jealous of kids?

sometimes i get super jealous of kids, and i always have too. sometimes i get jealous that little kid clothing is cuter, or that they can play in indoor jungle gyms and im not allowed, or that they can go to daycares with toys and friends and no worries.

i feel weird about it, especially because every time i get jealous i almost immediately regress to my little age and want to get upset and stompy like a kid about the fact im stuck doing BORING BIG KID THINGS like SITTING DOWN and TALKING and i gotta wear boring BIG KID CLOTHES like PLAIN SHIRTS and BORING SWEATERS. yet i cant get upset because itd seem stupid for a 19 year old to get upset about it.

is anyone else the same? how do you deal with it/are there any adult friendly alternatives?

I'm 19 year old too and I do find myself getting jealous from time to time. It's kind of upsetting that if you see an adult playing in the park, people assume paedophile or something.

I'm lucky in the fact that I have special needs (I know, that's a weird thing to say) and have a maturity age of a 10-12 year old. If people ever ask me why I'm on the swings or playing in a jungle gym, my mum shuts them up immediately which is really sweet. I can get away with wearing immature clothing or wearing childish things.

I don't have to worry about acting "adult" because... well, I've never really been an adult. I'm intelligent and have gone through college etc but maturity wise... I don't think it will ever get better. I have my tantrums, I jump up and down like a little kid when I get a toy from the shop, I talk to strangers and ask dumb questions like a (very stupid) little kid. I don't really hide my ABDL side because... I've always been this way. I guess you could deduct from that that I use ABDL as a way to cope with my disabilities which is somewhat true.

But anyway, I digress, yeah... I get jealous but then I realise that this kid is having a good childhood before society rips it from underneath him and forces him to grow up into a stressful life. While I get to go home and are looked after by loving parents and I can play with my toys and suck on my pacifier and drink out of my sippy cups and enjoy my life at 19 years old, that poor kid won't get to have that at 19. He'd more than likely have a lot of adult responsibilities and stress.

So in the end, I feel happy for the kids I feel jealous of. Because they're making the most of it. I know they're experiencing that feeling of having no responsibilities and not a care in the world that we all strive for...

I don't know. This might not make any sense because I'm tired and suddenly got very emotional.

Oh and for the adult alternatives of places like daycare... I can only think of ones for disabled adults. I go to a daycare centre every couple of days per week where they do activities and such but it's only for those with mental disabilities. I'm not sure about anything else. Maybe a good search in Google for a few hours might help?

BabyKai said:

I'm 19 year old too and I do find myself getting jealous from time to time. It's kind of upsetting that if you see an adult playing in the park, people assume paedophile or something.

I'm lucky in the fact that I have special needs (I know, that's a weird thing to say) and have a maturity age of a 10-12 year old. If people ever ask me why I'm on the swings or playing in a jungle gym, my mum shuts them up immediately which is really sweet. I can get away with wearing immature clothing or wearing childish things.

I don't have to worry about acting "adult" because... well, I've never really been an adult. I'm intelligent and have gone through college etc but maturity wise... I don't think it will ever get better. I have my tantrums, I jump up and down like a little kid when I get a toy from the shop, I talk to strangers and ask dumb questions like a (very stupid) little kid. I don't really hide my ABDL side because... I've always been this way. I guess you could deduct from that that I use ABDL as a way to cope with my disabilities which is somewhat true.

But anyway, I digress, yeah... I get jealous but then I realise that this kid is having a good childhood before society rips it from underneath him and forces him to grow up into a stressful life. While I get to go home and are looked after by loving parents and I can play with my toys and suck on my pacifier and drink out of my sippy cups and enjoy my life at 19 years old, that poor kid won't get to have that at 19. He'd more than likely have a lot of adult responsibilities and stress.

So in the end, I feel happy for the kids I feel jealous of. Because they're making the most of it. I know they're experiencing that feeling of having no responsibilities and not a care in the world that we all strive for...

I don't know. This might not make any sense because I'm tired and suddenly got very emotional.

Oh and for the adult alternatives of places like daycare... I can only think of ones for disabled adults. I go to a daycare centre every couple of days per week where they do activities and such but it's only for those with mental disabilities. I'm not sure about anything else. Maybe a good search in Google for a few hours might help?

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May I ask, if you're comfortable talking about it, if you have autism? I was just diagnosed with it in January.

I tend to feel the same way in that I just kind of feel like I never made the jump from child to adult. I still watch kids' shows, still wear cartoon-character clothes, still want to play at the playground. Like you, I still seem to have my intelligence, but... adulthood is just daunting.

Yes, I have autism. I was diagnosed quite late though considering how severe it was when I was a kid, I was diagnosed at 10. I also have severe dyspraxia, OCD, ADHD and two that I can't remember the name of because I'm an idiot.

Being the way you and I are is what most autistic people deal with. I went to a special needs school for autistic people and almost all the pupils had similar issues with maturity and adulthood.

I found that I never grew up past the age of 12. It doesn't stop me from having healthy relationships, I've had a few girlfriends in the past (I'm a girl, if you're wondering, lol) and I can handle the serious parts of relationships. I can be serious now and then but it just feels like it's not 100% me. It's uncomfortable.

I excel in many ways when it comes to intelligence. I was top of my class in college. But maturity wise, I felt like a kid in a class full of adults. I found it very upsetting and even caused me to become depressed and (sorry if this is a little dark or upsetting)
It wasn't until I accepted my childishness and became (without knowing it at the time) ABDL that I accepted who I was.

I'm guessing people with mental disabilities are more likely to turn to ABDL as a way to cope with their disabilities. For me, being an ABDL, helps me look past the negatives of my disabilities and see the positives.

It's nice to see someone similar to myself who is an ABDL.

BabyKai said:

Yes, I have autism. I was diagnosed quite late though considering how severe it was when I was a kid, I was diagnosed at 10. I also have severe dyspraxia, OCD, ADHD and two that I can't remember the name of because I'm an idiot.

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I think the fact that I was able to go undiagnosed for so long boils down to a few factors... Being homeschooled and not having much interaction with other children I think helped me fly under the radar. My older half-brother had ADHD and went to a special school, and gave my parents a lot of trouble, so I think as long as I wasn't acting like him I was probably normal in my parents' eyes. In fact, I think I just got worse as I got older instead of the other way around; honestly my parents seemed to think I was kind of mature for my age as a kid, so... I dunno. I never would have thought I was autistic when I was say, 15, but about five years down the line when I started learning more about it I definitely got suspicious about the possibility of me having it.

littlemortem said:

sometimes i get super jealous of kids,.......is anyone else the same? how do you deal with it/are there any adult friendly alternatives?

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You're at a stage of your life where being a child and being an adult are blurred. You are old enough that people expect you to act in a certain way but still young enough to behave in more child like ways. I wonder if your jealousy is less about seeing children being children and more about the fact you know that you are at the last turn before official adultdom. I remember being 19 and feeling my childhood slipping away at a rapid rate. It was like tearing a plaster off slowly and caused me great pain knowing I had to stop doing or saying childish things.

I know that right now you are harking back to better times, you may be seeing your younger years as safer or more fun for instance. But being an adult is not so bad. You can buy your own stuff and you do not have to live under other peoples rules when you move out. You can get drunk and stay up all night if you want. You can go places you want to instead of where your parents take you or you can choose to lie in bed all day and do nothing. Then one day you may have your own children and nobody can stop you playing with them and having all that fun you are missing now with little versions of yourself. Life gets better in a couple of years once you get through the transitional phase of teenager to adult.

You will find acceptance of your ABDL side as you grow older. These feelings of jealousy will fall away as you build your own life and accept yourself instead of wanting to be something else. Look inward and find the compromise between having to do adult things and staying true to yourself. Once you find the balance your little time will be so much more of an enjoyment and escape and far less of a worry or negative.

KimbaStarshine said:

I think the fact that I was able to go undiagnosed for so long boils down to a few factors... Being homeschooled and not having much interaction with other children I think helped me fly under the radar. My older half-brother had ADHD and went to a special school, and gave my parents a lot of trouble, so I think as long as I wasn't acting like him I was probably normal in my parents' eyes. In fact, I think I just got worse as I got older instead of the other way around; honestly my parents seemed to think I was kind of mature for my age as a kid, so... I dunno. I never would have thought I was autistic when I was say, 15, but about five years down the line when I started learning more about it I definitely got suspicious about the possibility of me having it.

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Lol, I fell asleep before I saw your reply. Anyway, I didn't get diagnosed until late due to the fact I lived in a small village. Autism wasn't widely known and there was only two disabled children in the entire village. One had Down Syndrome and the other was born with severe brain damage. I guess the doctors just thought I was playing up or being intentionally naughty to get attention. My mum said every time she went to the doctors asking for me to be referred to a child psychologist... they just said "She's just naughty, you obviously aren't disciplining her enough." (No joke, that's basically what they said.)

We then moved to a big city and I got diagnosed immediately. I never heard of autism at that time and I didn't accept myself as being disabled until I was around 12 when my differences between me and my "normal" peers was easily noticed. Before I was twelve, I used to just hang around with the year 1 and 2s (kindergarten) and helped the teachers with the class (my actual teachers didn't want to deal with me and so let me do my own thing), but then when I was put in high school... it was so noticeable that I was then put into a special needs school. That changed my life for the better.

i was diagnosed with severe adhd at 12 or so but in recent years i been doing a lot of research online cuz i dont like lots of social interaction and i have to entertain some way. anyway ive been suspicious that i might be autistic instead (or in addition to? idk) adhd since the criteria fits a lot. i did ask for an assessment and got one once, but it was some lady i didnt know who made a lot of eye contatc so i got really nervous and when i get nervous around doctor type people i have a habit of lying about my feelings so im pretty sure i mucked that up. she said i had 'traits' tho and i dunno what that means.

it didnt do anything regardless tho people still think im being bratty and disrespectful when things are Too Much and i have to Scream or cant talk or something like that

im just scared of mentioning it again to people haha im anxious abt typing this bc i dont wanna step on any toes or accidentally offend someone, im super sorry if i do

i guess it wouldnt even matter if i did have it, id be labeled high functioning and just treated exactly the same

oh gosh sorry i kinda rambled ':0

A lot of people have traits of autism. When I got my assessment done, I was 10 so they didn't ask me questions, only my parents. They made me read a book, play with some toys and watched me through a One way window.

I'd say, if you feel like you relate to autistic people and believe you have it, ask for an assesment but ask the doctor (or whoever you ask for those things, lol) that you need to be comfortable and you need to meet the person first. Tell them you're not comfortable if you feel you aren't. If you can't say it, write it down. Even ask for flash cards to use so you can instead talk to them using flash cards than having to actually speak.

Even if you don't get a diagnosis, it could be social anxiety rather than autism... I don't know. I'm not a professional. I'd really recommend trying another assesment and try your hardest to tell the truth and not panic. It's hard, I know.

And don't worry about offending people. I honestly don't know how anything you said could be perceived as offensive but I can honestly say, you didn't step on my toes (had to Google that saying/idiom, haven't heard that one before lol).

Hope I helped... kinda :dunno: (I'm rubbish at this stuff, haha)

BabyKai said:

A lot of people have traits of autism. When I got my assessment done, I was 10 so they didn't ask me questions, only my parents. They made me read a book, play with some toys and watched me through a One way window.

I'd say, if you feel like you relate to autistic people and believe you have it, ask for an assesment but ask the doctor (or whoever you ask for those things, lol) that you need to be comfortable and you need to meet the person first. Tell them you're not comfortable if you feel you aren't. If you can't say it, write it down. Even ask for flash cards to use so you can instead talk to them using flash cards than having to actually speak.

Even if you don't get a diagnosis, it could be social anxiety rather than autism... I don't know. I'm not a professional. I'd really recommend trying another assesment and try your hardest to tell the truth and not panic. It's hard, I know.

And don't worry about offending people. I honestly don't know how anything you said could be perceived as offensive but I can honestly say, you didn't step on my toes (had to Google that saying/idiom, haven't heard that one before lol).

Hope I helped... kinda :dunno: (I'm rubbish at this stuff, haha)

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i do have severe anxiety but i dont think its entirely that. i want to try to get an assessment done later in a way thats not stressfull. i know they did talk to my mom but every time id brought it up before that she immediately said "no you cant be you started talking around the proper age" (paraphrasing, but thats basically what she said), and later i was having issues and couldnt talk she made a face and said "hes pretending to be autistic again" so im pretty sure shes at least a little biased. the rest of the ladies assessment was basically "youre too aware of emotions sorry" but little does she know i also have ptsd and hypervigilence is part of that, kinda taught myself to recognize emotions and strong facial expressions. im sorry for, idk, mini ranting about stuff! i dont have many other places to talk about things haha '^.^

i just hope someone figures out whats wrong with me eventually if its not autism/aspergers

Again, I'd say try to find a better psychologist. Nobody should treat you like that and make you nervous. Tell the person who refers you to get assessed everything you wrote down there. Autism is a very big spectrum and no two autistic people are the same. I started talking at a normal-ish age. I understand emotions ... not so good lol. But then again, you have PTSD and are hyperaware of things going on around you. PTSD could effect you in ways that may mask your possible autism. I was actually first diagnosed with ADHD before I was diagnosed with autism. My hyperactiveness sort of masked my severe autistic behaviours. So the doctor automatically assumed "oh, some Ritalin will fix this." And then once my ADHD symptoms went, my autism was very obvious because I wasn't running around.

A lot of my autistic symptoms (like hand flapping, spinning, rocking and no eye contact) was assumed to be part of my ADHD. So, yeah, another disability could very well effect the way a psychologist may perceive you and your behaviours.

And don't worry about not having many places to talk about this stuff. You can talk about it with me if you want... I'm a good listener and I've been through all the crappy tests lol. My life is filled with so many psychologists and therapist that I could probably get a PhD in the damn thing now. Hahaha.

Don't be offended but it almost sounds like you would welcome such diagnosis. After receiving the diagnosis in what way would your life take a turn for the better? You'd still have the same problems. Knowing the cause for a problem feels comforting for most pepole but it really is not making a difference. Not unless knowing the cause empowers you to take the right and effective actions. With autism there is no cure whatsoever.
You'll have to deal with the world and the world will have to deal with you. That's what you gotta learn. From what I read you can reflect on yourself and other people quiet well.
Another member mentioned the transition phase. I strongly encourage you to re read this. With 19 you are FAR away from adulthood. Most people in that age are totally childish. Not bad per se though but they think they are adults already. That's a real pain in the butt!
I'm about ten years older thab that and now I slowly start feeling adult as I feel the burden of responsibilities on my shoulders. I care not only for myself but for two other people, my own family we started.
Just take a break and chill.

pampersguy said:

Don't be offended but it almost sounds like you would welcome such diagnosis. After receiving the diagnosis in what way would your life take a turn for the better? You'd still have the same problems. Knowing the cause for a problem feels comforting for most pepole but it really is not making a difference. Not unless knowing the cause empowers you to take the right and effective actions. With autism there is no cure whatsoever.
You'll have to deal with the world and the world will have to deal with you. That's what you gotta learn. From what I read you can reflect on yourself and other people quiet well.
Another member mentioned the transition phase. I strongly encourage you to re read this. With 19 you are FAR away from adulthood. Most people in that age are totally childish. Not bad per se though but they think they are adults already. That's a real pain in the butt!
I'm about ten years older thab that and now I slowly start feeling adult as I feel the burden of responsibilities on my shoulders. I care not only for myself but for two other people, my own family we started.
Just take a break and chill.

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Actually, getting a diagnosis CAN help. Not only did it let me put a name on my various issues, it also means opening up doors to services for the disabled. For example, I'm currently working with an agency to see if they can help me find employment.

littlemortem said:

sometimes i get super jealous of kids, and i always have too. sometimes i get jealous that little kid clothing is cuter, or that they can play in indoor jungle gyms and im not allowed, or that they can go to daycares with toys and friends and no worries.

i feel weird about it, especially because every time i get jealous i almost immediately regress to my little age and want to get upset and stompy like a kid about the fact im stuck doing BORING BIG KID THINGS like SITTING DOWN and TALKING and i gotta wear boring BIG KID CLOTHES like PLAIN SHIRTS and BORING SWEATERS. yet i cant get upset because itd seem stupid for a 19 year old to get upset about it.

is anyone else the same? how do you deal with it/are there any adult friendly alternatives?

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I have had a really rough time transitioning over from child to adult. As an early teenager, I always felt more 'grown-up' than I was because that was the household culture at my dad's house. He was very rugged old school and felt that children became adults at 15, even if they weren't legal ones. it was very misguided, but his intentions were to make us strong for the real world. That's another topic though...

Anyway, the nearer I got to becoming an actual adult (and the further I separated myself from my dad and his hyper masculine culture) the more I started to appreciate this thing which was now leaving me. How much I began to cherish childhood since it was so simple to prepare for play and so confusing to be sent out into an adult world I wasn't ready for. I actually cried a few weeks after my 18th birthday because it all hit me that there was no turning back when all I wanted was to be able to be a child again and get away from life's stresses. To cope, I began working with the younger kids in my scout unit. Initially I was just planning on helping out, but it soon became a wonderful experience to give these kids a fun childhood and be able to participate with them. Soon, I went full fledged into becoming a leader and haven't looked back ever since.

The transition wasn't leaning towards my adult side until probably around the time I turned 22. Even now I still have tendencies to act immature, but that's just me having uninhibited fun with the kids. The transition is still well underway, but the things I've found about being an adult is that here are many different opportunities that come with our responsibilities and I have found deep pleasure in adult activities.

Do I still love to play a few games of tag with kids? Absolutely. One of my favorite past times is wrestling with more kids than I can count. They love to test my adult strength and I love to show them that even if I am a rough person in play, I choose to care about them and only show that side when they instigate it. Plus, they then get a positive outlet to exercise and exert aggression. I'm now fully invested in my scout units and every single age group has different levels of experience, different personalities, different positives and negatives. But as an adult in these kids lives, I don't have to stay stuck as a kid in one of these age groups. I get to willingly bounce between age groups and experience all of childhood from an outside perspective. One in which I can control the things that happen with these children. And by keeping that sense of childhood wonder and amazement, I can help other adults to better understand children while providing them with chances of adventure and exploration in a safe manner.

Simply put, I am blessed to be the transitional connection between adult and child. My experience in child development, and personal experience working with kids, gives me the insight and theoretical knowledge to help parents make sense of the thing they are so far removed from. But as an adult, I know how to craft environments and interactions so that these kids don't just have a fun and exciting childhood, they also have a safe and productive one as well. Never forget that childhood's greatest experience is found in growth. Play is fun because children are growing to better discover and understand an unknown world. If we don't grow past it and help others to grow past it, we are missing the whole point. But as adults, and facilitators of play with children, we still get to vicariously experience these wonders through their eyes. And as they grow into adults who no longer need as much support, we can move on to help new children and experience the wonder and love all over again, knowing that we are helping more and more children to experience what we always wanted all along.

pampersguy said:

Don't be offended but it almost sounds like you would welcome such diagnosis. After receiving the diagnosis in what way would your life take a turn for the better? You'd still have the same problems. Knowing the cause for a problem feels comforting for most pepole but it really is not making a difference. Not unless knowing the cause empowers you to take the right and effective actions. With autism there is no cure whatsoever.
You'll have to deal with the world and the world will have to deal with you. That's what you gotta learn. From what I read you can reflect on yourself and other people quiet well.
Another member mentioned the transition phase. I strongly encourage you to re read this. With 19 you are FAR away from adulthood. Most people in that age are totally childish. Not bad per se though but they think they are adults already. That's a real pain in the butt!
I'm about ten years older thab that and now I slowly start feeling adult as I feel the burden of responsibilities on my shoulders. I care not only for myself but for two other people, my own family we started.
Just take a break and chill.

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i actually would welcome it. the only time ive ever had people be considerate to my issues was when they believed me that i might be, every other time people are rude. i would have the same problems but at least id know what was wrong and people wouldnt be trying to fix what cant actually be fixed.
ive had way too much time to think. for the majority of my childhood/younger teen years i was basically isolated in my room. theres just a lot to the world thats hard for me to deal with without help. fluorescent lights are never gonna get any less fluorescent, the sun isnt just gonna. stop being so bright. bad touch feels and smells and sounds wont get any less bad, but if i actually am autistic and get a diagnosis itll help bc ill have a verifiable reason for the specific problems i have and people cant say im just being a brat or attention seeking when im not. kinda hard to deal with the world when you cant
and without a proper diagnosis theres a lot of services meant to help people that i wouldnt be able to access.

also... i am an adult lmao i can buy alcohol, smokes, and vote, legally i am an adult. maturity has nothin to do with it

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KimbaWolfNagihiko said:

Actually, getting a diagnosis CAN help. Not only did it let me put a name on my various issues, it also means opening up doors to services for the disabled. For example, I'm currently working with an agency to see if they can help me find employment.

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i know actually getting a gender identity dysphoria, depression, and anxiety diagnosis's helped since people actually knew what was wrong instead of "lmao idk hes probably just weird?". the dysphoria diagnosis gave me access to hormones, similar idea i guess

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BabyKai said:

Again, I'd say try to find a better psychologist. Nobody should treat you like that and make you nervous. Tell the person who refers you to get assessed everything you wrote down there. Autism is a very big spectrum and no two autistic people are the same. I started talking at a normal-ish age. I understand emotions ... not so good lol. But then again, you have PTSD and are hyperaware of things going on around you. PTSD could effect you in ways that may mask your possible autism. I was actually first diagnosed with ADHD before I was diagnosed with autism. My hyperactiveness sort of masked my severe autistic behaviours. So the doctor automatically assumed "oh, some Ritalin will fix this." And then once my ADHD symptoms went, my autism was very obvious because I wasn't running around.

A lot of my autistic symptoms (like hand flapping, spinning, rocking and no eye contact) was assumed to be part of my ADHD. So, yeah, another disability could very well effect the way a psychologist may perceive you and your behaviours.

And don't worry about not having many places to talk about this stuff. You can talk about it with me if you want... I'm a good listener and I've been through all the crappy tests lol. My life is filled with so many psychologists and therapist that I could probably get a PhD in the damn thing now. Hahaha.

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i moved to a new town so i need a new therapist anyway. and yeah, like an idiot i didnt write down anything before and didnt know what to say or what to mention and didnt have any script of any kind to fall back on,, rip,,

i notice when im on anxiety meds i have less inhibitions (if thats the right word) and do things like flap or rock or chewing/sucking on things (like one of those silicone necklace toys from stimtastic) etc
im kind of a clusterfuck and i know this, i already have 3-4 diagnosis's and a recommendation from my doctor to talk to a shrink about psychosis. as well as a host of other things im struggling with that no ones acknowledged even when i mention them. im just worried ill have to go through a million people and a million diagnosis's as they try to figure out whats wrong, and that they wont listen to what i say because im just some 19 year old who did research on the internet. (more like reading a couple university psych textbooks but older adults are just Like That, all dismissive and junk) im also worried about being accused of being a hypochondriac or something and using that to dismiss me since im relatively normal (thanks anxiety for not letting me act in any way that could be seen as off, i love internalizing everything ))) /sarcasm)

sigh, at least im starting to be more willing to talk to people about it. before i just assumed i was broken and kept it to myself and was all like "no im fine i just have a headache" or "im just tired" or just pretending to nap when i was having issues

thanks for listenin to my rambling btw ! i appreciate it