Babi3d

[noahVmiller]

I refuse to be scared of who I am anymore. I also refuse to let other people's judgments bother me. I live in fear, afraid to admit what I really want or need and the truth is I need a mommy's love.

I've never been close with my mom mostly because I hardly remember anything sentimental from my childhood, and I honestly cant even remember the last time I "cuddled" with her, let anyone in my family. I've spent most of my life past middle school talking to my dad because my mom will pass the phone to my dad. I'm not saying this is a bad thing, it just reaffirms the gaping hole in my heart that I truly just want and need the love from a mommy's heart.

I should clarify something...I have been angry at my parents, pointing out their flaws lately because I've realized I am 25 years old and still living without any form of unconditional present in my life. It upsets to look back on my life and relive some of the harsh memories, and it would be a completely different story if LOVE had been present - but it was all conditional. I don't wish revenge, spite, or resentment against my parents I just wish I could fill the voids of love in my heart with pure unconditional love from an accepting partner.

The truth is I want and need to regress - it's like the ultimate coping mechanism for me. Life isn't about keeping score, but I have been through so much and regressing allows me to let it all go. There's so much about my past I wish I could just forget and move on - regressing allows me to create new memories.

I crave and desire someone who can control me totally, and is accepting enough to regress me into a baby. I would love to be regressed long enough so that the "honey moon" phase wears off and I'm left in a dirty diaper. I already feel little in my everyday life but I want to be little. I know this might sound crazy to some, but it's part of my dna makeup I truly believe.

Curious how many others out there would consider regressing past the point of the honey moon stage. Granted, that's assuming you've found someone who keeps you there that long.

I need to preface this by saying...I can live and maintain a healthy lifestyle. WHen and if the day comes I find an accepting partner who actually sticks by my side through the thick and thin...I would never pressure them to "be in charge that long." I understand these are unrealistic expectations but its still fun to imagine.

 

[BenTennyson]

I can understand you to a degree. I feel that regression is my "coping mechanism" as well, and even for the same reason. The difference is that I'm ten years older and never ever talked to my dad.

I was in the same position of pointing out and being angry about stuff, but I'm at a point to have many stuff from the past just had shrugged off me.
Due to our coping mechanism. I view things from a different angle today. The emotional void was maybe my fault as well, not just my parents. My heart was closed up and I didn't show ANY emotions to neither dad nor mom. Dad is gone. My chance to say that I love him is gone. That might be a reason too for me to rethink my position.

Now please don't get me wrong, I am not assuming anything about you or your family. I am not saying that it might be your fault (partly) too. All I am trying to say is, that you can look into a brighter future. Your anger will vanish.

I firmly believe though that it is of utmost importance to accept AND love yourself as you are. Having a partner is fine, and so is regression, but to really come to terms with life, your history and yourself, you have to be your real self.
Just wanted to point that out, incase anyone reading this might think of regression as an ultimate weapon against anything. (However I must say that regression can help you in just doing that)

 

[bobbyboy]

Noah,
So in 1969 I stood up to receive my Eagle Scout award at a ceremony at my middle school. My mom and dad were on the stage with me. On stage, I tried to hug my mom. She did not respond, even pushed me away. Now, she was a great mom. She did all the work. But she was abused as a teenager, by the doctor whose children she was a nanny for. He subsequently put her through college. But her emotional response was limited. Now, she is 94 in a nursing home. She is demented and I miss her, because there is very little there.