What do you do when another person shows an interest to you (when you're IC)?

[greatlake5]

I can't believe that I told her.

It was a little different. My partner asked me first. Still, telling her will lessen anxiety and stress. I hope everything works out. Keep us posted.

That's easy. I make them loose interest. I prefer to stay single.

Your choice. Remember that not everyone is understanding. For what ever reason, some follow that stigma. Again, it's their choice. I'm glad that most don't follow that idea. Some might decide to not have a relationship with an IC person. But there may be others who do so. In fact I have a girlfriend who loves me despite being IC myself. I'm glad I'm not single. Being solo isn't fatal. But let me just say that being connected with another person, it feels good to know I'm not alone. Having friends is fine. But there is something about having a SO. Try it. It's not bad.

 

[slimjiminy]

I'm glad I'm not single. Being solo isn't fatal. But let me just say that being connected with another person, it feels good to know I'm not alone. Having friends is fine. But there is something about having a SO. Try it. It's not bad.

At the risk of stating the obvious, having a SO in old age is extremely helpful. At the age where you have lots of doctor appointments and you can't drive home, it becomes a life saver. Also when you just need "help", like when your spouse breaks a leg/knee cap etc.

 

[LifeInPlastic]

It was a little different. My partner asked me first. Still, telling her will lessen anxiety and stress. I hope everything works out. Keep us posted.

Your choice. Remember that not everyone is understanding. For what ever reason, some follow that stigma. Again, it's their choice. I'm glad that most don't follow that idea. Some might decide to not have a relationship with an IC person. But there may be others who do so. In fact I have a girlfriend who loves me despite being IC myself. I'm glad I'm not single. Being solo isn't fatal. But let me just say that being connected with another person, it feels good to know I'm not alone. Having friends is fine. But there is something about having a SO. Try it. It's not bad.

Ah, no need for worries. Been there, done that. Just my conclusion out of experience. All relationships will eventually fail and I'm just tremendously bad at handling the fallout. And I do not miss anything tbh. It might have some advantages/perks(also downsides) but another person is clearly not necessary - well, at least not for me.

Cheers

 

[greatlake5]

All relationships will eventually fail It might have some advantages/perks(also downsides) but another person is clearly not necessary - well, at least not for me.

Cheers

"All relationships will eventually fail"? Perhaps ~ half. I'm one of the successful ones. I agree that it's not necessary for having a SO. Being one who has one, I acknowledge that it isn't perfect all the time. That's life. If someone is going to do a cost/benefit analysis, there will always have advantages versus disadvantages. As an IC person, in balance I'm on the positive side. Not everyone has to be in a relationship. Before I was in one, I was happy living solo. Now? I'm happier.
Oh...Cheers.

 

[RestrainU4Me]

You can be content and happy being single.

However…

Having a significant other just brings you to a Higher level of happiness that you didn’t know you could reach.

 

[LifeInPlastic]

You can be content and happy being single.

However…

Having a significant other just brings you to a Higher level of happiness that you didn’t know you could reach.

Higher level? That's hormones doing their intended work. It's an entirely different level(a nice one indeed) not a higher one. And I know these levels all to well. Still I decided to quit the game as I find both the dating process disgusting and the breakup simply wrecks havoc. Too less return on invest for my taste. I came to the realisation that society idealizes relationships way too much and gaslights people into thinking that this is the only way to reach happyness. This just leads to unhappy people and many failed relationships. Many don't take the time to get to know themselves and just jump from unhappy relationship to unhappy relationship. If you can't stand yourself why do you think others can? True, I cannot completely rule out changing my mind in the future but on the other hand - noone can know how a relationship holds up in the next 5 to 30 years.

Cheers

 

[InconLifer]

I’m on the asexual and aromantic spectrum and so whilst I’ve been in love and had sexual relationships it’s really not something that’s a priority for me and I don’t form attractions easily. That being said, it is something that I muse about as I go to more LGBTQ+ meet-ups and I’d hate to think if I was interested in someone then the incontinence would be a deal breaker. I find I’m also way more self conscious about wearing nappies when I’m around my peers.

I’m only interested in relationships that evolve from friendships and getting to know someone well and have no interest in the whole dating app thing so I imagine if I do meet someone I form an attachment to chances are they’d probably know by then anyway.

 

[JOCKMAN]

I am glad you broke the ice with her on this after several dates. I never told anyone I was dating until it became serious with a sleepover. I only wear at night so I was lucky in college that a lot of dates would occur before a more intimate relationship would begin. I always told everyone of my bw challenge at night prior to getting to that final physical step. About 95% were OK with it (and appreciative I took the precaution of not getting their bed or them wet by wearing protection). A few were a bit freaked out.

BUT...what kind of person do you want to get serious about that thinks IC is so terrible that they cannot be with you for all the other great qualities you have?

 

[CrossfireHurricane]

We had a great time from Mahler's 4th symphony at the CSO to a nice dinner. She didn't really discuss about my diaper. I wore my Abena (with Tranquility contour booster), plastic pants with compression shorts and my regular clothes. I wore my tweed sport jacket that covered my pants. I only saw her eyes looking at my crotch once and she didn't say anything. I think she was being polite. We drove her car to my house and I thanked her for a wonderful evening. We enjoyed some conversation but I was too nervous to talk about my incontinence. Maybe the next time? Surprisingly she kissed me before I got out of the car. Actually I was shocked. I'm going to call her tonight and maybe the subject will come up. And I'm going to ask her out this weekend? All in all, despite my nervous it was a good 2nd date.

 

[Soggy247]

We had a great time from Mahler's 4th symphony at the CSO to a nice dinner. She didn't really discuss about my diaper. I wore my Abena (with Tranquility contour booster), plastic pants with compression shorts and my regular clothes. I wore my tweed sport jacket that covered my pants. I only saw her eyes looking at my crotch once and she didn't say anything. I think she was being polite. We drove her car to my house and I thanked her for a wonderful evening. We enjoyed some conversation but I was too nervous to talk about my incontinence. Maybe the next time? Surprisingly she kissed me before I got out of the car. Actually I was shocked. I'm going to call her tonight and maybe the subject will come up. And I'm going to ask her out this weekend? All in all, despite my nervous it was a good 2nd date.

This is awesome news mate. I am so buzzing for you. And if she kissed you, she deffo isnt letting the diapers put her off. Go get em mate. Deffo call her and ask her out. Deffo, deffo, deffo do that. . Such great news mate. Proper great news. .

 

[JOCKMAN]

Only a 2nd date? Do not even bother about bringing the subject up of your IC (unless she does). She knows of your situation now, so if she is not bringing it up you do not need to either until later. Focus on what you two have together and enjoy; the minor item of your protective undergarments can come up later in discussion (like when you want to go swimming together in a pool). She obviously likes you for many other reasons and is not letting your diapers be a big deal.

 

[greatlake5]

I suggest to wait until she mentions it first. We know that she is aware. If she wants to discuss your IC first, go ahead and talk about it. But in reality, having to talk about this usually include diapers. When I finally discussed my IC with my girlfriend, I tried to be clear and direct without giving too many details. Eventually she asked just about everything over time. And I still believe that it was easier to be honest and direct.

 

[RestrainU4Me]

I suggest to wait until she mentions it first. We know that she is aware. If she wants to discuss your IC first, go ahead and talk about it. But in reality, having to talk about this usually include diapers. When I finally discussed my IC with my girlfriend, I tried to be clear and direct without giving too many details. Eventually she asked just about everything over time. And I still believe that it was easier to be honest and direct.

Agreed. He already told her he wears diapers and she still kissed him.

No need to remind her. She will bring it up when she wants to know more.

 

[60something]

Consider what your long tern interests are. For me that's where your answer lies. One night and it's all over? Go for it. Worst could happen is you end up embarrassed.
Are interests longer term, possibly marriage? This would be a watershed moment. I dated my wife for two years hiding my AB interests. When I finally came clean before we married, She giggled and said "is that all?" If this girl is a monster, I'd want to know sooner than later. She's probably not. So the worst that would happen is you stay "just friends". If you want it to be more, you now have a basis for a really solid relationship. She's going to find out sooner or later. So many times I've heard of decent women that abandoned a long relationship over dishonesty. As another poster noted, "put yourself in her position".
I don't envy your position. Any way you look at it, its a tough place to be. Either way good luck to you my friend.

 

[CrossfireHurricane]

This weekend we're going out again. We've talked on the phone a couple of times. She knows that I wear diapers and said she didn't see anything. She looked. I told her I hide them pretty good. Then we discussed about IC. Obviously she was curious. I wanted to be clear so she would know exactly what I was saying. Yes, I wet my diaper and I also have BM accident. I tried to explain how I follow a program that limits BM accidents during the day. She asked if it makes it hard during work. I told her that yes, it can be rough sometimes but I can change usually once during the work-day. She said she never saw me going for a change when we were out on our dates. So I told her that I simply use a booster so I'm good during our dates.
For the most part we talked about my IC, work and families. I think it went really good. At least she didn't reject me strait out. Which is great.

 

[Lethdale]

This weekend we're going out again. We've talked on the phone a couple of times. She knows that I wear diapers and said she didn't see anything. She looked. I told her I hide them pretty good. Then we discussed about IC. Obviously she was curious. I wanted to be clear so she would know exactly what I was saying. Yes, I wet my diaper and I also have BM accident. I tried to explain how I follow a program that limits BM accidents during the day. She asked if it makes it hard during work. I told her that yes, it can be rough sometimes but I can change usually once during the work-day. She said she never saw me going for a change when we were out on our dates. So I told her that I simply use a booster so I'm good during our dates.
For the most part we talked about my IC, work and families. I think it went really good. At least she didn't reject me strait out. Which is great.

I'm really happy for you. I hope things continue to go well for you.

 

[Edgewater]

Only a 2nd date? Do not even bother about bringing the subject up of your IC (unless she does). She knows of your situation now, so if she is not bringing it up you do not need to either until later. Focus on what you two have together and enjoy; the minor item of your protective undergarments can come up later in discussion (like when you want to go swimming together in a pool). She obviously likes you for many other reasons and is not letting your diapers be a big deal.

Consider reading the full Thread as that second date was a very long day, late evening together and Being IC would require at least a couple of changes at least for me.

 

[CrossfireHurricane]

as that second date was a very long day, late evening together and Being IC would require at least a couple of changes at least for me.

Our date (at the CSO [Chicago Symphony Orchestra]), dinner and driving lasted for the evening. That was at least 9+ hours. I added a Tranquility topliner contour (super plus - 32" x 14") booster with my usual diaper, plastic pants and compression shorts under clothes with my sport jacket. It was close from leaking but it worked. I didn't bring my emergency diaper. By the evening I was afraid that my diaper was going to be noticed (soaked). That 9+ hours was the limit for me. We had a bottle of wine for dinner and I had a few drinks of wine at CSO (she limited drinking - she drove). When I talked on the phone she wondered how I went without changing the whole night. Now she knows how I did it. Tonight I won't use the booster and try to change when I have to. She knows. There really isn't a reason to not change for the evening. I'm still a littler nervous but she hasn't freaked out. Here we go...

 

[diaperwoody]

Or don’t say anything until your first night in the bedroom, then when you’re both undressed down to your underwear and she sees your diaper, just casually say you have a bladder problem and continue with your business like it’s no big deal. Chances are she won’t think much of it either. Afterwards when you’re both lying there she might want to know more about it and you can have a casual conversation about it then.

 

[CrossfireHurricane]

Or don’t say anything until your first night in the bedroom, then when you’re both undressed down to your underwear and she sees your diaper, just casually say you have a bladder problem and continue with your business like it’s no big deal. Chances are she won’t think much of it either. Afterwards when you’re both lying there she might want to know more about it and you can have a casual conversation about it then.

First, I've only had 3 dates. Second, there has never been a discussion about having sex. If or when (she already knows I'm IC), I'm sure we will be prepared.