Involving your spouse

JustToBeRad · Mar 21, 2022

For those who have a partner who knows and participates in their abdl stuff. I’ve got a few questions. So long story short, i’ve been an abdl for quite some time. Only recently came out to my wife about it. She accepted me for who I am and wants to help make me feel comfortable about wearing diapers and even participate.

We had a little getaway this past weekend and I was able to wear in front of her, I had her put me in a diaper the first night and that was to the extent of that. She wants to do more but doesn’t know where to start, I myself also get a little discoraged from asking her to do more because I don’t want her to be so rushed into a role she may not be 100% comfortable with yet.

We have talked about my interest in it quite a bit, so I do know the only thing she worries about is it making me incontinent. Which is also a worry of mine, so I don’t plan on wearing too often. But I definitely want to be able to include her more in this part of my life, which she also wants.

I just want to know what would be the best approach to slowly take this to the next level without rushing too much? What type of steps should we take to become more comfortable doing this together? If anyone has any experience or tips, it would be greatly appreciated! Thanks!

oreobaby89 · Mar 21, 2022

So the biggest step is just communication. That fact that she put you in a diaper over the weekend is a big first step a lot of ABDL's would love their spouse to take. You have got to talk to her about what she feels comfortable doing right now when it comes to the ABDL aspect of things. She will diaper you but will she change you? Do you want to RP with her as a mommy/caregiver and would she be comfortable with it? If so how far is she willing to go right now? I would say find small things you can do that are not too different from what other non-ABDL couples do or have different meaning when you do them. For example she could pick your clothes for the day or maybe give you a chore chart/list. Neither of these are strictly ABDL but could be given an ABDL flavor. Right now it is all about exploring and finding things you do and don't like. You are going to make mistakes and find thing you really like and others not so much. The biggest things is to talk about it as you go on.

Forced · Mar 21, 2022

Depending on how comfortable you are talking to your wife about this side of you that you have just revealed I agree communicate is key.

If you feel a little embarrassed about what you would like your SO to do I’d suggest her a letter that she can read alone.
In it write down all your hopes as well as your fears. Ask your wife to take a few days to digest the information and then perhaps reply by letter letting you know what areas she is comfortable with and others that she’s not.
Once you both know where you stand you can have a frank conversation about how you go forward.
Obviously a letter is physical evidence of what you are asking so you’ll have to be very certain that it’s not something that will ever be used against you.

I think a key point that you should stress is that how much you love her and how much her participation would mean to you and your relationship…..but it’s not the be all and end all.

JustToBeRad · Mar 21, 2022

oreobaby89 said:
So the biggest step is just communication. That fact that she put you in a diaper over the weekend is a big first step a lot of ABDL's would love their spouse to take. You have got to talk to her about what she feels comfortable doing right now when it comes to the ABDL aspect of things. She will diaper you but will she change you? Do you want to RP with her as a mommy/caregiver and would she be comfortable with it? If so how far is she willing to go right now? I would say find small things you can do that are not too different from what other non-ABDL couples do or have different meaning when you do them. For example she could pick your clothes for the day or maybe give you a chore chart/list. Neither of these are strictly ABDL but could be given an ABDL flavor. Right now it is all about exploring and finding things you do and don't like. You are going to make mistakes and find thing you really like and others not so much. The biggest things is to talk about it as you go on.

Thanks for the reply! Yes, the biggest thing we’ve been doing has been talking. She has had a lot of questions and i’ve been able to talk about things with her regarding those and more. I also forgot to mention we went to a store that sells abdl diapers and she went with me to pick some out!

wearforsafety · Mar 21, 2022

Except when I am tired/ill /stressed, my SO puts me also in diaper, plastic pants,short or long onesie when her domination kink kicks in.

DinoFrant · Mar 21, 2022

The best course of action is to communicate. You both need to talk openly about how you feel to create an environment of trust in which both of you can feel comfortable expressing your various emotions and sensations in the moment without forcing one another. You´re already on a good track, so just stay on it.

Now, wearing diapers alone won´t make you incontinent, so you don´t need to worry about that. Conditioning yourself to automatically release in your diaper takes a while, but it´s still NOT incontinence and can be reversed at will. Incontinence is a medical condition which can have many causes, but again, just wearing diapers IS NOT ONE OF THEM.

oreobaby89 · Mar 21, 2022

That is pretty cool. You wife is pretty cool for engaging so fast in this. As @aberrantlyme puts it in his blog this is a marathon not a sprint. Take your time and enjoy the ride.

ZeeBonezz · Mar 21, 2022

I totally get what you're feeling I had such a hard time coming to my with wife with this and still an even harder time accepting it. You just gotta talk to her set up like stuff you like about it this and what you both want from this.

lilstevie56 · Mar 21, 2022

Here`s a good starter we used a while back when we first started out . I came home from work very much in adult head space. She met me at the door and walked me back to the bedroom and ask I undress. She put her finger up to her mouth and shushed me when I tried to speak . I could hear the bath tub water running . She helped me to the bathtub and bathed me. Bubbles and everything . It was super cool and really put me in a littles headspace. After the bath she got me diapered and dressed in a onesie . Later we just cuddled on the couch , she bottle fed me and she wouldn't let me talk adult talk , like work stuff. It was one of the first times for us where this felt so natural . The next day she told me it really put her in Mommy space and I told her I felt sooo little that night.

ABDLlover · Mar 21, 2022

If u are interested in foreplay with them ask her what is her thought on it. If she says she is willing to give it a try then on a different night. Romance her, take her out to dinner come home dance with her then do normal foreplay as if u were in regular underwear. Let your emotions lead to what happens next and don't worry about the fact that you are wearing. It will eventually come off anyways. Just make sure your dry during this. Once you get through that first night it gets easier and easier to wear around her. And before you know u will be in nothing but a diaper as she shaves you and this will be perfectly normal. Just make sure you talk with her about her feelings on the subject before and after every milestone you two reach with this new lifestyle.

Lyric · Mar 22, 2022

I told my wife shortly after we first met and started dating that I loved to wear diapers and rubber pants and had for most of my life. Of course that provoke long conversations about why, did I have a medical reason, did I get off on wearing and using, how I started, how it affected my prior relationships and career, and much more. I large part of my attraction has always been sexual. I think what finally tipped her over to giving it a try was the first time I took her home after dinner. I had been wearing diapers and rubber pants when we first met, and continued to do so until I told her I was wearing diapers and wee had our first talk. After a couple more dates when she both saw and felt my diapers and we make out some, but nothing more, I invited to my house after dinner and at some point I told her my diapers were quite wet and I thought I needed to change and asked if she would like to come with me to help. She did and I gathered all of my diapers stuff, changing pad, fresh diapers and rubber pants, baby wipes and powder and than began to take down my trousers. I was so excited I loosened my belt buckle that she walked over to me, hugged me and told me she would take over. Once she had my rubber pants off, and started to unpin my diapers we were both so aroused that we had the best sex either of us had ever had. Many years later we find changing my wet diapers continues to be a precursor to wonderful intimacy.