Unique situation with the wife

[eastcoastdl]

So, I've read about a lot of people who have partners that range from enjoying, to accepting, to intolerant, as well as couples where one or both are in fact IC, and the reception there ranges from lovingly accepting to the cold shoulder (of themselves or others), but I have a weird combo of most of these recently...

A short background on me, when I first started having IC symptoms my wife was (and continues to be) very supportive of me, and even encouraged me to use protection. It was tough in the beginning, and I wasn't into the whole DL/kinky side (yet), but she told me about how she had bladder problems when she was young and consoled me, even wanted to watch me change sometimes (which made me feel uncomfortable at the time). Slowly I warmed to the DL side and let her know this, progressively more and more.

When we'll go camping (which is maybe once or twice a year), I'll put her in a diaper so she doesn't have to worry about finding a toilet during the night. Rarely does she end up needing them overnight, but she'll sometimes keep them on an even use them occasionally. She even messed a Rearz Princess Pink diaper once when she had an upset stomach on the ride home afterward, despite me telling her it wasn't gonna be pleasant and offering to find a gas station to stop at, so she has no problem wearing and using them (and no problem with ABDL designs even) for pragmatic reasons, but is not so warm on the kinky part of it. She used to DJ at some nightclubs that would occasionally have fetish nights and has many times brought up seeing an "old crusty guy wearing nothing but a diaper", and how "gross" it was, so there's an image I have to work against there to bring the words "diaper" and "sexy" together there (and haven't successfully yet).

On top of all of this, and really the reason I'm making this post, is that she's starting to have some IC issues of her own now. Frequently if you've had problems when younger, they'll likely come back later, and that may be the case. She has pretty bad stress IC now, it used to be only when she'd cough a lot, but now happens more often with more situations, and on rare occasion without any stress triggers. She won't drink water because it makes her pee 4-5 times in an hour, and I had her ask the doc on her yearly checkup, but the doc said "does this happen more when you drink alcohol, if so that's normal", which yeah that's true, and I know 30-40% of women experience some form of IC, but she's gotten so dehydrated before I almost had to bring her to the emergency room a few times. Her leakage could all be contained by using pads and doesn't even require pullups at this point (although if she was properly hydrated, that may not be the case), but she's wet the bed a couple times and has had problems finding a pair of jeans to wear in the morning because they all smell like pee, but outright refuses to wear any protection and I won't push the issue.

I really don't know what to do. I'm particularly conflicted as, yes, I'd like to get kinky with diapers with her, but moreso I want her to not dehydrate herself to a dangerous level, and to manage a medical condition better. The problem lies in that there's no way to separate the two messages, and someone in our community implanting a rather negative image earlier on makes it a very tough sell. This is made even murkier by her acceptance of even full-on thick printed ABDL diapers for other reasons. I presume it has to do with not accepting you have a problem, but even then, is that so hard to accept when your husband has the same problem?

I seek out the sage wisdom of others here, what are your opinions?

 

[eastcoastdl]

Perhaps I should have posted this in the Incontinence forum, but I thought with the bit of kink elements to it, it would fit better in the DL space.

 

[messydiaper]

I read your scenario with interest.

You two are lucky to have each other! I would put my wife in a diaper in two seconds if she wanted me to. But my very caring, loving wife is willing to put me in a diaper to get ready for bed.

Best wishes to you!

 

[Subtlerustle]

Perhaps there is an image of incontinence in her mind that she is not ready to reconcile yet. What is her age (ball park)? I know peri menopause has many changes in a woman’s body including things that risk bladder leaks. My wife has accidents but won’t take precautions. She is always well hydrated and extremely health conscious.
You will have to have a conversation at some point and stress at the outset that there is zero kink motivation in the intent. My wife is adamant that diapers will not be a part of our sex life. While that’s not what I would prefer I promised her that I would not ask her if this was her wish. I think she needs to have confidence that you’ll do the same before she lets her guard down to listen to your thoughts on actual incontinence issues. The fact that she’s got a previous bad image of diaper kink is unfortunate but you’ve still got a ton of victories under your belt.

 

[eastcoastdl]

Perhaps there is an image of incontinence in her mind that she is not ready to reconcile yet. What is her age (ball park)? I know peri menopause has many changes in a woman’s body including things that risk bladder leaks. My wife has accidents but won’t take precautions. She is always well hydrated and extremely health conscious.
You will have to have a conversation at some point and stress at the outset that there is zero kink motivation in the intent. My wife is adamant that diapers will not be a part of our sex life. While that’s not what I would prefer I promised her that I would not ask her if this was her wish. I think she needs to have confidence that you’ll do the same before she lets her guard down to listen to your thoughts on actual incontinence issues. The fact that she’s got a previous bad image of diaper kink is unfortunate but you’ve still got a ton of victories under your belt.

I bet the image is the biggest part. While she's not adamantly against the kink part, she pushes it out every time I mention it (which is roughly once a year lol) because there's clearly an "ick" factor. Perhaps we just have to have lowered inhibitions due to a bit of 'liquid courage' to cross that final line, haha.

As far as the IC leakage/dehydration issues, I'm afraid pushing *that* will result in her never wanting to see a diaper again, especially if it's coming from a non-kink standpoint, but I'm certainly more concerned about her health than a kink for sure.

 

[Subtlerustle]

Liquid courage may help for sure. You could also imply a quid pro quo in jest. My wife once suggested that she has an ace in the hole for an occasion where she really wants something from me that I would only do with some form of compensation. But yeah, images and pre conditioning as to what diapers represent are tough to break. In our case I’m not going to ask for it to be incorporated in our intimate life because she already declined at the same time she knows I would always be game.
Hopefully your wife sees the light that her overall health is more important than some sort of internal roadblock about protection. It sounds like a Poise pad would be enough for when she leaves the house. My wife always wears a pad when we travel. She has an issue with occasional urge incontinence. She drinks a lot of water but if she needs to go she can’t be denied for long. She has had many accidents at the doorstep of the washroom. She even saw a therapist to try cognitive behaviour therapy to get over the psych factor of losing it when in sight of the toilet. That’s it though, never protected daily, just travelling. The list of problems from chronic dehydration are long including higher risk of kidney stones. Maybe try one last proposal to her as to why she’d wear pad for a period but not for pee assuring her you just don’t want her to suffer in the long run with zero anterior motive kink-wise.

 

[eastcoastdl]

An update on this, she got a winter cold and has been coughing a lot, so she's been peeing a lot. She's still wearing period pads, but she has to change them so often and even then they don't have anything to contain the smell of pee (she's still not drinking enough water). I told her I had some pull-ups (Northshore GoSupremes) that she could use if she wanted to, but she of course said she didn't.

On Friday, we were cooking dinner for a friend when she said "I need it", I said "What, the knife?" that I was holding, and she replied with "No, IT", and I finally got a clue and told her I'd go look upstairs in my stash. I got her the sample pack and she put one on and we had a great dinner and hung around and watched TV for a few hours. When it was time for bed, I was changing out of my daytime diaper and into an overnight one, she said she had to do the same. While she watched me change, she asked if I had tried the pull-ups. I told her I had and that they were OK but that I prioritized having to change less often, so I went for more absorbent ones. She replied "I can see that", as she put on the last pull-up in the pack. It felt great to have some understanding and common ground on something that I've had to keep to myself for so long, even if it was just a bit. I asked her if she'd need some for work tomorrow, because I had a few sample packs, but she said she would just go back to period pads.

When we woke up, she asked me to go get the other pack of pull-ups as she had wet quite a bit (and was presumably happier with how the they handled it vs period pads have), but when I went to my stash, the closest thing I could find was a sample pack of Megamax Airlock tape-on briefs. She was initially hesitant because tapes = diapers, but I told her the pull-ups quote up to 8 hours of protection and the tape-on ones quote 9, it shouldn't be too different. I helped her put one on and quadruple-checked her backside to make sure it wasn't noticeable and that you couldn't hear any rustle (I'm such a helpful guy, hahaha) - indeed, you couldn't tell.

I just figured you guys might want an update on that scenario. I'm really proud of her that she was able to step up and deal with the issue without letting the image of it cause her more trouble than it needs to. As for the kinky part, I'll let her get more comfortable with wearing more often before I push that further, she's already come so far.

 

[Subtlerustle]

That’s a cool story. I keep a stash of such products for my wife just in case as well. She’s had some issues, shall we say, that warranted pull ups but she steadfastly refused and dealt with pads instead.

 

[eastcoastdl]

A bit of followup, we ran out of clothlike-backed brief samples, and I showed her everything I had that would fit her. Various diapers such as NS Supreme Lites, Megamaxes, etc... she chose the Rearz Halloween Haunt diapers. One time that I was helping her put them on (although she's getting better at it and can do it herself now), I referred to them as "sexypants" and she gave me an "Ewww NO." and a look. So now I get to hear her LOUDLY crinkling around the house with a HUGELY noticeable diaper bulge and it's driving me crazy haha. I've offered her thinner and quieter diapers, but she likes the Rearz ones "because they're cute". Her cough is improving, so she wore pads to work yesterday, but came home and changed into PJs and diaper for overnight.

I'm not quite sure how to move forward, but I have to find a way to show her how diapers can be sexy. Perhaps Tumblr/Twitter?

 

[chamberpot]

I am always ready to offer a diaper or pull-up to my wife , she steadfastly refuses them, this past rod trip I thought she was going to bite the bullet and take me up but she just struggles to hole it till ma rest stop, me I am wetting away happy as a clam.

 

[Subtlerustle]

A bit of followup, we ran out of clothlike-backed brief samples, and I showed her everything I had that would fit her. Various diapers such as NS Supreme Lites, Megamaxes, etc... she chose the Rearz Halloween Haunt diapers. One time that I was helping her put them on (although she's getting better at it and can do it herself now), I referred to them as "sexypants" and she gave me an "Ewww NO." and a look. So now I get to hear her LOUDLY crinkling around the house with a HUGELY noticeable diaper bulge and it's driving me crazy haha. I've offered her thinner and quieter diapers, but she likes the Rearz ones "because they're cute". Her cough is improving, so she wore pads to work yesterday, but came home and changed into PJs and diaper for overnight.

I'm not quite sure how to move forward, but I have to find a way to show her how diapers can be sexy. Perhaps Tumblr/Twitter?

I think she secretly digs it. They’re cute but eww at the same time? I think she is conflicted and puts up a front about not liking them but now has a taste of how nice they feel. I mean, we all know how awesome they are!

 

[mayhem]

I really don't know what to do. I'm particularly conflicted as, yes, I'd like to get kinky with diapers with her, but moreso I want her to not dehydrate herself to a dangerous level, and to manage a medical condition better. The problem lies in that there's no way to separate the two messages,

There is absolutely a way to separate the two. You sit down with her and tell her exactly what you said. Tell her "This isn't about me, my desires, my kinks; it simply is not about me. This is about your health and your way of life" and go from there. In the mean time, step up and wash her clothes for her so that they don't smell bad. This is your chance to do for her what she has been doing for you. You only need to let her know that it's ok and that you're going to be there to make sure it's ok.

 

[tango79]

My wife and I have a division line. Plastic backed and thick diapers are for play. But I stress to her that pull-ups and cloth backed ones aren't near as much of a turn on and are for practical reasons. I am not IC so she doesn't have to deal with me needing them for medical reasons and prefers if I restrain from wearing one during 'play time' but she has come around to my way of thinking. It may also help that her kinks lie along the lines of mild BDSM.

She has worn and had to use pull-ups for at various times but we keep this separate and I make sure that she has some space and support on that front when she needs it. Maybe this could work for you, give some fun back to your wife too. A practical diaper or pull up for practical needs and a supply of your favorite for when she wants to be playful.

 

[eastcoastdl]

A little update after 2 weeks, she had switched back to pads, but her co-worker (and a close friend of ours) was hanging out with us and mentioned that she had a leak that went in her office chair, down her leg, and made a pool on the floor. Said he had to run for paper towels, never seen anything like that before, I felt so bad for her. I ordered a pack of GoSupreme pullups for her, and she's been using them daily now. Once when I was emptying the trash, I had to transfer a couple diapers out of the one bag and into another in order to be able to tie it closed (it feels like the bags fill up more than twice as fast with 2x the people wearing protection now...), and I noticed one of her pullups was FULL, so she likely just used it instead of seeking out the bathroom at one point. Definitely progress! I also found some Catstronaut diapers in my stash that I had ordered a while back and offered them to her, she said they were cute and wore one to bed with no pants over it, drove me wild haha. I told her it did, and she didn't react negatively to it, so I think we might've made it over the hump! I'm trying not to push it at all, but I might turn up the heat just a little more now that she seems not so against it.

She's been wearing the pullups daily "just in case", and just about out of the pack I got her, so I ordered a case, and we'll see where it goes from here!

 

[Mallard]

What a great story, thanks for keeping us updated!