What's going on...

[Elhon]

Well, that is some bonkers shit. One of my friends ran off from home at 16, and he never really returned. He got kicked out for being gay, his parents are monsters, at least his dad is his mom is better I think but it is hard to tell. His husband though? Yeah an even worse family, they are simply evil. His Dad literally wished for a large portion of the world to just suffer and die. Like... I hate to pull Godwin's law but even Hitler thought he was making a better world and his family just thought the whole world was evil and could not be saved.

 

[Woncrinklz]

Well, that is some bonkers shit. One of my friends ran off from home at 16, and he never really returned. He got kicked out for being gay, his parents are monsters, at least his dad is his mom is better I think but it is hard to tell. His husband though? Yeah an even worse family, they are simply evil. His Dad literally wished for a large portion of the world to just suffer and die. Like... I hate to pull Godwin's law but even Hitler thought he was making a better world and his family just thought the whole world was evil and could not be saved.

Well, I was watching a thing about Hitler just a day ago or so, and a lot of that stuff you wrote about either on YouTube or TV. That's why I am responding. It got me thinking.
I guess it narrows down to people learning tolerance, patience, etc., but minds set in their ways with either too much time (or miles) in them and minds with very little life experience seem to cause history to repeat itself with upsets. Regardless of education or expertise.

I haven't figured life out yet! I thought I knew everything I needed to know when I was a teen. Then, as I got older, I realized I'm so unsure. I still reach out to the teen in my mind for the poetry and innocence, but I rely on my life experience to know when to run, stand up for myself or simply laugh. And cry. Yeah. Being human is hard.

 

[BobbiSueEllen]

It's like the vanilla world is reeling against this wave of reality: gender dysphoria, non-heterosexuality, neurodivergency, other phenomena. And it's not just the right or the left...it's everyone. It's like they're reacting from overload, too much to process on top of what they already bear on a daily basis. I guess it's just part of the generational process; each generation gets stilted in the values of its own time and a new generation emerges & takes its place, with their own signature values which challenges the older, carved-in-stone values...and they, in-turn, will be challenged & displaced by the generation after them.

The more I've been compelled, over time, to accept the things about me that are not only atypical of my own generation but seemingly any current generation, the more it seems I have no generation to call my own. Technically, I was born a 2nd-year Generation X but it seems I have been both spat out by my peers and self-removed from them. I have both autism and this insatiable urge to be in diapers & baby clothes, as well as other baby things. On top of that, I am detached from my own biological gender because of the social expectations forced upon me because I look male and/or I have male genitalia. And because my neurodivergence can neither comprehend nor embrace what society says I "must" be because of my "bag". And so now, I have no gender identity. I can live with that. But I can endure neither the ignorance nor ammunition of any current generation because my "bag" has no essence of Flavor du Jour. I'm set aside because my colors don't fit anyone's rainbow.

And that includes the rainbow of what I thought I could call a daughter & her husband (he is no longer a son-in-law due to his violence). But that's how it must be because they have kids. I'm too old to have any features & faults of my own. I'm expected to be old enough to have "learned & moved on". Even my dad thinks autism is a crock, and denies all our glaring, shared experiences with my life of undiagnosed autism and its frustrations. He was just glad that once I was gone, so was the problem. Someone else's problem now. Even now, our phone convos are brief.

it's like someone pulled my passport. I say that in context of a W.H. Auden poem called "Refugee Blues", especially the line...

The consul banged the table and said,
"If you've got no passport you're officially dead!":
But we are still alive, my dear, but we are still alive.

This poem is in the context of the Jewish Plight in 1933-1945 Europe. But there were also Slavs, Poles, Romanis and other 'non-Aryan' European races which, then, like the Jews, were slated for annihilation to make room for the growing, 'superior' Aryan race. Auden's depiction of the Jewish plight could be a modern analogy for the gender-dysphoric, neurodivergent and other 'lesser' groups of today. Time changes the contours of the context but we as a society on the whole never learn from the past enough to see it in the today. Thus the pitifulness of humanity. It will never be all-good...just, hopefully, "good enough".

So, yes, I do feel rather stateless right now. Even Hitler was stateless from 1925-1932...it's just a tragic shame he somehow forgot the Golden Rule. It would've not only avoided much of a war and 40-50 million dead by his hands alone...it would've made the world a little better. But he chose his destiny...and those of millions of others. And the game continues...in a different time & place, with unique rules (which, like before, somehow get either ignored or forgotten)...and not so much bodies as there are walking wounded.

But in the end, it's all the same, isn't it?

 

[Subtlerustle]

@BobbiSueEllen your ability to articulate is truly amazing. I’m so very glad you were able come to some conclusions that brought you back from self destruction. In the end we have to trust ourselves and our instincts, especially when we our in an emotional tug of war with no end in sight. One day your daughter will reflect and realize how lucky she is to have you. I know we are richer for having you here among us in our small corner of the community.

 

[killahB]

It's like the vanilla world is reeling against this wave of reality: gender dysphoria, non-heterosexuality, neurodivergency, other phenomena. And it's not just the right or the left...it's everyone. It's like they're reacting from overload, too much to process on top of what they already bear on a daily basis. I guess it's just part of the generational process; each generation gets stilted in the values of its own time and a new generation emerges & takes its place, with their own signature values which challenges the older, carved-in-stone values...and they, in-turn, will be challenged & displaced by the generation after them.

The more I've been compelled, over time, to accept the things about me that are not only atypical of my own generation but seemingly any current generation, the more it seems I have no generation to call my own. Technically, I was born a 2nd-year Generation X but it seems I have been both spat out by my peers and self-removed from them. I have both autism and this insatiable urge to be in diapers & baby clothes, as well as other baby things. On top of that, I am detached from my own biological gender because of the social expectations forced upon me because I look male and/or I have male genitalia. And because my neurodivergence can neither comprehend nor embrace what society says I "must" be because of my "bag". And so now, I have no gender identity. I can live with that. But I can endure neither the ignorance nor ammunition of any current generation because my "bag" has no essence of Flavor du Jour. I'm set aside because my colors don't fit anyone's rainbow.

And that includes the rainbow of what I thought I could call a daughter & her husband (he is no longer a son-in-law due to his violence). But that's how it must be because they have kids. I'm too old to have any features & faults of my own. I'm expected to be old enough to have "learned & moved on". Even my dad thinks autism is a crock, and denies all our glaring, shared experiences with my life of undiagnosed autism and its frustrations. He was just glad that once I was gone, so was the problem. Someone else's problem now. Even now, our phone convos are brief.

it's like someone pulled my passport. I say that in context of a W.H. Auden poem called "Refugee Blues", especially the line...



This poem is in the context of the Jewish Plight in 1933-1945 Europe. But there were also Slavs, Poles, Romanis and other 'non-Aryan' European races which, then, like the Jews, were slated for annihilation to make room for the growing, 'superior' Aryan race. Auden's depiction of the Jewish plight could be a modern analogy for the gender-dysphoric, neurodivergent and other 'lesser' groups of today. Time changes the contours of the context but we as a society on the whole never learn from the past enough to see it in the today. Thus the pitifulness of humanity. It will never be all-good...just, hopefully, "good enough".

So, yes, I do feel rather stateless right now. Even Hitler was stateless from 1925-1932...it's just a tragic shame he somehow forgot the Golden Rule. It would've not only avoided much of a war and 40-50 million dead by his hands alone...it would've made the world a little better. But he chose his destiny...and those of millions of others. And the game continues...in a different time & place, with unique rules (which, like before, somehow get either ignored or forgotten)...and not so much bodies as there are walking wounded.

But in the end, it's all the same, isn't it?

I'm sorry you're going through all of this. My relationship with my family is strained, but at lest it is stable and not combative...at the moment. May you win the lottery and retire to the Bahamas!

I can identify with feeling stateless. I was a shy, reserved, and socially inept boy who was terrible in sports, and this mix of factors led to all my classmates concluding that I was gay, and I was bullied from kindergarten through law school. No matter where I have lived, went to school, or worked, I have never fit in what would be considered 'normal' society. Whether people are condemning me because they perceive me as being gay, or because they, as of late, condemn me for being a straight (technically, heteroromantic demisexual), white, cis male, it's all the same. When people condemn me for merely belonging to a perceived group, they deny my individuality.

I have finally found some acceptance in my local BDSM community, but it too has people I need to avoid because they like to judge me based on my demographics.

 

[Woncrinklz]

I just want to say this whole note has been a life-changing, impactful thread for me. I agree with so many issues it would be impossible to write them all down. Many things succinctly, both by the author of this thread and so many.
All I can say from my heart is I wish I was a billionaire so I could buy everyone happiness because my family did that. But these wise words we all share here never existed when I grew up,

It's so true that everything is too strange now. The social outside world movement over everything is stunning me...not into submission. But confusion.

I pray...and yet saying pray is so also difficult in so many minds for so many reasons justified unto themselves and within their scopes...but I pray in my own trip that humans separate from the realm of all external pressures that are these newish "social movements" which are so hurtful, along with family pressures, and remember their hearts. If it's possible. And for them, know we all hurt. The finger pointers included out there. And forceful ones. We all struggle or celebrate in so many ways through life. Every life form.

As I age, I have seen a lot of things and we all have. I see patterns in this new resolution/revolution/evolution of social standards, which I dare not go further with except to say it's not fair about any prejudice because they really hurt like hell. Some things are good so long as there are no angering runners after you about someone's personal life choices may it be you or someone you back. Then it turns into a runaround.
It saddens me and makes me hide. Decades I did. I still do, but I go out now and then...to shop.

I find behind every person is their special door with a special sign on it only their parties know, recognized by face or otherwise. Some of these doors are welcoming, others forbidden and dangerous behind a practiced smile.

So I walk through life, never knowing what to say, what to dare, then I hid. For 20 years! I drank until I almost killed myself. I neglected my health in a slow death. I'm better. I now want to just be me, as I always had, but past the thresholds, I feared. It's a matter of fear.
But self-respect. Something everyone absolutely must protect.
So,
basically, I pray in my own way for somehow tolerance and peace. But most of all, introspection and safe-minded contemplation, so others are no longer hurt that simply are just trying to live their lives in peace and with fun and inspiration.
When this happens...tell me? I'll come out of my self-created cave.

In the meantime, ...I appreciate all these writings. They do help. I just wish I could.

Amen.

 

[LePew]

I just want to say this whole note has been a life-changing, impactful thread for me. I agree with so many issues it would be impossible to write them all down. Many things succinctly, both by the author of this thread and so many.
All I can say from my heart is I wish I was a billionaire so I could buy everyone happiness because my family did that. But these wise words we all share here never existed when I grew up,

It's so true that everything is too strange now. The social outside world movement over everything is stunning me...not into submission. But confusion.

I pray...and yet saying pray is so also difficult in so many minds for so many reasons justified unto themselves and within their scopes...but I pray in my own trip that humans separate from the realm of all external pressures that are these newish "social movements" which are so hurtful, along with family pressures, and remember their hearts. If it's possible. And for them, know we all hurt. The finger pointers included out there. And forceful ones. We all struggle or celebrate in so many ways through life. Every life form.

As I age, I have seen a lot of things and we all have. I see patterns in this new resolution/revolution/evolution of social standards, which I dare not go further with except to say it's not fair about any prejudice because they really hurt like hell. Some things are good so long as there are no angering runners after you about someone's personal life choices may it be you or someone you back. Then it turns into a runaround.
It saddens me and makes me hide. Decades I did. I still do, but I go out now and then...to shop.

I find behind every person is their special door with a special sign on it only their parties know, recognized by face or otherwise. Some of these doors are welcoming, others forbidden and dangerous behind a practiced smile.

So I walk through life, never knowing what to say, what to dare, then I hid. For 20 years! I drank until I almost killed myself. I neglected my health in a slow death. I'm better. I now want to just be me, as I always had, but past the thresholds, I feared. It's a matter of fear.
But self-respect. Something everyone absolutely must protect.
So,
basically, I pray in my own way for somehow tolerance and peace. But most of all, introspection and safe-minded contemplation, so others are no longer hurt that simply are just trying to live their lives in peace and with fun and inspiration.
When this happens...tell me? I'll come out of my self-created cave.

In the meantime, ...I appreciate all these writings. They do help. I just wish I could.

Amen.

This is so cryptic and ambiguous that it’s interpretation is likely unique to each reader.

For example, my interpretation of it is that of poster’s conservative religious values being infringed upon by social changes (imo, the emerging equality of marginalized groups). There are other themes too but they are so wildly cryptic that I’d have a snowballs chance in hell to pin them down to tangible meaning.

If I’m wrong then that’s the problem with cryptic write-ups who’s interpretations are in the eyes of the beholder.

I hope it had meaningful interpretation to OP but if it did, I just can’t see it.

Edit: poster’s profile lists them as non-binary so surely my interpretation was wrong. Again, this is the problem with cryptic posts that don’t have well defined meaning, each sentence being left to interpretation like a riddle rather than have static meaning.

 

[BobbiSueEllen]

I wonder if wondercrinkee is implying that the world is moving way too fast...because that's how I feel a lot of the time. Being out in the world in a wheelchair and the effects of autism really make it hard to comprehend and keep up much of the time.

 

[Hemix]

There's no generation to belong to, the more thou freest thyself, the more thou realizest. Thou hast no escape from thy feelings nor care neither, unless thou wantest to degenerate and lose most of thy value as a human.

Thy family topic is very complex, but I'd suggest to draw red lines in thy social environment and try thy best to keep diplomacy. If she still gains terrain, thou wilt be able to pressure her by blocking thy support.

Taking some time alone for thyself also helps and shows thee that, deep inside, thou art just with thyself and everything can go well if thou dostn't judge thyself, just learn from what happened.

I hope I could get most of what thou saidest right

 

[BobbiSueEllen]

There's no generation to belong to, the more thou freest thyself, the more thou realizest. Thou hast no escape from thy feelings nor care neither, unless thou wantest to degenerate and lose most of thy value as a human.

That may work somewhat in the wide-open frontier of society...unfortunately, not in families, from what I've observed. Otherwise, there'd be no hierarchy of authority in the home.

Thy family topic is very complex, but I'd suggest to draw red lines in thy social environment and try thy best to keep diplomacy. If she still gains terrain, thou wilt be able to pressure her by blocking thine support.

They did it rapidly, with only a few words: "We readjusted our schedules". That said it all. They no longer receive my support of money, materials, service or time. That's how they wanted it...that's how it is now.

Taking some time alone for thyself also helps and shows thee that, deep inside, thou art just with thyself and everything can go well if thou dostn't judge thyself, just learn from what happened.

I just move on. Nothing more I can do. It's up to them now and I'm not holding my breath or counting the days.

I hope I could get most of what thou saidest right

You're doing fine. Thank you for being one of the good guys!

 

[Hemix]

Thst may work somewhat in the wide-open frontier of society...unfortunately, not in families, from whatvI've observed. Otherwise, there'd be no hierarchy of authority in the home.

I mean generations are categories where thou canst find people who may understand thy topics more easily and even share hobbies, since your circumstances where similar to some extent.

But that's it, driven to an absurd desire to "fit others" only destroy thine individuality and personal growth.

They did it rapidly, with only a few words: "We readjusted our schedules". That said it all. They no longer receive my support of money, materials, service or time. That's how they wanted it...that's how it is now.

I just move on. Nothing more I can do. It's up to them now and I'm not holding my breath or counting the days.

I was talking about family diplomacy, it's also desirable in other places, but if they're mean and disrespectable, thou hast to show thy disagreement, strike and give negative feedback (not buying anything and sharing thy bad experiences with others).

 

[LePew]

I wonder if wondercrinkee is implying that the world is moving way too fast...because that's how I feel a lot of the time. Being out in the world in a wheelchair and the effects of autism really make it hard to comprehend and keep up much of the time.

What I would love is for them to just post what they want to convey rather than some ambiguous riddle.

But on your point, the world is moving very, very fast and it’s continuing to accelerate. Hundreds of years ago, it would take multiple generations to see the type of societal and technological advancements that currently take just 5-10 years. One might live their whole life within 15 miles of their birthplace, work the same land and those ancestors, use the same types of tools, tell the same stories, and barely see a change in their technology or perception of the world. Well not anymore. And you ain’t seen nothing yet!

Remember the state of the internet and computers back in 1995 when Windows 95 was released? How clunky and crap computer were, the state of the internet? Just look at how the world changed because of them in 28 years. Mega corporations like google and Amazon spring up in just a matter of several years and grew at a seemingly unstoppable speed. The cheapest smart phone has more processing power than the apollo mission to the moon and the latest iPhone puts more processing power, screen pixels, and photographic power in your pocket then some laptops and certainly more than we’ve ever imagined in the past. Now, think back to those Windows 95 days and how the internet looked like at the time, that technological infancy is exactly where AI is right now. By the time AI matures like the internet and PCs did, the world will be a totally different place than it is now, possibly unrecognizable by our current imaginations. I can assure you that change is coming and it’ll be here in your lifetime.

Honestly, I can’t wait to live through these paradigm shifts in our world. There a lot of exciting changes to look forward to. Whether those changes are good or bad, it’s an exciting time to be alive.

 

[MaxxH]

Wow. Hard to read and I'm sure harder to live through. The hardest part is probably putting so much of yourself into it and then everything seemingly come to naught. Well, you can't fix yesterday. All you can do is get up every morning and go with what you've got.

There is hope. I recall when Maxxette and her family boomeranged to live with us 20 years ago. Her, a husband, two preschool kids and a giant doberman. Junior was still living here too. While it was nice to have time with the grandsons while they were little, there's no denying the stress of 7 people and a dog living in my little house. Son in law finally got his shit together and they moved on. Having some space and diaper time was a huge relief for me. I'm sure there is at least some of that for you as well.

Don't give up on them either. It may seem like a disaster now, but time and space can work wonders. It did with Maxxette and family. They now own three houses, son-in-law is retired from the military and making mint in the private sector. Grandsons are grown and making there own way. Enjoy what you have now, and in a few years, the rest may come back to you.

It's like the vanilla world is reeling against this wave of reality: gender dysphoria, non-heterosexuality, neurodivergency, other phenomena. And it's not just the right or the left...it's everyone. It's like they're reacting from overload, too much to process on top of what they already bear on a daily basis. I guess it's just part of the generational process; each generation gets stilted in the values of its own time and a new generation emerges & takes its place, with their own signature values which challenges the older, carved-in-stone values...and they, in-turn, will be challenged & displaced by the generation after them.

Yes, it's too much to process. It's next to impossible for parents to maintain any standards and values for their kids with so many voices and inputs coming from all directions. Parents themselves are overwhelmed by the same thing. I don't have the answers, but I think in many ways, today's instant communication and instant gratification via internet and cell phones may prove our ultimate doom. Too many people don't have the discipline and focus to ignore the noise and get important things done.

 

[DBabygirl2]

It's like the vanilla world is reeling against this wave of reality: gender dysphoria, non-heterosexuality, neurodivergency, other phenomena. And it's not just the right or the left...it's everyone. It's like they're reacting from overload, too much to process on top of what they already bear on a daily basis. I guess it's just part of the generational process; each generation gets stilted in the values of its own time and a new generation emerges & takes its place, with their own signature values which challenges the older, carved-in-stone values...and they, in-turn, will be challenged & displaced by the generation after them.

The more I've been compelled, over time, to accept the things about me that are not only atypical of my own generation but seemingly any current generation, the more it seems I have no generation to call my own. Technically, I was born a 2nd-year Generation X but it seems I have been both spat out by my peers and self-removed from them. I have both autism and this insatiable urge to be in diapers & baby clothes, as well as other baby things. On top of that, I am detached from my own biological gender because of the social expectations forced upon me because I look male and/or I have male genitalia. And because my neurodivergence can neither comprehend nor embrace what society says I "must" be because of my "bag". And so now, I have no gender identity. I can live with that. But I can endure neither the ignorance nor ammunition of any current generation because my "bag" has no essence of Flavor du Jour. I'm set aside because my colors don't fit anyone's rainbow.

And that includes the rainbow of what I thought I could call a daughter & her husband (he is no longer a son-in-law due to his violence). But that's how it must be because they have kids. I'm too old to have any features & faults of my own. I'm expected to be old enough to have "learned & moved on". Even my dad thinks autism is a crock, and denies all our glaring, shared experiences with my life of undiagnosed autism and its frustrations. He was just glad that once I was gone, so was the problem. Someone else's problem now. Even now, our phone convos are brief.

it's like someone pulled my passport. I say that in context of a W.H. Auden poem called "Refugee Blues", especially the line...



This poem is in the context of the Jewish Plight in 1933-1945 Europe. But there were also Slavs, Poles, Romanis and other 'non-Aryan' European races which, then, like the Jews, were slated for annihilation to make room for the growing, 'superior' Aryan race. Auden's depiction of the Jewish plight could be a modern analogy for the gender-dysphoric, neurodivergent and other 'lesser' groups of today. Time changes the contours of the context but we as a society on the whole never learn from the past enough to see it in the today. Thus the pitifulness of humanity. It will never be all-good...just, hopefully, "good enough".

So, yes, I do feel rather stateless right now. Even Hitler was stateless from 1925-1932...it's just a tragic shame he somehow forgot the Golden Rule. It would've not only avoided much of a war and 40-50 million dead by his hands alone...it would've made the world a little better. But he chose his destiny...and those of millions of others. And the game continues...in a different time & place, with unique rules (which, like before, somehow get either ignored or forgotten)...and not so much bodies as there are walking wounded.

But in the end, it's all the same, isn't it?

We're happy to have you here in our community and I must say that (as a female on the asd spectrum), your articulation, and courage to share your feelings and deep thoughts are valuable and respected. As parents, and adults in general, we're expected to be a certain way based on society's unspoken cultures and perceived norms. F that! Be yourself, and love the life you have! Thank you for sharing! Btw, I'm a parent too and it's a journey!

 

[LaLoneDigi]

My father told me something once when I was in my teens. Something along the lines of-

"One of the hardest things to do as a parent is to give your kids enough room to fail."

I'm really sorry you're going through this. You did a very good job articulating your thoughts and feelings. I hope the writing and sharing helps you with processing this difficult time in your life.

 

[SeniorMan]

But that's it, driven to an absurd desire to "fit others" only destroy thine individuality and personal growth.

My desire includes having autonomy and independence.

 

[BobbiSueEllen]

The latest development: I'm preparing for the move back to Boise, contingent upon the okay from my former landlord/friend. Before the recent event, it was made known that, having autism myself, I'm not much help beyond the babysitting I've done of the grandkids, two of which have autism as well. There's nothing left I can do as the blow-up pretty much destroyed any hope of reconciliation, as far as I see it.

I'm heartbroken but this seems the only practical, viable option to give them all space, considering the current state of affairs.

 

[Tenawearer]

Good luck, hope it works out for the best. No one predict the future but with a little space reconciliation might be possible. Don't forget you are not the problem.

 

[killahB]

Sorry to hear that. but perhaps walking away is the best option here. Whatever winds up happening, I hope you come out on top.

 

[Kirisin]

No family relationship is above reconciliation. My father is now 80 but I took the first step to bury the hatchet and forgive him. Don't give up on your daughter and grandkids. As long as your alive there is always an opportunity.

Boise thats close to me I'm north of you in Missoula. Nice to have a friendly neighbor.