The girl

[SuzetteSissy]

I sent the blood test results to xxxx three different ways. I dont know If I ever told you this. My Mother wanted a girl when I was born. It has taken 69 years but she is getting her wish. I will die female. My challenge is to live female in the years I have left. I will leave the planet happy and I hope I can get happy soon in this life. I want to share what I have left with the world in an open and honest way. You are a witness to the pain I am in and I cant wait to share my story to my family and the world. I am angry, mad, sad but not depressed. I am fighting hard and will not leave this place by my hand. The day will come that I explode like a blazing morning sun coming up and never stop. never stop smiling. Suzette

 

[JaysonTheRegressor]

Wow! Coming out as trans at your age can be difficult but I'm SO glad you discovered that about yourself!!!
We all support you here! From a fellow transgender person, we're so glad you "cracked your egg" as we say when people come out as trans

 

[Tappy]

I _ 2nd that "Wow "

Thank you for sharing your journey Suzette with us . I am trans MtF , however I remain as I was born , not transitioned .
In my heart I know I am female , ' I feel '-- and I am sure other trans members can relate . I know how dysphoria has altered my 70+ years here on earth . When I first knew , it was a very hard time for all , not just me .
There was Vietnam , the draft , the whole lottery system that made the decision to enlist in the military out of your hands and into the hands of the government . It was a hard time . so I suppressed my feelings for way too many years .
However all those years , I still felt and was able to 'feel ' and hurt and at times cry and other times I was able to love me .

I continue to be a ' work in progress ' , always feeling like the woman I should be , but not as fortunate as some , such as you .
I am happy for you beyond words ,

I am christian and I know there is only love in heaven and acceptance and I shall live a true live as I have lived a false live ,
but with Christ by my side and leading my female spirt with love .

All love & hugs ,

T.

 

[LadyOfTintagel]

Trans woman here to say, congratulations!! It's so worth it to come out at any stage and age in life. Best of luck in your transition if you decide transitioning is something you want to do. I've seen many photos of older trans people who had a stunning transition; I'm sure you can find them all around the Internet. I wish you all the happiness in the world, sister.

 

[SuzetteSissy]

Wow! Coming out as trans at your age can be difficult but I'm SO glad you discovered that about yourself!!!
We all support you here! From a fellow transgender person, we're so glad you "cracked your egg" as we say when people come out as trans

I knew I was different at the age of 12 stealing the neighbor's lingerie off their lines in the back alleys of Brooklyn. I met my wife to be at the age of 17 and she passed from Alzheimer's at the age of 69. After 52 years, I honored my commitment to her and to God and I had to make three promises to her before she left. The first two I have completed, and I am now living in the third by creating a new life and finding a new love. She was my life and now it is my time. I have her last three wishes tattooed on my arm and the whole staff in the tattoo parlor were crying. The symbolism in the design and the words are very meaningful but a story. Happy to share if there is interest.

 

[Happy2BeInNappies2]

I knew I was different at the age of 12 stealing the neighbor's lingerie off their lines in the back alleys of Brooklyn. I met my wife to be at the age of 17 and she passed from Alzheimer's at the age of 69. After 52 years, I honored my commitment to her and to God and I had to make three promises to her before she left. The first two I have completed, and I am now living in the third by creating a new life and finding a new love. She was my life and now it is my time. I have her last three wishes tattooed on my arm and the whole staff in the tattoo parlor were crying. The symbolism in the design and the words are very meaningful but a story. Happy to share if there is interest.

Yes, here there is interest, please do share.
My wife passed away nearly two years ago at only 56 years.
I was her carer towards her end, we shared everything, she helped me so much in life and I am lost without her.
Please do share your three promises story - (or post on my profile, or start a conversation, if that is more comfortable and private for you).

And as @Tappy said: 'Thank you for sharing your journey Suzette with us.'

 

[SuzetteSissy]

Yah ok, My wife was born early and lived in a navy hospital ICU for 4 months when born. The rest of her life she hated to be tied down, left in the dark or held against her will. Our grandson had the same expereince at his birth and they were connected for the rest of herr life. The first promise is that I could not leave her in a nursing home, hospital or anywhere without a functioning life left in her. She was dying from Alzheimers and then her liver died ffrom an arthritis medecine. She was in the hospital for weeks and the hospital was convionced to keep her alive at all costs. Finally at 4 am at home i had enough and went o the hospital and had a screaming match with the hospital staff and administrsation and said NO, time to honor my wife;s wishes. They knew she was not a transplant candidate because of the Alzheimers. The next morning the top doctors and execs in the hospital came to me and finally talked like humans and I put her into hospice. During that time I became a friend to the hospital chaplain and on her last day she was already under and I asked for last rites. In this room was the chaplain, my wife in the bed and myself. He started to pray and recite and a light came into that room and not from anything artificial. The light moved to my wife's face she woke up and looked at us and gave the priest the biggest smile I hadn't seen in months. The priest and I looked at each other and neither could say a word. He went back to his last rites and at the end the light faded and my wife went back under. We talked afterwards and he had never seen antyhing in his life what we just witnessed. I held her hand for 24 hours and she passed the next morning with family around. He said she found God that day and I said no, God came down and found her. The tree and the word life was the first promise I kept. The second promise was that I would never bury her or leave her remains or ashes in a dark place or thrown in water or under a tree etc, and she wanted to be in the light forever. Years earlier I was researching my family history In Brooklyn and found my families plots in the historic cemetery called Greenwood and right after finding my ancestors plots I look up and see a glass building about at hundred yards away. Fast forward my wife passes and I go to greenwood and ask about otptions for her remains. He suggested a mausaleum near the entrance and I ask about the glass building I saw and we drive there and go in. The building is glass, five stories, has a central waterfall and light all day and night. I find a niche made of glass and 3 months after she passes she now resides in that glass buidlign for eternity, next to that waterfall and in light all the time. I went there a few weeks ago and sat down and talked with her and asked her for forgiveness because she knew during our marriage that I was not hetero or male and didn't have the balls to leave her like she offered. That was her second wish I completed and that is the tattoo sun behind the tree and the word light. The third promise was that I had to start a new life and learn to love again. I am now living that new life and some day will find a new love, first of myself and then a new partner. That third symbol is the heart under the tree and the word love. For the priest, we became life freinds and all the donations from the wake and a sizable check from me went to him and he asked what do I do with this. I said whatever you want I told him. He asked that he ran a school in Ghana for young African boys training to be priests and could he send it there. I said I would be honored if you did. The last thread to this story is my grandson, now 7 that wasn't supposed to be alive but he is amazing. At the wake I gave a long eulogy about my wife and asked if anyone else would like to speak and to my surprise about 10 others spoke, family friends, didn't matter. Finally, I asked anyone if else and a little hand went up in the back, it was my 7 yr old grandson. He walks up the to the casket and give the most eloquent eulogy I ever heard along with his stories and recollections. He is 7. . There was not a dry eye in the funeral parlor packed out the doors. I asked my new friend the priest to come to the cemetery and say final prayers for the internment behind the glass and he accepted. The day of the internment he came on a rainy day and he said prayers with some family there and my grandson walked up and sat next to the glass niche and just had the nicest conversation with his grandma. You cant make this stuff up. I can't repeat this without breaking down but I can get it down in writing along with tears. I now have an identical urn next to my wife in the glass niche and it reads Wiliam Suzette Payne. I will go there in my time and a month ago had this tattoo designed and applied. I also had my ears pierced that day, always the girl. Sorry its a long story but it is worth repeating.

 

[SuzetteSissy]

Yes, here there is interest, please do share.
My wife passed away nearly two years ago at only 56 years.
I was her carer towards her end, we shared everything, she helped me so much in life and I am lost without her.
Please do share your three promises story - (or post on my profile, or start a conversation, if that is more comfortable and private for you).

And as @Tappy said: 'Thank you for sharing your journey Suzette with us.'

Thanks for sharing your story as well. You see with us older queen types, when we were all young there was no internet, no porn, no books, nothing a young kid feeling weird and having an attraction that he could not understand or share. When I was aroound 30 I used to visit young guys where they lived and talked it out with them and let them know, its ok, we are different but not bad, not abnormal. Over the years I had tgirls come to me and say Thank you and more than a few transitioned. It gave my alternative life some value sharing what I learned and knew with others that were just as lost. You have to lol, before email I used to write letters to find other tgirls or alternative types and we all had mail drops to third party locations. I remember knocking on my mail drops door and a little door opens up, and ask any mail for Suzette this week, no come back next week, you owe me 10 bucks.