How to build confidence

[Bulbagator]

Was wondering what others do to build confidence in incontinence?
I have basically became a hermit because im scared of accidents in public, only go to the doctor.

 

[SuzetteSissy]

why don't you try going outside at night and where no people will see you, might break the fear habit of being found out'

 

[Deleted member 59082]

I have found that it is a mind set. If you make it a big deal, then it will be one. On the other hand I you determine to live your life then you will adapt. I always start with a plan. Even if it does not always go the way I planned it. Then I can adjust it. Point is you are ready.
The other mind set that I have is, I need them. I don't go out of my way to out my self. However, if someone has a problem with me, then it is more of there problem and less of mine. I don't just say this in regards to my needing to use diapers for my ic, but I am also dyslexic and was in the special education program. People have always tried to tear me down. Yet I would not let them.
One last point, ADISC is a supportive community, you are not alone. I hope this helps. Cheers

 

[DiaperPaige]

Was wondering what others do to build confidence in incontinence?
I have basically became a hermit because im scared of accidents in public, only go to the doctor.

I became confident with imcontice really fast,
It just came to me

 

[247]

Find a product that works for you
- Form, Size and fit
- More than enough absorbency to avoid leaks

Find clothes you feel comfortable wearing over the top
- looser fit to conceal shape of underwear
- longer fit to avoid accidentally exposing underwear

Find a bag/laptop bag/backpack to carry changes

========

I wear nappies/diapers for maximum protection and choose level of absorbency based on how long i plan to be out without access to changing area. MegaMax/BetterDry/Tena Max

I wear a onesie with poppers to prevent underwear being exposed and importantly to keep everything in place. I wear slightly looser jeans and longer tops to give confidence that nothing will be exposed.

I carry an iPad case with a pocket for a change if necessary or a backpack for longer trips with additional supplies. e.g. Nappies/Diapers, Plastic Pants, Onesie, Wipes, Cream/Powder as necessary.


FEELING CONFIDENT, I GET OUT THERE AND ENJOY LIFE AS USUAL!

 

[hbic60]

It's really only in your head. Find a product with a correct fitting, absorbency in a level you need, be sure nobody can tell that you wear a diaper if your clothing is according (e.g. a little loose fit) and even if - so what? You have a medical condition, you take care of it in a responsible way, diapers a re not forbidden in any way, you can buy them freely without any restrictions in many supermarkets and other shops or online, why do so many people make such a big deal out of it to be seen with one (or wearing discreetly one, or, even better, using one)?

A second thing which gave me a lot of confidence was for sure my wife. She had no issue with my beginning IC, supported me fully and encouraged me to try out and do everything I'm comfortable with for managing my condition - and if this meant wearing diapers, she had no issues with it. It's more in the way: You're IC? Let's be happy that you don't have a really serious damage behind. it! You are fine with wearing protection? Then go for it and let's continue to live our active and social life's together, we'll manage it together! There are much worse things which can happen to you than only becoming IC!

 

[Napincolove]

As everyone else says find the right product for you and you might also think about getting some stretch pants as these will flatten your Nappy down reducing anything that might just be visible and over the stretch pants and Nappy put on some good quality PUL pants as wearing those over the top will give you a warning that things might need changing and will buy you time looking for somewhere to change should you encounter a problem..
If you master that then you will own incontinence and not the other way round which understandably is where you are at the moment!

We have all been there and as suzettsissy suggests going out in darkness will bolster your confidence to the point where you will be happy going out during the day, just remember no one is interested in what you are wearing unless you make it obvious and you can always wear long coats or tie a sweaster or something around your waist that hangs down over the back of your butt, so many things will give you full confidence in wearing and it is a matter of finding out for yourself what works best for you.
We all wish you good luck and a nice day outside doing everyday things we all do.

 

[Rob110]

it is embarrassing at first but once you find a diaper you can trust like (Betterdry) and you ware pants one size up you will find it gets easier and that no one notices. There are millions of us out there that have no choice but to wear and chances are you know someone or work with that is also going through IC issues and is also diapered and you just donot notice.

Try a premium diaper that fits you and you will quickly find it’s easy to get on with life and you can stop worrying as the diaper will keep your pants dry and no one will notice you are peeing as long as you relax and trust your diaper and dont react to when you pee (Make a face or look conserened )

 

[newt]

There is some great advice here. For me the biggest 3 factors are Experience, Products, and Time.

Its easy to feel like when you first need to wear diapers there is a big neon sign floating above you thats flashing "LOOK I'M WEARING DIAPERS!" Experience will tell you people will not notice your diaper. They are not looking for your diaper. The more experience wearing out, the more you realize that you COULD have that neon sign floating above you and people will still barely notice it. As many have said, start out by doing little trips out. Go at your own pace. Start by going to places like the grocery store later when its more busy. The more you do it the more confidence you will get from it.

The right products are also very important as others have mentioned. Find a diaper you can trust. Knowing it wont leak is a great relief. Buy clothes you feel comfortable in knowing it will hide your diaper to your satisfaction. Try out onesies to see if they help you.

And finally, there is no substitute for time. There is no magic shortcut to acceptance and confidence. It will come with time. But don't give up. Never, ever give up. As the community here shows, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. One day you will look back at this time and smile knowing how far you have come.

 

[rothpirate]

At first I thought everyone could see my pull-up, nope. Then I thought everyone could see my diapers, nope. I wear Ecoables pocket diapers full time, if you dress appropriately it is not a problem. Nobody in public cares.

 

[PaddedRita]

First 2 to 4 months back when I had too start wearing for full time !
I was so very nerves, scared along with being very paranoid! As time went on on one really didn't said anything at all. They was just doing there business with the daily life actives ! Now I just don't care I have my own life actives
also ! After all these yrs only had 3 actually did say something !!!

 

[pugglesmuggles]

Echoing what a lot of people have said already, but yes, the key is to realize that people really are not going to notice, and to not let the fear of that dictate your diaper or clothing preferences. If you're afraid of leaks, get a highly absorbent diaper. The thickness is still easily concealable under slightly baggier clothing. I had to go through this process myself when I started wearing diapers for UIC and gradually built up to wearing pretty thick ones, simply for peace of mind because I knew they wouldn't leak. Oh, and black/dark pants or shorts are the way to go, because IF there is a leak, it won't be as noticeable. Easier to color match with shirts too
Bottom line, the hundreds of average people you pass by at work, on a commute, in a mall, wherever on a daily basis are usually too engrossed in their own little world to notice you, or anyone else. Which means they are definitely not going to stare at your crotch to notice a slight diaper bulge. Annnnnd, even if they did for some weird reason happen to notice something off about your crotch/butt area, most people's first thoughts are not going to be "it's a diaper!" because that's not within most people's frame of reference for their reality.

So... get out there, go about your day, and be confident.

 

[Mapboy]

It’s all about perception. At first when I returned to wearing I was nervous and very self conscious about wearing (I still have some doubts occasionally). However as I wore more, I got to thinking and this helped me get over my anxiety. I started viewing a diaper or any other absorbent product ad what they are, a medical device used to help me with an issue I have (similar to glasses, corrective brace, etc). It’s really nobody’s business or concern that I wear and if they have a problem with it, then tough because the alternative can be quite worse. From then on, I’ve been less embarrassed and more confident in wearing in public

 

[incontinente]

Keep wearing and never give up. Confidence come with experience.

 

[surprise35]

I am with all the other supporters here in that you are very much NOT alone. Just google adult diapers and the variety of choices may startle you, just proving that many, many people have to deal with this in their daily lives. I recommend ordering samples from an incontinence store (locally if possible) and seeing what works best for you. Every incontinence store I have dealt with is supportive, helpful and understanding. They know this is highly embarrassing, hard to deal with and difficult to find the right product that fits what you need.
I have been constantly surprised how few people ever know I'm wearing protection or a diaper, no one has said anything to me ever. All my friends have been supportive and caring, some awkward for sure, but never laughing at me or teasing me in a mean way.
I think many of us are scarred by past experiences as a kid; either with bed wetting or with public accidents where we felt mortified, and were possibly humiliated by other kids, friends or even family. Things have changed a lot and the common incontinence aisle at any pharmacy grows larger every single year as the population ages and in general as incontinence becomes more common.
Hope this thread helps you in some way in journey of self acceptance.

 

[incontinente]

When you wear 24/7, it's a matter of time until a leak happens. I wear dark pants just in case and it don't bother me one bit now. Nobody notices.

 

[CLPP]

Was wondering what others do to build confidence in incontinence?
I have basically became a hermit because im scared of accidents in public, only go to the doctor.

I’m saddened to read that you aren’t getting out except to go to the doctor. Safe to say, all of us on this board were initially freaked out and self-conscious that we were going to be found out that we wear diapers until we realized that no one can tell and, more importantly, no one cares!!
How many people have you seen that you wonder what sort of underwear they have on?
Besides, you’re denying yourself the special enjoyment of using your diaper while no one else has a clue!
Life is short! Get out there and have fun! You deserve it!!

 

[Wetshisbed]

My wife told me straight "Wear a nappy and get on with your life" I decided she was right and now I just dont care who knows.

 

[Joeysms]

Was wondering what others do to build confidence in incontinence?
I have basically became a hermit because im scared of accidents in public, only go to the doctor.

oh wow for me i think that is bad hiding yourself away. there is so many wonderful amazing things/experiences out and about for you to explore. start with finding a diaper that works best for you. one that you are comfortable with and holds up to your needs. being in diapers just takes a little planning a head and find a routine for your needs. it will be trail and error so start at home. start small go out for small periods of time to build on your comfort zone. diapers are truly no different from any other underwear the only real difference is you disposes of it after use. people out and about notice very little about those around them unless you are drawing attention to yourself. they are wrapped up in whatever they are doing so noticing that you are in a diaper isn't going to happen and if it does they are stranger they don't know you so you have to build up to who carry what a strange might think. set a goal once to find the diaper that you like to going out for brief periods something fun you enjoy that you can focus on and keep trying. it will not always go as planned and accidents will happen that is life. there a lot more of us out there in diapers than you know. no one when they are out and about talk about the underwear they are wearing it is no one business. being prepared will help keep your mind at easy so always keep a well stocked diaper backpack close by. hang with friends and family first those you feel at easy around. i am very social and active i don't let diapers stop me trying new things. something that may help at home just wear a diaper around the house you start feeling at easy in the safety zone of your home. i go around in just a T and diaper at home all the time just relaxing or working on a project. good luck

 

[Alexande]

I have found that it is a mind set. If you make it a big deal, then it will be one. On the other hand I you determine to live your life then you will adapt. I always start with a plan. Even if it does not always go the way I planned it. Then I can adjust it. Point is you are ready.
The other mind set that I have is, I need them. I don't go out of my way to out my self. However, if someone has a problem with me, then it is more of there problem and less of mine. I don't just say this in regards to my needing to use diapers for my ic, but I am also dyslexic and was in the special education program. People have always tried to tear me down. Yet I would not let them.
One last point, ADISC is a supportive community, you are not alone. I hope this helps. Cheers

Well sed