Other men who are alone?

[southeastlittle]

For those born male- how did things turn out for you? Do you feel fulfilled and happy, and if so, do you have a significant other? Are you completely at-ease and yourself with that person, or are you still faking it? Do you have good friends you can 'let loose' with?

I am a decent-looking guy in my mid-30's who is quickly realizing I have no friends, no prospective romantic partners and have a negative outlook on life. I wonder if I take myself too seriously, if I think too much, or too little. I wonder how many others feel like they are unable to relate to other people, and how many others are out there like me who are productive members of society, present themselves well, groom, are polite but find themselves completely outside of normal society.

I don't mean to be a negative Nancy on this site but I'm trying to understand life as it is for me now in relation to the experience of my peers.

 

[SparkyDog]

As someone who is Asexual and "single"
I wish to be single. I understand I have no SO or family but I am fine with that choice.
Am I happy? No, but not due to those choices

 

[southeastlittle]

As someone who is Asexual and "single"
I wish to be single. I understand I have no SO or family but I am fine with that choice.
Am I happy? No, but not due to those choices

Can you explain further? How do you know you're Asexual? What do you mean by 'Not due to those choices'?

 

[SparkyDog]

How do I know I am Asexual? Because I have no sexual or other feelings towards either gender
I have no desire to be romantically involved with others.

Life is a long road and world's not in the best place and happiness isn't something I feel at the moment

 

[ItsyBitsyBabySara]

For those born male- how did things turn out for you? Do you feel fulfilled and happy, and if so, do you have a significant other? Are you completely at-ease and yourself with that person, or are you still faking it? Do you have good friends you can 'let loose' with?

I am a decent-looking guy in my mid-30's who is quickly realizing I have no friends, no prospective romantic partners and have a negative outlook on life. I wonder if I take myself too seriously, if I think too much, or too little. I wonder how many others feel like they are unable to relate to other people, and how many others are out there like me who are productive members of society, present themselves well, groom, are polite but find themselves completely outside of normal society.

I don't mean to be a negative Nancy on this site but I'm trying to understand life as it is for me now in relation to the experience of my peers.

Dude at your age I was in the same boat. Alone with really no friends unless they were just online friends. I felt like I was a freak cause I wanted to be a baby but not just any baby but a baby girl. Even though I knew there were many others in the world just like me I was still alone. It a s couple more months from my 50th birthday or I like to call it my 49th anniversary of turning one. I have been married for almost 10 years and yes she knew about me being an abdl from the start. It seem for me age 40 is where my life really started. Hang in there and stop worrying too much. Be happy what you have now and looks for friends, even if they are not into ABDL or whatever you’re into. Life can be short if you don’t participate in it.

 

[DiaperedTeddyBear]

Do you feel fulfilled and happy, and if so, do you have a significant other? Are you completely at-ease and yourself with that person, or are you still faking it? Do you have good friends you can 'let loose' with?

I don't have many friends, and none close by that I see often. I have a wife and kids. I'm more comfortable around them than I am around anyone else, but sometimes my wife and I don't get along well. Marriage and parenting is a lot harder than I thought it would be, but most of the time it's better than being alone.

I am a decent-looking guy in my mid-30's who is quickly realizing I have no friends, no prospective romantic partners and have a negative outlook on life. I wonder if I take myself too seriously, if I think too much, or too little. I wonder how many others feel like they are unable to relate to other people, and how many others are out there like me who are productive members of society, present themselves well, groom, are polite but find themselves completely outside of normal society.

I'm autistic so I definitely have a hard time relating to other people. But even "normal" people struggle with this. The internet and mobile phones seem to have made us a lot less social and more lonely. I got married before I turned 30, but for most of my 20's I was single, friendless and lonely.

I read an article a few years ago about the decline in male friendship. It talked about how in the past there were a lot of clubs and fraternal organizations that gave men an opportunity to socialize with each other, but most of those don't exist now or the membership has declined significantly. Unfortunately it's becoming more and more common for men to not have any friends.

 

[littleFeathers]

For those born male- how did things turn out for you? Do you feel fulfilled and happy, and if so, do you have a significant other? Are you completely at-ease and yourself with that person, or are you still faking it? Do you have good friends you can 'let loose' with?

Meh. For whatever reason, relationships just never happened for me. A few close brushes, but then I just seem to be forgotten.

I am a decent-looking guy in my mid-30's who is quickly realizing I have no friends, no prospective romantic partners and have a negative outlook on life.

I wouldn't say my outlook is negative, but what I am realizing, particularly as I get older (been getting a lot of Medicare junk mail lately for some odd reason ) is that I have no one to fall back on. What family I have is far away. There's no one I can even call for a ride if I have car trouble.

I have not found any viable solutions to this issue, other than making sure my car is well-maintained.

 

[LittleLuke]

Growing up I had a few close friends. In my teens and twenties I had a great group of friends. After marriage and kids my life revolved around the kids, and work. At work I had lots of good friends. But after 35 years working for my uncle's company I was fried by new owners at the age of 55. Not only unemployed but I lost all my work friends, which really sucked. I became bitter and avoided new friendships. I still have my family but its not the same. (family life is good) I find being alone has its ups and downs. Now at age 66 I have no tolerance for stupid people. Which in the USA there are a lot stupid people. ( Trump supporters ) Sorry to be political. It's just the ramblings of a bitter old boomer.

 

[CrazySmoker]

I'm single, but because I want. I got tired of all those gold-seeking.

 

[NappiedTruckDriver]

I'm single, but because I want. I got tired of all those gold-seeking.

I’ve got 2 loving ladies in my life
My mum
My dog

 

[CrazySmoker]

OK, I've two - my black cats. But it doesn't count in the way of this thread.

 

[Sealander]

It's complicated. Through some therapy, life adjustments, and medication, I'm happier than I have been for the duration of my adult (and before that, teenage) life. I feel a lot better than I have in recent years about my career, which is good.

But the romance department is... eh. I guess I'm close to asexual. I don't get aroused by other people in the same way that other people, evidently, do, although I have been aroused by a romantic partner before. It makes me very hesitant about dating because I worry about partnering with someone and then not feeling interest in them, which might bother them or lead me to feel like I'm a fraud.

An additional layer of complication is that I'm on the fence about my faith these days, so I feel like I'm floating between two worldviews. In the past I would have wanted to meet someone who shared my faith... but while things are up in the air, I don't think I can do that honestly, while I also feel like I can't ignore my faith in dating. The result is paralysis. I've simply put dating out of mind for the foreseeable future. But I understand that is a decision I could very easily regret down the line.

I'm at the point where parents and grandparents regularly ask me if I'm doing anything to try to date and I just have to brush them off. They want a wedding and (great)grandkids, naturally. But obviously they can't know what's going on with me, and I don't really have the heart to tell them that there's a very real chance I'm alone for the rest of my life.

 

[southeastlittle]

An additional layer of complication is that I'm on the fence about my faith these days, so I feel like I'm floating between two worldviews. In the past I would have wanted to meet someone who shared my faith... but while things are up in the air, I don't think I can do that honestly, while I also feel like I can't ignore my faith in dating. The result is paralysis. I've simply put dating out of mind for the foreseeable future. But I understand that is a decision I could very easily regret down the line.

I'm at the point where parents and grandparents regularly ask me if I'm doing anything to try to date and I just have to brush them off. They want a wedding and (great)grandkids, naturally. But obviously they can't know what's going on with me, and I don't really have the heart to tell them that there's a very real chance I'm alone for the rest of my life.

I can definitely relate to these points. Decision paralysis kills me all the time, and I feel like I keep kicking the can down the road thinking I'll be ready in another few years, as if I'll just magically be a better person by then. But a few years passes by and I'm no better or happier than I was before. It's probably a result of thinking that I would be happier if I had a partner, but that's the catch: I've read you're supposed to be happy and love yourself before you get into a relationship, and not rely on this other person/relationship to make you happy.

I know my parents want me to have someone and they ask me about it often (in a nice way), but it hurts even more than I know they feel bad I'm alone all the time.

 

[Woncrinklz]

Maybe consider the concept of happiness itself, what it means to you instead of the traditional plate of relationships, kids, bills, house, mortgages, etc.
Happiness is a concept we put upon ourselves as some "THING" everyone is supposed to possess, and it can symbolise many things. Money, status, social standings, etc.
It can be based on family or societal pressure. So long as you are not prone to murderous (lol) acts, seek what makes you feel YOU.
Then, hopefully, things fall into place. So long as it's what YOU want. No outside pressures. Then you'll be happy, and everything will come when it's right.

 

[db80]

Hi,

I'm a bit older than you, 40, have almost always been single and have basically never been unhappy about it.

I've always been a bit of an introvert (ISFP-T) and the most important thing for me was to be independent. I always had a handful of close friends who gave me support (and vice versa). During school, during my studies, at work. My relationship status and orientation never played a role in this. I also helped friends countless times with their own relationship problems and dramas, these people appreciated that I was non-judgmental. People chose me as their best man several times, I felt honored.

It wasn't until COVID-19 and the aftermath that I found it difficult to maintain friendships. While some of said friends regretted things like the lifting of measures such as mask requirements and restrictions, I longed for those freedoms. I just wanted my normal life back.
No more and no less. I also don't think this is overly selfish.
Nevertheless, people resented me for it.
Friendships broke up because of it or because arguments no longer took place in person but only in writing.

Sadly, I now have less than that handful of friends.
It's hard, but that's life.

 

[Mehrabad98]

I'm 20, never been in a relationship. Not because I don't want to, but I genuinely don't know how. But it doesn't bother me that much. I'm in university, I've made some friends in my classes, and I'm still very close with my friends from high school. We hang out whenever we're all in town together (we go to different universities). I'm going to Vancouver in August to do a semester abroad and I'm looking forward to putting down some deeper social roots there, elaborating on some pre-existing friends from the car enthusiast community as well as kinky friends.

 

[BBBen]

@southeastlittle i think feeling alone in the mid 30s to 40s is more common than we think.
Good old friends from school time or at university gone their own lifepaths. Some get childrens that changes evrything, specially if you as a friend didnt have children on your own.
And at work you are in the years of high performing. Off-time is often time to recharge and you didnt realy have much energy for something else.

But i also think being end of 30s and begining of 40s is a life changing event, because you are questioning: is this life or is there more than working, earning money and spending to survive.

And then you have only one chance: get in contact with others. Do a hobby you could share with others. Be open here and have some online friends. But do also go in public to meet others.
Sometimes its "only" a boarder in headspace we had to go other - ok that could be hard, but know this: you are not alone and we are a huge group of people feeling alone.

 

[DivineMaestro]

For those born male- how did things turn out for you? Do you feel fulfilled and happy, and if so, do you have a significant other? Are you completely at-ease and yourself with that person, or are you still faking it? Do you have good friends you can 'let loose' with?

I am a decent-looking guy in my mid-30's who is quickly realizing I have no friends, no prospective romantic partners and have a negative outlook on life. I wonder if I take myself too seriously, if I think too much, or too little. I wonder how many others feel like they are unable to relate to other people, and how many others are out there like me who are productive members of society, present themselves well, groom, are polite but find themselves completely outside of normal society.

I don't mean to be a negative Nancy on this site but I'm trying to understand life as it is for me now in relation to the experience of my peers.

Brother I feel you on this. I was exactly where you were, and I was headed down a very dark path. I think the first step is to find somewhere to socialize with people, it can be anything a hobbies you like to do, taking a class and knowing that it's a gradual process. I've moved multiple times in my life so I've gotten really good at reintegrating with new communities.

Personally I've found the most success in my local church of meeting like minded people and having a purpose. Most parishes are desperate for volunteers to help with goings on and it's an easy way to meet new people while giving back.

 

[Richard101]

When I was in my 30s, I had few friends but now I have a lot, but I am still single at 61. Ironically nearly all my friends are female. Life takes strange turns sometimes!

 

[theancientmariner]

Life is misery without any affection. I feel you more than you know southeastlittle. No I'm not happy with who I am today. Its pathetic for someone my age to have never had a girlfriend. I know my family laughs at me behind my back because cousins who are 6-9 years younger than me already have their regular SOs they bring with them to family gatherings, and here I am, 36 and never even had a girl say she loved me or wanted me. I was never guided or taught how to talk to girls or how to be casual always heard I need to not be so tense, be chill, you know what they say. Well that was a long time ago. I say forget it. I tried online dating for years and always had girls on their phones, girls who didn't want to hear me talk, girls who just didn't pay attention and wanted more drinks from the bar. One time there was one girl who brought her X to our date to hang out with us. I don't know how else to put it, I just don't want to bother with any of that anymore. It's just not something I can accomplish. The only comfort I have is my sister getting married and already has a kid, so our family has its future thanks to her, which honestly, I really don't care about all that much. My genetics aren't that great. All the guys in my family grow up to be twigs. That's probably what it is. I think girls just don't like skinny guys. Is that why I was always treated the way I am? The same way people treat obese friends behind their backs? IDK, but I got a feeling. There ain't no light at the end of the tunnel for me it seems. A lot of guys are lonely so it's just something I have to be content with. I don't even look at the opposite sex anymore, I choose to remain alone, forget everyone, I don't need the bother.