DL's who indulge alone - Please help!

[safaridaze]

HELP: I told my SO about my diapers a few weeks ago. In general, she is likely being more supportive than I could be. I try and realize what her world must be when I am not who she thought I was. And, I get it is a blow to the trust. I have just asked her to realize how hard it was for me to bring someone else into a secret I had planned to take to my grave. And that I have spent most of my life ashamed about it, so opening up to someone I love was not so easy - A boy wants to make his girl proud!

In the end, I think we both want to figure something out, but do not know what that looks like. I am considering just telling her that I will use them when I am alone and keep them away from her. however, I fear that it will grind on me over time. I will feel kinda rejected and like I need to hide a part of me from my best friend. And this will eventually become a little resentful, and then the beginning of the end starts.

I am wondering for those who have a SO that knows, but does not want to see it or engage in it, do you feel this way? I just fear doing it in hiding keeps the feeling that I am doing something wrong and the shame that goes with it alive. Any thoughts or advise?

 

[Lumos]

Hi @safaridaze,
I told my wife I was a DL after 6 years of marriage... Like you, it also made her rethink our trust, but after explaining to her why I hadn't told her or anyone before then, she understood why. She has made it clear that she is NOT into it, but, she lets me buy diapers to enjoy them on my own time. The fact that I'm not AB made her feel much better. I've only wore training pants (Rearz) in front of her, and she was cool with it. I just don't want to freak her out if she sees me wearing real diapers.

Not sure if this helps you at all, but perhaps training pants might be a good option for now?

 

[TrueHero]

I wish I had good advice for you. My wife has made it pretty clear that not only does she not want to participate, she’d prefer that I’D not participate either. So I do hide it from her and it does get to me sometimes. It does feel like that one person who is supposed to accept me for who I am…doesn’t. I know a solid relationship is founded on honesty and I feel like I continue to build a weak foundation by hiding it from her.
On the other hand, marriage is not ONLY about acceptance. She accepts most of me and tolerates the rest. Just like I do for her. We support each other. We do many things to show care for each other.
And when I am alone, when no one else knows, I care for myself in this one way SO THAT I can care for the ones I love better.
Maybe someday we will come to an understanding. Or maybe not. But I will always be faithful to her and continue to love her. Either way.

 

[CptKirk]

You said she's more supportive than you could be. I'd like to know more of what you mean by this.

IF she's supportive, I'd be 100% HONEST and "put ALL of my cards on the table"! IF you hold back anything or plan to, then don't even speak of this as it's already a lie or at least not the "whole" truth. NOTHING GOOD comes out of a lie like this in a relationship and sooner or later that lie, no matter how small it may seem to you, will loom LARGE to her down the road!

you don't offer what exactly you've discussed with her OR what her remarks were. This makes any answers I can offer or insight I can offer generic. I can't be specific as I have nowhere near enough information to go on.

If you prefer to only elaborate in private, feel free to PM me and I'll keep it 100% between us. If you're willing to put it out there, I'll still offer the same advice regardless once I have more information to go on.

CptKirk

 

[SparkyDog]

If I can offer one peice of advice to people who are married or planning to marry or in a long term relationship
Tell your SO the sooner the better
the longer you hide it the harder it will be

Now of course you don't tell things like that on your first date or 10
but if the relationship becomes serious you sit down & discuss it
Better to be open & upfront earlier than ruin years of marriage
Will it be difficult? Absolutely
but the aftermath of discovery will be much much worse

Remeber to support your spouse as well

 

[messydiaper]

All good advice so far. I would add that time is going to help.

If you continue to be a good spouse and she sees that you liking diapers and wearing them isn't going to change anything fundamentally about you two being a couple, you showing up, you being reliable, the acceptance of you wearing diapers will take care of itself.

I asked my wife if she had any advice for spouses of DLs, and her response was, "Yes. Tell them to get over it. Life is too short to worry about someone's preference for underwear."

 

[safaridaze]

nd when I am alone, when no one else knows, I care for myself in this one way SO THAT I can care for the ones I love better.

great perspective - thanks! helps make it less shameful in some ways when you realize it helps you be better.

 

[safaridaze]

I asked my wife if she had any advice for spouses of DLs, and her response was, "Yes. Tell them to get over it. Life is too short to worry about someone's preference for underwear."

Made me smile - thanks. I find it had for me to imagine. I have been thinking about diapers since I was 4 or 5. So from my life experience, it is hard to grasp how odd it must be. Especially since out in the wild, I am more of an Alpha male and this is 100% different than that version of me.

 

[JustAGirl]

HELP: I told my SO about my diapers a few weeks ago. In general, she is likely being more supportive than I could be. I try and realize what her world must be when I am not who she thought I was. And, I get it is a blow to the trust. I have just asked her to realize how hard it was for me to bring someone else into a secret I had planned to take to my grave. And that I have spent most of my life ashamed about it, so opening up to someone I love was not so easy - A boy wants to make his girl proud!

In the end, I think we both want to figure something out, but do not know what that looks like. I am considering just telling her that I will use them when I am alone and keep them away from her. however, I fear that it will grind on me over time. I will feel kinda rejected and like I need to hide a part of me from my best friend. And this will eventually become a little resentful, and then the beginning of the end starts.

I am wondering for those who have a SO that knows, but does not want to see it or engage in it, do you feel this way? I just fear doing it in hiding keeps the feeling that I am doing something wrong and the shame that goes with it alive. Any thoughts or advise?

Hello. I applaud you for opening up to her in the first place, credit where do on that now. That is a big step as far as I am concerned. Being a girl myself, I might need some time to process this new information, take it in and try to seee what the future going foe=rward might look like. with this new "change" in the relationship. It is my hope that with a little time she will come to the understanding that if it is something important to you, and you are important to her, then she will find some way to accept it at least on some level. I might tend to sit back a bit if I were you and just see where she takes it from there? Best of luck to you and yours.

 

[I12BLittle89]

Safaridaze and I have been talking DM about this. I seem to have come to the conclusion that for me. For now, it’s easier to find aspects of being little that don’t involve diapers and see if that scratches my itch. My wife doesn’t approve of my little side but strangely enough has me sit in her lap and hold me before going to sleep most nights. She strokes my hair to soothe me. Encourages me to watch children’s movies that I show interest in. Talks lovey dovey towards me like one would to a young child. So these seem to satisfy, for now. I am willing to let go of the diapers if we’re both happy. I’m just trying to give up diapers somehow. That way I’m not living in secret. Because I can get found out and betray her trust.

 

[eastcoastdl24]

My advice is to sit down and have an open discussion as to what is acceptable. I told my now wife about my liking for diapers and at first she was a little shocked but said that it was definitely not a deal breaker. I had already shown her enough how much I cared for her. We sat down and she laid out some simple ground rules like don’t leave dirty diapers laying around and make sure i put them in the trash. To make sure we don’t fall behind on our bills because i am buying more diapers. Simple stuff like that. The first few times wearing around her was a little awkward for me (and i assume her too) but after a month or so i got used to it. She knows that i will usually sleep in a diaper when i don’t have to work the next morning so now she is more shocked when i am not wearing a diaper to bed and off the next day. The one funny thing that she said is that she wished I had told her earlier because it would have made our car trips a lot easier if i had been wearing because we had to make frequent stops for me to go to the bathroom. She does not partake but has no problem if i walk around the house in just a diaper like a toddler or diapered up with my footed pajamas on. So once again my biggest advice would be to sit down and have an open conversation about it. You already got the hardest part out of the way by telling her about it. You never know she might think it’s kind of cute at times.

 

[BBBen]

Hi @safaridaze
Life is a journey and you'll never know where it goes. Realy would you have told me before 15 years i would diaper me up most of nights and wear frealy around my wife and be very active here, i wouldnt have believed it.
Once i was in a relationship i had to hide. She said she accepts but didnt want to involved and see. After more than 8 years of hiding it wasnt good for my own accepting and i couldnt be the one who iam. Its only a part of my full self, but its a part. And to subpress this part had a bad influence of all.
Also i would say do small steps, i think hiding isnt only posdible for a small time. There will be some point that it be present in evry area of your life. And although i do wear now openly in another relationship, it feeled more balanced out than ever. Yeah relationship is more than diapers. But its a part of you. And there are some things both of you have to accept.

Have a good journey and feel free to PM me and ask.

 

[tango79]

After living with 4 girls over the years that knew, I honestly don't have that much advice. The first girl I told (common-law wife for 2 1/2 yrs) eventually came around to acceptance and then curiosity after the initial shock. The second was DL herself so that doesn't count. The third was my C/L Wife and then Wife for a total of 10 yrs. I told her before we moved in together but not before we had dated for about 8 months. She was the least OK with it and I spent those 10 years hiding everything. It wasn't what ended our marriage but I'm sure that it didn't help and I am pretty sure the friction reduced our intimacy. My current and final wife (I am not doing it again if this ever falls apart) I told before we were first intimate. I was very up front in the beginning when walking away was a minor inconvenience and not painful. This has paid off. Together we have been able to explore both our kinks and interests and have found middle ground that is very satisfying for both of us. Nothing like what I would have expected but a very mutually beneficial, caring and exciting life. Over 10 yrs now and still strong and honest and open. I couldn't really ask for a better outcome really.

Give it some time and see how it goes. Lots of good advice in here. I guess my lesson is not to make the same mistake again. I put my cards on the table very early and was willing to let a fantastic opportunity go. It has paid off but I it hasn't in other cases. I was just not willing to live miserably anymore. Possibly a side effect of hitting rock bottom before leaving my first wife.

 

[PadPhilosopher]

Made me smile - thanks. I find it had for me to imagine. I have been thinking about diapers since I was 4 or 5. So from my life experience, it is hard to grasp how odd it must be. Especially since out in the wild, I am more of an Alpha male and this is 100% different than that version of me.

There's nothing wrong with needing a break from hero work.

 

[Heven]

Strongly recommend buying a copy of "You're Not Broken" by Dr. Rhoda Lipscomb. Read the whole thing, and then consider sharing with your partner. There's a chapter written specifically for significant others, and it's wonderful.