Telling the wife

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paddedgrimlin said:
All I was trying to say was either way, whatever you want to do, stop using or continue using, you can find support either way, in no way was I dismissing pain or desire, or aiming to hurt feelings. Face it, it's an addiction to lots of us, some keep it secret because they are ashamed,others embrace and surround themselves with those that accept them as they are, all I was trying to say was for someone is here for support in whatever they are trying to do, they will most likely find it WITHOUT judgement. Where did I say just wanting it bad enough was sufficient to do so? Or that it was easy?

Now to you trevor, I'm not saying I say everything right but instead of attacking someone saying it dismisses this or discredits that try asking for clarification instead of jumping on the offensive. We all have our weaknesses, and I truly believe that if someone wants to give up using diapers, is possible. Doesn't mean it stop crossing their mind or they forget the urge. But if someone came to me with an addiction or strange fetish, or habit (good or bad) and they said they want to stop or chance it, I would try to support them,distract them, whatever i could top help them achieve their goals. If they try to change their minds and wanted to continue I would try to help them figure out what they really wanted. Did they really change their mind or did some kind of fear lead them to a different choice. Which ever way they ultimately choose that is up to them all we can do from whatever computer, tablet, phone we are using is try to offer our sympathy and encouragement. So yes when it comes down to the final decision if someone wants to quit and is here asking for help, they will find non judgemental (hopefully) ideas, encouragement, advice whatever you want to call it. Possibly the occasional jackass. But please don't sit and tell someone what they are "really saying". And stop putting words in my mouth to make yourself out to be some Saint. I'm sure somewhere you have posted something that was taken the wrong way and been attacked for it, please don't bring that attitude to this forum.
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Thank you for the clarification. I try to give the benefit of the doubt when I read posts. This was one I had a very hard time with and after your clarification, I still disagree pretty strongly. This thread is not really about that and it seems to me that your post as written got the response from others that I would expect, so I'm going to try to avoid derailing further. I'm sorry to have jumped down your throat. It's one of the things I feel very strongly about but perhaps something more moderate would have been better.

Back on topic to the OP: is there anything that helps you bridge the gap without actually wearing? For me, that's often fantasizing, maybe a story, and some masturbation. Others approach it differently. It probably works against you getting a good resolution when you're so focused on the prize in the short term.
 
Trevor said:
Back on topic to the OP: is there anything that helps you bridge the gap without actually wearing? For me, that's often fantasizing, maybe a story, and some masturbation. Others approach it differently. It probably works against you getting a good resolution when you're so focused on the prize in the short term.
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Diapers are not primarily sexual for me, but rather comforting/therapeutic. While they can turn me on, and I used to masturbate in them quite a bit, I try to avoid any sexual gratification outside my wife. I feel like that will be a good positive point for her when I tell her too. Maybe that sounds impractical to some of you but my wife would literally be down for sex every day if I was. Masturbating at all can make our experience lesser unless a couple days pass.
 
Congrats on choosing wisely when it comes to the person you will spend your life with. Your attitude about purity in your marriage is awesome as well. I didn’t see any responses to your post about how you want to start the conversation, so I thought I would. It sounds like you have thought it through well and came up with a great starter. I truly hope it ends that way as well.
 
Well that was rough... I came out to her tonight and she did not take it well. Not so much the whole DL thing, but more that I had been getting/using diapers in the house for 2 years and she had no idea. Like, what else could I be hiding from her.

She needs done time to process and I'm going to give her a few resources online that I think will help.

There was a podcast I heard a while back with a sex therapist that was abdl supportive and I can't remember the name of it. I don't think if was the Huffington post one. Any ideas?
 
I'm sorry things went so rough for you. Of all the things that could've been revealed, this one is pretty harmless as they go. My thoughts are with you while this goes down.

Gah, I'm trying to think of the name of the podcast but it's escaping me. I'll go looking

Edit: Was it Big Little podcast?
 
TheMat said:
Thanks, I found it actually. This one: http://podbay.fm/show/1037947794/e/1442227348?autostart=1
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I'm actually giving it a listen, to see if it has any information that might be useful for later. There's a friend that I almost told recently during normal conversation — we're so close we're practically the Romantic Two-Girl Friendship trope on legs anyway. I don't know if it's going to come up again, or what I'll do if it does.
 
OmiOMy said:
I'm actually giving it a listen, to see if it has any information that might be useful for later. There's a friend that I almost told recently during normal conversation — we're so close we're practically the Romantic Two-Girl Friendship trope on legs anyway. I don't know if it's going to come up again, or what I'll do if it does.
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Let me know what you think. It was really helpful in learning to accept myself.

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There's this one from Huffington post too that's pretty good. It features an actual DL that talks about his experience https://m.soundcloud.com/huffpost-love-sex/what-is-life-like-when-you-have-an-adult-diaper-fetish
 
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It took me about two hours from start to finish to tell my wife (before we got married), and at least one six-pack of beer. I told her I had something to say but I just couldn't get it out. I kept telling her it was weird and strange, so much so that she starting forming her own theories. In fact, she honestly thought I was going to tell her that I had been abducted by aliens. So, when I finally got around to telling her the truth she really took it rather well. So, the act of telling her went quite well. However, over time as she began to realize how important the diapers were to me, we started having more and more trouble. I think what happens is this.... Before you tell your SO, she (or he) is not aware of your diaper activity. After you have told them and no longer need to keep it secret, your SO will see this apparent explosion in activity. So, my one piece of advice is this... Even if she takes it very well, be very careful and gradual as you introduce it to her. Also (okay, that's two), never let her feel that you are choosing the diapers over her. You say you don't really need her involvement but I can tell you that going off on your own may be seen as similar to having an affair. Figure out asap - with the help of your councilor - how you can incorporate the diapers into a healthy sex life. Figure out what her boundaries are. I can tell you these things but will also say I have done a shit job of doing them myself. Good luck!
 
Sorry to hear that it didn't go well OP. My wife pretty much had the same reaction at first. I had been hiding diapers from her for 11 years of marriage without her even having a clue so she thought I could definitely be hiding other things. She even threatened to leave me because of it unless I promised to stop wearing forever. I made the promise and actually did stop to save my family, but the desires were still there. About 3 months later, she lightened up a bit and said I can wear them as long as I kept it hidden from her. I could never be padded while she was around and she never wanted to see any diapers around the house, used or unused. She never wanted to talk about it either. She just wanted to go on living life like it doesn't exist, even though she knows it does. It's not a good place to be in.
 
The rough patch is to be expected. You did lie to her about them for years. So her suspicion for other stuff is warranted too.

Right now focus on damage control. Try pointing out how afraid you were of what her reaction might be, and ultimately how bad you felt when you realized you were lying to her all this time. Say you're sorry with a dozen roses, or something shiny/glittery. Take her out to for a romantic dinner too.
 
Slomo said:
The rough patch is to be expected. You did lie to her about them for years. So her suspicion for other stuff is warranted too.

Right now focus on damage control. Try pointing out how afraid you were of what her reaction might be, and ultimately how bad you felt when you realized you were lying to her all this time. Say you're sorry with a dozen roses, or something shiny/glittery. Take her out to for a romantic dinner too.
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Was it lying though? I never told her anything untrue. I feel like there's a difference between not saying anything, and saying something like "no, I'm not engaged in DL stuff here". I was kind of taken aback by her seeing this as a breach of trust honestly.

That is about what I'm doing for damage control now actually. My original plan was to come out about this after a romantic night but being on crutches still, I can't really take her out anywhere or get anything.

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PaddedInPuyallup said:
Sorry to hear that it didn't go well OP. My wife pretty much had the same reaction at first. I had been hiding diapers from her for 11 years of marriage without her even having a clue so she thought I could definitely be hiding other things. She even threatened to leave me because of it unless I promised to stop wearing forever. I made the promise and actually did stop to save my family, but the desires were still there. About 3 months later, she lightened up a bit and said I can wear them as long as I kept it hidden from her. I could never be padded while she was around and she never wanted to see any diapers around the house, used or unused. She never wanted to talk about it either. She just wanted to go on living life like it doesn't exist, even though she knows it does. It's not a good place to be in.
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Wow that's almost the worst case (I guess worse would be her leaving you). I'm sorry you're going through that. I definitely understand why you hid it from her all that time though. It sounds like she didn't even try to understand. For me and probably most DLs we've never talked to someone outside the internet that understands us. The hope would be that a spouse will at least try though. I should probably clarify that I don't need her to participate although it would make my life if she did. And that's another thought I've had: if I knew there was something I could do for my wife that would make her happy or more satisfied in bed I would do it. No matter what. I wish that was a two way street though. Maybe she just needs more time to understand.
 
I am so on your side. Your wife is shaming you. If my partner told me he was into ANYTHING except child porn , I would accept him. You did not deserve that. And also, does marriage mean the end of your privacy? From one ABDL to another, best wishes.

Sent from my U673C using Tapatalk
 
TheMat said:
Was it lying though? I never told her anything untrue. I feel like there's a difference between not saying anything, and saying something like "no, I'm not engaged in DL stuff here". I was kind of taken aback by her seeing this as a breach of trust honestly.

That is about what I'm doing for damage control now actually. My original plan was to come out about this after a romantic night but being on crutches still, I can't really take her out anywhere or get anything.
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Yes, absolutely. Witholding relavent or need to know information from someone is no different than telling them that info doesn't exist. It is wrong and immoral. (In my views anyways).

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Edit, the legal defnition agrees with me- maybe (depending on a number of conditions).
https://plato.stanford.edu/entries/lying-definition/

One example, if your wife ever asks how you're doing, and you're wanting to wear a diaper but say fine instead. Then you clearly just lied to her.
 
Slomo said:
Yes, absolutely. Witholding relavent or need to know information from someone is no different than telling them that info doesn't exist. It is wrong and immoral. (In my views anyways).

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Edit, the legal defnition agrees with me- maybe (depending on a number of conditions).
https://plato.stanford.edu/entries/lying-definition/

One example, if your wife ever asks how you're doing, and you're wanting to wear a diaper but say fine instead. Then you clearly just lied to her.
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Honestly, this is getting to be unhelpful and I get the feeling you don't actually have experience dealing with this. I appreciate the input but if you don't have anything positive to contribute... I guarantee my wife isn't pulling out legal definitions in deciding how to react. Its probably more that no one should know me better than her and yet she was totally oblivious.
 
TheMat said:
Honestly, this is getting to be unhelpful and I get the feeling you don't actually have experience dealing with this. I appreciate the input but if you don't have anything positive to contribute... I guarantee my wife isn't pulling out legal definitions in deciding how to react. Its probably more that no one should know me better than her and yet she was totally oblivious.
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I actually do have plenty of experience. I wear diapers 24/7, and have been know to be close to others.

And it isn't about being legal, it's about being honest and trustworthy- especially with one's spouse. I'm saddened to see you don't understand that.
 
extremecomfy said:
I am so on your side. Your wife is shaming you. If my partner told me he was into ANYTHING except child porn , I would accept him. You did not deserve that. And also, does marriage mean the end of your privacy? From one ABDL to another, best wishes.

Sent from my U673C using Tapatalk
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Thanks I appreciate the support!
 
TheMat, I am sorry to hear that things didn't go as well as you had hoped. Your situation is similar to mine and I do not think you were being dishonest with her.
I told my then girlfriend, (now wife of 22 years) within the first week of dating, as soon as I knew it was going to be serious. I learned later that there were other facets to the whole DL thing for me that became more obvious once we had that first conversation. Her reaction was to make sure it had nothing to do with kids, and that she did not want to participate or see anything. That did work for a little while, but not as long as she hoped. We fought about this issue for our first seven years of marriage.
She expected that she would be enough for me and the diapers would go away once we got married. No such luck. Then one day, we had a breakthrough. She decided she was ok with it and let me wear whenever I wanted. Still no participation, but an openness. I was in heaven. Of course, it didn't last long.
With this new found (but always wanted!) freedom, I overwhelmed her with info and it was all too much. For a while we went back to her not wanting to know and me wearing when I could. Between this and work stuff, the stress became too much and I started to wet at night. The first night it happened she was out of town and I was diapered, so it wasn't as bad as it could have been. This terrified me, though, as I was a bed wetter until I was 18 and did not want to go back to that. The next day we talked and I let her know what had happened and how sad I was that this was starting again. She was incredibly supportive and decided that she would rather have me in a diaper at night than wake up in a wet bed.
After visiting a urologist, I was diagnosed with urge incontinence and have been wearing nearly 24/7 since then. While some of the stress is gone from those early years, the lack of understanding this part of me, and how much it would mean if she was willing to participate from time to time, have taken their toll.
Your comment, " if I knew there was something I could do for my wife that would make her happy or more satisfied in bed I would do it. No matter what. I wish that was a two way street though." is one I have had for many years now. Sometimes it is a two way street. From what I have read on this site and others, that is a rarity.
I hope you guys are able to work through this and come to place that works well for both of you. Marriage is the most amazing relationship and the greatest opportunity for deep connection and intimacy we have. I wish more couples were experiencing that and I hope you are able to find that in the long term with her.
 
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anton said:
TheMat, I am sorry to hear that things didn't go as well as you had hoped. Your situation is similar to mine and I do not think you were being dishonest with her.
I told my then girlfriend, (now wife of 22 years) within the first week of dating, as soon as I knew it was going to be serious. I learned later that there were other facets to the whole DL thing for me that became more obvious once we had that first conversation. Her reaction was to make sure it had nothing to do with kids, and that she did not want to participate or see anything. That did work for a little while, but not as long as she hoped. We fought about this issue for our first seven years of marriage.
She expected that she would be enough for me and the diapers would go away once we got married. No such luck. Then one day, we had a breakthrough. She decided she was ok with it and let me wear whenever I wanted. Still no participation, but an openness. I was in heaven. Of course, it didn't last long.
With this new found (but always wanted!) freedom, I overwhelmed her with info and it was all too much. For a while we went back to her not wanting to know and me wearing when I could. Between this and work stuff, the stress became too much and I started to wet at night. The first night it happened she was out of town and I was diapered, so it wasn't as bad as it could have been. This terrified me, though, as I was a bed wetter until I was 18 and did not want to go back to that. The next day we talked and I let her know what had happened and how sad I was that this was starting again. She was incredibly supportive and decided that she would rather have me in a diaper at night than wake up in a wet bed.
After visiting a urologist, I was diagnosed with urge incontinence and have been wearing nearly 24/7 since then. While some of the stress is gone from those early years, the lack of understanding this part of me, and how much it would mean if she was willing to participate from time to time, have taken their toll.
Your comment, " if I knew there was something I could do for my wife that would make her happy or more satisfied in bed I would do it. No matter what. I wish that was a two way street though." is one I have had for many years now. Sometimes it is a two way street. From what I have read on this site and others, that is a rarity.
I hope you guys are able to work through this and come to place that works well for both of you. Marriage is the most amazing relationship and the greatest opportunity for deep connection and intimacy we have. I wish more couples were experiencing that and I hope you are able to find that in the long term with her.
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Thanks for sharing your experience even though it's not the most encouraging. I really hope she can look past whatever disgust she feels on the surface and sees the opportunity to love me. I'm having a lot of anxiety now worrying about if she can't accept this part of me. The pain meds I'm on post surgery probably aren't helping with that.
 
Well things just took an unexpected positive turn! While she still doesn't want to participate, she doesn't mind if I do, recognizing that this is something that is just part of me.
 
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