SourPatchSquid said:
I have never been tested, but have become inclined to believe (especially in recent years) that I might be on the spectrum. I used to have a counselor, but haven't been able to afford one lately
I have family with autism who either are or have been nonverbal: my nephew speaks very little, which has lost him both jobs and wonderful relationships...and my oldest granddaughter spent her first 4 years saying almost nothing at all but once she turned 4, the floodgates were loosed! Yow!
Lack of eye contact is another factor in autism, and from that a fear and/or nonwillingness to participate in debative or otherwise challenging conversation. I have to fight to maintain it and I hate it. People not on the spectrum tend to weaponize and dominate with it; I walk away from people who do because that is 100% inhuman and unfair. But still, the matter remains and is considered a major factor in the success of relationships.
I'm not saying this for your sake but for your wife's, and thus for your relationship's sake: please, get counseling. This difference between you both regarding conversational differences is jeopardizing your relationship and she needs to understand why. Your relationship needs help, badly, so the reason can be understood, accepted and accommodated.
You have the chance to accomplish this, if you want; back before the '00s, there was not a lot of recognition of autism or autistic traits among counselors and their perspective in marital issues was "we did the best we could with what we had to work with", a pretty tragic cop-out. Now, they know better, understand more. Can you both get access to a counselor?