Balancing Identities

DISCLAIMER: LOOONG READ.

Hey guys,

There might have been more threads like this one but I would like a fresh set of opinions.

For so long I've prided myself for my ABDL side. It took me many years but I finally managed to accept the fact that I like to wear and use diapers and act like a baby. That's not the problem. The problem is that my life is so torn between the Baby Identity and the Adult Identity.

There is a blurring line between the two. I've been out of the ABDL closet for a while now. My direct family know about it. My friends know about it. Most of my cousins and some uncles/aunts know about it. So now that I'm able to be a baby as much as I can, more than many ABDLs will ever be able to, I feel like I don't know how to control this desires.

Lately I can't seem to stop sucking my thumb, and I try to wear diapers as much as I can. But I want more! I want to be babied, and cuddled. Diapered and fed. I want to get the baby experience but I know it's not possible. I know it's unlikely and unhealthy to feel that way.

But with my family/friends knowing, there really isn't much of a limit. They are fine with me sucking my thumb around them, or diapering, or acting as infantile as I can. So without them limiting me, I don't feel I can control how bad these desires go.

Many of my friends respect me, play along with me to some extent, and tease me. So they are feeding this desire unknowingly, and yet, I don't want to stop the way they treat me.

And yet, sometimes I picture some of my friends, my best friends, babying me. I know that it won't happen, but I find myself yearning.

I love my adult life so much. I am a comic geek, a metal-head, a movie buff, a bookworm, a film major, a writer, a fun person to be around and I am so fucking sentimental. Why can't that be enough?

How can I balance this dichotomy?

If you're worried that you'll end up going to far or wanting to go too far if you aren't limited you could try first establishing exactly where everybody's boundaries are at. Some of the people that know your secret may be more willing or even want to get involved so finding out if they do can help. You can set a schedule for yourself as well, have specific times when you can be little and for how long and specific times when to be an adult. Now, if you ask your friends and family and some of them want to participate with you, instead of scheduling daily alone time you can have a few days where you regress alone for an hour or two, a few days of just being an adult and then one day with your friend or family member where you both participate and you regress for several hours.