Just rambling...

I don't feel I'm able to reasonably comment or give advice here, and I hope these sentences do not sound like empty cliché.
It seems to me you initated a well-considered step, although it for most it will sound like a distraught one.
I sincerely hope everything turns out for the best and your further life will be as positive as possible, whatever it may bring. Let Bonnie hug you and seek our support, whenever you feel like it.
 
  • Like
  • Love
Reactions: BobbiSueEllen, BBBen and Edgewater
I don't know what to do anymore. I can't keep going on like this. I'm tired of what they throw in my face on a constant basis; it's enough I carry the echoes of "Retard!!!" in my mind from the past...the way they treat me doesn't alleviate that at all, only adds to it. So it's time to just turn it all off. And stop paying the bill.
 
  • Sad
Reactions: BBBen and KBoy
So, my plan is still to buy a small plot and build a small home. That's never left my mind. It's just been a matter of where...

The biggest hurdles have been land-pricing, privacy vs. accessibility to vital things...and, of course, my agender recognition. So far, Nevada is it.

Another bone of contention I have about agender recognition and the law: all states want me to be an X. I'm not a fan of X, I'd prefer A. X is too eliminatory, symbolically. "Big Red X". Who is the numbskull who leaped before they thought on that one?

But on the other end: states like Montana, Idaho, Tennessee and West Virginia refuse to recognize or accommodate. And Oklahoma bans it outright.

I wonder if certain people responsible for this ever gave it all deeper thought? Or were they too rushed by a deadline and compromised?

So I'm not recognized here in Idaho and it's likely I never will be. Well...there's always Nevada.
 
  • Thinking
  • Wow
Reactions: BBBen, KBoy and PaigeCherubiel
I may be in more trouble than I originally thought: some time ago, I'd related that my back was permanently damaged by my former son-in-law's assault. Now it appears to be affecting my bowel continence. And before anyone here knee-jerks a "lucky you!" response...you couldn't be any more wrong. This is not a dream...this is descending into the initial shades of a nightmare.

Since this assault, I have had four back outages: the first one hit right after the assault, after the adrenaline wore off, lasted 17 days of utter agony, being unable to walk excepting the 15-foot shuffle to the bathroom. It was a humiliating experience. The second one hit right as I completed the crib, lasted about the same time with the same effects. Third time was before the solar eclipse, lasted a few days. This current one was over a week ago when a simple upper-torso pivot while getting out of my car put my back out. That simple.

I'm sorry about the details but here it is: now when I sit on the toilet, the resultant expulsion of gas pops my back in an excruciatingly painful way. After I shuffle back to bed & get in, I have to spend hours undoing that damage of the moment.

I would like nothing more than to legally retaliate. And I can't because that would imperil my daughter's and the grandkids' security. That parasitic simp gets a free ride. He knew--and knows--I am disabled, specifically how and to what degrees; he knew--and knows--I have autism. He knew exactly where and why to strike. And that is why I do not forgive. That is the price he pays because he gets to conveniently, smugly hide behind a woman and four children. In my eyes, he is a parasite.

I wonder about my future now: in theory, now that I am disciplined enough in money, in 2 years I will have enough money--read as hard, green cash--to buy an acre of land outright, out-of-state; then, I can borrow against it to improve it; then, I can borrow against the equity and build my home, all by myself. Myself. My final home. And pay it off. Mine. I wonder if I can hold it all together to get that goal. I want it. I need it. It is my one goal, my one affirmation of validity and vitality. The one thing I have left. And now a specter of doubt hovers over it.

I feel like Noah: circumstances defy me; people defy me. They say it can't be done. But, in Noah's case, it was done. I have taken the greatest pleasure in life by showing others I could do what they said I couldn't: my classmates, even my father told me I'd never get licensed to drive before my 17th birthday...but 3 weeks before I turned 17, I had a license in my hands. My father said I couldn't cope with the demands of riding a motorcycle...between 1986 and 2003, I rode many thousands of miles safely, without once ever laying a bike down...and with no injuries.

I suppose everyone has naysayers to face; it's never worse than the doubt you get from people who say "there's nothing wrong with you" and all the while hypocritically implying it. I love destroying their fallacies, their doubts. Because, in the end, the only person you can truly trust in and rely on is yourself.

And I feel threatened right now by the circumstances of events, their lingering effects. Well, if I'm going to die, I might as well die on my feet. But not without trying to make a better life for myself. Because I have a goal. And I'm all I got now.

I guess the veneer's gone now.
 
Last edited:
  • Like
  • Love
Reactions: BBBen, KBoy and Edgewater
I've forgiven my parents for spending "the family fortune" on the golden retirement they believed they deserved. Their grandchildren may need it someday.
 
PaigeCherubiel said:
I've forgiven my parents for spending "the family fortune" on the golden retirement they believed they deserved. Their grandchildren may need it someday.
Well, I understand. My theory is "money comes, money goes". Money can do a lot of good, but it can also do a lot of bad. It all depends on the person with it.

When someone takes something like this away, I can't forgive. Life is long enough and you see things come and go...but when someone takes ability--potential--from me as in this case, with years still left...that's different. I would've gladly given my back to a grandchild's errant fall on me or an accident...they're kids. I'd've been initially upset had my daughter done my back in because I know she'd've never intentionally hurt me like that; she knows better but accidents do happen.

But for someone to transpose their dead, abusive parents' faces on my face and intentionally take his Juggalo-fed hate out on me for them as a punching bag...that I can't forgive. He's not blood. And it was not an accident. I'll give whatever help I can to his brother because he has been good to me...but not an ounce, not a penny, not a calorie of goodwill to my former son-in-law. That is the price he pays for his deed...and the luxury of hiding behind my daughter and grandkids, knowing he's immune to other consequence. My decision stands.

He should look at it this way: if he wants anything sincere from me, my anger and my contempt for him are the only sincere things from me he has now and ever will have. He betrayed me; he deserves no better.
 
  • Like
  • Thinking
  • Love
Reactions: BBBen, KBoy, Edgewater and 2 others
I'm very proud of everyone here for BobbiSue. She's blessed with great friends.
@BobbiSueEllen Clearly in my mind and heart you're making amazing and strong breakthroughs in your life. My heart goes out to you for all the courage and stability you have. Plus, you should write novels, friend! You'd be so damn rich! You really would. You'd be scooping money up and throwing it all over yourself, laughing in your playroom gleefully with all the talent you clearly have, and all here applauding you.

Splendorous.
You make big impacts here. I'm more than sure whatever you do through your life will balance out. You may perplex some in your family, but you're way ahead of the game. I want everyone in your life to be patient with you and all that will resolve peacefully. But I know very little about the intricate details, BUT I know that you are a very very charged, creative, colorful, extremely intelligent and articulate personality (Maybe an alien hybrid? :ROFLMAO::geek:.), and you're in the right direction.

Kudos.
I rest my case.
(still watching my silly Matlock shows...🤭I had to put that in)
 
  • Like
  • Love
Reactions: KBoy, BBBen, BobbiSueEllen and 1 other person
Woncrinklz said:
I'm very proud of everyone here for BobbiSue. She's blessed with great friends.
@BobbiSueEllen Clearly in my mind and heart you're making amazing and strong breakthroughs in your life. My heart goes out to you for all the courage and stability you have. Plus, you should write novels, friend! You'd be so damn rich! You really would. You'd be scooping money up and throwing it all over yourself, laughing in your playroom gleefully with all the talent you clearly have, and all here applauding you.

Splendorous.
You make big impacts here. I'm more than sure whatever you do through your life will balance out. You may perplex some in your family, but you're way ahead of the game. I want everyone in your life to be patient with you and all that will resolve peacefully. But I know very little about the intricate details, BUT I know that you are a very very charged, creative, colorful, extremely intelligent and articulate personality (Maybe an alien hybrid? :ROFLMAO::geek:.), and you're in the right direction.

Kudos.
I rest my case.
(still watching my silly Matlock shows...🤭I had to put that in)
I wish it was different. I really do. After 55+ years of heartache, then watching it decay off the bat, held together by Band-Aids through the years...and then finally crumble...what hurts the most is seeing the mental image of a scene in Inside Out, where Riley is running away and those beings in her head are watching, in horror, as the amusement park in her head crumbles into ruins. It's devastating. That's how it feels.

I am emancipated; I no longer have a family. Aside from being 100% on my own, the only stability, the only refuge I have left is with you all here. And I know it can be taken away just as easily. Life seems very untenable at times.
 
Last edited:
  • Thinking
  • Like
  • Love
Reactions: mistykitty, BBBen, Woncrinklz and 2 others
Loving You Good Friend!

I recall you talking as you drove to the Grand and Far North! Something like: "I have closed that door behind me!"

With all the love you have for your Grandkids, sadly, you have to say good bye to them until they turn 21.
Your son-in-law, needs to be dead to you!
Easy to say, hard to do! But, Buy a New Phone, with a New Number and pull the SIM card from the old phone and trash it and the number!

You are strong, but those you need to leave behind you, all but a couple have zero interest in you only their joy in hurting you! You do not need to feed their need to hurt you. Cut the Line!

Start living your New Life!
 
  • Like
Reactions: BBBen, Woncrinklz and KBoy
Edgewater said:
Loving You Good Friend!

I recall you talking as you drove to the Grand and Far North! Something like: "I have closed that door behind me!"

With all the love you have for your Grandkids, sadly, you have to say good bye to them until they turn 21.
Your son-in-law, needs to be dead to you!
Easy to say, hard to do! But, Buy a New Phone, with a New Number and pull the SIM card from the old phone and trash it and the number!

You are strong, but those you need to leave behind you, all but a couple have zero interest in you only their joy in hurting you! You do not need to feed their need to hurt you. Cut the Line!

Start living your New Life!
Reluctantly...I must.
 
  • Like
Reactions: mistykitty, BBBen, Woncrinklz and 2 others
There will be times you will think that you can't stand the pain. And there may be times when you want to go back, go home and burn people's lives to the ground.
You can and you shouldn't, I have felt both of those things. 39 years of self exile, and I am still here in paradise with her and the Ohio river bank is far, far away.
Good luck Bobbi, you know I am rooting for you baby
And when you really think that you can't take it anymore, what they said ☝️
 
  • Like
Reactions: BBBen, Woncrinklz and Edgewater
KBoy said:
There will be times you will think that you can't stand the pain. And there may be times when you want to go back, go home and burn people's lives to the ground.
You can and you shouldn't, I have felt both of those things. 39 years of self exile, and I am still here in paradise with her and the Ohio river bank is far, far away.
Good luck Bobbi, you know I am rooting for you baby
And when you really think that you can't take it anymore, what they said ☝️
I already have felt that way. It's passed now, coals are stone-cold dead.
 
  • Like
  • Thinking
  • Love
Reactions: BBBen, Woncrinklz, Edgewater and 1 other person
BobbiSueEllen said:
I already have felt that way. It's passed now, coals are stone-cold dead.
That's because you are starting to heal, but it will get you here and there down the road, I want you to be ready for that, it can come back hot and raw and bleeding like a fresh attack.
I've felt like that from time to time, I just keep my hands off the phone and my keys out of the ignition.
Good luck BobbiSueEllen, you won't lose your friends here on the forum and new and exciting adventures await you
 
  • Like
  • Love
Reactions: mistykitty, BBBen, Woncrinklz and 2 others
Look at it this way @BobbiSueEllen : You've made a change in my world. Because of you my wife is getting a siamese cat TeeTurtle for Christmas. It came ysterday. If I hadn't met you she might be getting funny cat socks :geek:
 
  • Love
  • Like
Reactions: mistykitty, BBBen, Woncrinklz and 2 others
So, back. This is gonna be a bit of a band bio with a touch of rant in it.

Some friends here and I have been delving a bit into '60s music, with one song in particular: a group called, interestingly, It's a Beautiful Day. This was a group formed in the San Francisco area circa "The Summer of Love", consisting of David LaFlamme as lead vocalist/violinist, the freshly-18YO Patti Santos on accompanying vocals, Linda "The First" LaFlamme on keyboards (she and David divorced later and he married to Linda "The Second" eventually), Hal Wagenet on guitar, Mitchell Holman on bass and Val Fuentes on drums.

Not much is known of the other bandmates, but David was a child violin prodigy, having won his way into first violin/soloist for the Utah Symphony Orchestra. Having achieved adulthood, he sought other avenues for his expression and eventually ended up in San Francisco, where he met up with other performers and formed It's a Beautiful Day.

Along the way, as they were settling in, they signed on with band manager Matthew Katz of Seattle, who was a twin brother of another Katz. He had been managing a few other acts, such as Jefferson Airplane and Moby Grape. Katz was a flamboyant character, who had various connections and was, for a time, reputedly connected with up-and-coming star, Canadian Neil Young. The band, young themselves, naively signed on with Katz as he was struggling with both Jefferson Airplane and Moby Grape at the time. Before long, Katz and the band were headed to Seattle, to 'polish the act', claiming they "weren't ready". Katz had a nightclub in Seattle named "San Francisco Sound", where he claimed he'd 'help' the band 'improve their sound'...but IABD found out, as did other acts, that the nightclub was a low-popularity dive. They performed, they practiced...with a minimal audience and no real billing. This continued for a long time.

Katz also had properties all around Seattle, one of them being a large home in the Capitol Hill neighborhood, between downtown and Lake Washington, across the street from Volunteer Park. They were allowed to occupy the attic space and nowhere else about the home while they 'improved'. Through the months, the hot days, the waning fall warmth and into winter, the band endured isolation, loneliness, hunger. They were getting very little stage time, they got a very meager allowance for food and had no transportation. They were destitute.

As the weather worsened, grew cold, dark and violent outside, the bandmembers fought their loneliness, isolation, hunger and poverty by practicing in-situ, composing, reworking their projects...one of which became their signature song, "White Bird". The lyrics spoke colorfully, vividly of their plight, whereas the weather was moving faster than they were. Their situation was desperate. And one day, they finally broke free and made it back to the San Francisco area they'd pined for in their song's lyrics, but first they played various outdoor venues, such as the "Sky River Rock Festival" and "Lighter-Than-Air Fair", both in Sultan, Washington. After that, it was San Francisco, performing for local venues behind Katz' back.

While there, their song "White Bird" got noticed and finally the band was getting somewhere. Katz, clearly with a stranglehold on the band, moved in with outlandish demands from the record company...not to profit but to dissuade a contract to maintain a tight fist on IABD's neck. Nonetheless, a deal was struck and an album cut. "White Bird" was getting exposure, freely as the band was now getting, far from their former Seattle 'cage'. This threatened Katz' ego and self-delusion so much that he sabotaged IABD when the band was offered a film-op: Katz stipulated that they would have to pay 'the band' $1 million for rights. Again, this was not intended for a profit but to scare away publicity and opportunity for IABD. With his so-called 'legal team' and high equity in venues and real estate, Katz was iron-fisted, insane; it was then that IABD began in-earnest to get out of his grip.

It's of note that in the early-to-mid '80s, the song "White Bird" was showcased on three episodes of Knight Rider, as the hallmark song of David Hasselhoff's character Michael Knight and a former-flame character. The song was performed by an anonymous 'house band' for Glen A. Larson Productions.

Eventually, the band wrested free but lost their initial rights and royalties. This had also been done by Katz to Moby Grape, but in a much-heavier fashion, by quietly framing various MG members for drugs, sex scandals and the like. The band was left in ruins...and Katz owned their entire portfolio. Nonetheless, as Jefferson Airplane did, IABD pressed on, toured, performed, made a fair living at it, even with line-up changes and a band-split. Sadly, Patti Santos, the female voice of "White Bird", was killed in a car crash in California in 1989. David LaFlamme, lead vocalist and violinist, died of complications from Parksinsons Disease on August 6, 2023, age 82.

Katz found himself, at the turn of the century/millennium, in the center of legal scrutiny regarding Moby Grape: the surviving bandmembers sued for their portfolio and rights back, with Katz fighting all the while, stalling with continuances and other maneuvers. Those maneuvers ran out and, in the end, Moby Grape emerged victorious and planned to release copies to make some money for their efforts; also included in the settlement was an order to return all of Moby Grape's royalties that Katz had received. But Katz was not done: once the new record label started their manufacturing process, Katz and his so-called 'legal team' threatened the label with litigation over album artwork. It is believed that all of Katz' rights to the portfolio had been stripped but this did not stop him and he successfully intimidated the label into cease-and-desist. The progress dragged on. And it was reported Katz never paid Moby Grape back one dime of royalties.

By the end, many accusations arose against Katz, identical to those levied by IABD, reeking of absolute, iron-fisted control over groups, their meager offerings and opportunities. All the while, Katz painted himself as a savior of '60s Psychedelia and Rock to a consensus which staunchly refuted him. Using the newsmedia, Katz and his allies railed against his accusers, talking of how they abused Katz' 'selfless generosity', ransacked his homes, offending his 'benevolence', while his opposition countered with rebuttals of substandard housing, lies, broken promises, throttled opportunities, starvation, threats. Katz was clearly out of touch with reality...and with the money to curry unto himself enough blind social favor despite it. The Devil may not have danced in empty pockets but he sure did on the backs of others. Love of money does indeed blind.

But Katz continued his blithe, blind life-narrative, right until his death on September 30, 2023. 55 days after David LaFlamme's passing. This was released belatedly to various pop-music newsmedia outlets by Katz' niece's Facebook page. He was 93.

On a final epilogue note: as part of Katz' death announcement, it was made known that Katz was preceded in death by his twin brother some years before. It was reported that on the day the brother was buried, within moments of family arriving home, Katz called his brother's family, short on condolences and long on talk about inheritance: did his brother leave anything for him? Katz' query was countered with a negative response; he further accused the family of not providing his twin an 'adequate' funeral & burial and soon a lawsuit emerged from Katz. It is unclear what he sought or the outcome but the embittered family fought back. All this dissolved when Katz died.

Personally, I hope Katz, in my opinion a worthless blob of a modern-day slavemonger and social virus, was cremated and flushed down a toilet. He rightly earned that much for his subhumanity. And for the surviving group members of It's a Beautiful Day, September 30, 2023 became A Most Beautiful Day. White Bird was free.
 
Last edited:
  • Like
  • Love
Reactions: mistykitty, BBBen and PaigeCherubiel
The "It's a beautiful Day" notation brings me back to when I was with a friend, a radio personality by the name of Dennis N. at one of their concerts, who passed away a chunk of time later. I'm glad he had a good time. I think it was Petaluma, 2002 we went. I don't recall if his friend Bob came.
Someone snatched my shirt I put to the side when on the dance floor.
I had a great time during the concert. Great violin, and yes, music.
 
Last edited:
  • Like
  • Love
Reactions: BBBen, PaigeCherubiel and BobbiSueEllen
I cannot fully describe my childhood memories of Volunteer Park as being a fun place - the Conservatory (a large greenhouse), the Seattle Art Museum, The Museum of History & Industry in the neighborhood. For someone who was 10 years old during the "Summer of Love", a day-trip to Volunteer Park was a city kids idea of a good time. :geek:
 
  • Like
Reactions: KBoy, BBBen, Woncrinklz and 1 other person
The end of the year is near...and my plans get kick-started on January 2, when I get paid, re-up my auto insurance and pay the bills: the credit cards are getting slammed hard and will be paid off by May. After that, for the following 15 months...I save. Cash. No non-essential spending.

In September of 2025, I will have $10,000 in cash saved and will buy outright an acre of land in Nevada to develop with about $6,000-$7,000, leaving a surplus to apply toward a well, a septic system and a power pole, augmented by monthly spare cash from my income. Once the land is ready, I get it appraised, take the paper, go to the bank and borrow against the paid-off, improved property for materials...and start building in spring of 2026 before it gets too hot.

I have the home blueprint ready: so far, a 12x34 "bigger-than-mini" home: one very generous nursery bedroom, a 3/4 bath, a stacker washer/dryer...and a 11'6" x 12' dayroom with kitchen corner. Metal roof, tankless water heater, too...plus the electrical will be pre-fitted for eventual conversion to solar power, in phases, for off-grid life. The home loan should be paid off within 5 years...then zero mortgage. I've been plotting this for months now.

Anyone else got a long-term plan?
 
  • Like
Reactions: mistykitty, KBoy and BBBen
Yep , I have 😀 pay off my last credit card and phone handset loans by august latest then start saving money
Mortgage is less than 25% of home vaule and set amount as fixed £376 and car loan finishes 2026 £440 ,
So fixed monthly at moment £1000 income before any ot £2625 ave month so scope for saving
 
  • Like
Reactions: BBBen and BobbiSueEllen
Thankfully, both vehicles are paid off...and I'd never apply them toward a loan. Lots of places here do auto-title loans...I'll never touch 'em. One of the biggest rules of thumb in my life: "Never mortgage your horse. Ever." 🤭🥳
 
Last edited:
  • Like
Reactions: KBoy, BBBen and ElPulpo
Back
Top