The "I told someone" thread

[ShyGirl91]

I've seen a lot of individual thread where its "I told person A" or "I told person B" but they drop down and get buried on different pages pretty quick. So I wanted to make a dedicated thread for if you told someone for the first time and to share you experience and get support if if didn't go so great.

Well, I told my Aunt monday and it didn't go so great and I'm still processing that. My aunt is the greatest listener in my life. Better than any therapist by far. I sat with her and talked for hours about tons of different pyschological stuff that was bothering me and she always seems to understand and give good feedback. So I thought that's a green light to bring up the AB Stuff and the look she gave me really hurt. Despite me trying to explain it all she could muster was "you want to be a baby???" and I'm like "its not a choice". Her: "well you have to throw that out" and my response was "sure, I can throw it out, but I can't throw out my brain". ugh...

How do you talk for hours on end and this one thing is the "problem", ugh... But anyway I sat down and wrote a decent sized and very deeply thought out explanation, so next time I see her I'll give it another shot. Just feeling kind of meh over the whole thing. And context I'm in my 30's and she's like 71. I value her opinion and love her, so I just wanted her to understand.

As always I just want to say how much I appreciate this place, since its here and only here where there's a full understanding of what we experience and I don't have to feel bad about myself, and get what I just said off my chest.

I'm so sorry to hear her reaction hurt you. I felt that. My mother is one who had a similar reaction when she found out. It hurts. The good news is, there are people out there who do understand and, even if they can't empathize (having not walked in our shoes), they are still compassionate.
I know this road can be a very lonely one to walk sometimes.
I'm not sure what you may have said in your written response but, I encourage you not to apologize for being yourself.
Also, while I don't know your aunt, it seems like she loves you. Many people, even loved ones, have a hard time wrapping their minds around this. Some are more uncomfortable about it than others; however, it doesn't mean they don't care. They just may need time because, to them, it's unusual and not a societal "norm".
I hope the best for you.

 

[LittleAndAlone]

Tempted to let my ex know some day so she can have closure and finally have answers I denied her for so many years. We had a long relationship spanning years. We were even engaged and picking baby names before having sex, bought a house together, had our whole lives planned.

Ultimately a huge contributing factor was my lack of initiating intimacy and lack of interest overall for obvious reasons. Me being ABDL and keeping it secret and her being vanilla. It did a number on her self esteem, etc. She went down the list over time asking if I was gay, interested in someone else, not pretty enough, etc. Though she correctly deduced I'm asexual in the end. Before I even realized it and knew the term.

We separated and made our peace and kept in contact and still talk to this day as good friends with lots of history. She's happily married and moved out of country now and I wish her the best.

Back then I was more DL than AB and it was fairly low frequency and much easier to hide and do without for long stretches. Add the common mistake of thinking I could put it aside at will and make it work. She tried really hard and asked if there was anything kinky I was into and I always denied it. Successfully kept it a secret. She's friends with all sorts of people including a furry or two and I know from experience she is open minded and non judgemental. It just wasn't something I was ready to share with another soul back then.

I expect her response would be anger. Like "that's all? That's why? Why didn't you tell me you ass!"

 

[Fleegster]

I told my mother about a month ago and it didn't go as planned as I thought it would. I'm trying to find was to make her more comfortable with what I like to wear to bed and how I feel most comfortable to sleep. I started a few years ago discovering I sleep better dressed as a baby/ little girl with the pink and frills. I'm naturally an adult male but like to spend time as a little girl as well. I also started to see a slight more comfort using a paci to sleep. How do I explain this as we do go out overnight as a family either camping or at a hotel. I feel comfortable with who I am just wish others would accept it and not feel like it was abnormal and what it to be cured in a way. If I'm comfortable with who I am how and what is the best way to try to get other family that I live with to understand. I got tired of sneaking around the house is why I told my mother and I feel more at ease as it was really taking its toll hiding it. Especially when she caught me wearing. I'm trying to tell my mother it's bathing she has done as it's just the way my mind copes with life.

 

[Stargazer93]

So I've been dancing around telling my psychologist and have been dropping major hints, lol

Like yeah, I could just tell him, but I'm curious what this guy actually knows. Like its so funny, Paraphillic infantilism is legit in the DSM-V, yet no mental health professional that I've gone to has ever heard of it

And they are always blown away like "wait you do what with diapers??" lol

So I've been saying stuff like:

"So with my ex I really liked when I asked to hold me and rock me like her infant, you know almost like she was playing mommy or something"

but he's not putting two and two together, lol

I'm just gonna strait up tell him next session, but I'm trying not to overwhelm the guy. He's 74 and wasn't even taking on new patients, but he said "you're one the most autistic people I've ever evaluated, and you have so many issues I can't in all good conscious turn you away" lol

So he knows about the Autism, he knows about the childhood trauma, abuse and neglect, but I'm trying to ease him into the AB and then at some point I'll throw the gender dysphoria stuff in there too.

I just love therapy

 

[Brandi]

I understand the desire to be accepted and to have your feelings validated. But I haven't seen many comments about the risks of disclosing highly personal information to others. Once that has been shared, you have no control over it. It could have very negative consequences for you in your family, community, and professional life.

Even if you are comfortable with people knowing today, it is hard to say how you'll feel about it in another decade and if social norms change (again). I think there is some wisdom in being cautious. There are so many stories of how people have been embarrassed by silly things they posted on social media as a teen, only to have it haunt them as a mid-career professional. Same principle here.

 

[Stargazer93]

Told my cousin today. We are both 35, we grew up together so she saw what my childhood was like. We were inseparable then.

She had a nightmare to deal with too as her mom was a massive drug addict and had trashy boyfriends being violent and trying to molest her, but one key difference despite all of that is her mother loved her, despite being lost to her demons.

Mine did not

I confessed everything, and showed her the pictures of me in the diaper with the pacifier and the babyhood and bottles and everything. I was very appreciative that she took it so well, and gave me her love and support.

She confirmed my suspicions regarding my mother. She said strait up as a little kid every single time I tried to hug my mother or crawl on her to hold me she would push me off and tell me to get off her. It all adds up.

As I prepare for the biggest dose of Ayahuasca I've ever taken next week I am going one by one to every friend, family member and loved one I have and confessing AB to them. Them giving me their love and support will help me find the strength to crawl through hell next week as I try with every once of my soul to purge this hate, pain and sadness from myself of meaning nothing to my mother my entire life.

We are stronger together united, then apart.

 

[Josephine]

I told my roommate. I was terrified at first but I'm glad that I did. There was lots of liquid currage involved but I can wear diapers any time I want to now and... um... they now contribute to my my wet diaper. I hope that doesn't seem gross.
Yes... I'm a huge watersports fan and it turns out that they are too.

 

[Andrewgdfw]

Ancient Persian writings warned of this: "The Moving Finger writes; and, having writ, Moves on: nor all thy Piety nor Wit Shall lure it back to cancel half a Line, Nor all thy Tears wash out a Word of it."

 

[Labrador]

As I stated elsewhere, I have told a couple of friends, whom I talk with regularly, or who have heard enough about me that they could probably figure it out anyway. Generally hint about it first. If it is relevant, and they seemed to react well, I might tell them that I wear diapers. But don’t give juicy details. That is irrelevant.

 

[Edgewater]

Ancient Persian writings warned of this: "The Moving Finger writes; and, having writ, Moves on: nor all thy Piety nor Wit Shall lure it back to cancel half a Line, Nor all thy Tears wash out a Word of it."

Clearly, the question of to Say something or Not has been around a long time! Truly great advise from Ancient Persian!

 

[Labrador]

My mother is one who had a similar reaction when she found out. It hurts.

Yes, my parents weren’t too thrilled either.
I thought you said at one point your parents were generally ok with it, so long as they don’t have to see anything.

 

[ShyGirl91]

Yes, my parents weren’t too thrilled either.
I thought you said at one point your parents were generally ok with it, so long as they don’t have to see anything.

No, that wasn't me. I did read that from someone else, though. I don't remember who it was. I always kept that part of me hidden from them, even when my mom accidentally found out.

 

[Labrador]

Ah. Are you on good terms with your parents? At least the parts of you that they can see? My family and I get along pretty well. Out of sight out of mind.

 

[ShyGirl91]

Ah. Are you on good terms with your parents? At least the parts of you that they can see? My family and I get along pretty well. Out of sight out of mind.

We are on okay terms. I don't trust them with certain things I do with others in my life.
Honestly, there's a lot of toxicity in my family so I don't go around them a ton but we do stay in contact.