Sad Orphan.

[runawaybunny]

Hello everyone. I am bunny. I hate to introduce myself on a negative topic but I really don't have any other way to do it. I have been little (thats what I always have called it) since before I was a legal adult. Like say, 15-16 till now. (I am 40) I have been blessed with good caretakers and Mommy/Daddies for pretty much the whole time. I KNOW that I am probably the exception and not the rule. I have always felt really bad for those who never get to express this way of life with a partner. That being said, I am going through a rough separation from my Mommy. And now I am seeing the downside of being the way I am. I MISS my Mommy. And I hurt, really bad. And I don't really know how to care for myself. What I mean is, I know how to bathe and go to work and stuff. I am actually a pretty tough man, as far as I work with my hands, I am into survival, preparedness, and firearms. By most metrics I am a mans man. But I am completely dependent on My Mommy for a million little things, emotional and practical. I think being little has set me up to suffer more than most people who find themselves single at my age. I have always been submissive. I am completely unorganized and overwhelmed. And I cry for my Mommy but she isn't my Mommy anymore. I don't even know how to wrap my head around that. I am not here to advertise for a new Mommy, I wouldn't be fit for a relationship right now, I don't think. But if there is anyone out there who can help me cope I could use it. I am sorry for this to be the way I introduce myself. I am not a bad person. I am just sad, scared, and overwhelmed. I love her but she doesn't love me anymore... The thing that caught my eye about this group is it says support community. I need some kind of emotional support. I can't hack it on my own. Thank you all for taking the time to read this, an I am sorry if this isn't the right place to post this. I just don't know what else to do.

 

[egor]

Hello runawaybunny and welcome to the group.

Very interesting interdiction.

Egor

 

[runawaybunny]

Hello runawaybunny and welcome to the group.

Very interesting interdiction.

Egor

pretty kitty cat. this is Desu, she is all I have in the world right now

 

[Punku]

This place has been a great help to me, I’m sure you will find plenty of support here

 

[DylanLewis]

Hello everyone. I am bunny. I hate to introduce myself on a negative topic but I really don't have any other way to do it. I have been little (thats what I always have called it) since before I was a legal adult. Like say, 15-16 till now. (I am 40) I have been blessed with good caretakers and Mommy/Daddies for pretty much the whole time. I KNOW that I am probably the exception and not the rule. I have always felt really bad for those who never get to express this way of life with a partner. That being said, I am going through a rough separation from my Mommy. And now I am seeing the downside of being the way I am. I MISS my Mommy. And I hurt, really bad. And I don't really know how to care for myself. What I mean is, I know how to bathe and go to work and stuff. I am actually a pretty tough man, as far as I work with my hands, I am into survival, preparedness, and firearms. By most metrics I am a mans man. But I am completely dependent on My Mommy for a million little things, emotional and practical. I think being little has set me up to suffer more than most people who find themselves single at my age. I have always been submissive. I am completely unorganized and overwhelmed. And I cry for my Mommy but she isn't my Mommy anymore. I don't even know how to wrap my head around that. I am not here to advertise for a new Mommy, I wouldn't be fit for a relationship right now, I don't think. But if there is anyone out there who can help me cope I could use it. I am sorry for this to be the way I introduce myself. I am not a bad person. I am just sad, scared, and overwhelmed. I love her but she doesn't love me anymore... The thing that caught my eye about this group is it says support community. I need some kind of emotional support. I can't hack it on my own. Thank you all for taking the time to read this, an I am sorry if this isn't the right place to post this. I just don't know what else to do.

runawaybunny

Welcome to ADISC. I really feel for the deep loss you are feeling right now. Being honest about where you are at, and your feelings, is courageous and healthy. It is the pathway to find your hope and strength. Making contact with ADISC is a great move. There are a lot of kind, empathic people on the site and I am sure you will find a lot of support and understanding. There are some lovely people with a little side who have lost the partner who nurtured their little - so they will understand (you might think about following dogboy and littlemoosey who are very compassionate).

If you can afford it and access it you might consider finding a good psychotherapist to support you through this sad time. Seeking a therapist in times of difficulty is a sign of strength and health. Finding a therapist that you can be honest with, about your little side, is a good move. My suggestion is to find a psychotherapist who is experienced in dealing with childhood attachment issues. They will get where you are coming from.

Your need for your Mommy might feel like it has left you high-and-dry right now. But being honest about your need for nurturing is good. We all need nurturing through all the stages of our lives - we all need to feel comforted and protected/safe. We need to feel attached, that someone is 'there' for us. It keeps us feeling vital and alive. Many of the ills of the world would be solved if the need for nurturing was more widely acknowledged and met. For most the form of the nurturing changes after childhood, but it is still nurturing. It is healthy. For ABDLs our need for nurturing takes an unconventional form, but different is not wrong, and it is still a healthy need.

I know at the moment it will feel like a poor substitute for your Mommy but you can learn to nurture your own little side. As you said you have two sides to you - your Adult/the man's man, and your Little side. Your adult/man's man side has the capacity to nurture. I am sure you love and care for Desu. (Wonderful picture btw. Keep us posted regular with picture updates.) You can give that same love and care for your little side. It can feel unaccustomed at first, but if you practice, you get better at it. Imagine your little as a small vulnerable child, and see yourself picking him up and cuddling him to let him know that he is loved and safe. When you got to bed, imagine you cuddling your little and telling him a bedtime story. That self nurturing has made a powerful difference for me. I hope it can for you.

I don't know if you have a faith? If you do don't be afraid to call on God/your conception of a higher power to nurture your little side. I am vaguely Catholic and I imagine Jesus and Our Lady cuddling, protecting and playing with my little, especially when I am going to sleep. I even imagine Our Lady breastfeeding my Little. Go with whatever works for you, but know that God loves your Little deeply and wants him to feel loved and safe.

Hang in there. Give Desu lots of love. (I am sure Desu loves your little too.) You will get through this.

Best regards. Dylan.

 

[runawaybunny]

thank you.

 

[NooNoo]

pretty kitty cat. this is Desu, she is all I have in the world right nowView attachment 38602

What a pretty kitty. I have a tortoiseshell too called Chloe.

 

[egor]

pretty kitty cat. this is Desu, she is all I have in the world right nowView attachment 38602

My Avatar is my Therapy cat. Her name is "Little Sweetie Sweetheart". I have a running joke with one friend. Most of the time (99.9%) my therapy is making sure her cat box is cleaned, food dishes are full (and not at death is emanate, i.e. half full) and HER water tower is full (because even though the dogs tower is half full it has dog spit in it, Slave). The other 0.10% is when I must be depressed because I am allowed to pet her.

 

[BL75]

Hi Bunny. I'm sorry that you are going through a rough transition. Breakups can be an especially trying time, especially for those of us who are more than a bit scattered and emotionally dependant at our baseline. I've been there a few times, not always proud of the way I handled it.

Having the tough exterior doesn't help either. I'm a pretty salty dude, outdoorsy, have had mostly guys guys jobs...doorman, facilities...not that anyone takes me for a tough guy but most don't quite know how to file it when they find out I'm a softy and often scared of the most simple day to day shit.

My point being, if there is some chaos, desperation, and fear right now, you are not the only one who has gone to those places and I hope that knowledge helps a little bit.

Right now, I'm out of work, my ladyfriend and caregiver are fronting me. My depression is wearing on her. I put my dog of 17 years down a few days ago. I'm hurting, I feel pretty alone, more like an alien than usual.

Hang in there brother. In comes waves. It comes in tsunamis, but it the tides will recede and if you can just pull yourself to dry land and catch your breath... you'll make it if you want to.

Life is really damn hard, some of us were not built to be the most compatible with it. You can't change that. I don't care what they say, people don't change. What we can do, is get better at being ourselves. We can also get worse. The way through this, is to get better at being yourself, you have to choose to do so.

 

[DylanLewis]

Hi Bunny. I'm sorry that you are going through a rough transition. Breakups can be an especially trying time, especially for those of us who are more than a bit scattered and emotionally dependant at our baseline. I've been there a few times, not always proud of the way I handled it.

Having the tough exterior doesn't help either. I'm a pretty salty dude, outdoorsy, have had mostly guys guys jobs...doorman, facilities...not that anyone takes me for a tough guy but most don't quite know how to file it when they find out I'm a softy and often scared of the most simple day to day shit.

My point being, if there is some chaos, desperation, and fear right now, you are not the only one who has gone to those places and I hope that knowledge helps a little bit.

Right now, I'm out of work, my ladyfriend and caregiver are fronting me. My depression is wearing on her. I put my dog of 17 years down a few days ago. I'm hurting, I feel pretty alone, more like an alien than usual.

Hang in there brother. In comes waves. It comes in tsunamis, but it the tides will recede and if you can just pull yourself to dry land and catch your breath... you'll make it if you want to.

Life is really damn hard, some of us were not built to be the most compatible with it. You can't change that. I don't care what they say, people don't change. What we can do, is get better at being ourselves. We can also get worse. The way through this, is to get better at being yourself, you have to choose to do so.

BL75
I'm really sorry to hear about your dog. Losing your best friend breaks your heart. Besides my wife, my dog was my dearest friend, who meant the most to me in the world. I believe they never leave us, or we, them, in spirit.

If it helps do you want to tell us about him/her.

Regards. Dylan

 

[BL75]

Thanks Dylan, perhaps in a different thread as I do not wish to hijack this one. I was merely trying to be demonstrative to Bunny in mentioning it here.