Thank you so much for this post, I found it so inspiring. My boyfriend recently came out to me and it gave me the reassurance I needed.
We are now 6 months on from when he told me so I wanted to take the opportunity to share some of my experiences and provide a positive story to the community because we have gone from strength to strength in recent months as a couple and recently got engaged.
I was quite shocked initially and we started very slowly as I wanted time to get my head around it. We also had to work out what we were comfortable with and what our boundaries are. While I was very reluctant at the start, I tried to make an effort after a few weeks by encouraging him to wear nappies openly, putting a dummy in his mouth and eventually changing his nappy for bed each night. You need to decide what you’re prepared to do but I’d also encourage you to go into it with an open mind and forget any preconceptions you have because it’s just really a harmless piece of roleplay between two consenting adults.
I am so glad that I gave it a go because it cemented our relationship and our love for each other. While there’s been a few challenging bits, I would say that it’s been overwhelming positive and therefore I thought it might be valuable for others to hear some of our experiences.
Firstly, it was clear what a big deal telling me was for my partner. He was very embarrassed and scared so I was honoured that he valued our relationship enough to tell me about this side to his life and trusted me to keep it secret. Due to experience with previous relationships, I had always been quite paranoid about trust and worried about him leaving me but when I learnt about him being an ABDL, it really helped and I now have total confidence and trust in our relationship. Trust is one of the greatest components of any relationship - there’s no greater demonstration of that than telling me about this and allowing me to share in his secret. I actually read an academic study that showed that happiness and faithfulness was significantly higher in relationships where there was an ABDL and I can see why.
The second positive that I’ve noticed since he told me about being an ABDL is that I’ve become more confident in the relationship. I have always enjoyed being in control and looking after others but I’m not always the most confident and found myself struggling to make decisions or feel assured in our relationship. When he’s in nappies, I have no issue taking charge and have started to enjoy the control that I have over him - I know that he also quite likes this and while I would never overuse this, I have begun to start telling him when it’s time for his evening nappy or just randomly checking his nappy and deciding that it’s time for a change. I know that he really likes this and it also makes me feel great as I know I’m making him feel secure and happy while I feel empowered and motherly. I also love how he acts when he’s in baby mode - he’s much kinder, gentler and just generally easier to be around. He has a very demanding job and was always very serious so I feel that this gives him a total escape and the chance to just switch off. I also have quite a high pressured job and also find this allows me to unwind from reality too. Since things began, I’ve seen a totally different side to him and I love him even more as a result. He might be nearly 31 now but he’s also looks very cute (and a bit ridiculous) when he’s sat in his nappy with a dummy in his mouth
When he’s in baby mode, he’s very docile and always happy to help and be ‘good’ which is quite a change from before - I treat him how I would treat a 3 year old and he responds just a 3 year old would except with less tantrums!
The final point I would like to make is around how it’s improved our intimacy. We have never been the most affectionate couple and had very limited physical contact. A key reason for this is that I had a bad experience with a man when I was younger and that really impacted my desire for intimacy. Since I have begun to play a more active role in the role play, I’ve found myself far more comfortable being intimate with him. I can’t put my exact finger on why but I think it might be because I was embarrassed and paranoid about how I might look before but now, I see him dressed as a baby and I don’t feel worried about looking ridiculous. It’s also hard to explain this one and it sounds silly but I feel more in control and reassured when he’s in a nappy - I am the one leading the affection and when I am changing his nappy or putting a dummy in his mouth, there is almost an implicit plea from me of “look at me I am defenceless, please take care of me, I am no threat” - I don’t have any fear that he will act improperly to me, especially because I know his greatest private secret (not that I’d ever share it). Anyway, we are now a lot closer and as crazy as it sounds, it becomes quite special when I change his nappy because it gives us a few minutes where we can escape reality and be together in the moment.
Many of my friends used to (fairly) describe me as a prude so while I won’t be telling them about this, I do smile whenever they say that these days… if only they knew
A final piece of advice is the important of communication. This is critical to the success of any relationship working. You have to discuss boundaries and ensure that you both agree what you’re comfortable with. We’re looking to have kids soon and we have always been clear with each other that this is a private thing between us that isn’t shared with anyone else and won’t be something that our kids know about. That’s a non negotiable for me and likewise for my partner.
I know this is a long post but if it helps one or two people then it will be worth it. Coming out to a partner is difficult and scary but we’re both so much happier as a result and I’m over the moon that he trusted me enough to share such an important part of his life. I hope this might give more people the confidence to come out and be truthful to who they are.
All the best and please do contact me if I can help anyone.
