Who are we? A look at mental illness thread -- unless of course if no one comments then it's not a thread

[ThatHiddenDL]

So, this is something that I often think of . . . do I actually know the real me? This may seem like a strange thing to ask. But, for a person that is bipolar, I'd like to think that it's not really a strange question.

I was diagnosed with bipolar II a little more than a year ago, but with what I would say is a majority of us, it is not uncommon to go years without a proper and formal diagnosis--after all, bipolar is a sneaky and elusive disorder that is often overlooked because people only seek help when they are experiencing the extremes of the condition without true context of the extent of the symptoms.

That is me . . . It took years to get a proper diagnosis.

A question that I find myself asking is "who or what is the real me?" To be honest, this is a very vexing problem because I don't know what extreme is the real me. They say that there is a point of normalcy where your mood is balanced, but I don't know that I can even identify it.

I honestly don't know if high energy, irritable, goal oriented me is the real me or if the quiet, broody, highly adverse to social interaction, is the real me. Theoretically, there should be a period of in between, but I can't even identify that.

I think about this often and wonder if I actually, in my adult life, know who I really am. Maybe when I was younger I knew it ( also I'm not that old).

Sometimes it makes me feel completely lost. I feel lost between the person that can get things done and the person that would just not want to wake up the next day. The in between is unknowable to me because I can't identify it.

I'm posting this out of impulse, but I'm also posting this out of curiosity. Does anyone else get these feelings--being caught in between. Do you ever feel like you don't know the real you?

 

[kinkygaybottom]

You are the first person ever to strike a cord and hit something close to me. I have never understood me, nor have I ever felt the true real me.
Many times I am completely lost as to who am I? I am lost between what people expect me to be, and what I think I can be.
I have no idea who I should be.

Its shocking.

Still, every day even at the age of 49, its how I feel daily!

 

[ThatHiddenDL]

It's rough. And when other people pick up on it there's no way to explain it that they will really understand--it's pretty much not worth explaining at all. It's just not something that "normal people" can identify with.

 

[Sapphyre]

In Buddhism, this exact question and thought-experiment is encouraged. The goal of the exercise is to gradually discover for yourself one of the Buddha's conclusions: the essence of "you" cannot be isolated or pinned down anywhere. It is impossible to find any kind of unchanging core characteristics to point to and identify as your real deep-down self.

That said, to me it often feels like an onion: it might just be layers and layers all the way down, but it is still personally meaningful as each one is pulled back to reveal something "truer" beneath.

 

[Drifter]

A question that I find myself asking is "who or what is the real me?"

It's only been a couple hundred thousand years since people have been asking that question. Maybe you need to give it a little more time?

Normal people generally identify with some combination of occupation and religious beliefs, and let it go at that. They have labels, such as "mental illness", to handle situations they have no direct experience with and so can't identify with. I tend to believe the real me is one with the universe. That belief is solidly based on some useless BS I read.

 

[RainbowDashie]

i have bipolar NOS, Borderline personality, autism ,and Major depressive disorder, and ptsd. I barely remember the me before the illnesses got me, but mom said i was a very sweet kind and innocent young lady who was polite to everyone and naïve to a fault, she said i struggled with school but besides that i got my homework done on time and tried my best to be social, when i turned 15 i experienced my first psychosis episode and well, it all went downhill from there i guess. im back in therapy again starting this spring and im hoping to pick up where i left off.