Bizarre ritual my aide in kindergarten had me do

[PrettyLilPrincess]

Up until I was in second grade or so, I was actively trying to be toilet trained by the adults in my life, and that included at school. An aide would regularly take me to the nurse’s office restroom to see if I was clean and would have me try to go. Being encopretic, I had no idea when my BM’s were happening. Believe it or not I wasn’t actually trying to have accidents, but they happened anyway, much to the frustration of my parents and teachers. Anyway, the first time within a day I’d have an accident, it wouldn’t count, and my aide would clean me up, put me in a fresh pair of undies, and we’d go back to class as usual.
The second time it happened within a day, however...
My aide would take me to another classroom, one with younger students, sit me in a corner, look at me, and say “you poop in the toilet, not in your pants. Practice.” All with a stern tone, might I add. Then she’d take me to the restroom and I’d pull my pants down, try to go, whole song and dance. We’d go back to the classroom, and repeat the process.
At least 4-5 more times.
I’m not kidding.
Most of the time during this “ritual” I was in tears.
I wonder who thought this was a good idea.
What did they think I’d gain from this?
Does anyone else have any stories similar to this?

 

[slimjiminy]

frustration of my parents and teachers

The main problem is that those in charge (the parents and teachers) didn't know what was going on. The assumption made by most parents and teachers is that the little one is not trying or cooperating. Would a doctor today be able to run a test on that child and conclusively decide that there was a medical problem? Or not? Maybe in some cases but in the majority, I believe not. This is what makes it so difficult. No one knows for sure.

Given the "unknowns" then, the correct response is to assume that the child wants to cooperate but can't for some reason. It's not a happy situation on either side of that parent/child equation. I realize you're just relating your story but sometimes I think people are too hard on the parents. Especially those, that have never been a parent.

 

[Zeke]

Up until I was in second grade or so, I was actively trying to be toilet trained by the adults in my life, and that included at school. An aide would regularly take me to the nurse’s office restroom to see if I was clean and would have me try to go. Being encopretic, I had no idea when my BM’s were happening. Believe it or not I wasn’t actually trying to have accidents, but they happened anyway, much to the frustration of my parents and teachers. Anyway, the first time within a day I’d have an accident, it wouldn’t count, and my aide would clean me up, put me in a fresh pair of undies, and we’d go back to class as usual.
The second time it happened within a day, however...
My aide would take me to another classroom, one with younger students, sit me in a corner, look at me, and say “you poop in the toilet, not in your pants. Practice.” All with a stern tone, might I add. Then she’d take me to the restroom and I’d pull my pants down, try to go, whole song and dance. We’d go back to the classroom, and repeat the process.
At least 4-5 more times.
I’m not kidding.
Most of the time during this “ritual” I was in tears.
I wonder who thought this was a good idea.
What did they think I’d gain from this?
Does anyone else have any stories similar to this?

Wasn’t this “aide” sort of “closing the barn door after the cows were out” by doing this after you’d had your second movement of the day?

 

[PrettyLilPrincess]

Wasn’t this “aide” sort of “closing the barn door after the cows were out” by doing this after you’d had your second movement of the day?

 

[Hemix]

That's terrible! Children are in a very fragile stage of life and they can be traumatized easier than you expect.

I was a poop holder because they violated my privacy with many family members around when I was trying to poop on the toilet, so you can imagine...

 

[iam32bit]

Hugs, this kind of stuff affects you for the rest of your life. Repressed memories and Trauma. It was a form of abuse even if it was good intentions. How long did it take for your family to fully grasp your condition and stop this abuse?

 

[PrettyLilPrincess]

Hugs, this kind of stuff affects you for the rest of your life. Repressed memories and Trauma. It was a form of abuse even if it was good intentions. How long did it take for your family to fully grasp your condition and stop this abuse?

Thanks man, I appreciate it.

It stopped for the most part when my parents eventually decided to put me back in pull-ups full time, around second grade as I said. Sure, there were biofeedback sessions here and there, and rarely, discussions about using the toilet, but nothing to my memory as bad as when I was trying to be trained.

 

[iam32bit]

Thanks man, I appreciate it.

It stopped for the most part when my parents eventually decided to put me back in pull-ups full time, around second grade as I said. Sure, there were biofeedback sessions here and there, and rarely, discussions about using the toilet, but nothing to my memory as bad as when I was trying to be trained.

No problem, i am a lady not a man

My therpist has mentioned biofeedback for my trauma unrelated to Incontinence. How has that helped you? Did you find it worth it?

 

[PrettyLilPrincess]

No problem, i am a lady not a man

My therpist has mentioned biofeedback for my trauma unrelated to Incontinence. How has that helped you? Did you find it worth it?

I haven’t had biofeedback in years, and when I did I certainly didn’t notice a difference.

 

[puravidadip]

The main problem is that those in charge (the parents and teachers) didn't know what was going on. The assumption made by most parents and teachers is that the little one is not trying or cooperating. Would a doctor today be able to run a test on that child and conclusively decide that there was a medical problem? Or not? Maybe in some cases but in the majority, I believe not. This is what makes it so difficult. No one knows for sure.

Given the "unknowns" then, the correct response is to assume that the child wants to cooperate but can't for some reason. It's not a happy situation on either side of that parent/child equation. I realize you're just relating your story but sometimes I think people are too hard on the parents. Especially those, that have never been a parent.

Yes but shaming is never a good solution. Especially to this degree.

 

[slimjiminy]

Yes but shaming is never a good solution. Especially to this degree.

I'm not saying that it is. If however the conclusive information was known, this would not likely occur in the first place.

 

[BrattyPrincessSophie]

That kind of treatment really grinds my gears. So much I'm seeing sparks flying. You have to treat these situations with patience and understanding, neither of which were displayed in the way you were treated and if I were the principal of that school then and caught that aide doing that I would have fired her on the spot. No 3 strikes for that kind of behavior in my book. You work there to educate children, not traumatize and humiliate them. She would do well to remember that and hopefully learn her lesson. If not, may she forever serve as a living example of what NOT to do.

 

[Cottontail]

We have a niece who used to spend her summers with us, from ages 8 to 16. She dealt with encopresis on and off for about two years in her early teens. Infuriatingly, her mom told us nothing of this in advance, and we were at least two weeks into dealing with poop accidents when my wife finally had the awkward “What’s up with your kid?” conversation with her sister. By that time, of course, niece felt humiliated and had begun hiding in her bedroom.

It turned out the problem was not new. Niece had been having accidents for months, but hadn’t seen a doctor. It was guessed that she was just being lazy, and that staying with family away from home would somehow snap her out of it. Damn.

Anyway, by the time we found that out, we’d already made a habit of strongly urging her to use the bathroom at various points throughout the day, canceled several outings, and were making no secret of the fact that we were getting annoyed. Neither wife nor I had ever heard of encopresis or anything similar, and couldn’t understand why a teenage kid we’d known for years suddenly (seemingly) couldn’t be bothered to go to the bathroom to poop.

That’s one of those things I’d deal with differently now if I could, and certainly would have dealt with differently then if I’d known. I think it damaged our relationship with niece, who didn’t seem as close after that summer. She was still having accidents the following summer, but had been instructed in how to manage them herself.

Things are better now than ever for people who deal with this stuff, but there’s still plenty of ignorance out there, and I’ve certainly been guilty.

 

[chrischrischris]

Yeah my child hood wetting was made worse by humiation by teachers if I wet my self at school made to wear girls knickers so embarrassing