My incontinent GF, advise needed

[Soggy247]

Sorry to monopolies your post! And thanks again for your help.

I feel bad about my incontinence issues. And it happens more vividly at some point of my life. Then I forget quite a bit and go one with my life. Like if it was buried in my head. And some events just wakes me up. Like a co-worker confronting me. Or when I think about dating someone...

Post in thread 'Going out for the first time padded!' https://www.adisc.org/forum/threads/going-out-for-the-first-time-padded.147644/post-1835295

"Be carefull, I already got nasty remarks. Mostly at my previous work in an office. A close coworker kept complaining about a nasty smell while looking at me. Even when I was dry . I hated her but tried to be as clean as possible. But she didn't stop. Even making comments on often I was leaving my desk to the bathrooms."

"And asked many times to my parents if I smell. And they always said no.
But after my incident at work with this colleague, I asked once again. And my dad admit that I often smell a bit like stale pee. More at the end of and the day."

It's crazy that I don't remember that I already had the exact same issue and discussed it 3 years ago
To be honest I didn't think again about this problem with my colleague and the following conversation with my dad. At the time I didn't realised how strong my smell could be probably minimized the problem...

I'm pleased to be able to help you with this subject.

I'm sorry to hear you went through this. Incontinence can be a very difficult thing to deal with. Like yourself, my GF tends to smell more by the end of the day. I think this is always going to be an issue for anyone who is incontinent and wears protection.

 

[Soggy247]

I understand exactly what you mean. Unlike your girlfriend I'm able to use the bathroom. However I dribble or spurt very very often and my protections don't stay clean very long . I don't know about you, but like her, I don't have the luxury to change every time I wet and must remain like that for a while. Then determine for how long I should/must wait depending on comfort, risk of leaks and when it's possible to change...
Fortunately, most of the time, it's not a huge amount of pee each time and the protection doesn't bulge or feels wet too fast.

Yes, both me and my GF arent always in a position where we can change as soon as we are wet. We both use diapers and we both change when we can. This will result on us both becoming quite wet and bulky at times.

Today at work I couldn't bare anymore the pad that one again leaked a bit on me and rubbed my tights. So I decided to leave as early as possible from work and ask for help the close-by medical store.
The team is very kind and they are knowing me for a while now

One lady (the boss) took the time to talk to me and discuss my issues. I was nearly crying when I arrived so she nicely took me to a private patient meeting-office for privacy. She ask me to describe my symptoms how I manage my incontinence. The issue with my current protections (leaks, confort, how many I use, skin health).

She seems to know her incontinence products. Even mentioned her incontinence problems after she gave birth (still has little issues two years later).
Said that if most of my bladder goes in my protections when outside of home, I shouldn't wear pads. That even thicker pads won't do the job since they shift, move, chafe and are less discrete than well adjusted pull ups... That I should keep the small pads for when at home or occasionally outside when discretion is required.
Also she discouraged me to wear full diapers even at night because it prevent me to use the toilets on time. For my self esteem also. She suggested other pull ups from Hartmann that should keep me comfortable and dry through the night. Molicare Mobile 10 (S). Do you know them? She gave me samples.
Also gave me another of the same brand (6 S), less absorbant for the day to see if I feel better with them in term of comfort, absorbancy and leaks around legs cuffs.

Everything went quite well with an open discussion. But I didn't had the courage to speak about the smell issue that I might have .
Then at the end, when I woke up in the small office, she asked me if I need the attached toilets to freshen up before leaving. The had already a "day" sample in hands. At first I didn't understand because I changed just before leaving the office less than one hour ago and didn't feel especially wet (except maybe some spurts). Also didn't do any fidgeting. Then I mechanically checked my crotch and my seat for a wet patch. No leak. Then when I looked up at her and said No, I realised that she was also looking down at my seat for a leak. She seems not to understand why I said no and that I should not hesitate. That she really didn't mind if I use their toilets and I don't have to stay like that.
So I tried to explain that I just didn't want to use their private bathroom since I didn't really feel the need to pee. That's when she interrupted me and explained that it's not exactly what she was thinking and that I might feel the need to replace the protection .
Then I immediately became all red. She was being nice but it was so difficult to explain that I was barely wet and changed not so long ago but it might be my smell anyway through my jean short . Also embarrassed, she admitted that the pee smell made her think that I couldn't change for a while before coming in her store... That to be honest, could tell about the odour shortly after I arrived. But she tried to reassure me by telling me that other clients with incontinence also smells sometimes. Not an easy part of incontinence to deal with.
When I calmed down, she gave me some advice (not as a doctor but she wanted to help): more water, less sugar, always clean somehow between changes, more changes and barrier cream (at least during night time and in the morning before leaving the house).
That's some already known knowledge to me. But maybe I forgot to apply since I didn't fully realised how much I could smell.

I'm so glad you have made a step to find some better protection. The protection you use will deffo help to keep any smells in. Hartmann or molicare are a pretty good product. I havent had much experience with them, but i know others have and use them daily without and issues. The lady at the store certainly gave you some good advise on things to do to help you smell less. I cant speak for all women, but from the experiences i have had iver the years. For a woman, when your pee is yellow, its generally pretty smelly, even when its fresh. Drinking more will certainly make your pee smell less strong, but its a trade off because although you drink more, that means more changes.

I am sorry to hear that your incontinence and your smell is noticeable. The lady in the medical shop was correct in saying that us people with incontinence do smell at times. I know there are times when i smell, but i always try to take care of that when i think i do, but i dont always notice so you are not alone. Again, plastic pants are a life saver for this.

definitely knows for sure know. It was harsh to her but was already knowing in a way.
I also will have to confront my parents. Don't see them very often but they should have told me already. Maybe they didn't know how to? Or should have be more direct instead of polite answers?

Before getting closer and dating, I will try harder and apply all advices to stop being too smelly. She knows I have "pee issues" and our period pads are useless for me. But still don't know how much and the consequences.

Its difficult to have that conversation with a loved 1. I had to really think about that conversation with my GF. I didnt want to upset her and i knew that conversation was going to do just that. I felt like i had a duty to try and make her obvious pee smell better and although it uncomfortable for us both, it was the right thing to do.

And its nice to know youve met someone. Yes, making an effort to smell less will deffo be noticed by any partner, especially when it becomes sexual between you both. Its also nice that your are into women because i found women to be more understanding about incontinence and smells and leaks as its deffo more common in women. Women are more caring in general too so thats always nice and its just nice to be honest and open with each other. I hope that works out for you and you find love with someone who is not put off by some leaks or smells. . .

 

[LifeInPlastic]

Like others said - hydration, hydration, hydration. I recommend 2,5 to 3 Liters a day as it really helps with the urine smell. I can sit next to you in full BetterDry and you won't be able to smell it. It also varies from person to person and also based on diet. If I had asperagus and wet myself I smell myself a short time after my first wetting in a fresh diaper.

As for poop, well that is almost impossible to conceal. Plastic pants can help a little bit but you have to immediatly change. You move and a gust of stink-wind can escape. Never spend anytime in a soiled diaper. Stop what you do and change immediatly. It's the only thing that helps against that smell. Again the diet play a grat role here too but it will always smell like what is it. There is no point in sugarcoating it.

As for the skin. It is true that you can never get fully rid of a slight smell but you can do baths(just a sitting bath will do ofc) with sodium bicarbonate added to the water. It does a really good job in neutralizig all odors on a chemical but skinfriendly level. Also use a loofah down there when having a shower or bath. It removes dead skincells wich basically act as microscopic stink sponges full of old pee and poo that contibute to the smell down under.

Cheers