Well, thats progress

[IWannawear]

So, I've posted before that I have urge UIC, leak/dribble, occasionally have uncommanded release with running water or when standing after sitting a while. I have also had night wets/leakage, and I use pullups with a men's pad booster to 'handle things', but also that my wife has been pretty unaccepting/unhappy about where I am and what I wear to manage things.

I've been using Tena or Northshore pullups with Tena mens pad booster discretely for the past couple of months since stepping up my protection. Had a few mornings waking up with a wet spot in my briefs at the back end of the men's pads, and did not want a wet spot in the bed. After my evening shower I use the toilet room part of our main bathroom to put everything together and put on the pullup and cover up briefs (which are for support and leave the waist band and leg bands vissible), then step out into the main bathroom to get my onsie and pj pants on. A few times in the last week she has either walked in while I was getting dressed, or been in the bathroom when I opened the door to get onsie and pjs, and has seen the pullup.

Surpisingly, nothing seems to have changed, no comments, only a couple of looks as I finished dressing. Last week as we were passing in the hall she patted my tush, and last night, after seeing me getting dressed, I was adjusting the blinds on her side of the bed and she grabbed/pinched my buttcheek.

Seems minor, but to me it's huge to have even a little unspoken acceptance, but I keep waiting for 'the talk'.

 

[NappiedTruckDriver]

She may have been reading up and realised you’re doing the best thing but still being discreet

 

[Deleted member 74790]

It's an adjustment for her as well and not easy to see your adult husband becoming incontinent and having to wearing a diaper. My wife wasn't happy when my bladder started acting up and I ended up in nighttime diapers after wetting the bed but accepted this was part of "bad" times we face in our lives. I did exactly what you are doing by diapering myself and laundering my diapers to try to minimize her exposure to it. Eventually she accepted it as the new normal and even joked how I looked like a big toddler as I waddle about in the morning in my bulky nighttime diapers. We all face challenges as we grow older and how we deal with them is important. Continue to keep her feelings in mind going forward and hopefully she'll accept your incontinence as just part of life. Good luck.

 

[Edgewater]

There seems to be a common thread and therefore a possible link to one's starting in ABDL and becoming U-IC. With great hope, you have been seeing your MD and you have undergone tests, tried medications and find yourself U-IC and that is part of your medical records. At some-point early-on, you likely failed to include your wife as part of those visits and she was left following your transitions without the medical insider information. With great luck, she as been able to connect the Medical with the Fantasy. Consider taking her on your next medical check-up.

Rejoice in her signs of excepting your U-IC with ABDL. As stated so well by AZAnnie2, above keep her feelings in mind!

 

[slimjiminy]

It's an adjustment for her as well and not easy to see your adult husband becoming incontinent and having to wearing a diaper. My wife wasn't happy when my bladder started acting up and I ended up in nighttime diapers after wetting the bed but accepted this was part of "bad" times we face in our lives. ... We all face challenges as we grow older and how we deal with them is important. Continue to keep her feelings in mind going forward and hopefully she'll accept your incontinence as just part of life. Good luck.

Very true that. We struggled at first when the doctor said that diabetes nerve damage was making me U-IC (and during the pandemic when there was no washroom access). Then 6 months after I started to wear for U-IC on trips away from home, I started wetting the bed. At first her suggestion was to use pull-ups but I knew that it was going to require briefs.

In a nutshell, I settled eventually on the cloth backed TENA (NA) Super briefs, which also require wearing a plastic pant. She was not keen on the (Priva) plastic pants (that she calls "baby pants"). These are plain and clear with no babyish designs. It took months before she encouraged me to hang the plastic pants up in the shower after being washed because prior to that I kept them out of sight. So I do dry them in the shower now and she confides that she'll never get used to them. But implied is the fact that she accepts my need to wear them.

So even though I had acceptance of my own to manage, she was learning to accept as well. Now it is just another thing that I do in addition to taking my pills and insulin. I think any spouse with awareness of AB/DL may also resist even when the need is real due to incontinence. So do allow your spouse time for her own acceptance. Work through your changes slowly and keep it low profile and discreet. Don't be crazy like some and ask to be babied and expect your wife to become your mommy (that is rather a selfish expectation at best). Try to imagine her own view point.

Time helps to adjust your sense of "normal".

 

[IWannawear]

Very true that. We struggled at first when the doctor said that diabetes nerve damage was making me U-IC (and during the pandemic when there was no washroom access). Then 6 months after I started to wear for U-IC on trips away from home, I started wetting the bed. At first her suggestion was to use pull-ups but I knew that it was going to require briefs.

In a nutshell, I settled eventually on the cloth backed TENA (NA) Super briefs, which also require wearing a plastic pant. She was not keen on the (Priva) plastic pants (that she calls "baby pants"). These are plain and clear with no babyish designs. It took months before she encouraged me to hang the plastic pants up in the shower after being washed because prior to that I kept them out of sight. So I do dry them in the shower now and she confides that she'll never get used to them. But implied is the fact that she accepts my need to wear them.

So even though I had acceptance of my own to manage, she was learning to accept as well. Now it is just another thing that I do in addition to taking my pills and insulin. I think any spouse with awareness of AB/DL may also resist even when the need is real due to incontinence. So do allow your spouse time for her own acceptance. Work through your changes slowly and keep it low profile and discreet. Don't be crazy like some and ask to be babied and expect your wife to become your mommy (that is rather a selfish expectation at best). Try to imagine her own view point.

Time helps to adjust your sense of "normal".

Understand all of this, it has not been an easy trip for either of us due to previous ABDL attempt, so I understand her trepidation... due to current job and lack of access to facilities I've been using condom cath and a bag at work, and slowly upgrading protection at home as actually needed, and probably waiting a little longer than I should before making each upgrade.

It is in my med records, have seen Urology a couple of times, but passed on meds. Side effects, etc... we're not worth it to me, as headache, and a few others are an issue for me. She has not wanted to go in the past..

When she chooses to discuss it more I will, but, for now, she knows pretty much where things stand.

Ps.. I've worn onsie for years, as a mechanic they are great, as I didn't have to keep tucking my shirt in with greasy hands.... retired Military, so t shirt HAS to be tucked... so she is very used to me having a solid color, non little-ish onsie on pretty much 24/7.

 

[IWannawear]

Have also been fighting low back issues, had 3rd but of Covid in Nov, etc.. but, anyway, with work and back issues I've not been sleeping great, and the last two nights have not woken up to pee, and woke up wet, pretry well usedan up the pad and 2/3 of the pullup.
Normally up 1 to 3 times a night, depending on fluid intake, etc., which haven't really changed, only real change was sleep patterns and reduced activity after work due to sore back.
Talked to wife briefly yesterday morning after she asked how I slept, sat with it for a few minutex, didnt want to just dump it on her, finally just told her 'never woke up to use the bathroom', she asked if I had enough to drink the day before, I told her yes, and repeated 'never woke up..'. She looked at me as it registered, so I added 'yes, woke up wet.',. She thought a bit then said something like "that's not good, but at least you aren't dehydrated".

So, still dealing with it all, but she understands where things are with me, understands why I added the pullup, and still loves me.... even if she doesn't love my current choice in underwear...