Hello! Can i get some advice?

[Kitty13]

Hello everyone! Hope all is well
I'm on here looking for some advice. My husband and I play really well together and are just on the same page about most things. Except my lifestyle. He's not really into it and I'm not wanting to push someone to be uncountable, plus if his heart really isn't there it won't be any fun. I can't ignore my needs anymore but I refuse to go to anyone else. So long story short, anyone have advice on how I can still get my needs fulfilled discreetly?
Thank you and nice to meet you!

 

[CutestPaddedFemboy]

Hi, its good to meet you too. I don't really know what to say to your dilemma, but I do know that there are people that can help you on here.

 

[Kitty13]

Hi, its good to meet you too. I don't really know what to say to your dilemma, but I do know that there are people that can help you on here.

Ok thank you!

 

[MrDiaperLoverUK]

Hello and Welcome to this site from the United Kingdom. Also there is plenty of people on this site that may be able to help you.

 

[Kitty13]

Hello and Welcome to this site from the United Kingdom. Also there is plenty of people on this site that may be able to help you.

Should I post on a different forum?

 

[MrDiaperLoverUK]

Should I post on a different forum?

Not at the moment just keep it on this one for a while I can guarantee someone will give you advice that you need.

 

[Kitty13]

Not at the moment just keep it on this one for a while I can guarantee someone will give you advice that you need.

Thank you very much

 

[Pizzanque]

Well....
1. You need to have a really hard look at yourself and figure out what your needs are what your wants are. And what you get out of them.
(Mine, changes my mood immediately)

2. You need to have an open and gentle conversation with your husband, and let him figure out his boundaries. And what he gets out of you getting your needs met and if that's enough for him.

3. If wearing is a need, and I don't mean for incontinence, but for emotional wellness. Figure out how often you need to wear. And what you need from him. Whether it's acceptance, love, or participation.

I'm not saying it's a perfect road map to a perfect marriage. marriage takes a lot. But him not trying to leave you is a great start. Don't push it too much. Just ask if you can have conversations about it.

For me I crave my wife telling me to wear one. And she does from time to time, and asks why I don't from time to time. But 40 years of shame doesn't go away quickly.

Just be very very patient, you're married to him for a reason. You loved him before you came out about it. This is sharing something you've held very close to yourself. And he hasn't. Just let it happen naturally.

 

[MrDiaperLoverUK]

Thank you very much

Your always welcome

 

[Kitty13]

Well....
1. You need to have a really hard look at yourself and figure out what your needs are what your wants are. And what you get out of them.
(Mine, changes my mood immediately)

2. You need to have an open and gentle conversation with your husband, and let him figure out his boundaries. And what he gets out of you getting your needs met and if that's enough for him.

3. If wearing is a need, and I don't mean for incontinence, but for emotional wellness. Figure out how often you need to wear. And what you need from him. Whether it's acceptance, love, or participation.

I'm not saying it's a perfect road map to a perfect marriage. marriage takes a lot. But him not trying to leave you is a great start. Don't push it too much. Just ask if you can have conversations about it.

For me I crave my wife telling me to wear one. And she does from time to time, and asks why I don't from time to time. But 40 years of shame doesn't go away quickly.

Just be very very patient, you're married to him for a reason. You loved him before you came out about it. This is sharing something you've held very close to yourself. And he hasn't. Just let it happen naturally.

Thank you, that is fantastic advice

 

[Harut]

First of all welcome! You are in the right place surrounded by like minded people who have gone through similar stuff. I dealt with the exact some thing with my spouse when we were still dating and even to our marriage. The best advice I can give is be open and honest about your needs. Express that you would love for it to include him but that you understand that if it’s a hard no that you respect that. I also highly recommend the book by Dr. Rhoada Lipscomb ( The diaper Doctor) “ Your Not Broken”. I recommend you read it and even highlight things and then as him to also read it. Weather it changes his mind or involvement, it will at least educate him more on you and educate you on you. It’s a great book. And also read forums on here. Good luck and remember always be true to yourself.

 

[Frungie]

My advise is couples therapy.

 

[Kitty13]

First of all welcome! You are in the right place surrounded by like minded people who have gone through similar stuff. I dealt with the exact some thing with my spouse when we were still dating and even to our marriage. The best advice I can give is be open and honest about your needs. Express that you would love for it to include him but that you understand that if it’s a hard no that you respect that. I also highly recommend the book by Dr. Rhoada Lipscomb ( The diaper Doctor) “ Your Not Broken”. I recommend you read it and even highlight things and then as him to also read it. Weather it changes his mind or involvement, it will at least educate him more on you and educate you on you. It’s a great book. And also read forums on here. Good luck and remember always be true to yourself.

Thank you!!!

 

[Edgewater]

I had been very luck in that when I became 24/7, U-IC as a result of a car crash, my dear wife knew as a result of the surgeries that I would be U-IC and was very helpful in my coming to quickly accept that diapers are a reality in my boldly waking-out the front door wearing.

You are coming from a different place and your emotional needs are very different, but regardless! You need to measure your knowledge of your husband and the relationship the two of you have built together.

Most guys have a natural want to be that guy their wife rely-on for protection and care. Some do it well, some do not, If your guy loves you deeply, he will listen and connect to your needs to be loved and protected. Your being a 'little' kind of fits that. It is only the diapers that he will need some help in understanding. As you know, guys can be slow in understanding how things fit in a relationship, so anticipate that you will likely be defining your 'little time' and how this can and should fit into meeting his needs. Clarity will help for both of you!

A healthy marriage requires these open discussions and more often then most of use get around too!

 

[Kitty13]

I had been very luck in that when I became 24/7, U-IC as a result of a car crash, my dear wife knew as a result of the surgeries that I would be U-IC and was very helpful in my coming to quickly accept that diapers are a reality in my boldly waking-out the front door wearing.

You are coming from a different place and your emotional needs are very different, but regardless! You need to measure your knowledge of your husband and the relationship the two of you have built together.

Most guys have a natural want to be that guy their wife rely-on for protection and care. Some do it well, some do not, If your guy loves you deeply, he will listen and connect to your needs to be loved and protected. Your being a 'little' kind of fits that. It is only the diapers that he will need some help in understanding. As you know, guys can be slow in understanding how things fit in a relationship, so anticipate that you will likely be defining your 'little time' and how this can and should fit into meeting his needs. Clarity will help for both of you!

A healthy marriage requires these open discussions and more often then most of use get around too!

Thank you, the advice was greatly appreciated. Starting that conversation will be hard but good.

 

[Harut]

Thank you!!!

Not a problem! Anything I can do to help lmk. I have you a follow so you can find me!

 

[BBBen]

Hi @Kitty13 ,
welcome here on adisc.
Its cool that you are in a well being marriage. But i know, that there are sometimes unfilled needs in that spectrum. And you doing well not to push your husband.

The problem is, that sometimes spouses couldnt fullfill evrything. And they dont have to. But what is very important, is that you for yourself accept your needs and care for them in first order.

The problem is, that for some needs, you need to have a bigger one, who cares. And if this one should be your husband you need much of serenity, time and talking. But step by step.
Sometimes its good, to take self care of things. I. E. is he fine with you being diapered in bed? Than do it from time to time. Do some little stuff for yourself.

Most of us experience in a marriage, that some aspects and needs are going to meet by our spouses. But it costs lots of time and calming down. Sometimes also indulging brings other problems and dynamics, you have to be aware. One of them is, that your spouse feels unhappy with your lifestyle, because of feeling nr. 2 or lesser in your life. Also unhappyness comes with couldnt meet your needs.

On the other way, we for our self have to know and get to know, what this needs are. Get in diapers? You can do it. Buy abdl stuff? Why not. Having abdl friends? This site is perfect for that. Having littlespace? Think about little thinks you can do in your life, like painting, hearing stories,...

There is so much to say about this topic. But there us only one thing you could do: your path and journey. And marriage is evrytime a adventure in this journey. We all should take attention to stay in contact, talk and feel the live again with our spouses. Time doesnt stand still. And perhaps at someday he is more involved, then you think.

At all, get in contact here and read others in their posts and blogs. There will be so msny who are in the same boat .

Iam looking forward to read you. Have a good start at adisc. BTW iam married and my wife gives me little little presents from time to time after 8 years being together. But she isnt fully in charge, but i can discuss with her and diaper up openly.

 

[Kitty13]

Not a problem! Anything I can do to help lmk. I have you a follow so you can find me!

Thank you oh so much! I ordered the book!

 

[oreobaby89]

So I was/as in the same boat as you with a wife I jive with on everything else but not into this lifestyle and didn't want any part of it. We have come a long way since then and she now does act as my mommy in certain ways and time i.e. we created rules and consequences for me. We are not where I would want us to be but further then I thought we would ever go before we started this 3 years ago. All I have to say is give it time and do small steps. They have to accept ABDL just as we did. For most of us it took years to accept this part of us so we can't expect our partner to accept it over night either. It will take time, even years. When we started I only wore crappy discrete store bought pull-ups and I could only do it one day a week. Now I wear 4 days and during the day two at night. It takes a lot of conversations. You will have to express how important this is to you and that it is not a want it is a need. A good way to get them to think about is if you had some other disability such as being in a wheelchair, would they not accommodate that? ABDL is not a disability like that but it is still a need that needs to be met.

You will have to start out with small things to get them used it to. Do things they are comfortable with or only mildly uncomfortable with but can handle. As that normalizes have discussions about other things and start to add. You can only go as fast or as slow as he is willing. Talk to him about his concerns and address them. Work on helping him see ABDL differently. This will be a slow process but if he loves you he will start to adjust and give in little areas. Eventually I would recommend "There is still a baby in my bed" By Rosalie Bent. My wife found it helpful and it led to many good conversations between us. Just remember this all takes time and many, many, many, conversations. He will probably feel like this is a never ending thing and there is always one more thing becuase of how big it is.

I will also say that if your are religious prayer is a big help. God can help change peoples hearts and attitude towards things if the person is willing. I know that it is by the grace of Christ that my wife has changed and come as far as she has.

 

[oreobaby89]

Also cute cat picture. Is that your cat?