Should i use this argument with the wife?

[87dervaTheExplora]

I mean. My honest opinion. If she can't accept you for who you are. And allow you to be yourself. Then why even still be married. We only get one life. When spend it hiding in shame around the one person you should be able to be free with.

This is the issue I'm having in my marriage. And not with DL bc and doesn't know, but other things

 

[87dervaTheExplora]

If my wife ever said that to me it would likely cause irreversible damage. I give you credit for your strength and commitment. I hope it was just said in a heat-of-the-moment context and properly apologized for.

Same here

 

[87dervaTheExplora]

First a bit of backstory. So I have been a DL for my whole life. I’m 43 now and have been married for 20 years. I made the mistake of waiting until 10 years after being married before confessing to my wife that I liked wearing and using diapers. She freaked out and almost took the kids and left. Fast forward to 10 years later and while she still hates it, she has given me permission to wear on my alone time. The problem is that I never have alone time because work together and we have kids at home. I will have the rare day off of work where o have the house to myself, but that’s like twice a year.

And here is now my question. My wife loves tattoos and has always known that I do not. Especially on a woman. She knew this going into marriage and she did not have any at the time. Since then, she has got two tattoos against my wishes. Not behind my back, but she basically said I wan one so deal with it. She is now looking to get a 3rd tattoo and im about to lay down a deal saying “if you get a 3rd tattoo knowing that I don’t like them, then I should be free to wear my diapers whenever I want”. Of course, it would only be when appropriate. I will never wear around my kids but I would love to wear to bed sometimes without fear of a flip out. Or if the kids are out of the house for whatever reason and we are alone.

Do you guys recommend this approach? Am I being too petty with the tattoo thing or do I have a right to something I enjoy in exchange for something she enjoys?

Don't do it. I feel like with the history you are setting up to be single with that method...

 

[Kayleigh]

If my wife ever said that to me it would likely cause irreversible damage. I give you credit for your strength and commitment. I hope it was just said in a heat-of-the-moment context and properly apologized for.

I agree with how upset I would be if my wife said that to me but I would also be upset if she truly felt that way but hid it. Unfortunately this gets to the issue with some women where they need to have a man fill a certain role that is absolutely contradictory to diapers or any sissy tendencies. As much as we can try to plead our case and apply logic and psychology, in some cases it is an impossibility.
My wife falls into this category where she cannot handle seeing me in a diaper. While frustrating I can understand it to a certain extent in that if my wife were to carry herself in a way that absolutely would turn me off, I would have issues. For example if my wife were to announce that she wanted to have sex with a man and have me watch, there is no way I could ever handle that.

 

[PaddedinHaslet]

I agree with how upset I would be if my wife said that to me but I would also be upset if she truly felt that way but hid it. Unfortunately this gets to the issue with some women where they need to have a man fill a certain role that is absolutely contradictory to diapers or any sissy tendencies. As much as we can try to plead our case and apply logic and psychology, in some cases it is an impossibility.
My wife falls into this category where she cannot handle seeing me in a diaper. While frustrating I can understand it to a certain extent in that if my wife were to carry herself in a way that absolutely would turn me off, I would have issues. For example if my wife were to announce that she wanted to have sex with a man and have me watch, there is no way I could ever handle that.

I have used that logic too. If my wife told me she wanted to start wearing men’s tighty whities (not the Tykables diapers), it would be a huge turn off for me. Would I allow her to wear them because she likes them and just have to deal with it? Or would i tell her she can only do it when I’m not around….much like what she tells me?

 

[Subtlerustle]

I agree with how upset I would be if my wife said that to me but I would also be upset if she truly felt that way but hid it. Unfortunately this gets to the issue with some women where they need to have a man fill a certain role that is absolutely contradictory to diapers or any sissy tendencies. As much as we can try to plead our case and apply logic and psychology, in some cases it is an impossibility.
My wife falls into this category where she cannot handle seeing me in a diaper. While frustrating I can understand it to a certain extent in that if my wife were to carry herself in a way that absolutely would turn me off, I would have issues. For example if my wife were to announce that she wanted to have sex with a man and have me watch, there is no way I could ever handle that.

That’s the extreme case, yes. Your counter example involves another partner outside of the relationship but I get your point.
In the case of the OP using a logical approach will likely disappoint because logic has nothing to do with being for or against diapers.
Upon further reflection of his question I’d suggest filling the notion of his opposition to body ink for another time his wife gets in his kitchen about his kink. Two points they can agree to disagree on as long as it’s with kindness. If either get mean or threatening then that’s a recipe for trouble.
My wife, thankfully has searched for examples of things that bring her comfort so that she can empathize with what a diaper provides for me. What brings her comfort doesn’t work for me but we understand each other on a human level. She doesn’t see what a diaper could mean sexually but is open minded and acknowledges that the brain is the biggest sex organ we have. If on the other hand someone is entrenched in their views, especially where religion is involved it’s an uphill battle. My question for the op’s wife would be how empathy and compassion can be ignored when they are Christian values as well.

 

[artemisenterri]

If my wife ever said that to me it would likely cause irreversible damage. I give you credit for your strength and commitment. I hope it was just said in a heat-of-the-moment context and properly apologized for.

Nope, neither was it a "heat of the moment" comment, nor was there ever an apology...

She's totally vanilla and thinks people like us are "sick, perverted freaks" for wearing diapers without a "medical need"... I've had to "ration" myself, and restrict my indulgences to times/places when she won't be around...

 

[Bigbabybret]

So, here is the way i see it:

If you use the term argument in any relation at all with your GF/Wife/SO/Partner/Etc.

Then just DONT DO IT!!!

Argument and your SO is not usually a good combination as a general rule.

 

[Subtlerustle]

Nope, neither was it a "heat of the moment" comment, nor was there ever an apology...

She's totally vanilla and thinks people like us are "sick, perverted freaks" for wearing diapers without a "medical need"... I've had to "ration" myself, and restrict my indulgences to times/places when she won't be around...

I’m sorry to hear that. Hopefully she’ll soften with time.

 

[artemisenterri]

I’m sorry to hear that. Hopefully she’ll soften with time.

Unfortunately this has been an ongoing attitude from her for over 20 years...

 

[PadPhilosopher]

Unfortunately this has been an ongoing attitude from her for over 20 years...

At least with that kind of time commitment, she's apparently able to ignore it enough to have a relationship with you anyway.

People are so complicated.

 

[artemisenterri]

At least with that kind of time commitment, she's apparently able to ignore it enough to have a relationship with you anyway.

People are so complicated.

Uh, no.. There hasn't been much "relationship" for several years now... I was kicked out of her bed and bedroom mid 2018. At the time, the house we were in had a spare bedroom I had to share with "stuff" being stored that there wasn't room to put anywhere else...

At the end of 21, we moved across state lines to a house that didn't have an extra bedroom for me to use... I slept on the couch for the first couple months, but then she decided I was somehow "making my couch stink like your sweat", and I got moved to a camping cot setup in the middle of another "junk" collection (she has thousands of dollars worth of fabric and crafting supplies taking up a whole room, yet always complained I had "too much" computer stuff if she ever saw more than 1 computer setup) in the hallway between the family room and the bedrooms used by our kids (who turn 22 and 21 this month). An physical "relations" have happened maybe once a year over the past 6 years...

She has treated me like my only reason for even being in the house is to do chores so she doesn't have to, and for my paychecks to be available for he to spend as she wishes (but heaven forbid I try to spend any money for anything I want)...

 

[Subtlerustle]

Uh, no.. There hasn't been much "relationship" for several years now... I was kicked out of her bed and bedroom mid 2018. At the time, the house we were in had a spare bedroom I had to share with "stuff" being stored that there wasn't room to put anywhere else...

At the end of 21, we moved across state lines to a house that didn't have an extra bedroom for me to use... I slept on the couch for the first couple months, but then she decided I was somehow "making my couch stink like your sweat", and I got moved to a camping cot setup in the middle of another "junk" collection (she has thousands of dollars worth of fabric and crafting supplies taking up a whole room, yet always complained I had "too much" computer stuff if she ever saw more than 1 computer setup) in the hallway between the family room and the bedrooms used by our kids (who turn 22 and 21 this month). An physical "relations" have happened maybe once a year over the past 6 years...

She has treated me like my only reason for even being in the house is to do chores so she doesn't have to, and for my paychecks to be available for he to spend as she wishes (but heaven forbid I try to spend any money for anything I want)...

Wow. That’s not very good. I’m truly sorry you’ve had to endure this. Is it her threat of shaming you that’s kept you in this dismal situation or are you still trying to fix it?

 

[artemisenterri]

Wow. That’s not very good. I’m truly sorry you’ve had to endure this. Is it her threat of shaming you that’s kept you in this dismal situation or are you still trying to fix it?

As much as I would like to say "both", it is definitely more of the first than the second. She refuses to recognize there is anything to fix other than me and my habits. She has developed a mindset where she's always right (even if she's wrong, and showing her proof she's wrong just starts fights) and I'm always wrong (even if I have definitive proof I am right). I am basically not welcome in what she considers "her" house (even though her name isn't on any of the paperwork, it is my mother's property). She says it's my fault, that I'm a "lazy, good for nothing" because I don't spend every minute of the day when I'm not at my job doing nothing but household chores (while she spends her days with no job, either lounging while watching TV, reading books, or playing on her phone and tablet, sometimes combining them). Her idea of "doing chores" is sitting on a chair directing everyone else to do the work while she plays on her phone or tablet. She complains my paychecks "aren't enough" to pay the bills, and won't get a job herself because she says I "owe" her for the time she worked 2 jobs while I was getting my degree over 20 years ago...

 

[PadPhilosopher]

As much as I would like to say "both", it is definitely more of the first than the second. She refuses to recognize there is anything to fix other than me and my habits. She has developed a mindset where she's always right (even if she's wrong, and showing her proof she's wrong just starts fights) and I'm always wrong (even if I have definitive proof I am right). I am basically not welcome in what she considers "her" house (even though her name isn't on any of the paperwork, it is my mother's property). She says it's my fault, that I'm a "lazy, good for nothing" because I don't spend every minute of the day when I'm not at my job doing nothing but household chores (while she spends her days with no job, either lounging while watching TV, reading books, or playing on her phone and tablet, sometimes combining them). Her idea of "doing chores" is sitting on a chair directing everyone else to do the work while she plays on her phone or tablet. She complains my paychecks "aren't enough" to pay the bills, and won't get a job herself because she says I "owe" her for the time she worked 2 jobs while I was getting my degree over 20 years ago...

Wow. So relatable. I admire you for trying to stick it out and keep your promise. Most would have decided to suffer the airing of laundry in hopes of finding someone kinder afterward. The fact that you're true to her says great things about you. I hope one day she realizes what she's got.

 

[Kayleigh]

Wow. So relatable. I admire you for trying to stick it out and keep your promise. Most would have decided to suffer the airing of laundry in hopes of finding someone kinder afterward. The fact that you're true to her says great things about you. I hope one day she realizes what she's got.

Is being true to his promise such a great thing? He is totally being taken advantage of and quite frankly is being abused. If he was doing that to his wife he would probably be brought up on charges. He needs to establish some balance.
I’m not sure why he subjects himself to the threat of being shamed as his reason to put up with her behavior but perhaps the fact that he does put up with her is why she calls him names. I would consider removing all traces of DL interests so he can disavow it (unless there are pictures or other evidence) and then have a reset of the relationship. No reset, then threaten a separation.

 

[PadPhilosopher]

Is being true to his promise such a great thing? He is totally being taken advantage of and quite frankly is being abused. If he was doing that to his wife he would probably be brought up on charges. He needs to establish some balance.
I’m not sure why he subjects himself to the threat of being shamed as his reason to put up with her behavior but perhaps the fact that he does put up with her is why she calls him names. I would consider removing all traces of DL interests so he can disavow it (unless there are pictures or other evidence) and then have a reset of the relationship. No reset, then threaten a separation.

Keeping promises is a very great thing. I agree this is an abusive relationship, but suffering with honor is better than pleasure with dishonor.

 

[Tenawearer]

A relationship is about give and take. Sounds more like a dictatorship. Time to clear the decks.

 

[Kayleigh]

I think his suffering is a dishonor to himself. I agree that promises are not to be broken lightly but one needs to know when to reevaluate when conditions change.

 

[Prillprillprill]

It makes me so sad to hear this kind of thing. People so desperate to just be accepted. I will never understand why someone would have a problem with their spouse wearing diapers. I just can't imagine caring about that. It's truly sad. Tbh I can't image caring about someone having a tattoo either, as long as it's not of an X's name or on their face! Haha