn and discuss which cream is better for the skin.

The only thing is that my wife don't want to take care of an adult being still a baby. She tolerates my kink as far it is not visible (I can indulge and leave sometimes a week-end with my ABDL friends).

I totally make the difference between being a male and being a caricatural man!
There are plenty of good males that don't need to be "strong mans" as defined by society. My AB side doesn't make me weak. When I'm an adult, I feel much more stable, mature, complete than any stupid cliché, sterotype of an Alpha Male...

 

[AsherDearing]

I am so pleased that you came to terms with who you are in your twenties. It took me until I was nearly 60 to reach that point. Now I am comfortable with it but I don’t feel a childish as I once did. I have always been able to ‘man-up’ to adult situations as long as my inner child is satiated at some point, but as I have got older the ‘child’ has had less time to indulge. I am still able to laugh at/with him though as he sucks his dummy!!!

Yeah, I think I am too, I’m not 100% of the way there, there are still a couple of hurdles. But I’m getting close, I’m so much more at peace with being an ABDL and a little now. And it’s made me a happier, kinder and more accepting person, and I’ve started feeling grateful for being a little rather than burdened by it .

 

[toddlerPampers]

Always remember, It’s not what they call you, it’s what you answer to.

 

[HoneySnow]

I always find this interesting. Because I am also a Fem Dom and that's been the majority of my "kink life" ABDL is relatively new, but so often prople get mislead by idea of "real men" being the dom. They dont understand that the sub has ALL the control. They set the boundaries, decide what is allowed. Subs submit by choice to hopefully someone they trust and care for. As a sub, sissy, little, ect you are being incredibly vulnerable and opening yourself up to new levels of intimacy. As for as I'm concerned there is nothing braver. And I believe being that brave is pretty freaking manly.
But I do get the struggle. I wondered what was wrong with me too, like why was I so different from my friends....now I like to think because I got lucky, I'm not boring I am multi faceted

 

[WoollyAndJoshy]

I think this sums up the situation but there’s no way out of it…

Manly is seen as the the bread winner and the one who everyone aspires to be when they grow up, who holds down a good job ect. In the typical sense this is seen as being manly (and a dominant force within a household).

This lifestyle/kink (and deep in built desire) we all have is about being like a child (and often a very young child). Young children are innocent, vulnerable and need almost constant supervision and care. They are literally the total opposite of the manly definition above (and it’ll always be like that).

I don’t really think there’s a way to be the decision maker and the leader people look to and the vulnerable innocent one who needs many decisions made for them…

Depending on who you are frequently around you could have dedicated times or certain days that are designated regression days. Otherwise, just accept yourself for who you are and that whilst you can make decisions and stuff you are just never going to be an extremely manly alpha male (…but that’s totally ok!). Be yourself, someone somewhere will love you for who you are!

 

[LittleAndAlone]

My nephews want to be like me and I tell them I just want to be like them.

 

[spurious]

I guess I learned not to care anymore. There are two things with me, regression and the kink side. Both things has helped me keep my sanity and has prevented me from doing bad things to myself.

 

[BuddyBoy]

Second and last children of the family, I have a sister and I've been raised mainly by womens.
My father was part of the generation that never expressed love to their childrens (never said I love you to my sister or me). He was an intellectual with too much tendencies to drink alcohol... and he was away from home sometimes for years.

Once he left the family, another men took "care of me". I've been severely abused (raped) during years before taking my "liberty" at 15.

The vision I have from "mens" doesn't represent who I am. I have kids, good job, a wonderful wife. I reduced my working time to take care of my childrens (desperate housedad) and I'm the one that prepare food, clean the house, optimize finances,...

I'm a male with a strong ABDL background, but I never identified myself as a "man" defined by the society. I live a life where females and males share everything.

My kink doesn't make me more or less "manly". I'm a male, son, husband, father and have both male and female best friends and can spend time either reparing my motorcycle and drinking a beer or taking care of a newborn and discuss which cream is better for the skin.

The only thing is that my wife don't want to take care of an adult being still a baby. She tolerates my kink as far it is not visible (I can indulge and leave sometimes a week-end with my ABDL friends).

I totally make the difference between being a male and being a caricatural man!
There are plenty of good males that don't need to be "strong mans" as defined by society. My AB side doesn't make me weak. When I'm an adult, I feel much more stable, mature, complete than any stupid cliché, sterotype of an Alpha Male...

I wrote what I thought was an empathic reply to your post but it was taken down and I was given one point penalty. Sorry we couldn't communicate on this issue.