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Thread: New but Old

  1. #1

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    Hello,

    First I just want to say I love my life and my husband more than anything. He is a smart, loving, generous, compassionate man. He would do anything for anyone in the world. He works very hard and I can't say enough great things about him. please excuse my grammar and spelling I suck at writing.

    We have been married for 6 years together for 14 this winter. He is the center of my world. He is a very shy quiet type of person and avoids conflict at all costs. we met when I was 11 years old started dating when I was 15 been together ever since. He is 2.5 years older than me so when we first started to date his parents assumed I was 16. so when they found out other wise this automatically put strain between him and his parents. They started saying what kind of parents would let their 15 year old date an 18 year old. well he came to my house and asked my fathers permission. Then they started to say her parents are gonna call the cops on you and say you raped her. they always had something neg to say about me and my family. so fast forward two years into our relationship. one day his parents went off about him and I again saying I was no good for him he was changing for the worst because of me, so they made him choose them or me. He packed his truck and showed up at my house with every possession he had. My father let him move in with us after a bit he moved in with a friend of his. then his friends parents sold their house so he got an efficiency apartment. so one day I went to the apartment to clean up a bit for him because he was working so much at the time. while cleaning I came across a duff full of women's clothes, shoes, wig, etc. I put the bag back and didn't say a word I figured in time he would tell me. not to long after that he went down south with work for hurricane relief. he came home and after a while he was over my house we were hanging out and I started a conversation. I said if I tell you a secret will you tell me one? he instantly got nervous but agreed. so after I was finished talking I said ok its your turn. he right away started breathing heavy covering his face so after some goading he finally told me. so he told me in his own words but I essentially pulled it out of him. I took it harder than I thought I would maybe just cause I was hearing it from him I don't really know. I cried a lot instantly thought its me there is something wrong with me I'm not enough. then I went to there is something wrong with him this is not normal my mind was just racing. so over the next few days I calmed down and we talked I asked questions and he answered.

    the questions took us to all kind of places. about how his aunt would dress him in girls clothes at a young age. to how his parents caught him because after his aunt did it he started to do it to himself. so when he was caught by his parents they wanted to "fix" him sent to church, therapist threatened to send away to school and throw away the key. he was going to the "fixed" or nothing. then it was all brushed under the rug until he was caught again and he always got the same reaction just UGLY. so I understand why he tends to hide things. it also took us to how he was supposed to be a twin and when in the womb the girl fetus died and broke down in the womb. he was exposed to excess estrogen and this influx in his hormones has been confirmed in his blood work. so that could be a serious part of this medical/mental who really knows.

    now over the years we have grown learned and explored together. we have had big set backs I will get into that in a bit. its taken me a very long time to be comfortable with the dressing. but we now go out dressed I do his makeup we shop together we role play in the bedroom I have even chosen a name for him when dressed. we are also Dom/sub in the bedroom and he's into cuckolding (sissy) if you will. all of those things we enjoy together its not full cuck because I cant bring myself to humiliate him I love him to much. but we explore caging edging he's turned on when I do things with other men we are completely open with all of these aspects.

    so here we are I'm thinking things are going amazing were at a great place trust having fun. them BOOM I find an email account with him talking to random people from craigslist about wearing diapers. pictures of him in soaked pants in a public bathroom because he soaked himself. now of course at this point I'm angry. I said to him I have given and bended and I enjoy what we do but we still have secrets??? why. now the diapers have come up in the past and he knows its not my favorite thing about all of this. we have also delt with emails in the past again talking to stranger's about dressing. so now its about the diaper wearing and meeting up to have "diaper fun". he makes these times but never goes through with it. he says to me he kept it from me because he knows I don't really like the diaper wearing. so he says when I do we stay happy and in a good place. in my eyes that's a fake happy and I don't like it. not a way I want to feel. so he sets these meeting times but never goes through with it. my whole thing about this is what if he meets with this crag's list person there are a lot of sick mean people out there. I have zero idea what's going on and what if he gets attacked. now I know that is my mind going to the worst awful place possible but things like that do happen. he says he has thought of that but its not enough to scare him. so at this point I have expressed to him that I would rather talk about terms for him to do it here at home. ya know while cleaning the garage, mowing, playing video games whatever. I just don't want it in our bed or involved in our love life. he says he feels support and comfort when wearing and its also a bit of a turn on. I can not see myself being able to have sex with him after wearing them. now I know he's not really comfortable doing this at home because of how I feel but this is the newest hurdle (2-4 years) I need time and I need him to work with me on this. I have read about this and gotten a lot of good info maybe its a form of regression for him due to the abuse he went through and that how he copes and why he feels secure. he has admitted that sometimes he has fantasized about being a baby girl. that posed the question do you want to be a woman? he says no and I believe him he has told me countless times that he loves me our life and doesn't want to go anywhere. so with this I'm back a square one learning reading and figuring out how far I'm willing to go with this. I want us both the be comfortable and secure in our home and relationship.

    I just cant have the secret emails any more I watched my parents relationship be full of secrets they are poison. I promised whomever I was with in life there would be Zero secrets. so I guess what I'm looking for is to hear from other about how they live there lives with there spouse and handle their desires. I love my husband and I don't plan on going anywhere. thank you for reading look forward to your responses have a great day!

  2. #2

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    Welcome to the forums chelsv11! That was quite the intro. First, I commend you on staying with your man for so long and understanding what he has been through. You also have good communication between each other (albeit a little secretive) and talking things through. We are a support site and help each other as much as we can. Time and time again we stress communication between couples and you seem to be doing it well.

    The e-mails are a concern. It sounds like he wants to do kinky things like wetting in public but is afraid that you will (and don't) approve. I'm not the best here at giving advice but you need to talk about this more. Set parameters. No meetings unless he tells you. Diapers can be a turn on for some of us and if he meets up with someone else who likes them would he cheat?

    Personally, I use to wear in secret as my wife has said repeatedly that wearing diapers is sick and she wants a man in the house, not a baby. In a huge round of irony I had surgery a month ago and am now incontinent enough that I have to wear some protection all the time, whether it's guards or full blown diapers at night. She asked the other day if I was done with diapers yet and I said no they are still needed at night. Which is mostly true. Last night I couldn't stop dribbling all night. Hopefully I do get my continence back and quitting the diapers again will be hard but I will try and do it for her.

  3. #3

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    thank you so much for replying. I must say it has been just the two of us dealing with this for so long its kind of nice to have just laid it all out there.

    when it comes to the email they are very scary for me. it damages me to my core. I have said this to him and it hurts him so much to think about what he's doing to me. if he were to meet up with someone else I don't know what he would do. I just feel he's going about it in a very unsafe way, at least on here its a open community about what people think want feel. the way he's doing it I feel is just an entire world of secret and danger. (maybe I'm just an overly concerned wife) as far as kinky we do kinky I just need him to be open and honest with me about what he needs for me to decide how far I want to be involved.

    I do need to commend him though, after this last time of emails he has taken it upon himself to talk to a professional. which he is feeling good about its not easy for him by any means but he feels good. I can also tell that there is a change in him. before when this would happen it was always me fixing it taking steps to put us back together. this time I looked at him and said (you need to figure out how to fix this, us) I have never laid it all on him like that.

    he says at some point he would like to meet up with someone/couple who likes to do the things he does but just as a friend and with me if I'm comfortable. I just don't know at this point. he says he wants me and our life and I believe that. he still has a lot of emotions to work though in therapy 20 years worth. I truly think that he's having a herd time accepting the fact that after 14 years he has a person in his life that accepts him for him who loves him wholly. I said that to him and his response was I have never thought of it that way. so he has a long way to go but I'm hopeful that we will come out on the other side. I love the man way to much not to.

  4. #4

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    My ex husband used to plan meetings on Craig's List as well. It was a secret that I found out around the time we got engaged. The meetings were with men for sex so not long after I asked if he were gay and he said no and that he would stop the emails. After we married I found pictures and more emails proving he had met guys but he claimed he was straight and he wasn't ever meeting anybody. I guess he is bisexual but I love him enough that it doesn't matter to me. I just wanted him to be honest so we could discuss the logistics of how to handle an alternative relationship. I guess he didn't trust me enough for that. About a year ago he confessed to doing things with underage participation so he ended up in jail. I feel his choices put him there, he feels I did so the trust really fell apart completely. He never wore diapers but was kinky and fun in other ways. I'm not sure if he is a member here at ADISC, but he is obsessed with me enough that I wouldn't be surprised if he is active here somehow. *hugs* to you and prayers that you find a solution that works for both of you.

    Sent from my LGL31L using Tapatalk

  5. #5

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    I am so sorry, Fascinating. From your previous posts, you seemed truly happy in your marriage. I had wondered at your absence from this forum...

  6. #6

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    Thank you. I think I was happier than he was. I wasn't on for about a year. I was pretty active in my lifestyle just not talking to anyone much until this month. I had a couple friends that sort of brought me back. One was absent pretty much the whole year. The other kept checking on me every now and then.

    Sent from my LGL31L using Tapatalk

  7. #7

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    I'm sorry that's how things worked out for you fascinating. My husband and have been working on alot this week. We have seem to find ourselves on an even ground. I have promised to be open and explore with him to feel out comfort levels. He has expressed to me all he has ever wanted is to have someone to do these things with. He's not hurting anyone so who am I to tell him no. I love him to much not to do this for him. I will let you guys know how it goes I'm very hopeful. Thank you for the responses it's comforting to hear other experiences. Just glad to not feel like the only one in this bubble.

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