Confused About My Wants/Needs

[SourPatchSquid]

I've found diapers relaxing for as long as I can remember. One of my most vivid childhood memories, is getting a lecture from my mom when I requested to be put back into pull-ups. I couldn't have been any older than 5. I've carried that shame with me ever since, continually going through purge/binge cycles. I struggle with anxiety, when it's really bad I have a hard time with interoception, to the point of struggling to know when/if my bladder needs relieved. So not only have diapers been a comfort thing, there's a security aspect for me as well. During purge cycles or when I'm faking it, I just "tough it out" which is no fun, and can take the enjoyment out of enjoyable activities. My biggest purge, was right before I got in my current relationship 4 years ago. I wasn't brave enough to bring it up at the time, even though I had become comfortable with wearing them somewhat regularly, when I needed to. About a year into the relationship, we had a moment where we opened up about some things that we had never really discussed. I brought up the diapers. They said, "That doesn't bother me at all, if you wanted to go buy some right now I'd say go for it." I was shocked, not the response that my shame had led me to believe would happen. However, I didn't believe it. I didn't bring it up again for a while. I started going to therapy, and I started to discuss it there. My therapist helped me through some of the shame. I finally brought it up with my partner again, and the next time we were shopping, they talked me through buying some. I was too ashamed to ever wear them though, and here's where it gets confusing. My partner brought them up in an argument. They said, "If you're going to act like a child, go put on a diaper." I've brought it up once since then, and I was told it was fine, but then my partner went on to ramble about how they weren't sure they were attracted to it, even though I reassured it's non-sexual for me, and that it wouldn't be "all the time" just when I needed it. They went on to say they'd have a hard time seeing me in a diaper and thinking "Wow, that's my partner." and brought up caring for their grandmother who wore depends. I'm not sure which reaction to believe, or if maybe they're just reacting to the stigma, and need more time to get used to the idea. Either way I'm scared to bring it up again, which is a bummer because I really want to be excited about the new XL Goodnites

 

[messydiaper]

In my experience, attractions to wear diapers never goes away. So if I were you I'd be trying to find a way to wear when you want to wear. Long term if your partner can't accept that, it's better knowing this sooner than later.

Wearing a diaper harms no one.

I'm 50 something and my wife knows I enjoy wearing diapers because it's a fetish of mine. When I asked her what advice she would give to partners of other people who find out about their partners' diaper fetish, she said, "Life is too short. Wearing a diaper doesn't harm anyone Get over it!"

 

[tauno]

I'm sure there is some behavior or kink your partner enjoys that you are less than pleased about. You should not expect your partner to come to terms with this in a short period of time, but I think eventually you will work it out. Don't make it a big deal, it's a part of you but it doesn't control your life and it shouldn't affect how you view your partner of how they view you. They may be ok with you wearing, but they may not want to see it. Nobody can read minds, so the only way to figure out what they're willing to work with is by having open conversations where you both share your feelings. Shaming one another is not productive or healthy

 

[odd1inSyde]

You don't sound confused about it to me. You know you want & need it every now and then, and have always wanted/needed it.

 

[SourPatchSquid]

The good news, I opened up to my partner more about my needs. The bad news? It was during an argument and they asked "What my deal was" and why I've been angry/closed off.

 

[munkey]

intrigued….

As no two people are the same, the only advice I can give is.. be vulnerable, open up and communicate. Something I’ve personally found to work, as leading by example typically does.

It’s very difficult but think of your partner as a reactive sponge, when you feel or treat something a certain way they may too. Example: if ABDL brings you shame and you have to hide it, you partner may think it’s worse then it is.

If you can enlighten your partner it may help bring you closer together as a couple as it tuypcally does. Wearing a diaper around someone, specially when they’re accepting of it is very vulnerable act, don’t get me started on being changed. I would suggest first by asking her maybe some questions about how much she wants to know or interact with and go from there.

There are a lot of podcasts and forums on this subject. I found my partner over a year ago and when I told her I also asked her to read the chapter in Dr Lipscomb’s book on telling a partner. There can be lots of questions, if you can’t answer be honest with your partner as your on this journey TOGETHER .

Depending on so many things you… may have to accept that she may not want to participate. Then again… maybe she will? -shakes magic 8 ball- sorry it said ask later.

 

[Harut]

Sounds like your partner is the one with the issue not you. I understand binge purge very well. Have done it many times with trash more stuff than I care to admit. Out of all of my relationships I have brought it up to, not a one used it against me. It was not their thing but they wanted it to be apart of me and us. My now spouse was very accepting to say the least. It’s been a bumpy 11 years but I will say it’s accepted. They enjoy me being in them just about as much as I do. Even if it’s not their fetish. If they truly love you, you will be attractive no matter what to them. Keep your head up, be proud of who you are, and love yourself and others.

 

[WeldItUp]

I can't offer any advice here, but I do want to express my appreciation for these threads. It helped me determine the right time and the right way to have the conversation with my current interest.