Do you ever feel guilty?

[Davvyboy]

In the past, yes

I feel guilty about one specific thing: the burden that diapers put on the environment. I only wear diapers occasionally, for this reason. If I had a medical reason to wear diapers, I wouldn't feel guilty about it.

All the other stuff? The shortalls, the footed sleepers, the pacifiers, the stuffed animals? It's all harmless fun. Nothing to feel guilty about!

Shame and guilt aren't the same thing. Guilt is about doing something wrong. Shame is feeling out of control of other people's reactions to you. People can feel shame about things that aren't wrong or bad. People often feel embarrassed (mild shame) when they get compliments.

Many of my ABDL activities are about shame (corner time and other "funishments"). Shame is usually unpleasant, but it's fun when it's part of a "scene." It's sort of like fear. Fear is usually unpleasant, but people enjoy action movies and horror movies, because there's no real danger when you're sitting on the couch watching a TV screen.

My therapist talks about a "core" shame that's difficult if not impossible to dispel. Like a calcified nugget of internal disapproval. It's not uncommon among people like us or people who felt they needed to suppress another identity trait. My therapist's specific experience deals with gay men, and that's a strong element to their shame for many of them who come into their identity later in life.

So, I've started problem solving with my therapist on a way to crack the core shame problem. I found a few things that help.

First, think back to a time when, if things were different, you would have been able to or allowed to explore this side of yourself instead of hiding it. Go back to that, change whatever factors were keeping you from being yourself, and explore the new version of the past. That said, don't try to will the past into changing. You're still here in the present, but just think how thing might have been different. Play with an alternate universe. Maybe you don't have to live with that shame after all. Integrate that alternate reality into your present self.

For me, the changed factor is having the language to describe what I was to my parents and the confidence to describe it as a need. I didn't have either of those things as a kid, and to be fair, most kids don't. That's a skill adult-me developed. So, I don't let adult-me shame my younger self for not being able to handle that. Instead, I send that experience and maturity back in time to my younger self and see how it might have turned out differently.

Second, when you get your needs met, be intentional about filling your needs and STARVE your shame. It's more than just a biological imperative to be fulfilled. Think about your need and your shame as two buckets... but there's a hole in the bottom of the shame bucket and it's cracked and sun bleached from being left outside. Which bucket are you going to fill? Is your needs bucket just going to get occasionally getting splashed in as you pour into the shame bucket, or are you going to pour everything into that needs bucket and let that shame bucket continue to deteriorate?

Or think about it as how you have been feeding your "shame monster". Some of us internalize that there's a monster inside us, but I don't like the metaphor except when I bring it up to dispel it. We feed the shame monster out of fear to keep them from bursting out, but when we give the fine filet mignon (having our needs met) to that animal, it tears it apart with no understanding how special and nourishing it is. Instead, feed your soul, not your monster. Don't waste that nourishment on the monster, because it is going to crudely choke it down.

absolutely.

But now, following a lot of self reflection and some therapy, no.

For me, wearing nappies is connected to be little side, and it's simply something to help me cope, feel better, relax and come back recharged as a better, kinder, more thoughtful adult. Having that sense of escape, in a way that is safe, legal, and not harming anyone is important.

And sure, its not common or mainstream, but it's just one of the many things which make us, us.

Excellent reply. Thank you.
I’ve just reread that, wow what answer !!

 

[Tenawearer]

Before coming out to my partner I definitely felt shame about my desire to wear nappies. I still wouldn't want anyone else to find out or know. Shame again there.

 

[Davvyboy]

Do you trust your counselor?

Yes I do.
It was early last year.
She was brilliant.
She has added ABDL to her specialist list ( I’m just a DL ).
She was awesome and we shared the funny side of it !

 

[Deleted member 69135]

Before coming out to my partner I definitely felt shame about my desire to wear nappies. I still wouldn't want anyone else to find out or know. Shame again there.

It is good that your partner is supportive. Do they get involved or just accept it

 

[Tenawearer]

It is good that your partner is supportive. Do they get involved or just accept it

Acceptance is a wonderful thing. My partner has no kinks what so ever. Isn't that weird?

 

[Davvyboy]

Acceptance is a wonderful thing. My partner has no kinks what so ever. Isn't that weird?

Yes it is.
However he or she is being denied a wonderful thing.

 

[MASONJAR]

I do feel kinda bad for the environment but other than that no, I do my best to not let my trauma/coping bother anyone, a real 2 year old wouldnt so why would I? Its honestly the greatest part of acceptance cos theyre are wayyy worse ways to deal with things

 

[Tenawearer]

Yes I do.
It was early last year.
She was brilliant.
She has added ABDL to her specialist list ( I’m just a DL ).
She was awesome and we shared the funny side of it !

Sorry, the question was for pantyman. I am glad you have counsellor who you trust.
Maybe sometimes a professional's preferences or prejudices can creep in.

 

[Davvyboy]

I do feel kinda bad for the environment but other than that no, I do my best to not let my trauma/coping bother anyone, a real 2 year old wouldnt so why would I? Its honestly the greatest part of acceptance cos theyre are wayyy worse ways to deal with things

Why not migrate to cloth nappies if you are concerned environmentally .

 

[Tenawearer]

Yes it is.
However he or she is being denied a wonderful thing.

You are right there....

 

[CLPP]

If anything, I feel sort of guilty for having discovered the joy of wearing diapers and keeping it mostly to myself. I’ve told a few longtime friends who I trust that I wear AND really love wearing.

 

[sbmccue]

An AB friend asked me years ago if I felt guilty because I was successful. I guess there are many reasons to feel guilty because you're making money, but I never have. I had to crawl over broken glass to get to that point, so I felt I'd paid my dues.

Similarly, I've made enormous effort to placate my AB desires. I refuse to feel guilty about wearing diapers because I've worked too hard over nearly 40 years to get to the point where I can wear whenever I want. I walk into my 'rec room,' look at my crib and train table and remember from whence I've come ... year after year when I could not have my 'baby things' out in view. In a way, I've had to crawl over broken glass to become comfortable expressing my AB side, so feeling guilty about it would be akin to slapping myself in the face.

I have a closet full of disposables, and a hall closet full of cloth diapers. I wear whatever I want, whenever I want ... and I've gotten to the point where I really don't care what anyone else wants. I can accept that this sort of attitude is selfish, but I refuse to feel guilty about that, either.

 

[Davvyboy]

If anything, I feel sort of guilty for having discovered the joy of wearing diapers and keeping it mostly to myself. I’ve told a few longtime friends who I trust that I wear AND really love wearing.

I’m impressed that you told anyone apart from us on here.
That takes some courage.
AND I really love wearing too !
It gives us another element over non wearers.
Sometimes I can’t wait to get home to put a nappy on……pure bliss!

 

[Swest001]

Let’s face it, wearing nappies is not a mainstream activity.
But for us it is an incredibly powerful force, there is no escaping it….ever!!
So acceptance is our only way forward.
Through counselling I’ve accepted this unusual side of me and have not only accepted it but embraced it.
We have a coping mechanism.
Do any of my fellow ADISC friends ever feel guilty about wearing nappies ?

It's a kink for me so I feel no shame. It's purely a sexual release. Obviously I do not tell people about it. It's none of their business. If you enjoy buttplugs you wouldn't tell your mom.

 

[Davvyboy]

It's a kink for me so I feel no shame. It's purely a sexual release. Obviously I do not tell people about it. It's none of their business. If you enjoy buttplugs you wouldn't tell your mom.

Ha ha ha….excellent point !!

 

[CLPP]

I’m impressed that you told anyone apart from us on here.
That takes some courage.
AND I really love wearing too !
It gives us another element over non wearers.
Sometimes I can’t wait to get home to put a nappy on……pure bliss!

I've had the great good fortune to have many friends for close to fifty years and we've all been through some great times together as well as not-so-good times. Sharing with some of them my fondness for diapers a bit challenging, at first, but the truth of the matter is "Don't knock 'em until you've tried 'em"! I wish we'd known about diapers and plastic pants when we used to stand in line for the toilets at all those concerts we went to together! And how about long road trips? And movies?!?

 

[ianwee]

Let’s face it, wearing nappies is not a mainstream activity.
But for us it is an incredibly powerful force, there is no escaping it….ever!!
So acceptance is our only way forward.
Through counselling I’ve accepted this unusual side of me and have not only accepted it but embraced it.
We have a coping mechanism.
Do any of my fellow ADISC friends ever feel guilty about wearing nappies ?

I don't feel guilty, but then I rarely wear them outside my own home - except when I feel I am safe from anyone seeing me.

 

[Diprs2]

Let’s face it, wearing nappies is not a mainstream activity.
But for us it is an incredibly powerful force, there is no escaping it….ever!!
So acceptance is our only way forward.
Through counselling I’ve accepted this unusual side of me and have not only accepted it but embraced it.
We have a coping mechanism.
Do any of my fellow ADISC friends ever feel guilty about wearing nappies ?

I

Let’s face it, wearing nappies is not a mainstream activity.
But for us it is an incredibly powerful force, there is no escaping it….ever!!
So acceptance is our only way forward.
Through counselling I’ve accepted this unusual side of me and have not only accepted it but embraced it.
We have a coping mechanism.
Do any of my fellow ADISC friends ever feel guilty about wearing nappies ?

I have been a DL all my life and have had times when I felt guilty about wanting to wear diapers. Like a lot of other people, I use to feel like I was out here on this diaper island by myself and then gradually became aware of just how many people there were out there with similar likes. I've never actually tried to pull myself out of the diaper world since I wasn't hurting anyone with my diaper desires. Now at the age of 69 and having OAB and urge incon, I find diapers to be a very useful tool, mostly for wearing at night in order to get a good night's sleep and when I go out of the house for extended periods. I no longer have any guilty feelings about loving my diapers.

 

[KindaOlde]

I feel no shame whatsoever, UNLESS, I've used cannabis. While I'm high wearing and using a diaper for as a 66 yearold I feel like it is just such a wierd thing to be into. As soon as I'm no longer under the influence I no longer feel the shame. Therefore, I never mix the two.

 

[PaddedRita]

Not so much being a shame of wearing just being a little embarrasses until I finely came to terms that I had to wear them. With out them I couldn't do my daily or being so active in life ativities ! Any more now it's just like a piece of regular under clothing. for myself anyway !