Spouses and lying about diaper hating

[LilxFawn]

Does anyone else think their spouse is lying to them about their true feelings? I feel like my husband hates my wearing real diapers but every time I bring it up he brushes it off and says I’m reading too deep into it or that I’m seeing things. I see the look on his face when I wear, it isn’t good. He doesn’t give me the reaction I want. I want him to tell me I’m cute and that he loves me and I want him to baby me. Why can’t he understand that? Why does he have to make me feel like a freak?! He doesn’t say it, but I KNOW in my heart he hates my wearing. I’m worried he’s slowly growing away from me..... I’m so scared he’s going to leave me because of this. I can’t talk to him about it because every time I try he brushes aside my feelings like they’re nothing.... I don’t know what to do....

 

[PCBaby]

Have you tried dressing in your normal clothes, sitting him down and talking to him about how you feel and that how being in a nappy makes you feel. Also that regardless of how your dressed you still love him and want him as a man/

 

[LilxFawn]

Have you tried dressing in your normal clothes, sitting him down and talking to him about how you feel and that how being in a nappy makes you feel. Also that regardless of how your dressed you still love him and want him as a man/

I’ll try that. I just like putting one on when I get home, it helps me relax... He seemed understanding when we last talked about it, he seemed to get that it was for regression and relaxation. I don’t know what’s going through his head and getting him to talk to me is like pulling teeth. He shuts down and just shuts me out. I’m scared and so worried he’s planning on leaving me... I don’t want to have to give up something that makes me happy just because he’s weirded out by it but....idk if it comes down to it I might just have to . Besides, it’s him ignoring all physical initiations of intimacy, not me!

 

[ElPulpo]

From outside I'm reluctant to give advice because it hardly would be substantiated. So don't take my post too serious if it doesn't fit.

However, from my experience things are going downhill when trust is lost, problems can't be discussed openly or partners don't respect each other's needs. In my opinion, talking, trusting and respect are essential for relationships.
Compared with you I'm an old fart that lived through several separations. Every single one felt like a disaster, and before I would have tried to prevent it as long as possible, although the final weeks were stressful and in retrospect it could have been better to break up earlier. My current threshold with wife and children would be even more difficult to overcome if my wife and I ran into problems. Beforehand you never know, but try to think objectively about the pros and cons that keep you together or contribute to driving you apart. You complaining about his quirks and him disapproving your ABDL side both sound like dangerous minefields for the future.

Maybe though you don't need to give up completely. I've repeatedly kept my little secret in previous relationships and needed several years before coming out to my (now) wife. If you have a private room where you can retreat, you might find an arrangement.
For the future of your relationship, try to regain a trustful atmoshpere where you both feel accepted when talking about your personal peculiarities. I'm aware that's easier said than done. Nevertheless, I'm afraid that's the best advice I can give here.

 

[LilxFawn]

From outside I'm reluctant to give advice because it hardly would be substantiated. So don't take my post too serious if it doesn't fit.

However, from my experience things are going downhill when trust is lost, problems can't be discussed openly or partners don't respect each other's needs. In my opinion, talking, trusting and respect are essential for relationships.
Compared with you I'm an old fart that lived through several separations. Every single one felt like a disaster, and before I would have tried to prevent it as long as possible, although the final weeks were stressful and in retrospect it could have been better to break up earlier. My current threshold with wife and children would be even more difficult to overcome if my wife and I ran into problems. Beforehand you never know, but try to think objectively about the pros and cons that keep you together or contribute to driving you apart. You complaining about his quirks and him disapproving your ABDL side both sound like dangerous minefields for the future.

Maybe though you don't need to give up completely. I've repeatedly kept my little secret in previous relationships and needed several years before coming out to my (now) wife. If you have a private room where you can retreat, you might find an arrangement.
For the future of your relationship, try to regain a trustful atmoshpere where you both feel accepted when talking about your personal peculiarities. I'm aware that's easier said than done. Nevertheless, I'm afraid that's the best advice I can give here.

Unfortunately we live in a one bedroom apartment....there isn’t really a space I can have to myself. Idk...I want to talk to him about it but he has other sh*t he’s worrying about. In all honesty, he probably doesn’t even care about my wearing and is too depressed to care about anyone or anything but himself. Idk....I’ll try talking to him...I’m just so scared I’m going to piss him off by bothering him with this for like the 80th time (not literally of course but idk how many times we’ve talked about it). I just recently got into wearing too. So he honestly might just be in shock...idk honestly. I’m worried I’m taking things to fast too... I’m not forcing him to participate of course, but idk... I’m just insecure about it all

 

[ElPulpo]

hmmm, if he's concerned with other shit, is there maybe a chance to address that other shit first to show you care and free his mind so he is more susceptible to talk about your issues as well?

 

[LilxFawn]

hmmm, if he's concerned with other shit, is there maybe a chance to address that other shit first to show you care and free his mind so he is more susceptible to talk about your issues as well?

I can try.. I just have a hard time getting him to actually talk to me sometimes. He says he doesn’t want to...f*ck I can’t remember the expression he uses right now... but he says he doesn’t want to talk about things that he can’t change or that he’s already talked about before. Idk... he seems to really be effected by the death of Kobe too (he’s easily upset by death bc it makes him think of his own mortality and what not blah blah blah ). Idk....if he’s in the mood and won’t snap at me I might try talking to him about stuff. He’s just so hard to deal with and talk to sometimes. Everything is a personal attack or me bothering him! Ugh. We both have BPD (borderline personality disorder) so it’s very easy for us to get annoyed at one another or get upset easily. Idk....I’ll try and sort things out if he’s feeling up to talking. If not then oh well, he’s a big boy and if he doesn’t want my help then I’m not going to get snapped at .

 

[ElPulpo]

he seems to really be effected by the death of Kobe too

I had to look up that one, for me Kobe is a kind of meat, so yes, it's usually dead. Ok, NBA, I get it.

We both have BPD (borderline personality disorder) so it’s very easy for us to get annoyed at one another or get upset easily.

My first girlfried had BPD, too. I haven't. I like riding a roller coaster, even several times in a row, it can get really exciting on certain segments, but in the long run I find it exhausting. On the other hand, my girlfriend found my calmness unnerving.
I'm afraid I'm uncertain about a relationship between two BPDs. Could be paradise, if you understand each other well and are in sync, could be hell if you consistently crash into each other.

 

[LilxFawn]

I had to look up that one, for me Kobe is a kind of meat, so yes, it's usually dead. Ok, NBA, I get it.

My first girlfried had BPD, too. I haven't. I like riding a roller coaster, even several times in a row, it can get really exciting on certain segments, but in the long run I find it exhausting. On the other hand, my girlfriend found my calmness unnerving.
I'm afraid I'm uncertain about a relationship between two BPDs. Could be paradise, if you understand each other well and are in sync, could be hell if you consistently crash into each other.

Omg he definitely isn’t sad about the beef lmao. But yeah it’s not fun when we clash but 99% of the time everything is good. The main thing is when we both settle down we can have conversations like adults. We both just need a minute to chill sometimes.

 

[PCBaby]

Ah I didn't know either let alone both of you had BPD. My Fiancee/mummy has the same problem and has basically just told me she just wants to be friends, so i have some idea of what it must be like for both of you. I know that feelings, especially deep ones or emotionally ones are not easy to express and that it's easier to push people away or totally withdraw rather than open up about them. That is part of the BPD mentality and psychological effects. It sounds as if he's also depressed as well, whether that is because of the way you are acting and dressing or whether it is outside circumstances I don't know, you would be the better judge of that. Having said that if he is depressed he can get treatment for it, either CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy which is sometimes called the talking cure and takes place weekly over 6 or 12 weeks for about an hour a time or there are some very good medications available for short term use.

What I'm going to say now may sound as though I'm blaming you, I'm not, I'm trying to put myself in his shoes and think like he MAY be thinking.
BPD is sometimes called the "I hate you, Don't leave me" disease and there is a book by that name. It may be that he feels you are trying to push him away and he can't cope with what he sees as your rejection. I know that touch and intimacy can be very difficult at times and if he thinks you are rejecting him then he is going to push back and reject you in turn. What he isn't seeing is that you actually want to be closer and this is why you need to find someway of talking to him in an adult setting, no nappies in sight, in some respects as you live in a small apartment it might be easier to do at a local coffee shop, sort of on neutral ground.

I know how you feel, whilst I can't give up nappies I wouldn't want to give up being an AB, but if I have to, to save my relationship then I would. At the end of the day you love one another and if your little side is calling out to you it isn't going to go away and if you try to stop wearing and finish being a little you will find that the urge to wear and continue searching for that comfort and security will come back even stronger. It's the dreaded purge and binge cycle. Which would probably mean you wearing in secret and when he finds out, and he will that could become a relationship threatening event. so please, please try to get him to talk and be as honest and open about your feelings as you can be. If you need a Shoulder or an Ear I have 2 of each and you can always PM me. But I am away for surgery from the 4th of Feb and may be in the hospital for a while if things go wrong. Once I'm discharged I'm staying with my fiancee whilst I recover but I will have access to the internet.

Whatever happens, I truly hope you can both work this out.