My Difficulty Seeing a Picture or Video of an Adult Baby

[babyscotty37]

Over the years I've seen pictures and videos of other adult babies. I'm wondering if anyone else finds it disturbing on a certain level seeing a "mirrored image" of sorts of yourself.
When I'm in my little space and acting like a baby by myself I can almost feel a hundred percent like the eighteen-month-old I usually regress to. But if I'm listening to some YouTube ABDL stories, and happen to see a picture or video of another adult acting like a baby it can trigger feelings of shame and guilt at times. Does anyone else experience this?
Growing up my identical twin brother and I were both slow with potty training but I was more so. I have memories of us both being diaper-punished by my mom. There were two times I remember when my maternal grandma diaper punished me, once in front of several of my cousins at the age of six.
I was born with severe scoliosis and a club foot. I had three corrective surgeries and extended stays in the hospital before I was three. Those hospital stays were four hundred miles from home and my parents couldn't be there with me. (A little over a year ago I found letters from a family friend who lived in the town I was hospitalized in telling my parents how I was doing. It was then that I understood that there were stays of a few months away from mom and dad at a young age.)
Even though I had accidents, the diaper punishments became a way for me to deal with the pain I had with the foot brace I wore. Of course, I didn't realize it at the time, but started using my mom's diapering me, and then finding ways to diaper myself to regress to where I was getting close times with mommy while hurting.
But through my growing up years mom would find my diapers at times. I even occasionally left them where she easily found them, always hoping she'd diaper me again for long periods, but that never happened. Each time she'd find them was always the same song and dance. She'd call me to my room and then ask me why I was doing this. All I truly could do was shrug my shoulders. I was probably about as confused as she was.
What also drove this was the severe bullying I experienced, especially through the 8th grade. Many days I couldn't wait to get home to diaper myself and regress as much as I could get away with, always seeing myself as a small toddler.
So seeing another adult dressed as a baby has a shattering effect on my fantasy and I find it a little difficult to deal with. I try to avoid this, but I'm not always successful.
I also get much more regressed for longer periods when my chronic pain becomes more intense and difficult to deal with like it is now. (won't bore you with the two-year hellish nightmare I've been through with pain management!) But since about September, I've been dealing with severe SI joint pain without any pain medication to help. (now facing my 36th surgery to redo the SI joint fusion from two years ago the right way.)
If you haven't noticed by now, I'm having a difficult time. I haven't posted here for quite some time but thought I'd check in.

 

[diaperpuppi]

I feel the same way, sadly. I can't help but feel... Wrong? When I see others behaving like a AB, but feel relatively fine when I'm alone. It even effects me when I'm around my partner and I want to regress. He's so accepting but I feel strange doing so.

 

[Cottontail]

I'm really sorry for your struggles, then and now, and I can relate to your feelings about pictures and video. I think a lot of us can. When I'm in my little gear, I don't really care for my own appearance either, so I mostly avoid mirrors and avoid taking pictures of myself. Those things don't exactly depress me, but they immediately mess up my headspace and prevent me from feeling as little as I want to. I accept that my body is at all times that of an adult male, but I don't always need to rub my own nose in it. Online pictures and video are similar. I think I could be a good carer for another AB, but there would have to be a closeness first. Without that, watching somebody else regress is really awkward for me. I feel like I'm invading their privacy. Sometimes I find pictures of others in diapers to be provocative in not-bad ways, but that usually means they're connecting with my sexuality, not with my little side.

 

[googlyeyes467]

In regard to other ABs: I think there is a difference between the ones you see on My Strange Addiction and ones you see in real life/some small youtube channels like The Padded Agent. I feel a little embarassed for the sensationalized ones because they've taken it to an obvious extreme (nothing really wrong with this if they are happy, it's just an automatic response for me). However most ABs ive come across in life are pretty normal people, they just happen to do this as one aspect of their life.

Regarding all the pain you've gone through I cant even fathom a way to comfort you other than say im sorry and that i hope things do get better from here on it. Luckily this is an amazing community who supports you.