I actually have a very private story I will make public with you.
I had really bad gas once " " when I had a particular guest over at my house one evening.
I didn't know what to do, because it was horribly hard to hold it back. I guess I was nervous.
I am a fixer, a creator, and even an inventor, for necessity is the MOTHER of invention.
What did I do?
Well, simple. (Don't freak with laughter, but these things are typical of my head) I decided to shove a straw up my ass to vent my farts innocently.
Well, we all fell asleep, and later on there was a cat fight.
Or so I thought!
I even got up to look out the window!!!
As I awakened more, reality came to my head that it was the straw oddly squeaking cat noises as I passed gas which was shoved slightly up my ass!
I had to play-act, "Yeah! Must've been a cat fight!" And I pulled the darn thing out before further audial damage continued or anyone saw.
Now everybody knows how weird I am!