Tips, tricks, and hacks for living with Incontinence successfully

[sledder23]

Thought I’d post a thread that might help others on this journey of living with and managing incontinence that provides useful information from those of us more experienced with the various types of management strategies. Some might use absorbents, others might use caths, Botox, drainage bags, and a variety of other methods to manage the conditions. I’ll also share what helps me with the mental aspect and hope others will chime in with what works for them.

1. My management style: is diapers and pads. I’ve used them since I was a teen at night for bed wetting that never went away. This now works for my urge incontinence resulting from diabetes and best and helps me live a normal life that doesn’t involve side effects of prescriptions or surgery.

2. Tips/Hacks: choose the right fit, absorbency, and discreteness for your needs. A good fitting diaper that isn’t too thick yet does the job is a lifesaver. I try to be very discreet with my protection and it is always under a Garywear Active cover. I like the cover because it provides leakage protection if my bladder is more than my diaper can absorb and prevents my diaper from being visible to the public should I bend over and my shirt isn’t long enough. I alway wear a long untucked shirt with jeans to hide any telltale diaper shapes in the midsection. So far, I’ve never been discovered. Cargo shorts are my favorite in the summer. Cool and concealing but move with my protection in a comfortable discrete way.

In warm weather and when I’m working, I’ll switch over to a shaped heavy pad in compression shorts that will allow my body to breathe more knowing my urine output will be lower. Works good for a few hours or one urge release.

Keep enough supplies on hand for whatever situation you’re in. Have a spare case of diapers on hand where if you’re facing a supply shortage you can avoid running out for a month or two. I travel a lot and keep my “computer” bag with me at all times. One pocket has 4 diapers and a package of wipes in it. If I’m wet and risking a leak, I’ll duck into a hotel lobby’s bathroom and change. Most are single stalls and offer privacy and cleanliness while on the road.

Have multiple absorbencies for the days/nights events. I have 4-5 on hand for whatever I’m going to be doing.

Don’t wait too long to change. If it
leaks, I’ve lost the battle. I’ve taken a good amount of time testing and experimenting with my diapers and pads, and I know how they’ll perform and for how long they’ll last.

3. Mental health tips: don’t give incontinence any more power than the condition it is. For me, I wear a little thicker underwear than the average person (diapers) designed to compensate for my diabetic bladder. Being discreet pays dividends mentally because no one knows. Most are too busy with life to realize that I’m wearing a diaper. I’ve never been asked about it, and I lead a very active lifestyle.

Purchase supplies online. No one has to see your purchase when it shows up in an unmarked box and it stays discrete. Keeps your needs private, and for me provides peace of mind.

Develop a support system. For me, my wife is the person (outside of this group) where I can share concerns, victories, and thoughts about my condition with no judgment or negative feedback. She’s supported me on this journey in the same way I’ve supported her with her health issues. She’s encouraged me to see my doctor and she’s been helpful with behavioral changes to minimize my urgency. But accidents still happen daily and she doesn’t mind when it happens. We both know that I’ve done what I’m comfortable with to manage incontinence and that is what works for me. Keeps the head game at bay.

I manage my health decisions with information and staying informed about current treatments. I’ve told my doctors where my boundaries are and expect them to respect my decisions. I’ll fire them if they don’t. Keeps things in perspective.

Anyway, hope this helps and wish everyone the best in managing incontinence. Please feel free to add your own tips regardless of management style as it may really help the next person who might be new or looking for a solution.

 

[Edgewater]

I have been 24/7, U-IC for 46 years now and what I have worn over the years has changed, commonly regarding technical advancement in Product! Today, I wear a combination of old tech and new technology. 46 years ago there were two options; cloth diapers and diaper covers or hose and bag. I came home from hospital after recovery from the car crash that changed the way I dress for the rest of my life. After a serious connection failure of the hose and bag system, my dear wife collected spare flat cloth diapers from our then 1 year old Son and purchased adult plastic pants at the drug store and I have been in diapers ever since.

As a retired, mechanical engineer, I now wear a pre-folded, daytime weight, cloth diaper and NorthShore's Trifecta Diaper Cover and at night I wear a NorthShore MEGAMAX diaper and their Trifecta Diaper Cover. During the day, I wear the cloth diaper with a scheduled change every three to four hours and at night the MEGA MAX, with a change around 10 to 12 hours.

The car crash caused problems with communications at the L5-S1, which explains the variation of night time communication with the Kidneys and my either flooding or near dry diaper by morning. If I choose to return to night time weight, cloth, pre-folded diapers, I would have to use two with a flat cloth diaper folder in half between each pre-folded diaper to have the needed absorbance of the MEGAMAX and would need to go up a full size to assure a proper fit of the diaper cover.

Know the capacity limits of your diaper and your normal length of time that diaper will allow before leak problems begin. If my schedule changes, I will simply change to a fresh diaper before leaving home. If I am already out and about, and I am nearing a schedule change, I will change and not chance a leak. Target: Over Pad and as a result, its much better to not leak then to push the diaper beyond its limits. NOTE: All diapers will leak, commonly as a result of Human Error!!

Mental Strength: Diapers Happen!! We start life out in diapers and most of us will move back into them with age! Some of us started and will continue until we move-on! Others, will revisit diapers earlier because of physical trauma, organ failure(s) or illness(es). Self-acceptance is critical as wearing diapers everyday can be frustration (why me!!). As a result of the car crash, I was married with a very young child and a profession that I loved. Getting back out that front door was monitory for me and if that meant wearing diapers everyday, all day and all night, that was my new life.

A Supporting and Loving Partner: There is no question that my dear wife was the one that recommended and put together what I would wear as my underwear for the rest of my life. She diapered me that first day and with both of her guys in fresh cloth diapers, out the front door we when! There was no question that both of her guys were wearing diapers. To my shock, no one took a double look or made comment! And that was before cell phones.

90% of the issue with wearing diapers is all in your head! Get over yourself and get out there!

 

[slimjiminy]

My situation is a little different than many here. Mine is due to long term diabetes causing nerve damage. But my U-IC is normally only a problem when my bladder gets near full. When that happens, the urge becomes urgent and I'll start to pee or it becomes painful if I try to hold it back. Under these conditions, I can function "normally" as long as I don't allow my bladder to get full. But take me away from a toilet for 3+ hours, or put in a situation where I might have to "hold it" like standing in line, then I need a protection. There is no full and "hold it" for me anymore.

About 6 months after my U-IC diagnoses, I started to wet the bed from time to time. For this reason, I wear a TENA Super and plastic pants to keep the bed dry. There is also an absorbent underpad, just in case.

Over time I also ended up having day time diarrhea incidents that were impossible to hold back. This has been the greater struggle for me. It is for this reason, I usually wear a pull-up in the day time. A big help in this regard was quitting coffee. Coffee often lead to U-IC and a couple hours later urgent bowel movements. I still struggle with diarrhea and do some limited management with whole psyllium husks.

In a sense, I am 24/7 because of pull-ups during the day and a diaper at night. But I rarely wet/soil the daily pull-ups. A diaper is better for diarrhea, but inconvenient for toilet use. So I get by most of the time using the toilet and the pull-up mostly saves the day if I have a F-IC accident. It doesn't happen often, but sometimes at night I get tired in front of tv/computer and wet my pull-up. It's no big deal then because I shortly change into my night diaper anyway.

Acceptance has been a journey for me. It took my wife about a year to accept my new IC needs. But she keeps it quiet and otherwise supports me now. I used to feel weird putting on my diaper at night and changing out of one in the morning before the shower. Now, it seems almost a normal part of my daily routine. With summer approaching, I'll be attending sporting events out in the sun for 4+ hours. That means I'll have to wear a diaper out in public and wash up when I get home. It's no big deal anymore- it allows me to enjoy events that would otherwise have kept me at home.

 

[JulestheFloof]

Friends will be incredibly understanding. If they're not, there's something wrong with THEM, not you. I've told most of my friends I leak urine if I laugh or sneeze, especially if we're all hanging out and drinking or sitting on the sofa, because that's when it tends to happen most intensely for me. If I'm carrying on with my friends, I've come close to nearly emptying my entire bladder just by laughing too hard.

I've now had accidents happen and been diapered (under clothes) in front of them, and it has never impacted our friendship in any way. And that's the way it should be!

 

[Pino]

My situation is a little different than many here.

I am very close to that.

My best tip: Try as many products as needed. This counts for pants, pads, diapers, catheters, leg bags and everything else. The differences in the products and even procedures can be surprising.

 

[NotTheAverageMan]

My tip, is wear a diaper which is a notch thicker and more absorbent than what is needed. That has been a lifesaver for me several times.
I’m prescribed tena maxi for daytime use, and Tena Ultima for nighttime. However I’m also now using the Tena Ultima when I’m at work. It has only been a very few times where I had used up all capacity in the Ultima.
Also, if going on a trip or going out where I know I’ll be drinking more than I normally do, I use a Betterdry diaper, less discrete, but with appropriate clothing the Betterdry is still fairly discrete. At least more than wet pants.

 

[Joeysms]

when it comes to dealing with incontinence and the various ways to manage it there is no one size fits situation/solution. people will share similar forms of UC caused but a host of reasons, however everyone is unique. it is all trial and error. i think most important is realizing there is nothing shameful or embarrassing about UC and wearing diapers to manage it. you find a system and routine that works best for you and your life style. finding the diapers that best fit and works for your comfort, manageability, absorbency, etc. a diaper that works for one person maybe work for you. there are various diapers and pullups that are suitable for various activities so keep a selection of diapers and pullup on hand. don't be afraid to ask questions. stay connected with your doctor/doctors to help monitor your UC for it will change over time. keep supportive people in your life if a person can't be supportive you don't need that person in your life for life is challenging enough without negative people. having UC doesn't mean you have to isolate yourself aware. handling UC just require some planning ahead time for whatever your day will bring.

 

[SparkyDog]

Lots of things have been said already
but I'll share
protect your bed beyond wearing a diaper
beds are a huge cost
I have a waterproof mattress protector
they are really nice now not those plastic sheets from the 70's to 90's
they make no noise now

on top of that I sleep on a washable soaker pad
IF my diaper should leak the soaker pad goes in the wash instead of all my bedding and if things are real bad the mattress is protected.

next to hygiene hygiene hygiene
if possible clean your diaper area well between each change this will prevent lots of skin issues
use baby powder to keep sweat & moisture at bay
shower daily and make sure you're completely dry before you diaper up again.

i sometimes sit in my birthday suit on a soaker pad for a while so my skin can breathe
germs love warm & moist conditions and just a small leap away from diaper rashes & fungal infection with out proper hygiene

 

[berrt]

My situation is a little different than many here.

I think a few of us are very similar in this aspect. While I still retain nearly all of my control I do get pretty frequent and painful cramps in my bladder - it sometimes feels like it flutters when it is getting full. It also gets irritated when I am dehydrated and my urine is more concentrated.

The problem is with my POTs I am either always full due to intake requirements or I am dehydrated and more concentrated. Holding it for too long in either situation is uncomfortable at best and pretty painful at worst.

I have also started to notice that my "flow rate" fluctuates when I am not wearing a brief. Sometimes I can feel like I'm about to bust and it will slowly flow out or I have to concentrate and push hard to get it to go, and other times it flows like a firehose.

As far as management goes I do try to find a balance in my hydration to get into some sort of equalibrium. When I go out of the house for a few hours I do try to maintain my fluids and will wear an incontrol BeDry brief (good volume + pretty slim). I do often wear a brief during my working hours - I work from home, but I also want to be able to stay at my computer for a few hours at a time without having to the bathroom and loosing focus. I can go most evenings and night time without anything by just going to the bathroom as needed and then in the morning running to the bathroom when my alarm goes off.

My wife supports me in a way that she says to wear one if I need it, but she doesn't talk about them or bring it up when I am wearing them - it is now just a non-conversation piece. My kids have no idea and I intend on it staying that way.

 

[sledder23]

Lots of things have been said already
but I'll share
protect your bed beyond wearing a diaper
beds are a huge cost
I have a waterproof mattress protector
they are really nice now not those plastic sheets from the 70's to 90's
they make no noise now

on top of that I sleep on a washable soaker pad
IF my diaper should leak the soaker pad goes in the wash instead of all my bedding and if things are real bad the mattress is protected.

next to hygiene hygiene hygiene
if possible clean your diaper area well between each change this will prevent lots of skin issues
use baby powder to keep sweat & moisture at bay
shower daily and make sure you're completely dry before you diaper up again.

i sometimes sit in my birthday suit on a soaker pad for a while so my skin can breathe
germs love warm & moist conditions and just a small leap away from diaper rashes & fungal infection with out proper hygiene

Great advice and something I do. We have a PUL mattress cover that is absolutely silent and very comfortable to sleep on and it is 100% waterproof. Diapers leak and it’s not uncommon to wake up with wet spots on my pj’s… even with a PUL cover over the diaper. The mattress protector keeps the bed hygienic and clean and is something I’ve had on my bed my whole life.

 

[GeorgeG]

I think a few of us are very similar in this aspect. While I still retain nearly all of my control I do get pretty frequent and painful cramps in my bladder - it sometimes feels like it flutters when it is getting full. It also gets irritated when I am dehydrated and my urine is more concentrated.

The problem is with my POTs I am either always full due to intake requirements or I am dehydrated and more concentrated. Holding it for too long in either situation is uncomfortable at best and pretty painful at worst.

I have also started to notice that my "flow rate" fluctuates when I am not wearing a brief. Sometimes I can feel like I'm about to bust and it will slowly flow out or I have to concentrate and push hard to get it to go, and other times it flows like a firehose.

As far as management goes I do try to find a balance in my hydration to get into some sort of equalibrium. When I go out of the house for a few hours I do try to maintain my fluids and will wear an incontrol BeDry brief (good volume + pretty slim). I do often wear a brief during my working hours - I work from home, but I also want to be able to stay at my computer for a few hours at a time without having to the bathroom and loosing focus. I can go most evenings and night time without anything by just going to the bathroom as needed and then in the morning running to the bathroom when my alarm goes off.

My wife supports me in a way that she says to wear one if I need it, but she doesn't talk about them or bring it up when I am wearing them - it is now just a non-conversation piece. My kids have no idea and I intend on it staying that way.

All interesting. how old are your kids? Mine is 14, and I think he probably knows, but is OK about it. but I still basically hide it from him. Interesting condition you have, either dehydrated or too full. With control, but pain. I think bladder spasms can be so unpleasant, that it is easy for me to just wee into a pad, to escape the spasm. which would be a bit like you.

 

[fredy552]

I was new to this a little over 3 years ago and did the trial-and-error thing. I agree with all the above advice that is why I joined ADISC to read what others are doing and get reassurance to keep moving on in life which I have done I think and yes, I work 3 days a week and also belong to a couple of men's groups and NO ONE HAS EVER NOTICED AND IF THEY DID THEY DID NOT SAY ANYTHING ABOUT MY DIAPER AND PLASTIC PANT use.
Thank You All for the advice and the caring.

 

[Wetshisbed]

I was new to this a little over 3 years ago and did the trial-and-error thing. I agree with all the above advice that is why I joined ADISC to read what others are doing and get reassurance to keep moving on in life which I have done I think and yes, I work 3 days a week and also belong to a couple of men's groups and NO ONE HAS EVER NOTICED AND IF THEY DID THEY DID NOT SAY ANYTHING ABOUT MY DIAPER AND PLASTIC PANT use.
Thank You All for the advice and the caring.

11 years and counting since I started wearing nappies all the time and no one has ever commented so whether anyone does notice I don't know.

 

[princessarya]

My biggest piece of advice is to always bring more diapers with you than you need. If you think you need 3, bring 4 because the tapes will rip on one, not work on another and the 3rd won't hold as much as normal.

 

[Jellyfish]

1) If traveling by airplane in the US, pack your diapers/supplies alone in a separate bag. That bag qualifies as medical supplies and by law does not count against any carry-on bag allowance.

2) If you are traveling, consider having supplies shipped directly to the hotel so that you do not have to carry everything. This works great if you are going to be there more than a few days.

3) When out and about, especially in social situations, wear more protection than you think you need. Sometimes it takes longer than expected to find an opportunity to change. Nobody notices bulk, but everyone notices wet pants.

4) Wear dark pants; they hide wet spots better. Just in case of a leak.

5) Put 2 or 3 changes in a plastic grocery bag and keep them in your car. Sooner or later you will need one.

6) If you are concerned about your shirt riding up and waistband showing, invest in a bodysuit.

7) Always keep a spare case of supplies (or a week's worth, minimum) on hand in case a natural disaster or other event disrupts sources of supply,

8) If you ever find yourself in a situation where you need supples TODAY and the drugstore stuff is not suitable, try facebook marketplace. There is always a lot of different stuff for sale that can be picked up same-day.

9) There are 101 ways to manage IC, (diapers/pads/pullups/resuables/collection bag/meds, etc). Try as many as you can. Sometimes the one that seems horrible at first glance actually works the best in the end. Focus on what objectively performs the best for you and not on what others might think.

 

[slimjiminy]

5) Put 2 or 3 changes in a plastic grocery bag and keep them in your car. Sooner or later you will need one.

Getting a plastic grocery bag is a thing of the past for us in Ontario, unfortunately. I have a feeling that is spreading to many other places as well. However, you can buy white kitchen catcher bags instead.

 

[Edgewater]

It is a sad bit of humor, but: Did we not give-up paper grocery bags for the environment for plastic bags. And surprise, now they are an environmental issues!! Anyone else that did see this coming?

 

[ballyhooser]

1) If traveling by airplane in the US, pack your diapers/supplies alone in a separate bag. That bag qualifies as medical supplies and by law does not count against any carry-on bag allowance.

2) If you are traveling, consider having supplies shipped directly to the hotel so that you do not have to carry everything. This works great if you are going to be there more than a few days.

3) When out and about, especially in social situations, wear more protection than you think you need. Sometimes it takes longer than expected to find an opportunity to change. Nobody notices bulk, but everyone notices wet pants.

4) Wear dark pants; they hide wet spots better. Just in case of a leak.

5) Put 2 or 3 changes in a plastic grocery bag and keep them in your car. Sooner or later you will need one.

6) If you are concerned about your shirt riding up and waistband showing, invest in a bodysuit.

7) Always keep a spare case of supplies (or a week's worth, minimum) on hand in case a natural disaster or other event disrupts sources of supply,

8) If you ever find yourself in a situation where you need supples TODAY and the drugstore stuff is not suitable, try facebook marketplace. There is always a lot of different stuff for sale that can be picked up same-day.

9) There are 101 ways to manage IC, (diapers/pads/pullups/resuables/collection bag/meds, etc). Try as many as you can. Sometimes the one that seems horrible at first glance actually works the best in the end. Focus on what objectively performs the best for you and not on what others might think.

 

[ballyhooser]

All good suggestions. I’ve had diapers shipped in the past if I’m staying at a hotel for a few days. Traveling is challenging with incontinence. If Immgoing for a few days I always just carry what I’ll need. With diaper boosters traveling I average 3 diapers a day/night. At home I use cloth diapers with plastic pants at night. Always a good idea to wear Gary or any cloth or Terry lined plastic pants over disposables traveling. I don’t use those covers often at home but traveling, especially long plane trips, the opportunity to change is sometimes difficult and the diaper covers come in handy. In Japan the drug stores have above average absorbancy diapers, compared to the US. Also found some adequate diapers in Italy, Portugal, Thailand, Hong Kong, and the UK.

 

[slimjiminy]

It is a sad bit of humor, but: Did we not give-up paper grocery bags for the environment for plastic bags. And surprise, now they are an environmental issues!! Anyone else that did see this coming?

I think it is thought that plastic garbage is more harmful than paper garbage. I know that I sure miss the convenience of plastic grocery bags!