Acceptance, a double edged sword

Acceptance is that ideal that every ABDL strives to achieve, but is it really just a fanciful pipe dream, that will never actually be realised. Or perhaps acceptance is really just resignation.

The double edged sword of acceptance for me is like this.... after such a long journey toward accepting and learning to love who I am, and reaching that point of feeling free to be that person, I have become increasingly aware that I must curtail my impulses because what I have come to accept about myself remains unacceptable to society.

The further I travel in life, and the more connected in society, the more trapped I become in others’ illusions of who I am and what I ought to be. I know I have the choice to reject this, but the ramifications are unthinkable.

The reality is that even though I’ve unlocked the closet door, I can never step through it without inverting everything in my life.

Acceptance therefore is just an illusion - in accepting myself I must also accept that I am unacceptable.

Elation quickly fades into dysphoria.

I hear ‘balance’ echoing in the wisdom of the oracles, and I understand what that means, but sadly it also means that acceptance is, at least for me, a bitter double edged sword.

- - - Updated - - -

Just wanted to add, I still actively and regularly regress and enjoy engaging the AB/little part of me. It’s just that im becoming increasingly sad at having to constantly shut down natural innocent impulses.

Thanks for sharing this insight on your personal struggles. Your post was very well put and thought provoking.

The behaviors we enjoy and feel the need to continue acting upon can be classified as antisocial according to one of the definitions of antisocial, "Contrary to the laws and customs of society", if we stretch that definition just a bit. People will be quick to point out that our activities are rarely illegal, but it's obvious these activities violate the "customs" of society. Two of the suggested synomyms are "distateful" and "disruptive".

Most of us are not antisocial in the other ways the term is used. We have a normal amount of empathy and respect for society in general. We understand and accept our social obligations the same as most any other contributing member to society.

Where we differ from most people is that we love to do certain things that are socially unacceptable, i.e. antisocial. We willfully engage in these antisocial acts and enjoy ourselves in the process, and don't have any real intention to stop. Is it any wonder that society would loathe us if they uncovered our secret?

To me, acceptance means accepting that situation without judging it as right or wrong; good or bad. This is difficult because we have strong social instincts that are based almost entirely on making judgements.

The difference between acceptance and resignation is a matter of perspective. Acceptance has a nuetral, maybe even positive flavor, whereas resignation tastes pretty shitty. I think resignation is the judgemental form of acceptance, if that makes any sense. Maybe resignation comes first and, with a little luck, acceptance can follow if the judgement part is toned down.

Another thing is that some kind of complete, perfect acceptance may not be possible. Your innate desires and your conflicting social instincts will no doubt always be a part of your personal makeup. This inner conflict is a reality of your existence. Observe it and work with it the best you can; make it work for you. In other words, accept that too.

Drifter said:

Maybe resignation comes first and, with a little luck, acceptance can follow

Click to expand...

I think that this is what should be sought in all of us. People become so enamored with the idea of universal acceptance that the realization that it is a fantasy can be disheartening to the point of resignation. Why bother when what you seek is impossible? It's pretty easy to feel that way. However if you limit your expectations to finding first personal (acceptance of self) and second immediate interpersonal (partners, select friends, perhaps family) the scope narrows and finding a bit of day to day harmony becomes easier.

That said, universal acceptance may not be possible, but widespread acceptance could be. I never imagined ABDL/little culture would be where it's at today ten years ago. Who knows what things could look like in the future?

Hmmm.... This is quite the catch-22. I too have struggled with what acceptance means to me and if acceptance is even fully achievable. My answer is usually always the same, what type of acceptance do you the individual crave?

Just as being an AB can mean different things to different people, I would argue that the concept of acceptance also varies from person to person. In my eyes, acceptance is a very personal and interpersonal thing. I accept that I enjoy wearing diapers and being a baby, the world doesn't need to follow suit. I am comfortable with this side of myself, it isn't hurting anyone and it makes me a calmer more accepting individual, how could I not personally accept this side of myself given the benefits. Similarly, the friends and romantic partners in the past who knew of and still know of my interest, accepted it as a part of me. Not all of them understood it and my ability to wear and be a baby around them depended on the person, but they all knew that this is a part of who I am and as such they accepted me wholeheartedly and were non-judgemental. Other AB's within the community, both locally and abroad, know about this side of myself and because they have similar interests, they accept me, quite possibly, most of all.

I know the ultimate goal is universal acceptance, being able to be yourself out in the open without being shamed for it, but I often think of universal acceptance as a fallacy. There are plenty of concepts, lifestyles, kinks, orientations and interests in this world outside of regression and ABDL that will never be universally understood. There are plenty of concepts, lifestyles, kinks, orientations and interests that will always be the subject of ridicule or prejudicial thought, whether they deserve it or not. For instance, being gay seems socially accepted on a near universal scale in the modern age and yet there are still bigots and troglodytes who scoff at the idea and preach hatred towards the LGBTQ community. If the end game is being universally accepted and being able to practice this side of yourself within modern society with zero repercussions, then sadly, full acceptance is as you put it, an illusion.

As LittleSBF said above, widespread acceptance could be achievable, but even then, whether you tapped into this widespread acceptance or not would depend on where you were located and what social circles you frequent.

If acceptance is simply accepting yourself, finding others who accept you and knowing when to balance being a baby with being an adult, then I think acceptance on a personal/interpersonal or subjective level is achievable.

That being said, I understand this idea of acceptance being a double-edged sword, you can accept yourself all you want to, but it doesn't feel like full acceptance if you still have to be guarded within the social sphere. This, while true, does not make your personal acceptance of this side of yourself null and void. For me, I accept myself and I realize my friends accept this side of myself too, but I also respect that society at large tends to be closed minded with regards to ABDL, so I tread lightly in exploring/embracing these interests in public and outside of my circle of friends.

I'll close by saying that, as long as you accept yourself and you can find others, friends, family, romantic partners, etc. who accept this side of you then you have already attained acceptance. It might not be as universal as you want it to be, but personal and interpersonal acceptance is better than nothing.

I don't know if this will help, but I think that part of any humans living together requires that people behave according to the rules of a group and curtail their own desires and impulses. At dinner, everyone learns to take their fair share of food, even if they might want to be greedy and take all of their favorite dish. At a market, we all learn not to steal, even though we might feel the impulse to take something that we want when it's right in front of us. We learn at school that we can't always talk when we might want to, or that we can't touch other people whenever we want despite our impulses for affection or for violence sometimes.

I know this isn't always fair. Being ABDL isn't just about what type of underwear you put on in the morning, it can sometimes mean suppressing an entire aspect of your personality and altering your behavior far more than a "normal" person might have to alter their desires and impulses. But this type of unfairness is, I think, part of acceptance. It's the same sort of unfairness that somebody who's really tall has to deal with when they encounter a world where they risk hurting themselves in all sorts of buildings because people don't build with them in mind, or they have to spend more on clothes because so few things are made in their size. Part of accepting yourself as ABDL is accepting that depending on where you live, what you do, and who you know, you might have to suppress a lot more than the average person in order to structure your life the way you want.

Lastly, I think part of acceptance is accepting that you might feel bad sometimes. Reaching a point where you're okay with yourself doesn't mean that you'll always be happy or that things will always go the way you want. It means that you'll be happy sometimes, and sad sometimes, and that you've got the mental, physical, and spiritual tools to work your way through the ups and downs of day to day life and be okay in the long run. Anyway, that's my :twocents:

ArchieRoni said:

I don't know if this will help, but I think that part of any humans living together requires that people behave according to the rules of a group and curtail their own desires and impulses. At dinner, everyone learns to take their fair share of food, even if they might want to be greedy and take all of their favorite dish. At a market, we all learn not to steal, even though we might feel the impulse to take something that we want when it's right in front of us. We learn at school that we can't always talk when we might want to, or that we can't touch other people whenever we want despite our impulses for affection or for violence sometimes.

I know this isn't always fair. Being ABDL isn't just about what type of underwear you put on in the morning, it can sometimes mean suppressing an entire aspect of your personality and altering your behavior far more than a "normal" person might have to alter their desires and impulses. But this type of unfairness is, I think, part of acceptance. It's the same sort of unfairness that somebody who's really tall has to deal with when they encounter a world where they risk hurting themselves in all sorts of buildings because people don't build with them in mind, or they have to spend more on clothes because so few things are made in their size. Part of accepting yourself as ABDL is accepting that depending on where you live, what you do, and who you know, you might have to suppress a lot more than the average person in order to structure your life the way you want.

Lastly, I think part of acceptance is accepting that you might feel bad sometimes. Reaching a point where you're okay with yourself doesn't mean that you'll always be happy or that things will always go the way you want. It means that you'll be happy sometimes, and sad sometimes, and that you've got the mental, physical, and spiritual tools to work your way through the ups and downs of day to day life and be okay in the long run. Anyway, that's my :twocents:

Click to expand...

You beat me to the punch but said it better than I was going to. Thinking about this sort of thing, this line from wise sages comes to me:

No one in the world ever gets what they want and that is beautiful
Everybody dies frustrated and sad and that is beautiful

-They Might Be Giants "Don't Let's Start"

I think expectations are tied into happy acceptance. I accept that I am a bundle of conflicting, frequently selfish urges. I expect that through proper management, I can indulge a number of those with myself or others after I have fulfilled my obligations and tried to do some good. Some of those urges are completely impossible to realize in this world. I accept them even as my expectations don't include them being fulfilled in anything but a fantasy. These things are moving targets. What's possible or impossible for us at one point may change at some point in the future. The balancing act is finding the best mix over time. Sometimes it's simple and sometimes it's a real head scratcher.

I really appreciate the insightful responses. I know this is a difficult issue for everyone, I guess I am feeling just a little down on stuff lately. I am actually very grateful to have one place that I can express my thoughts... how ironic that for me that also has a double edge.

When I think of acceptance, I’m not imagining any kind of like lifestyle where I would be a 24/7 AB, quite the contrary, I really enjoy my big self and the cool experiences that go with that. It’s just that it would be awesome to be able to integrate and freely express both aspects little and big.

I do have an incredible partner who accepts my little side and allows me within reason to express it in private. And while that is in itself an amazing situation, it is still only just a little way removed from where I was before.

I suppose as has been suggested, we simply have to find happiness within the context that works for our individual circumstances.

There are plenty of childlike adults out there who are not AB so I say continue being yourself. Just don't use a bottle or pacifier in public or wear any AB clothing, only wear clothes you got from regular stores. Of course when you are female, it's easier because it's more socially acceptable for women to be childish and wear cute things.

Societal acceptance will only ever come after the majority of us have come to accept ourselves first. And we have much more to go before that happens.

I was reflecting on this, and thought of my teddy, lol. Now I definitely have quite an affinity for my teddy, and derive great comfort from him. He makes me feel really happy. Now why do people go to such extraordinary lengths to encourage little kids relationships with their soft toys, embedding the notion that such relationships are fundamentally good, but then ridicule us when we are older for having those same feelings?