Is it wrong for me to want to stay incontinent and have it progress?

[Milo]

Hello! I have had a pit in my stomach for a while, and have felt guilty and conflicted about my emotions. I think getting the idea off of my chest, venting, and talking to others would be very beneficial to my mental state. It's going to be a long post with lots of background info, so,

tl;dr I have some form of urinary incontinence. I am very happy that I am IC and want it to progress, but people around me constantly look for a fix on my behalf. I don't know if it is okay for me to be happy about being incontinent, and I just want to talk to some people.

I have been an ABDL for a while, maybe since 2008 or even before, and have been obsessed with diapers. The smell, sound, and feeling bring me nothing but bliss, and I have always wanted to be in them permanently, while actively wishing to become incontinent. However, I did not want to go 24/7 because I did not want to explain to someone that I am wearing diapers because I want to, not because I need to. In January I got my wish.

I started having strong urges to pee in October, and they became stronger and more frequent over time. I had many very small leaks starting in January, but in mid-February I had a small stream travel through my underwear and down my leg. Since then, I have been wearing incontinence pads, pull-ups, and diapers every day, and could not be happier. I wanted incontinence, now I have it, and I often have a smile plastered on my face when I can't make it to the bathroom, and relish the fact that absorbent products are a necessity. I still have some control and do not need diapers all the time, but pads are required at home, and pull-ups or diapers if I am leaving the house for an extended period of time.

I went to a urologist to see if there were any major issues. I was put on oxybutynin, eventually took off of it, then the urologist ordered a number of tests including an x-ray of my lower spine, an ultrasound of my kidneys, and an MRI of my spine and brain. Thankfully, none of the tests showed that anything was seriously wrong or injured, but I was not given a diagnosis. I was told my symptoms match with neurogenic bladder, but my brain is fine so I was simply told that I have urinary incontinence. I really like knowing the why of things, not just the what, so the lack of diagnosis was frustrating because I did not need a doctor to tell me that I'm pissing my pants. I was told of two possible treatment options consisting of botox injections every six months, or a surgical implant attached to the nerve connecting to the bladder.

I have looked into and considered these options, but I feel like I did that just to conform to social norms, not because I actually want a fix. Honestly, I really don't want this to be "fixed," because my ideal is to have my incontinence progress. I have already experienced some of the consequences of wearing; I have told my mom and friends that I wear diapers, I have dealt with swamp-butt during the spring and summer, I have had very painful chafing on my foreskin, have had small but unnoticed leaks in public, and have had a few rather large, but still unnoticed, leaks in public. I wanted, and still do want, all of those things to happen. The thought of telling people and having leaks in public mentally solidifies that I need diapers. It is a little humiliating, but also very exciting and welcomed. Despite having those thoughts, I still feel a need to try to get "better."

I don't feel like those thoughts are actually my own, and that's where my emotional conflict comes from. I want to be incontinent, but everyone around me shows pity, or constantly looks for solutions. Try vitamin D, try drinking green tea, try these supplements, try neurofeedback, here are other medications that might help. I'm sick of hearing it, but I humor those people and try their fixes, not because I want to, but because I feel pressured to. I have already happily accepted that I have a form of incontinence, but there is a persistent doubt in the back of my mind.

I don't really know what to do or say. I just think I need to talk to people about it. Maybe seeking validation would be good, but I'm also open to ideas that I should strive for continence. I just want to talk to someone.

 

[dogboy]

By going to the doctor and enduring the tests, I think you've done everything you needed to do to know that there isn't something medical that needs attention. Since you've taken these mature and rational steps, I think you have nothing to feel guilty about. Most of us on this site are here because we enjoy wearing and wetting our diapers, me being one of them. The fact that your are accepting of your incontinence and even happy because of it is perfectly fine in my opinion. We're entitled to how we feel, especially since this hurts no one.

I actually woke up last night because I was wetting my diaper, something that hasn't happened in several years and it made me quite happy. We are who we are, all with varied wants and desires. I don't think you should feel bad over having these feelings. It's part of being human.

 

[Wetshisbed]

If it isn't hurting anyone else and it makes you happy where is the harm. I have been incontinent and enuretic and dependant on nappies 24/7 for over 10 years and honestly now it is just part of who I am and I am happy as I am.

 

[wetnappyjon]

Your story is very like mine. I've been ABDL all my life, certainly since age 5, and I've had progressive urge IC in recent years. Like yourself I've been through the medical mill and I'm pretty much permanently in nappies/diapers. I'm completely happy about this, and even feel fulfilled. I do think that being ABDL has actually accelerated my lack of control in that rather than trying hard to get to the bathroom when the urge hits I've just let loose into my nappy and all vestiges of sphincter power have disappeared rapidly.

The lesson I've learnt from many other guys is not to feel guilty about it. This is what makes you happy and others have no cause to try to persuade you otherwise. Perhaps if you could get out and meet others in the same situation you'd feel more empowered.

On the other hand, I also completely understand and sympathise with all the IC folks out there who hate their situation and would prefer never to see a diaper again. It's big and diverse world we live in.

 

[Wetshisbed]

Your story is very like mine. I've been ABDL all my life, certainly since age 5, and I've had progressive urge IC in recent years. Like yourself I've been through the medical mill and I'm pretty much permanently in nappies/diapers. I'm completely happy about this, and even feel fulfilled. I do think that being ABDL has actually accelerated my lack of control in that rather than trying hard to get to the bathroom when the urge hits I've just let loose into my nappy and all vestiges of sphincter power have disappeared rapidly.

The lesson I've learnt from many other guys is not to feel guilty about it. This is what makes you happy and others have no cause to try to persuade you otherwise. Perhaps if you could get out and meet others in the same situation you'd feel more empowered.

On the other hand, I also completely understand and sympathise with all the IC folks out there who hate their situation and would prefer never to see a diaper again. It's big and diverse world we live in.

Totally agree I might be happy as I am but respect those who wish they could be cured of their incontinence.

 

[Peepeegirl]

I feel you I have had some bedwetting accidents and I wish they would be more constant

 

[tafkadl]

I have a diagnosed OAB and can relate to your experience. I enjoy the experience of wetting the bed consistently and unwillingly, by just drinking a glass of water before going to bed. As of last year, I no longer can control to wake up dry, despite trying to eliminate any drinks in the evening. The issue is that I also start to experience uncontrollable urges during daytime, causing leaks when not being able to reach the toilet in time.
I do accept wearing diapers during the night, but don't want to become dependent during daytime. I'm now afraid that if I try to address the latter by seeking medical treatment, it might cure the bedwetting as well.

 

[theancientmariner]

I wouldn't condone becoming incontinent, but as @Wetshisbed said, it's not hurting anyone, and it makes you happy, so let it be let it be.
But I wouldn't want that. If I became rich and had no issues of money, and didn't have any concerns of having to live with other people, I'd wear much more often. Earlier this year, I was wearing a lot more diapers than usual, and when I went back to regular underwear, I found myself having a very small bladder, and very strong urges to pee, and when I did, only small amounts would come out. I felt with such frequent wearing, and me not using my sphincter muscle to hold in my urine, I regressed back to a young age when that was to be expected at that time, and it scared me. The urges to pee were strong, and only came out in alarmingly small volumes. I can't have that. I'm forced to live in a world where we are shamed, and ridiculed for wearing diapers voluntarily. Where I work, we live in bunkhouses with sometimes 6 people in a room, and there is no way I can be the bedwetter or the guy who needs to wear diapers. So I keep my diaper wearing spread out to 1 or 2 a week to give myself a chance to regain the continence I may've lost during that time.
But you, @Milo, you probably don't have to go through the things I do. I don't know your living arrangements, so I can't comment on that, but I don't like seeing us voluntarily becoming incontinent because once you're in diapers permanently, you can't go back. You don't have a choice but to wear all the time. But that's my take on your post.
Please take care.

 

[utefan]

Not sure this part of the forum is for wishing oneself is or is more incontinent. Having no choice in the matter gives one a certain perspective..

 

[hbic60]

Milo, I think it's solely up to you how you want to manage your IC. You did the most important step with going to a urologist to find the cause of your condition. Now It seems you found that there is no further serious damage behind it.
There are several options you might have with your IC - taking meds (with maybe not so nice side effects), maybe surgery options, maybe surgical implant (which doesn't least forever) , maybe botox injections (with probably retention issues in the first weeks needing self-catheterizing, then working a few moths before having to be repeated) - or simply accepting your condition and wearing according protection (diapers).

What you do is simply your decision. It's your own body, and you are the only one who shall decide what happens to your body or not. Your doctors should be in best case only advisors telling you qualified the pros and cons of each treatment option, but you are the one who decides what happens and what not and the others have to accept your decision!

This statement is independent if the thread starter wishes to be IC or not. I also had my doubts if I should take part in this thread, but I think he did no proactively anything to become IC, he didn't hurt himself, so it should be OK

 

[DiaperPaige]

Hello! I have had a pit in my stomach for a while, and have felt guilty and conflicted about my emotions. I think getting the idea off of my chest, venting, and talking to others would be very beneficial to my mental state. It's going to be a long post with lots of background info, so,

tl;dr I have some form of urinary incontinence. I am very happy that I am IC and want it to progress, but people around me constantly look for a fix on my behalf. I don't know if it is okay for me to be happy about being incontinent, and I just want to talk to some people.

I have been an ABDL for a while, maybe since 2008 or even before, and have been obsessed with diapers. The smell, sound, and feeling bring me nothing but bliss, and I have always wanted to be in them permanently, while actively wishing to become incontinent. However, I did not want to go 24/7 because I did not want to explain to someone that I am wearing diapers because I want to, not because I need to. In January I got my wish.

I started having strong urges to pee in October, and they became stronger and more frequent over time. I had many very small leaks starting in January, but in mid-February I had a small stream travel through my underwear and down my leg. Since then, I have been wearing incontinence pads, pull-ups, and diapers every day, and could not be happier. I wanted incontinence, now I have it, and I often have a smile plastered on my face when I can't make it to the bathroom, and relish the fact that absorbent products are a necessity. I still have some control and do not need diapers all the time, but pads are required at home, and pull-ups or diapers if I am leaving the house for an extended period of time.

I went to a urologist to see if there were any major issues. I was put on oxybutynin, eventually took off of it, then the urologist ordered a number of tests including an x-ray of my lower spine, an ultrasound of my kidneys, and an MRI of my spine and brain. Thankfully, none of the tests showed that anything was seriously wrong or injured, but I was not given a diagnosis. I was told my symptoms match with neurogenic bladder, but my brain is fine so I was simply told that I have urinary incontinence. I really like knowing the why of things, not just the what, so the lack of diagnosis was frustrating because I did not need a doctor to tell me that I'm pissing my pants. I was told of two possible treatment options consisting of botox injections every six months, or a surgical implant attached to the nerve connecting to the bladder.

I have looked into and considered these options, but I feel like I did that just to conform to social norms, not because I actually want a fix. Honestly, I really don't want this to be "fixed," because my ideal is to have my incontinence progress. I have already experienced some of the consequences of wearing; I have told my mom and friends that I wear diapers, I have dealt with swamp-butt during the spring and summer, I have had very painful chafing on my foreskin, have had small but unnoticed leaks in public, and have had a few rather large, but still unnoticed, leaks in public. I wanted, and still do want, all of those things to happen. The thought of telling people and having leaks in public mentally solidifies that I need diapers. It is a little humiliating, but also very exciting and welcomed. Despite having those thoughts, I still feel a need to try to get "better."

I don't feel like those thoughts are actually my own, and that's where my emotional conflict comes from. I want to be incontinent, but everyone around me shows pity, or constantly looks for solutions. Try vitamin D, try drinking green tea, try these supplements, try neurofeedback, here are other medications that might help. I'm sick of hearing it, but I humor those people and try their fixes, not because I want to, but because I feel pressured to. I have already happily accepted that I have a form of incontinence, but there is a persistent doubt in the back of my mind.

I don't really know what to do or say. I just think I need to talk to people about it. Maybe seeking validation would be good, but I'm also open to ideas that I should strive for continence. I just want to talk to someone.

I personally don’t think there’s anything wrong with it. In fact, if given the chance I’d go thorugh with it myself.

 

[IWannawear]

As one going along a similar path, I understand how frustrating it is that everyone seems to want to 'fix' what I don't see as 'broken'.

I've lived a hard life, many jobs/careers that almost forced long term holding due to lack of access to facilities, and now, at a little older stage of life, I have urge IC, drippage, and, as of last week, apparently I now wet in my sleep. I wear Tena mens pads when not at work, currently level 3 max absorbance, but just ordered level 4 overnights, as I have been close to filling doubled up 3's. I wear condom catheter and leg bag at work, as I still don't have access to facilities, and sometimes can't get away to use them if they are availiable...

Unfortunately, my spouse, who leads the relationship, is adverse to me just wearing diapers, which I did in the past to continue working certain jobs, and 'may' have implied things were worse than they were at that time so I could wear 24/7. Now, I am getting to the point were a night diaper would be a beter option, and have been politely discussing where my IC is, and what I am doing to manage it, but ir's an uphill battle...

 

[Milo]

By going to the doctor and enduring the tests, I think you've done everything you needed to do to know that there isn't something medical that needs attention. Since you've taken these mature and rational steps, I think you have nothing to feel guilty about. Most of us on this site are here because we enjoy wearing and wetting our diapers, me being one of them. The fact that your are accepting of your incontinence and even happy because of it is perfectly fine in my opinion. We're entitled to how we feel, especially since this hurts no one.

I actually woke up last night because I was wetting my diaper, something that hasn't happened in several years and it made me quite happy. We are who we are, all with varied wants and desires. I don't think you should feel bad over having these feelings. It's part of being human.

Thank you, you helped affirm my own thoughts. Nothing needs urgent treatment, so who's to tell me that something needs to be fixed.

I'm happy to hear that you woke up wet! I honestly wish that I had nighttime accidents. I have enough sleep issues already, but my bladder has been waking me up each night, screaming "I need to pee!" Hopefully my incontinence will progress, haha!

 

[Milo]

Your story is very like mine. I've been ABDL all my life, certainly since age 5, and I've had progressive urge IC in recent years. Like yourself I've been through the medical mill and I'm pretty much permanently in nappies/diapers. I'm completely happy about this, and even feel fulfilled. I do think that being ABDL has actually accelerated my lack of control in that rather than trying hard to get to the bathroom when the urge hits I've just let loose into my nappy and all vestiges of sphincter power have disappeared rapidly.

The lesson I've learnt from many other guys is not to feel guilty about it. This is what makes you happy and others have no cause to try to persuade you otherwise. Perhaps if you could get out and meet others in the same situation you'd feel more empowered.

On the other hand, I also completely understand and sympathise with all the IC folks out there who hate their situation and would prefer never to see a diaper again. It's big and diverse world we live in.

True, your situation sounds almost identical! By no means am I a social butterfly, but meeting others does sound appealing. How would I go about doing that?

I feel that it is important for me to say that I was not trying to undermine anyone who wishes for continence. I want my situation to progress, as I am very happy about it. On the other hand, I completely understand why someone would resent their lack of control. It would be nice for everyone to get their wish!

 

[Milo]

I have a diagnosed OAB and can relate to your experience. I enjoy the experience of wetting the bed consistently and unwillingly, by just drinking a glass of water before going to bed. As of last year, I no longer can control to wake up dry, despite trying to eliminate any drinks in the evening. The issue is that I also start to experience uncontrollable urges during daytime, causing leaks when not being able to reach the toilet in time.
I do accept wearing diapers during the night, but don't want to become dependent during daytime. I'm now afraid that if I try to address the latter by seeking medical treatment, it might cure the bedwetting as well.

I can understand that; having fun at night, but trying to avoid embarrassment during the day. I was wary about seeking treatments too. I do not want my happy situation to end, making me thankful that my incontinence is not caused by something that can be a quick fix. Hold on to the things that make you happy. I hope that you are able to find a happy compromise with your situation.

 

[Milo]

I wouldn't condone becoming incontinent, but as @Wetshisbed said, it's not hurting anyone, and it makes you happy, so let it be let it be.
But I wouldn't want that. If I became rich and had no issues of money, and didn't have any concerns of having to live with other people, I'd wear much more often. Earlier this year, I was wearing a lot more diapers than usual, and when I went back to regular underwear, I found myself having a very small bladder, and very strong urges to pee, and when I did, only small amounts would come out. I felt with such frequent wearing, and me not using my sphincter muscle to hold in my urine, I regressed back to a young age when that was to be expected at that time, and it scared me. The urges to pee were strong, and only came out in alarmingly small volumes. I can't have that. I'm forced to live in a world where we are shamed, and ridiculed for wearing diapers voluntarily. Where I work, we live in bunkhouses with sometimes 6 people in a room, and there is no way I can be the bedwetter or the guy who needs to wear diapers. So I keep my diaper wearing spread out to 1 or 2 a week to give myself a chance to regain the continence I may've lost during that time.
But you, @Milo, you probably don't have to go through the things I do. I don't know your living arrangements, so I can't comment on that, but I don't like seeing us voluntarily becoming incontinent because once you're in diapers permanently, you can't go back. You don't have a choice but to wear all the time. But that's my take on your post.
Please take care.

I am not trying to force my incontinence, and I'm actually doing the opposite. What makes me happiest is the loss of control, needing to wear, rather than just wanting. I would love for things to progress, but not of my own accord. I get very strong urges, but I do my best to hold in the earlier urges, and only use the bathroom when I am almost to my breaking point. I know that if I went every time I had an urge, my bladder would shrink, causing more urges, and I would be enabling that. I do not want to force it, I just want things to happen naturally, and have my leaks eventually turn into full voids.

My situation is definitely better for wearing than yours, and I am sorry to hear that you are so cramped. I live with my boyfriend and best friend. My boyfriend is not thrilled that I have to wear something 24/7, but he has always enabled my ABDL side and is happy for me. My best friend does not care if I walk around my house with just a diaper on. It is a little awkward wearing around my mom and other friends, but I have told them my situation and they do not care, but they do push fixes onto me.

 

[Edgewater]

I am very hesitant to Post as the Incontinent Forum tends to be targeted towards those who have an interest in slowing or eliminating incontinence in their life, or at least accepting this reality. Commonly, those who also include DL as part of their definition have had a long interest in DL and/or have come to accept they are IC and DL becomes part of them. A member here has identified yet another classification with being IC and that is accepting 'having to wear' as 'Okay.' As wearing diapers allows one to be out and about enjoying life.

Wanting the IC part of oneself to progress is also counter as the want of individuals and medical staff as they know that IC is a very important indicator of developing or worsting organ failure or illness (near all serious). Since this is fairly commonly known or at least understood in the general population, it would be common for those who know /love you want to help!

Take Great Care In What You Wish For, as it many come true!!

There is a very major difference between choosing and having to wear 24/7. It is a life altering reality!

 

[Milo]

I am very hesitant to Post as the Incontinent Forum tends to be targeted towards those who have an interest in slowing or eliminating incontinence in their life, or at least accepting this reality. Commonly, those who also include DL as part of their definition have had a long interest in DL and/or have come to accept they are IC and DL becomes part of them. A member here has identified yet another classification with being IC and that is accepting 'having to wear' as 'Okay.' As wearing diapers allows one to be out and about enjoying life.

Wanting the IC part of oneself to progress is also counter as the want of individuals and medical staff as they know that IC is a very important indicator of developing or worsting organ failure or illness (near all serious). Since this is fairly commonly known or at least understood in the general population, it would be common for those who know /love you want to help!

Take Great Care In What You Wish For, as it many come true!!

There is a very major difference between choosing and having to wear 24/7. It is a life altering reality!

I definitely understand what you are saying, but want to express my frustrations. I do understand that those around me care, and would like to help, but as @IWannawear said, it feels like everyone is trying to fix something that I don't see as broken. That is why I initially started this thread; to expand my viewpoint through differing opinions. I am aware that some would like to be cured of incontinence, and that my want to have it progress could be seen as weird or controversial. I had an x-ray of my lower back, an ultrasound of my kidneys, and an MRI of my spine and brain, all saying that nothing is wrong with my organs. I accepted those tests because I wanted to know if there would be serious consequences, but for the moment, there doesn't appear to be any.

For that reason, I do wish for a need, not just a want. I very much do want my wish to come true. A complete loss of urinary control is my ideal scenario, despite telling others about it, despite having sensitive skin, and despite the financial aspect.

 

[greatlake5]

I think you should have posted on another ADISC forum. This is for IC people who accept or simply want to discus IC issues. Your welcome here, I just wish you have focused more on "normal" IC issues. Not wanting to be diaper dependent.

 

[Milo]

I think you should have posted on another ADISC forum. This is for IC people who accept or simply want to discus IC issues. Your welcome here, I just wish you have focused more on "normal" IC issues. Not wanting to be diaper dependent.

My apologies, but that's kind of the reason I posted in this forum. I was thinking my post might be controversial, and for that reason I wanted to create discourse to open my mind to other perspectives. However, I am very happy with the support I have received from these ADISC members, and my feelings of guilt and uncertainty have settled as a result. I see this as one more step in my journey of figuring out who I am.