A PhD study on nonsexual/regressive adult babies

[BlankieLover]

I think this is Mummy Grace's PhD thesis (runs a AB nursery in the UK). Amazing piece of research!

Correct. There are very few people with such a positive academic interest in ABDL. She is a trailblazer.

 

[mistykitty]

Correct. There are very few people with such a positive academic interest in ABDL. She is a trailblazer.

Very true words here. often when ABDL is is the spotlight it's not in a positive context. It's nice that someone is trying to understand it the right way.

 

[BlankieLover]

Very true words here. often when ABDL is is the spotlight it's not in a positive context. It's nice that someone is trying to understand it the right way.

The VICE documentary wasn't bad though I'm iffy on Mommy Kat.

 

[mistykitty]

This may apply to some AB/DLs but not all. Many of us live alone and that enables us to keep it a complete secret from others. Most of us on this site have said that they feel no real need to tell others that they either like or psychologically need to wear diapers. Some members however have expressed a desire to be found out, so we are indeed complicated.

I also question that many or some of us are AB/DL because of trauma or abuse. I wouldn't be surprised if all of us experience various kinds of trauma and abuse, not from parents and family, but because it's a cruel world. Yet the vast majority of people are not AB/DL. I wouldn't be surprised if there aren't a set of circumstances which happened to us at very early age that contributes to regression, because even if one doesn't think they regress, wanting to wear diapers, drink from a baby bottle, wear a onesie, etc. enables the participant to identify themselves to the age of an infant or toddler.

Trauma likely is part of the story in some cases. You're also right that it doesn't have to be limited to family or friends as the source. Humans are complex, ABDL's are humans so there is more than likely numerous contributing factors that change how it presents itself and how we ourselves learn and accept it as well as control exposure. I know I fall in the participate somewhat discreetly category for right now at least but you're right for others this isn't the case. But motivations for something are one of the most difficult things to pinpoint especially when they may be somewhat subconsciously established. I think you are definitely on the right track here though, it's not just one thing it's many and they all just happen to align in some variation creating an individual who may/will become abdl to some degree.

 

[foxkits]

Yeah, King Baby did us another disservice. They did the same thing to furries.

Darn they did it to me twice then.
Diaper lives matter

 

[BlankieLover]

This may apply to some AB/DLs but not all. Many of us live alone and that enables us to keep it a complete secret from others. Most of us on this site have said that they feel no real need to tell others that they either like or psychologically need to wear diapers. Some members however have expressed a desire to be found out, so we are indeed complicated.

I also question that many or some of us are AB/DL because of trauma or abuse. I wouldn't be surprised if all of us experience various kinds of trauma and abuse, not from parents and family, but because it's a cruel world. Yet the vast majority of people are not AB/DL. I wouldn't be surprised if there aren't a set of circumstances which happened to us at very early age that contributes to regression, because even if one doesn't think they regress, wanting to wear diapers, drink from a baby bottle, wear a onesie, etc. enables the participant to identify themselves to the age of an infant or toddler.

It's only recently that I've told two friends about it and I'm lucky they're so accepting of it. I don't need the whole world to know but it's really nice just having those one or two people see it as just part of who I am.

Certainly in my case, I believe trauma is at the root. My best guess is intergenerational trauma and trauma / neglect that happened when I was pre-verbal. It makes sense to me that if I missed out on the fundamental needs for love, care, closeness, soothing, protection etc at such a very young age, then being an ABDL and having a fantasy mummy is fulfilling an unmet need. It's also showing me what a good mother is, which in turn makes me kinder to myself.

 

[tango79]

This is incredibly thought provoking. I am a DL with diapers integrated into my sexual identity but I share much of what is being discussed her minus the full regression or AB configuration. In my case diapers provide a sense of security and relaxation, can and are often used outside of a sexual context, interests started before sexual identity was developed and were non-sexual until puberty. I can very much relate to much of the discussions here such as the dreams and constant thoughts if I take to long of a break (mostly non-sexual in nature but possibly arousing as my maps are more crossed than many AB's). I also experience the "integral part of my identity" and have no illusions that it could be removed without severe consequences.

My best theory is that my mother left when I was 2 years old and I was immediately motherless and put in daycare. This may have had several compounding effects, the obvious trauma, delayed and confusing toilet training, reduced care and affection etc. I was aware of my diaper desires as early as 5 years old and I have clear memories of wearing and using diapers and getting changed at preschool as old as 4. That was later reinforced when my father (whom I lived with) re-married and had more children, the first born when I was 7. I will admit, I was jealous of my siblings. My step mother did her best but there was always a difference in how I was treated. Like so many others, this was mapped onto my sexual map during puberty when I discovered how useful diapers are for self pleasure. I also have some autistic tendencies, being diagnosed with an early pre-curser to what we now today as ASD L1. But I was possibly sub clinical or right on the edge of a diagnosis by current ASD criteria.

Many of the roots seem to be similar but I did not develop the regression or little tendencies. I also do not share the longing for a care giver and any fantasies I have, sexual and non-sexual, are in an adult context. Although I think I understand how being a DL was cross mapped onto my sexual map, that did not diminish the non-sexual aspect in any way.

What are the overlaps, are the root causes the same mechanisms and why did I not develop regression tendencies. Is it a matter of degree? personality type? I have no idea.

 

[Kayleigh]

This is incredibly thought provoking. I am a DL with diapers integrated into my sexual identity but I share much of what is being discussed her minus the full regression or AB configuration. In my case diapers provide a sense of security and relaxation, can and are often used outside of a sexual context, interests started before sexual identity was developed and were non-sexual until puberty. I can very much relate to much of the discussions here such as the dreams and constant thoughts if I take to long of a break (mostly non-sexual in nature but possibly arousing as my maps are more crossed than many AB's). I also experience the "integral part of my identity" and have no illusions that it could be removed without severe consequences.

My best theory is that my mother left when I was 2 years old and I was immediately motherless and put in daycare. This may have had several compounding effects, the obvious trauma, delayed and confusing toilet training, reduced care and affection etc. I was aware of my diaper desires as early as 5 years old and I have clear memories of wearing and using diapers and getting changed at preschool as old as 4. That was later reinforced when my father (whom I lived with) re-married and had more children, the first born when I was 7. I will admit, I was jealous of my siblings. My step mother did her best but there was always a difference in how I was treated. Like so many others, this was mapped onto my sexual map during puberty when I discovered how useful diapers are for self pleasure. I also have some autistic tendencies, being diagnosed with an early pre-curser to what we now today as ASD L1. But I was possibly sub clinical or right on the edge of a diagnosis by current ASD criteria.

Many of the roots seem to be similar but I did not develop the regression or little tendencies. I also do not share the longing for a care giver and any fantasies I have, sexual and non-sexual, are in an adult context. Although I think I understand how being a DL was cross mapped onto my sexual map, that did not diminish the non-sexual aspect in any way.

What are the overlaps, are the root causes the same mechanisms and why did I not develop regression tendencies. Is it a matter of degree? personality type? I have no idea.

Tango:
I believe I share many of my dl traits / origins with you. I had a mother who was cold and unaffectionate and generally gave me attention when I needed to be changed. I had a younger brother and sister who received attention when they were being put in diapers while I had already been potty trained. In addition my baby sister was the daughter child my mother so wanted.
Consequently my diapers give me the affection i wanted as a child which I connected with diapers, either with my changing or the changing of my younger siblings. And my affections for girly outfits most likely are attempts to resolve not being the most desired child of my mother.
Was that trauma? Not in the usual sense, but rather what I guess could be called emotional trauma. I would characterize my childhood as somewhat idyllic, at least on the surface. I’ve had a reasonably successful life with my diapers and girly outfits being my most apparent deviation from the norm. Upon thinking about things, if I didn’t have the joy and relief of my diapers I don’t know how my life would be.
I also do not have any little or regression interests nor do I have any interest in a care giver. I believe I learned to suppress / minimize the need for affection as a coping mechanism which unfortunately has created relationship issues for me as a result. I find I want the affection but cannot handle it when it is given.
I am not familiar with autism so I cannot comment on any characteristics I may have in that arena, but I can be a bit OCD and can get distracted somewhat easily.

 

[DiaperedTeddyBear]

I'm up to the part about unexpected findings. In a section titled "The Prevalence of Diaper-Use in Child Services", she writes:

Though not overtly part of the research process, two serendipitous discoveries occurred when fellow PhD researchers shared their experiences. The first was when a peer stated they were researching diaper-use. Their research was prompted by a recognition that the young people in their care were engaging in diaper-use. The service they worked in was an educational setting for males with autism, for clients ranging in ages from 16-24. When asked how their colleagues perceived diaper use, they responded; “other people find the nappy [diaper] issue as disgusting and find the whole process odd and especially if the young person is living at home or away from home in a residential setting”. The quote above offers a frank insight into how diaper-use is viewed within clinical services, and it is telling that it is considered “disgusting” and “odd.”

I find it sad that people working with autistic teens and young adults would be disgusted by them wearing diapers. Incontinence is very common among people that are more severely affected by autism, and the lack of sympathy from professionals that work with that population, and who ought to be mindful of their autistic clients' unique needs, is discouraging.

She continues:

Additionally, a second peer within the Youth Justice Service outlined the case of a 17-year-old male who wore diapers. They went on to describe a work environment where staff had mixed approaches of how to address this client’s diaper-use, and diverse clinical opinions as to what it may mean. These vignettes are presented here, not as data but offered as a window into an unseen world; diaper-use is a hidden phenomenon, not just in society, but within juvenile care services. It is rare to find such candid insights, but there was a piece of literature which addressed staff attitudes in relation to diaper-use in adolescent care services (a residential treatment facility for juvenile sex offenders), a case report which stated the client being discussed at a staff intake meeting triggered more revulsion in relation to his diaper use than his other actions involving statutory rape and incest (Sanders, 1997).

It seems understandable that diaper use in a juvenile justice facility would be treated with less empathy than diaper use in a special needs population. But this example seems worse than the last, since the staff effectively judged the client's use of diapers as worse than his incest.

I don't think these findings are that surprising to any of us, given that most of us have kept our diaper wearing a secret for our entire lives out of fear of what other people might think. It is still very depressing to have that confirmed again though, and if people are so judgmental towards those who have a legitimate physical need for diapers, what must they think of us who wear diapers by choice to meet a purely psychological need? That we must keep this a secret or face extreme prejudice and hatred is probably the worst part of being ABDL.

 

[DiaperedTeddyBear]

In the next section titled "The Non-Sexual Adult Baby and the Home Environment", she writes:

It is a finding of this study that non-sexual ABs, whose practice evolved to mitigate overwhelming affect, may experience themselves as being limited in how to meet those regressive needs as an adult (see Chapter Five). If non-sexual ABs do not have a private or secure space, or faith that anyone accessing this space is trustworthy, it may mean they feel unable to engage in AB practice. This holds implications for ABs who live with partners, roommates or parents where there is not a level of surety that their AB equipment will not be discovered. Additionally, this recognises there are implications for people with TIARP, they feeling unable to engage in the self-soothing behaviours that regressive practice provides, the fear of discovery impeding practice.

Again, I don't think these findings are surprising to any of us. She wrote a few sentences about this earlier in the paper, but I wish she had given this more attention because it's a very important topic. This is a very real problem to many of us that live with spouses, parents, children or room mates, and it's a source of a significant amount of distress we experience as ABDLs. ADISC is full of posts describing an inability to wear diapers due to a lack of privacy or a spouse who is not supportive. I have a lot of empathy for people in those situations because I've been there before.

When you're faced with overwhelming emotions and you know to soothe yourself, but aren't able to due to your home environment, that's when people often turn to unhealthy coping mechanisms like substance abuse or self-harm. Diapers are such an effective way to self-soothe, and are so benign when compared to the alternatives, it's sad that they are often not available to us when we need them the most.

She also addresses the challenges of being ABDL as a child:

This invites a further questioning of the impact of such restrictions on children with TIARP. This is in recognition of people who experience a drive to regress whilst still in their chronological childhood, as expanded upon previously. It is not an unreasonable supposition that children whose AB configuration is as a result of enduring ACEs are held hostage to caregivers who, being unable to provide adequate care for the child, would likely reject regressive drives to wear nappies or play with toys designed for younger children; a double-bind where the environment causes a need to self-soothe, via regressive behaviours, but the environment simultaneously precludes such self-care.

There are a lot of things I miss about my childhood, but one thing I don't miss is the emotional pain of wanting to wear diapers and regress but not being able to. That was a secret I could never tell my parents, and they wouldn't have been supportive if I had told them. They probably would have sent me to therapy (which probably wouldn't have been a bad thing), but they wouldn't have let me wear diapers around the house. It was better to just keep it a secret until I turned 18 and moved out and could then wear diapers in the privacy of my apartment.

"Held hostage" seems like an extreme way to describe it for a lot of cases though. Like many of you, I don't think my parents were bad people, they just had their own psychological issues they were dealing with and they didn't deliberately try to cause me pain. But on the other hand, regardless of their intentions, I did experience a lot of emotional pain as a child and I did often feel like without access to diapers I had no way to soothe myself. I often just repressed the urge to regress and told myself that I just had to wait until I was an adult. It was a very difficult time, so maybe hostage is an appropriate way to describe it. When I got my first apartment and bought my first pack of adult diapers I felt like I was finally free.

 

[caitianx]

Yeah, King Baby did us another disservice. They did the same thing to furries.

Edward, Duke of Windsor in real life did have his wife Wallace dress him up in adult sized diapers, rubber pants, and adult-sized baby clothes and push him around in a big baby carriage.
He was the real "KING BABY" after he abdicated the throne.