i wanna be a girly girl, but..

[ShippoFox]

My mom didn't want me to tell my grandma. I don't know what that was about. My grandma's not one of those conservative elderly people... She's pretty progressive, for the most part. And I just had the feeling my mom was against providing any financial help. That screws me right there...

Every few months or so, my mom starts talking about trans people at the dinner table. I dunno if she mistakenly thinks I'm brave enough to say something, or what... I normally suddenly stop talking and focus on my phone, or anything else. One time I said something like "yeah, trans people don't deserve the hate they get" but that's about all.

While i consciously tried to move on from bullying, the effects it had on me weren't a thing I consciously chose to keep. It changed me, whether I like it or not. Some ways it changed me are good.... But Most ways it changed me are bad.

 

[ShippoFox]

What are you needing the financial help with? It's not like your going to be able to run right out and get a sex-change...

Perhaps they would help you with getting your own place...

I definitely don't want to be out living on my own though. Nor can I afford that (nor half of what I do want). Everything in my mind is contradictory. I feel like I'm living a life of irreconcilable contradictions. That's probably why I haven't really acted.... I'm sad about who I am,... but it still avoids having to deal with anything... I guess. And This topic is becoming not the best place to discuss. (because of search engine indexing & the info becoming too specific) so I don't know... private messages, blog, or EC+ forum or what? >.<

Also, nah, I would not be getting surgery immediately in even the best of situations. I'm unsure of whether I even want it at all. Nor am I sure how I'd afford it if I do. Nor do I know what type of surgery. I know how I feel, but I still have very mixed feelings.

 

[ShippoFox]

Yup, I think i have all my blog entries, or most of them, set to EC+.... actually, I think I might have been the one that requested the feature a while back. :laugh:

Counseling was something my mom and I agreed about... but it never happened. Probably too expensive. I know I can't afford it.

While I don't think my mom or anyone is spying on me or anything... who knows... I'd prefer to be careful.

 

[ShippoFox]

Just made a topic on the other board a second ago. :sweatdrop:

 

[MarchinBunny]

hi everyone!

it's been a while since i accepted the fact that i'm trans and i'm still in the closet which really makes things hard when it comes to being myself but i recently decided to be myself regardless of what other people think. i'm a sweet girly girl and i wanna look and act appropriate to that. i also made a final decision on my girl name which is Alexia or Lexi for short. (i love my girl name soo much) the problem is that i just can't feel girly when my hair isn't long. i'm letting it grow but it's still gonna take at least a year to reach girly length.

then there's my voice.... i don't think i even have to say anything about it.. how can i pass as a girl when my voice makes me sound like a drunk russian? i tried changing it but that doesn't work. i know about vocal lessons but i just can't do that as i'm way too shy to make voices even if im alone where nobody can hear me.

then there's my body. i have a naturally slim and feminine figure which helps a lot, but my male body parts are making me feel very non girly especially because i'm a lesbian.. what if i find a cute girl and she rejects me because im not physically a girl? diapers really help here as they cover up my male parts while making me feel super girly but it's not a permanent solution.

i don't really know what kind of responses im looking for here. i just don't have anyone to talk to since i lost my long distance girlfriend

I pretty much experience all the same issues as you do. Except I am out of the closet which didn't go very well for me. I also have a lot of issue with my voice and I often will not even voice chat with people because of it. It's kinda weird because when I talk I have this sorta inner voice ... and idea of who I am, but then when I actually speak it just doesn't feel like me or sound like me.

I have practiced the voice thing myself, and I don't mind doing so when no one is around, but I don't have much privacy these days. I was able to get to a point where I sounded like a girl pretty much 100%, even sent voice files to friends asking what they thought without them know it was me. The issue was I had not been able to practice enough to actually have the voice come out naturally. You can tell it was forced sort of like how you would expect to hear a telephone pre-recorded operator. I would like to go back to practicing though, just to shy to do it with others around.

I can't say I ever have been to shy to do it when no one is around though. The truth is ... i'm far more goofy of a person alone then I am with people XD. I am way to shy to be my goofy self around people.

Over the past year been growing my hair out. In the past I would keep it cut because I always hated how my hair looked as it grew it out. I still sort of do. However, I think that has more to do with it not being styled or cut properly. I do like having long hair though regardless. I actually am far more uncomfortable with body hair because it's very dark and I practically look like a werewolf and some have even called me wolverine just to give you an idea of how bad it is. x.x Shaving doesn't work well for me cause get severe rashes and bumps all over. Tried many things to precent it, but never seem to be able to find a solution that worked well enough.

Then of course there is my body. I also have much of the same thing going on ... or well at least I did. I am not longer what I personally would consider slim, but i'm looking to get back my figure so to speak XD.

Anyway for myself, I absolutely do want to transition, but I also feel at times it will never occur. I really don't have the means or capabilities as of now to do so, and I don't see how I will in the future.

 

[ShippoFox]

I also really hate voice chat and phone calls. I hate when people beg me to do Skype calls and stuff.

 

[MarchinBunny]

I also really hate voice chat and phone calls. I hate when people beg me to do Skype calls and stuff.

-.- Ya same here. I do sometimes give in though depending on the person.

 

[Alexia]

-

well at least i'm not alone on this. while doing research on transition surgeries i found out about the voice feminization surgery. supposedly they narrow down your throat to give your voice a higher pitch, but apparently that surgery is quite risky.

i'm growing my hair out too and i'm thinking about getting a cute pair of glasses to look even more girly and cute but i'm still scared i won't end up looking girly enough. tho, after what you said about your body hair it makes me feel lucky because only my legs are a bit hairy. arm, chest and facial hair is pretty much non existent on my body

 

[MarchinBunny]

well at least i'm not alone on this. while doing research on transition surgeries i found out about the voice feminization surgery. supposedly they narrow down your throat to give your voice a higher pitch, but apparently that surgery is quite risky.

i'm growing my hair out too and i'm thinking about getting a cute pair of glasses to look even more girly and cute but i'm still scared i won't end up looking girly enough. tho, after what you said about your body hair it makes me feel lucky because only my legs are a bit hairy. arm, chest and facial hair is pretty much non existent on my body

Ya, the surgery I hear is quite risky cause if it where to go wrong it could mean messing up your voice or even losing it all together. I don't know the percentage of success though on such a thing. I think most generally don't bother risking it because it's possible to achieve a fairly female voice without the risk and just tons of practice.

I, myself, have generally given up on trying to look girly ... at least for now. I have too many other problems right now that need to be fixed first before I can really start working on and worrying about transitioning. I would be lying though if I said it does not bother me constantly.

 

[MandyBear]

i also made a final decision on my girl name which is Alexia or Lexi for short. (i love my girl name soo much)

the problem is that i just can't feel girly when my hair isn't long. i'm letting it grow but it's still gonna take at least a year to reach girly length.

i just don't have anyone to talk to since i lost my long distance girlfriend

i really hope i'll feel more confident in my girly personality when my hair gets longer.
and if that works out i might finally feel comfortable with wearing glasses.

1) Cute name, I like it
2) Sorry to hear about your girlfriend

3) What does having longer hair have to do with feeling more comfortable wearing glasses? I'm curious about this.

4) Finally, uh, ummm, you do know that girls can and do have/wear short hair styles too.
Ever hear of a Pixie cut?
Also, while yes, long, flowing, thick beautiful hair down to your butt does sound nice and all.
But here is a lil secret..... It is a pain in the butt, takes for-ev-er to blow dry, is hot in the summer and don't get me started on the added costs of hair care products, shampoo, upkeep, styling, dying, hair ties/bands, ect.

All in all = long hair is not easy to grow, we are talking years here (hair grows about 6 inches per year on avg), not easy to keep, expensive, makes you want to chop it off some days, gets caught in stuff, ect., ect., but ya, it does look nice.