Diapers and your emotional quality of life

[Edgewater]

Hey all, thanks for your input. In trying to capture and reply to everyone, I think we all compartmentalize or harden ourselves in our challenges as @ltaluv says, and I wonder whether in doing so, I (we) create greater emotional stress swings; am I resistant/raging or accepting? That’s not saying to give in rather, to acknowledge it as part of other issues (@Pino). I guess it is okay to be both.

@Lethdale and everyone, thanks for your comments.

@Pino, no doubt as you have said in the past, there are other more important issues. Yet it takes a disproportionate amount of one’s emotional time. At least it feels like it.

I have near 46 years of experience with my style of being 24/7, U-IC as a result of a car crash and its resulting surgeries! During my short hospital stay, I saw what other like victims of a car crash are left to deal with for a life time. My wearing diapers everyday for the balance of my life is simple. I have it easy and as a result of that knowledge my quality of life is EXCELLENT! I simply clean-up and put on a fresh diaper!! Life is GOOD!!

My first time out and about, I was wearing flat baby cloth diapers with Drug Store plastic pants! There was zero question I was waddling and I was wearing a diaper!! Short of the hose and bag, it was all that was available, at that time.

With today's vast assortment of product available, wearing protection that hides under one's clothing with ease! That makes acceptance that much easier!! It is not that you are physically wearing a diaper and a diaper cover that is the issue, it is what you allow your mind to make it into!!! Get over yourself!! Life is way too short!

I understand the shock of becoming IC. I understand the shock it causes when 'life' changes on a point. But, it is only yet another distraction in one's life! Yes, it can be humiliating, embarrassing, belittling of one's self. But, the reality is; life is much greater, far more enjoyable than if it ends and not have enjoying every moment! I have no fear of death and when my turn occurs, I will go onward to a much better place. But, while I am here, I will wake to the joy of yet another day, live this day to its fullest, enjoying my interactions with others and taking a moment to let them know how important they are to me!

 

[Deleted member 59603]

I have many ups and downs with my emotions, I see a therapist weekly and have been for a couple of years now. I also recently went through an outpatient program where I attended group therapy for depression and anxiety. At this program, I was prescribed anti-depressants which I continue to take daily. So incontinence and my illness in general is a constant struggle, emotionally. But I improve slowly, I’ve become much less anxious and depressed since the outpatient program. I’ve gone from only getting delivery and staying in my house, to short outings and even overnight trips in diapers.

 

[daylight]

@fancydancey that is awesome , glad you seeking help and building confidence. Congratulations on getting out there.

 

[Tenaman]

I wet the bed as a child and occasionally into my teens. Then I fractured my neck in two places in my mid 20s and from that point on started to wet the bed again. Subsequent spinal issues have led to further IC issues and I now wear nappies 24/7. But I could so easily have been paralysed from the neck down.

 

[schooner]

Due to "Tarlov Cysts" on my S3 sacral nerve root I have had life-long severe OAB (urgency, frequency and wetting) as well as detrusor sphincter dyssynergia (DSD), which came more recently. The experimental treatment for the DSD, resinferitoxin (RTX) injections and pulse RF nerve ablation on the external sphincter, worked well but left me with very little sphincter tone. Although I had enough tone for the bladder to fill normally, any abdominal contractions (coughing, sneezing, laughing, etc.) and even the slightest bladder contraction resulted in significant bladder leakage.

As a child I was a chronic wetter, and absent effective diapers for older kids at the time, I became an expert at hiding my accidents. I had a love/hate relationship with the flannel lined plastic pants that I could wear over my underwear. They helped somewhat but still had a tendency to leak. This condition ran in my extended family and several relatives had what I had, so it wasn't all that unexpected, and the only shame or lack of understanding I endured was self-inflicted. Long family trips were pretty challenging such that when I said that I had to go to the bathroom while we were in traffic (this was before rest stops), Mom would usually say that it was okay to just wet my pants since I could seldom hold it until we made it to a bathroom and I would end up wetting my pants anyway. Urging me to "hold it" was frustrating for me and generally pointless. Oddly, the fear or anticipation of an accident was worse than the actual accident, and I would actually be relieved once I accepted what was going to happen, and let it happen.

Life has improved dramatically with the availability of premium disposable diapers, booster pads and high quality plastic pants. Over the years I have literally tried everything, but it has only been within the last twenty years or so that my emotional quality of life has reached this high. Part of it is that I accept the reality of wearing diapers...even the best diapers can leak occasionally, the bulk of my diapers and plastic pants is noticeable, even under properly fitted clothing, diapers and plastic pants make noise when I move around, changing in public is a real pain and people are going to find out, especially your kids and my wife's five sisters (women never miss anything)! I would have to say that my emotional quality of life is mostly impacted by my very understanding wife. Without her support, this would be much more difficult.

 

[Wetshisbed]

Due to "Tarlov Cysts" on my S3 sacral nerve root I have had life-long severe OAB (urgency, frequency and wetting) as well as detrusor sphincter dyssynergia (DSD), which came more recently. The experimental treatment for the DSD, resinferitoxin (RTX) injections and pulse RF nerve ablation on the external sphincter, worked well but left me with very little sphincter tone. Although I had enough tone for the bladder to fill normally, any abdominal contractions (coughing, sneezing, laughing, etc.) and even the slightest bladder contraction resulted in significant bladder leakage.

As a child I was a chronic wetter, and absent effective diapers for older kids at the time, I became an expert at hiding my accidents. I had a love/hate relationship with the flannel lined plastic pants that I could wear over my underwear. They helped somewhat but still had a tendency to leak. This condition ran in my extended family and several relatives had what I had, so it wasn't all that unexpected, and the only shame or lack of understanding I endured was self-inflicted. Long family trips were pretty challenging such that when I said that I had to go to the bathroom while we were in traffic (this was before rest stops), Mom would usually say that it was okay to just wet my pants since I could seldom hold it until we made it to a bathroom and I would end up wetting my pants anyway. Urging me to "hold it" was frustrating for me and generally pointless. Oddly, the fear or anticipation of an accident was worse than the actual accident, and I would actually be relieved once I accepted what was going to happen, and let it happen.

Life has improved dramatically with the availability of premium disposable diapers, booster pads and high quality plastic pants. Over the years I have literally tried everything, but it has only been within the last twenty years or so that my emotional quality of life has reached this high. Part of it is that I accept the reality of wearing diapers...even the best diapers can leak occasionally, the bulk of my diapers and plastic pants is noticeable, even under properly fitted clothing, diapers and plastic pants make noise when I move around, changing in public is a real pain and people are going to find out, especially your kids and my wife's five sisters (women never miss anything)! I would have to say that my emotional quality of life is mostly impacted by my very understanding wife. Without her support, this would be much more difficult.

I know just what you mean about childhood pants wetting. Knowing it is unavoidable is worse than the result. I never had any medical diagnosis for my constant bedwetting and almost daily pants wetting when I was a kid.

 

[antgjuy]

I became urinary incontinent as the result of unexpected complications following surgery when I was 14 years old in 1956. Fortunately, I have never had any problem with bowel incontinence. However, urinary incontinence as a young teenager was emotionally devastating. I have never attempted suicide, but my emotional situation as a teenager led me to contemplate it almost continuously. I just didn't have the nerve to actually do it.

My incontinence started well before the advent of disposable diapers. So I had to use cloth diapers with rubber or plastic pants until some time in the middle 1990s. Dealing with cloth diapers was a major source of angst. Using a diaper pail to reduce odours and laundering diapers at least twice a week were chores that I despised, especially when I was in university. And keeping at least some other people from finding out about my incontinence has not been possible. The best I have been able to do has been to keep the issue something that only family members and a few close friends know about.

The advent of good disposable diapers in the 1990s made incontinence management much simpler and less aversive, and the ongoing enormous improvements in disposable products has made things progressively easier. The invention of the super-absorbent polymers has meant that many fewer changes are needed; and leaks have stopped being something to contend with on a daily and nightly basis.

Adapting to and finding effective ways to manage my incontinence have made leading a reasonably successful professional life and a reasonably happy personal life possible. Incontinence is something that I've dealt with and managed for 68 years. And that wealth of experience is something that makes living with in continence in my 80s much easier for me than for than for people who become incontinent for the first time in their old age.

 

[schooner]

I became urinary incontinent as the result of unexpected complications following surgery when I was 14 years old in 1956. Fortunately, I have never had any problem with bowel incontinence. However, urinary incontinence as a young teenager was emotionally devastating. I have never attempted suicide, but my emotional situation as a teenager led me to contemplate it almost continuously. I just didn't have the nerve to actually do it.

My incontinence started well before the advent of disposable diapers. So I had to use cloth diapers with rubber or plastic pants until some time in the middle 1990s. Dealing with cloth diapers was a major source of angst. Using a diaper pail to reduce odours and laundering diapers at least twice a week were chores that I despised, especially when I was in university. And keeping at least some other people from finding out about my incontinence has not been possible. The best I have been able to do has been to keep the issue something that only family members and a few close friends know about.

The advent of good disposable diapers in the 1990s made incontinence management much simpler and less aversive, and the ongoing enormous improvements in disposable products has made things progressively easier. The invention of the super-absorbent polymers has meant that many fewer changes are needed; and leaks have stopped being something to contend with on a daily and nightly basis.

Adapting to and finding effective ways to manage my incontinence have made leading a reasonably successful professional life and a reasonably happy personal life possible. Incontinence is something that I've dealt with and managed for 68 years. And that wealth of experience is something that makes living with in continence in my 80s much easier for me than for than for people who become incontinent for the first time in their old age.

You have me beat by a few years as I was born the year of your surgery. Although my severe OAB did make life difficult, I had enough control that I was able to get by with flannel-lined plastic pants. The effect of the cysts on my S3 sacral nerve root lead to an increase my symptoms so that by the mid-eighties I was transitioning to cloth diapers when the first disposable adult diapers started appearing in drug stores. In retrospect I think that the cloth diapers were better than those early disposables that tended to readily leak due to the absence of SAPs, and both required plastic pants. As you pointed out, the introduction of SAPs lead to significant improvements and reliability for disposables, and internet sales and marketing enhanced availability. While a lifetime of incontinence has presented some challenges, through those challenges my family and I have acquired far more empathy for those suffering adversity than we might otherwise have.

 

[daylight]

While a lifetime of incontinence has presented some challenges, through those challenges my family and I have acquired far more empathy for those suffering adversity than we might otherwise have.

Some people are natural born empathy-ists while, others need life challenges to realize it. Only if more people developed this skill.

 

[fredy552]

I can sit and have no feeling of urgency (or any sense at all) until I stand up and then KERPOW! it's an immediate compulsion to pee. I leak and spurt into my pullups/diaper depending on what I am wearing in my day.
I also notice that my bladder will trouble me if I have a task to do that is slightly stressful and time consuming....then I can be bothered every 15 minutes or so.
Crazy.

Lethdale Yes me too just this morning I only have to use my diapers for wetting. I had to go poop and change my wet diaper. I come downstairs and take the dog out and bam I am wetting my just-changed diaper no notice I am tinkling. Or I feel the urge and wait and wait and I get up to go and use the toilet because I am still dry and not peeing and nothing happening pull my diaper and plastic pants down and dribble 4 drops!!!! Other times I am like a river flowing with very little notice! I will not even talk about my night diaper I am like a baby and soak my diapers with a booster and plastic pants. As for the quality of life, I have pretty much come to terms with it all. As for my wife, I think she has come to terms with my wearing, and she is sneeze incontinent of which pads work for her. I will say this I do everything I did before I became incontinent and more.
As I have said before This forum and others thru this have been great for my mind and body.

 

[Lethdale]

Lethdale Yes me too just this morning I only have to use my diapers for wetting. I had to go poop and change my wet diaper. I come downstairs and take the dog out and bam I am wetting my just-changed diaper no notice I am tinkling. Or I feel the urge and wait and wait and I get up to go and use the toilet because I am still dry and not peeing and nothing happening pull my diaper and plastic pants down and dribble 4 drops!!!! Other times I am like a river flowing with very little notice! I will not even talk about my night diaper I am like a baby and soak my diapers with a booster and plastic pants. As for the quality of life, I have pretty much come to terms with it all. As for my wife, I think she has come to terms with my wearing, and she is sneeze incontinent of which pads work for her. I will say this I do everything I did before I became incontinent and more.
As I have said before This forum and others thru this have been great for my mind and body.

I feel your pain
There's no apparent logic to any of it, is there?

 

[fredy552]

I feel your pain
There's no apparent logic to any of it, is there?

Nope, and my doctor is pushing Meds I said no I will manage with diapers and plastic pants. They have no idea why and neither do I a while I went for a little over a week completely dry and then out of nowhere, I wet myself. Thank Goodness I was home.

 

[Lethdale]

Nope, and my doctor is pushing Meds I said no I will manage with diapers and plastic pants. They have no idea why and neither do I a while I went for a little over a week completely dry and then out of nowhere, I wet myself. Thank Goodness I was home.

I get it..totally...hardly a peep out of my bladder today.
Tomorrow? Who knows

 

[daylight]

…. had to go poop and change my wet diaper. I come downstairs and take the dog out and bam I am wetting my just-changed diaper no notice I am tinkling. Or I feel the urge and wait and …

I am sure there is a technical reason why. Happens a lot too, a feeling of being unstable down below lasts a few minutes to a hour. Spontaneous voids, drips, sensations, and spasms.

I believe it is tied to the pelvic floor muscles and nerves of the region being weakened and over sensitive, respectively.

Always a crap shoot what you get.

 

[nedkelly]

i have ulcerative proctitis (like colitis but only in the rectal area) and on days where my meds aren't working and im in a flare, ill get the feeling to poop a lot, but will never poop myself, i still own diapers for pleasure though, but i have worn them around the home on those flare days just in case i cant make it to the toilet

 

[Karoq]

When I first became incontinent to the point I needed nappies I was depressed but my wife who is always very pragmatic told me in no uncertain terms to stop moping about wear a nappy and plastic pants and get on with my life. She told me straight my bedwetting didnt bother in the slightest and if I had to wear nappies during the day so what.
Even after a while of wearing nappies when it dawned on her I was becoming DL she just said if it helps you cope where is the harm. 10 years on and wearing nappies all the time is just normal now.

My wife is also really accepting and pragmatic and I feel so belated to have her - remarried 5 years ago in our mid 50’s. My first wife never could get my need to wear nappies at night which was genuine as I was a late bedwetter as a child then developed bladder control issues in my early 40’s following spinal injury and surgery.

I’ve been back in nappies at night for best part of the last 20 years. I need them but I’ve also grown to embrace the security and comfort of nappy wearing and at 62 I’ve been having more and more daytime urge issues and accidents too. I sometimes feel bad for being like this and the fact that I’m “like a small child who has accidents” and feel she deserves more of a man in her life.

However, she tells me off for thinking like that and from day one she has been totally accepting of my nappy wearing and like your wife, just tells me to do what I need to do and get on with life, also reassuring me over and over again that it does not bother her. As she says, she would much rather have wet nappies to deal with than wet / ruined bed and she appreciates she doesn’t get her sleep disturbed by me getting up in the night for the toilet. She washes and dries my cloth nappies and plastic pants when I wear them (I much prefer cloth for comfort and reliability at night ) but I change and clean myself. That said, despite embarrassment in our first year together about her seeing me nappies, I no longer feel like that and I am comfortable wearing and changing in front of her or walking around upstairs in just a nappy and a t-shirt. She playfully teases me and occasionally comments that I am still her sexy man but that I have to wear my special pants ! She will still touch me sexually in my nappy and uses humour to make me feel better about my situation. For example she will say things like “I think you should have a nappy on when we go out as you know you will be struggling to keep your pants dry if we can’t find a toilet quickly, babes” and “I think you’ve peed for England in the night soggy pants… I think my big baby needs to change”. - true comments !

 

[LifeInPlastic]

Having tested alternatives like catheters and urinal condoms diapers are just the most reliable, secure and convenient way to deal with incontinence. Once you get reliant and high absorbent diapers you can enjoy most of your life worry free. That's to the ABDL community I began to see diapers more positive. They are an enabler not a hinderance. It's all about developing a positive mindset.

Cheers

 

[NotTheAverageMan]

Been dealing with OAB / urge incontinence for years, tried everything medication, bladder training, timed voiding etc. to no avail. Recently also diagnosed with interstitial cystitis which really impacted my bladder control to the worse, meaning I have absolutely no bladder control anymore. I don’t feel my bladder filling up and I get strong urges out of the blue, which I cannot stop, regardless if I’m sitting in my couch, driving or laying down. When my bladder contracts it just forces the content out, and if I try to fight the contraction in my bladder it becomes very uncomfortable, so I have no choice but to let go which means I’m very much depends on decent diapers. Luckily I get tena diapers on prescription.
How has being incontinent and diaper dependent impacted my life? On a normal day I just carry on my day to day business.

However if I have to attend events where I know changing is difficult / impossible I have to rely on thicker and more absorbent diapers. In these instances I’m very observant whether it can be seen I’m wearing a diaper.
The Tena diapers I get on prescription are very discrete and not at all visible, so here I have no concern at all.

How has being incontinent and reliant on diapers impacted my quality of life? Besides the situations where heavier protection is required, I must admit I’m coping and doing ok. Sure, I’d rather not having to rely on diapers, but it’s not the end of the world for me. I have dealt with more serious health issues, and recovered, which makes my incontinence issues seem as less as an issue.

 

[daylight]

How has being incontinent and reliant on diapers impacted my quality of life? Besides the situations where heavier protection is required, I must admit I’m coping and doing ok. Sure, I’d rather not having to rely on diapers, but it’s not the end of the world for me. I have dealt with more serious health issues, and recovered, which makes my incontinence issues seem as less as an issue.

I was listening to a discussion on habituation and dehabituation and how we can adjust (reduced response/awareness) to constant/frequent conditions. How our mind can compartmentalize and hide as ways of adapting to both good and bad.

Good in dealing with the stress and management of incontinence or other health issues can be better tolerated over time. Bad in that it can inhibit trying new things to help cure or manage conditions and/or symptoms.

I think my conditions and symptoms are lessened but, still there, I don't escape it completely but, it can be lessened or backgrounded at times. However, like dehabituation, being thrown into new situations recreates the heightened stressors and awareness.

 

[Tenaman]

Emotionally, making the decision to wear nappies to manage my incontinence was a turning point. I had tried various medications without success, as well as catheters and leg bags but kept on getting UTIs and had problems with the ‘condom catheter’ things coming off or the tube to the leg bag kinking and then the whole thing leaking. I was supported by my specialist continence nurse. I don’t recall adult pull ups being available and anyway they would not have coped with my heavy bladder loss. I have been wearing nappies for the last 35 years initially to manage my bed wetting but now 24/7 as my bladder problems worsened. As products improved my confidence grew and now wearing nappies is just part of my normal underwear that allows me to live a full and active life. After my initial spinal injury in my mid 20s and the subsequent loss of control it was very lonely and staying away overnight was absolutely out. I fought shy of forming relationships too as who wants to go out with someone who has to wear nappies? After a while I confided in a couple of close female friends who were very understanding and supportive and then six years later I met my now wife of 30 years. Only a handful of friends know that I am incontinent and wear nappies and of course there are still challenges - changing at work, in public places or if with friends who don’t know and having to pack sufficient nappies for trips and holidays without it being noticeable. Thanks to forums such as this one can share experiences and know one is not alone.