Guilt, shame and compromises not in my cards anymore
Ungulate said:
I have to chime in here, because of something you said, that it was almost "worse" for her to know but not bring it up again.
I had a ten year relationship I should not have had………
……. I hear people saying you have to compromise, and take turns, and now I know that's all crap. I am baby, she is momma.
I still have a balanced life, I haven't lost my mind, I've just realized that I am lovable just as I am.
Same here. Thanks for that great post
Ungulate. My last (and “only,” thus far) marriage was to a woman who "tolerated" my ABDL side, but who clearly was uncomfortable with it for seven years. Before we married, I had duly informed her that I was an ABDL, and she had told me that she would “accept” it, but she didn't want to have anything to do with it. During those seven years, my ABDL side was sort of like the "white elephant in the middle of the room" that nobody talked about. I would only occasionally wear perhaps once or twice a month. I got the feeling she always knew, but we seldom spoke about it, and when we did speak about it it was always her complaining. When we got divorced, some of the pent-up angst that she had apparently been feeling for those seven years came out. It was not pretty.
I'm currently looking for somebody else to have a relationship with, with whom I need not feel any sense of genuine shame or guilt, and who could be comfortable seeing me in a diaper on a regular basis, and who will respect that part of me without any anger or resentment on her part. The lady I am currently dating has already accepted the fact that I’m an "asexual.” If or when it may get to the point where any “overnights” may take place, I will tell her then that I’m an ABDL who regularly wears diapers, which wearing would have to be something that she would have to be able to accept in her presence. At that point, I would be perfectly happy to accept whatever decision she might make, whether it would be acceptance or rejection. I know myself well enough to know that any kind of compromise at that point would not be good for either of us.
Intfusmil, the fact that she only wants you to wear when out of her sight (in a sort of a secrecy) does not sound good to me. I now realize that in my own former marriage, that certain "intolerance" that required a certain level of secrecy on my part, was not at all healthy. I've now come to realize that I am just as much to blame for this intolerance as she was!
Why did I feel I had to in any way "hide" this fundamental part of myself from the person who I believed would be my "life partner?" I had not yet learned to "tolerate" my own self for who I was/am. How could I ever expect my wife to accept this part of me, if I myself had not yet done the same for my own self?
The fact that I had accepted her designation of this part of me as "something that needs to be hidden and seldom spoken of between us" is ample enough proof that I was not yet valuing this part of my own self enough to allow myself the freedom to be myself in my own home, with the person who I hoped to trust the most. I hope you might both be able to realize that this part of you is something that will probably require a full acceptance from both of you, if your relationship is going to work.