Incontinence and difficulty for dating.

[CrossfireHurricane]

Dating has always been hard for me. Especially when I try to keep my secret. Eventually I would stop seeing a girl. Sometimes they wondered what the problem was. Why? Because I have to wear a diaper. School was challenging enough. Whether you are a boy or a girl, having to wear diapers complicates dating. The few times I dated someone, either they would giggle or laugh and sometimes ridicule. After a while I just stopped dating. I do have some close friends, men and women. Some of them know my secret. Other suspect and some of them don't know. When they found out that I wear diapers it didn't stop being my friend. Most adults are mature enough to understand that I have medical issue. They know I'm still smart and funny despite being incontinent.

So what's my problem? Was I a virgin? No. I had one relationship in college. It wasn't serious and she eventually went back to California. She didn't have a problem with being incontinent. But I did have a few girlfriends that when they knew they laughed and that was the end of that. All of my friends, female or male, urge me to try dating.
They tell me that most people don't care. I don't think so. I think they care. Especially when they know, they (girlfriends) don't want to deal with someone who needs to wear a diaper. The few close female friends are rare. Only one decided to be my girlfriend. I'm not lonely. Plenty of friends. My job is fun and interesting. But I have a problem
getting a girlfriend. Tell me how it worked for them. Easy or difficult? Laughed at or ridiculed? Are you still running solo? I know it's not easy. Just trying.

 

[messydiaper]

What a nice, heartfelt message you put here. Sorry you're having difficulties in the dating department.

My encouraging words: Keep living a happy life! Be a good friend to all your friends and meet new people too. I would say don't try to hide that you use diapers for a medical condition. When the right person comes along it won't matter.

I told my current wife pretty quickly into our relationship that I wet the bed and wore protection at night. She never blinked. Last night she was the one who put me in my night time diaper. We've been married a long time now. (Most nights I diaper myself.)

 

[slimjiminy]

I've never had to date incontinent but understand why that adds difficulty. Having said that however, it seems you already have the correct formula - date and try again. Timing about the reveal may be something to perfect (which is perhaps not always in your control). You will have to develop a thick skin. Don't let the fear of rejection hold you back. Expect it,and then when that doesn't happen, you will be pleased.

Eventually, you will find someone who truly cares about you. Then this matter won't matter. Easy to say I know, but if you really want this, you will not shrink from dating.

 

[justneedhelp]

I started bedwetting in college as a 20 year old female so it's not an all day thing but my boyfriend (now husband) did not care at all about it. I asked him if it would be fine if I wore diapers when needed and it doesn't bother him at all. Fast forward 10 years and we are married with 2 boys and another on the way. I still have periods of nightly wetting or months dry. But basically the right person will not care. I know this is limited experience as I don't have to wear during the day. But if the tables were turned, I would not care in the least if my husband had to or if I even needed to assist in caretaking. I hope you find your person

 

[ILuvDiapers]

Dating has always been hard for me. Especially when I try to keep my secret. Eventually I would stop seeing a girl. Sometimes they wondered what the problem was. Why? Because I have to wear a diaper. School was challenging enough. Whether you are a boy or a girl, having to wear diapers complicates dating. The few times I dated someone, either they would giggle or laugh and sometimes ridicule. After a while I just stopped dating. I do have some close friends, men and women. Some of them know my secret. Other suspect and some of them don't know. When they found out that I wear diapers it didn't stop being my friend. Most adults are mature enough to understand that I have medical issue. They know I'm still smart and funny despite being incontinent.

So what's my problem? Was I a virgin? No. I had one relationship in college. It wasn't serious and she eventually went back to California. She didn't have a problem with being incontinent. But I did have a few girlfriends that when they knew they laughed and that was the end of that. All of my friends, female or male, urge me to try dating.
They tell me that most people don't care. I don't think so. I think they care. Especially when they know, they (girlfriends) don't want to deal with someone who needs to wear a diaper. The few close female friends are rare. Only one decided to be my girlfriend. I'm not lonely. Plenty of friends. My job is fun and interesting. But I have a problem
getting a girlfriend. Tell me how it worked for them. Easy or difficult? Laughed at or ridiculed? Are you still running solo? I know it's not easy. Just trying.

Yes, it is difficult forming relationships when you are incontinent. Each time you are met with ridicule or rejection, it can really impact your confidence levels, and yes, even turning you off even attempting to find a partner for fear of rejection.

It is very true to say that growing up with permanent incontinence, is very challenging, and upsetting in equal measure.

I'm glad that you have some close friends, some of whom know that you are incontinent, and are supportive and non judgemental. It's also great that you have a fun and interesting job. I do however completely understand exactly what you are saying, being incontinent does make finding an excepting and non judgemental partner harder.

You just want a girlfriend who loves you, and excepts you as you are, without incontinence creating a barrier. I can relate to this, but don't give up trying to find a girlfriend. Eventually you will succeed, never except defeat, keep searching, there is someone for everyone, you just haven't found that special person yet, but you will.

 

[Dinotopian2002]

Hi @CrossfireDiaperHurricane, sorry to hear this is a struggle for you, but I completely understand why.

Until about a year ago, I was in the same boat as you - I’ve been single for nine years. Some of it was by choice. Some of it wasn’t.

The main reason for that long gap in relationships was because of my worsening bladder control due to nerve damage caused by chronic illness, and getting used to wearing and using diapers 24/7. Looking back, it was tough - tougher than coming to terms about needing a wheelchair to get around in.

The best advice I can give is to work on yourself - focus on your strengths rather than your weaknesses, and grow them. It’s good you have a good group of friends and you have a job which you like. The more you surround yourself with things you like doing, you will become a happier and more outgoing person - because you’ll be able to spend more time focusing on what you CAN do, instead of what you can’t.

With that kind of mindset, when you’re ready, begin to start dating again. See who’s interesting to you, and is interested in you.

But above all else, try to be as confident as you can - the more confident you are about your diaper needs, then the less likely it will be a problem when dating.

And as a final tip, if you do meet someone who you like, and they ask if they can change you, then let them, as it can be a chance to help your diapers bring you two closer together - instead of being a barrier between you. Neither me or my girlfriend are into ABDL, but she likes to change me and I like being changed by her - it’s very comforting.

Breathe Deep, Seek Peace
Dinotopian2002

 

[newt]

I'm sorry that you are struggling with this so much. Incontinence can be so devasting to our confidence.

As someone who found a girlfriend (now fiancee) while incontinent, I know it can be done. But I won't pretend that my situation is the same as yours. I only became incontinent when I was in my late 20's and only have U-IC. I'm sure growing up with incontinence makes things even more challenging. But just because its more challenging doesn't mean its impossible. And if there is one thing worth fighting for, its love. Don't give up. Don't ever give up.

I know you've had some people reject you because of the diapers. And its possible that more will before you find that person. But whether you've never been rejected or rejected 100 times, all it takes is just that one person to accept you. The person who succeeded in finding love on their first try has the same end result as the person who needed many more tries. At the end of the day, they found love.

You've had people reject you, but despite those you still have plenty of friends and a good job. Those rejections didn't prevent you from having that, and they won't in the future. I know it sucks to deal with it, but a rejection doesn't change that. Some people might reject you because of your incontinence, but if you give up and don't try, you're just rejecting yourself, which will guarantee you don't find someone.

I know its easier said than done when I say keep trying despite some rejections. Each one is a gut punch to the ego. Opening up and being vulnerable only to have your heart ripped out and thrown back can be devastating. But nothing heals those problems faster than an accepting partner who loves you despite the incontinence. The juice is worth the squeeze. The right person will not care about the incontinence. They will love you all the same.

In the meantime, lean on your friends for support. We all get by with a little help from our friends.

 

[Wetshisbed]

When I was younger none of the girls in our village would go out with me because it was common knowledge I wet the bed. When I first started dating in my 20s after I had stopped bedwetting I met a nice girl and guess what she was a bedwetter. We stayed together for a few years and she never stopped wetting. She just didn't care.

 

[greatlake5]

Incontinence can be so devasting (sic [devastating])) to our confidence.

Rejecting isn't new. Everyone knows that. Including me. But here's the important point. It's not fatal. I looked at your profile. It says "Incontinence is a challenge. But it doesn't limit what I can do." Take that attitude. You are a successful educator and a counselor. And you interact with other teachers and young students everyday. Along with your friends and family. There is something that values you. They're not rejecting you. If someone is judgemental because you wear a diaper, there is something wrong with them. Not you.

I've always been IC. I completely understand the impact on any incontinent person with confidence. Especially with dating. Many of us struggled finding a partner. Don't forget that everyone gets rejected at some point. Of course it's disappointing. Guess what? I finally found a partner who simply didn't care about me being IC. That's the key. Someone who has to wear a diaper has other strengths. The relationship we have started when we became friends first. I never considered her as a girlfriend. I just enjoyed being with her. We did almost everything together. Biking first and then playing tennis almost every weekend. We also have a close group of friends. We go out all the time. So it's important to have that connection. Make sure you don't isolate yourself.

You never know when someone might be interested in you. As it turned out, my girlfriend actually had a crush on me from the beginning. I never considered her as a loving companion. I just liked her. Then she became closer and started asking uncomfortable questions. I finally had to admit that I was IC. Of course she was curious about diapers. At first I gave here clear and plain answers. Not everything but it gave here what she needed to understand. As it turned out she just didn't care. It didn't matter that I wore a diaper. The point is that you never know that someone loves you. It doesn't happen over night. But when it does you have to embrace it.

Dating can be difficult. Especially when you're IC. Rejection has to develop a thick skin. But when someone excepts you, despite having to wear a diaper, you're on the way. You'll know it. It's one of the best experiences you can ever imagine. Don't stop trying. It's worth it.

 

[newt]

Flawless execution of sic. Nothing brings me more joy than dropping a sic in a brief on a particularly annoying opposing counsel. Or brings me more shame when I get hammered by a sic.

Dread it, run from it, sic arrives all the same.

 

[Joeysms]

Dating has always been hard for me. Especially when I try to keep my secret. Eventually I would stop seeing a girl. Sometimes they wondered what the problem was. Why? Because I have to wear a diaper. School was challenging enough. Whether you are a boy or a girl, having to wear diapers complicates dating. The few times I dated someone, either they would giggle or laugh and sometimes ridicule. After a while I just stopped dating. I do have some close friends, men and women. Some of them know my secret. Other suspect and some of them don't know. When they found out that I wear diapers it didn't stop being my friend. Most adults are mature enough to understand that I have medical issue. They know I'm still smart and funny despite being incontinent.

So what's my problem? Was I a virgin? No. I had one relationship in college. It wasn't serious and she eventually went back to California. She didn't have a problem with being incontinent. But I did have a few girlfriends that when they knew they laughed and that was the end of that. All of my friends, female or male, urge me to try dating.
They tell me that most people don't care. I don't think so. I think they care. Especially when they know, they (girlfriends) don't want to deal with someone who needs to wear a diaper. The few close female friends are rare. Only one decided to be my girlfriend. I'm not lonely. Plenty of friends. My job is fun and interesting. But I have a problem
getting a girlfriend. Tell me how it worked for them. Easy or difficult? Laughed at or ridiculed? Are you still running solo? I know it's not easy. Just trying.

this is not an easy one by no means. dating and relationships and life partnerships are challenging no matter what the circumstances. i believe in what your friends are letting you don't give up. treat it as an exciting adventure/journey exploring to meet new and interesting people. along the way you might make some new friends if not a life partner. and yes it will not be easy as that and you will meet jerks and assholes along the way and you will get hurt. however, i have found an open heart and much better than a closed one. Friends are being nice telling you that diapers don't matter but yes they do to both women and men because sadly we live in a superficial world or very shallow people when it comes to dating. that being said there are many people out there will look at the quality of the person regardless of his or her underwear needs. i have made a lot of friends over the years because i love be social. i didn't not date when it came to dating i was shy and awkward with it. i have more challenges than just diapers. people have made fun and jokes at my expense and i have been hurt. I even did stupid things thinking i would fit in more like being baby new years at a party and dressing as the mighty heros diaper man for Halloween (that one i will still do because diaper man is cool). but i am blessed i met someone amazing who embraces everyone about me the good and bad and i do the same for her. she was the one who told me we were dating when i thought she was just hanging out with me. it sucks to be hurt that is for sure we never know if we don't try. i have learned much from my wife and through her i discovered quite a bit about myself. keep an open mind you never know that special person might already be in your life

 

[Bigbabybret]

Well, I've not had any GF's ever laugh or ridicule (maybe some playful ribbing between us). I think either you have been unlucky, or perhaps was more a laugh as to what's the big deal about.

Either way, you should by all means toss your hat in the ring. Noone of sufficient age will laugh at you about a medical issue. Least not anyone you want to spend any time with.

Now, i've had plenty of relationships over the years, couple serious ones, but currently I have an ex that keeps wanting to see me again, this would be the third time if i was to...long story and plenty of boxed wine on her part. but nothing about IC issues ever.

 

[Cammer]

Howdy,

I feel the pain. I’m 24 and six months ago, I had just about gave up on the dating. I didn’t think anyone could love me with diapers. My best friend who knows my struggles told me to keep trying and I didn’t listen. At some point I prayed about it.

A month or so later I started talking to a woman who works as an admin at the land surveying firm I work at. We started taking more and more and a few weeks after we went on a first date. I was obviously diapered due to my Ic and I was terrified of what she would say. We kept dating for about a month or so, talking every day, when I realized that I really cared about this person. I felt a bond with her I have never felt from someone before and I felt like it was time to break the news to her.

We were sitting in her bed when I told her. She could tell something was wrong and was worried to death. I told her that I was ic and that I wear diapers 24/7 to deal with it. She just let out a big breath of air in relief and asked if that was all I was worried about telling her.

She didn’t care one bit. She told me she liked me for me and that diapers wouldn’t change how she saw me. She said everyone deals with something. It really caught me off guard. Not a question or a remark. She was very chill.

Now we are strong and in love. She is my everything and can’t picture my world with out her in it. To her it’s not an issue and when I get in my head about it she is right there to reassure me that everything is ok.

You will find your person. They are out there and it just takes time. It’s true what they say, when you meet the right girl, she wont think twice about your condition.

 

[InconLifer]

Incontinence has always been a cause of anxiety with dating. It's been a while since my last relationship and I haven't had once since using protection but it is certainly a cause for anxiety. That being said, I think the main issue with me re relationships now is more the chronic fatigue. I can't see that I'd be much fun as a partner because I can't get out and do too much stuff. I'm also feeling asexual these days, Long Covid has pretty much dried up my sex drive. I am going to an asexual meetup in a few weeks though so hoping that may be a way to socialise. I do always fear that people just the see the wheelchair these days though. Still, I like to think that in spite of my issues I'm an interesting guy.

 

[NewMommA]

Dating has always been hard for me. Especially when I try to keep my secret. Eventually I would stop seeing a girl. Sometimes they wondered what the problem was. Why? Because I have to wear a diaper. School was challenging enough. Whether you are a boy or a girl, having to wear diapers complicates dating. The few times I dated someone, either they would giggle or laugh and sometimes ridicule. After a while I just stopped dating. I do have some close friends, men and women. Some of them know my secret. Other suspect and some of them don't know. When they found out that I wear diapers it didn't stop being my friend. Most adults are mature enough to understand that I have medical issue. They know I'm still smart and funny despite being incontinent.

So what's my problem? Was I a virgin? No. I had one relationship in college. It wasn't serious and she eventually went back to California. She didn't have a problem with being incontinent. But I did have a few girlfriends that when they knew they laughed and that was the end of that. All of my friends, female or male, urge me to try dating.
They tell me that most people don't care. I don't think so. I think they care. Especially when they know, they (girlfriends) don't want to deal with someone who needs to wear a diaper. The few close female friends are rare. Only one decided to be my girlfriend. I'm not lonely. Plenty of friends. My job is fun and interesting. But I have a problem
getting a girlfriend. Tell me how it worked for them. Easy or difficult? Laughed at or ridiculed? Are you still running solo? I know it's not easy. Just trying.

I am very sorry you went through that.

Not everyone wants to deal with diapers and it's fine. But for them to laugh at you and mock you, is so rude. Some people are just douchebags.

I think if you're looking for relationships, you should be a little upfront about your incontinence.

Keeping it a secret, might cause more trouble.
As a woman, I can tell you, the last thing I would want is my partner hiding such a crucial component of life from me.
It feels like betrayal.

So, I think, you should let them know about your incontinence early on.

Wish you the very best!

 

[Dinotopian2002]

Incontinence has always been a cause of anxiety with dating. It's been a while since my last relationship and I haven't had once since using protection but it is certainly a cause for anxiety. That being said, I think the main issue with me re relationships now is more the chronic fatigue. I can't see that I'd be much fun as a partner because I can't get out and do too much stuff. I'm also feeling asexual these days, Long Covid has pretty much dried up my sex drive. I am going to an asexual meetup in a few weeks though so hoping that may be a way to socialise. I do always fear that people just the see the wheelchair these days though. Still, I like to think that in spite of my issues I'm an interesting guy.

Hi @InconLifer

I appreciate you deal with a lot of disabilities & chronic illnesses as well as dual IC - which can be daunting.

I urge you to take comfort from the fact that a number of younger guys who are medically IC on this site have all recently found partners who have been understanding of our diaper needs. It’s not easy but it can be done.

I also have other disabilities and also need a wheelchair to get around as a result. So don’t let that hold you back - instead, let it help take you forward.

What do I mean by that? Well, when you need wheels to get around, people tend to be much more understanding and accepting when you need nappies to get around as well (especially when there’s not as many wheelchair accessible toilets around) So use this to your advantage when you can.

At this stage, I’d focus on finding ways to rebuild your social life where you can, in ways which help to celebrate what you CAN do. For example have you ever heard of powerchair football? It may be a good way to exercise and let off steam in a way which isn’t so physically taxing - and you may find it helps you get more confident driving your wheelchair around IRL too.

And of course it will help your social skills as you’ll get to meet other disabled people around your age. It may help you feel less isolated.

It doesn’t have to be powerchair football, it could be other things (table-top games, chess, art classes) but it’s just a suggestion.

I hope this helps you friend. Please DM me if you’d like more info or suggestions.

Breathe Deep, Seek Peace
Dinotopian2002

 

[InconLifer]

Hi @InconLifer

I appreciate you deal with a lot of disabilities & chronic illnesses as well as dual IC - which can be daunting.

I urge you to take comfort from the fact that a number of younger guys who are medically IC on this site have all recently found partners who have been understanding of our diaper needs. It’s not easy but it can be done.

I also have other disabilities and also need a wheelchair to get around as a result. So don’t let that hold you back - instead, let it help take you forward.

What do I mean by that? Well, when you need wheels to get around, people tend to be much more understanding and accepting when you need nappies to get around as well (especially when there’s not as many wheelchair accessible toilets around) So use this to your advantage when you can.

At this stage, I’d focus on finding ways to rebuild your social life where you can, in ways which help to celebrate what you CAN do. For example have you ever heard of powerchair football? It may be a good way to exercise and let off steam in a way which isn’t so physically taxing - and you may find it helps you get more confident driving your wheelchair around IRL too.

And of course it will help your social skills as you’ll get to meet other disabled people around your age. It may help you feel less isolated.

It doesn’t have to be powerchair football, it could be other things (table-top games, chess, art classes) but it’s just a suggestion.

I hope this helps you friend. Please DM me if you’d like more info or suggestions.

Breathe Deep, Seek Peace
Dinotopian2002

Hey! Thanks for the reply, it means a lot!

The main issue I have is transport reliability which hinders my ability to have a regular social life. I am trying to work on moving area so that would be less of an issue. I am hoping to go to a social group at the weekend though.

 

[Deleted member 39574]

Hey! Thanks for the reply, it means a lot!

The main issue I have is transport reliability which hinders my ability to have a regular social life. I am trying to work on moving area so that would be less of an issue. I am hoping to go to a social group at the weekend though.

I grew up with serious medical restrictions but over the past ten years have developed severe mobility restrictions on top of this. Im not yet in a wheelchair although some of my docs appear to believe Im heading there. I have a brother who has the same genetic condition whose now living in a facility and diapered 24/7 because he has no control over his bodily functions. I guess Im stubborn and still try to retain an independent life. I didn't understand the implications of true physical disability until the mobility restrictions emerged. I was once asked why I dont just get up to pee when I wake up with a full bladder during the night and I pointed out that sometimes it takes me 10 minutes just to get out of bed, stand and start to walk. By then my bladder pretty much takes its own course anyway.

 

[Raven801]

My experience has been simple....if not perhaps unlucky....maybe for some reason I just attract the wrong people but it's simple it's very easy for me to get a date ..like super easy...but once they find out about the IC and medical issues they have no interest and that's fine it's part of me and simply if that's not acceptable for them so be it. Get thick skin and just know it's no different than anything else just because you get a few nopes doesn't mean that's all your destined to get. Trust me I'm still trying.. occasionally...it's been hard as a few times I really thought I'd found someone who would understand but in the end it didn't go well but just keep trying and putting one foot in front of the other and keep walking through life and maybe one day you'll get lucky and no longer be walking alone. Best of luck to you