Late night thoughts

[alexiosrediapered]

Sometimes even with all of the boundaries I have set with my girlfriend, and her great acceptance of my diapers and my age regression, I still feel like I am a burden. Maybe it’s just the increased self-hatred rooted into me now and the fact I don’t feel man enough, or maybe it is the fact that I went from not having to worry about my little desires and diaper wearing back to worrying about it all over again.

I feel like one day I’m going to let this get too far. I’m already indulging as much as I can before I move, and it genuinely hurts that at one point I was so nonchalant with my diaper wearing, to the point where the binge purge cycle eased. Of course I didn’t wear for days at a time since I was busy, and of course I never let it get too far with my personal life. Now it feels like I am losing control of that and entering a binge-purge cycle again.

I don’t know honestly. I just think about how accepting my girlfriend is and take a breath of fresh air. How loving and sweet she is about all of this. How she doesn’t mind helping, doesn’t mind taking care of me, doesn’t mind eventually changing diapers knowing I’m flexible. Yet, the thoughts of how she reacted at first when I improperly introduced them to her and set no boundaries at all still come and haunt me here and there. But who am I to even judge the way she understandably reacted?

Maybe I’m just scared about the day we’re going to get into an argument and she’s going to bring up the diapers or my age regression. Use them against me in a way even though we have had disagreements after I properly told her (we are going through a rough patch right now, I unfortunately can’t see her) and she’s never said nothing about it. She knows I have the idea of the fine line between her wanting her boyfriend, and my diaper wearing and age regression. But yet I’m still so scared. I’m still so scared one day it’s going to get in the way. I’m still so scared even though I have placed down so many boundaries that she’s accepted and intend to follow them, plus her already showing progress, that something will come up.


I don’t know what’s scaring me really. It could just be my environment right now. It could just be I’m depending on her emotionally more than ever and I am scared to lose her since we are currently separated and cannot see each other due to some personal reasons. Or maybe it’s because I haven’t really fully tested the waters - I unfortunately can’t stay in little space long enough when she’s not around in person. But maybe I’ll try and see and start regressing more….

I feel horrible for doubting her about this. I feel horrible that I let the stories I read about unaccepting partners get to my head and scare me even though reading those better equipped me on how to explain things to her and in return, helped her understand more especially with the boundaries I put down. She genuinely accepts it as a part of me and doesn’t care and just wants to help me and help me feel comfortable.


Maybe it really is just me.


I apologize for venting so sloppily and in general - I have millions of thoughts in my mind and it’s very hard to collect them together.

 

[BBBen]

Thank you for sharring your thoughts.
i could understand them very good. And although you can wear evry now and then, you wear only for once in a while.
My fear is my time here at adisc. At the moment i come here at mornings and before bedtime and very often i between.
And that could be the matter somedays to your partner, that others are more important than her. It could be also a problem, if she feels, that she couldnt be attractive to you without the diapers.
But i think, that thats the problem in evry partnership. For others it isnt the diapers,but the football club or another hobby.
But partnership sometimesand allways needs work as well. Its like growing plants - they need water, sun and sometimes minerals.
that doesnt mean, you shouldnt have time on your own. Sometimes that is the other side you could fall down, then evrything is poor harmony and others around you see you only in doublepak.

sorry my thoughts a moving very fast on this topic.
For sure, in a conflict, there can be always arguments, that are hurting and which are not ok. But if it wouldnt be the diapers it will be something other. I hope, that you never come to that point and if, that you could forgive.

the problem of being abdl is for me: to get in a passive structure in that is wearing diapers and being little enough for life. But life should be more, or?

but then you can ask the masterquestion: What is life?

Sorry for a too long reply - but i couldnt stop me

 

[alexiosrediapered]

Thank you for sharring your thoughts.
i could understand them very good. And although you can wear evry now and then, you wear only for once in a while.
My fear is my time here at adisc. At the moment i come here at mornings and before bedtime and very often i between.
And that could be the matter somedays to your partner, that others are more important than her. It could be also a problem, if she feels, that she couldnt be attractive to you without the diapers.
But i think, that thats the problem in evry partnership. For others it isnt the diapers,but the football club or another hobby.
But partnership sometimesand allways needs work as well. Its like growing plants - they need water, sun and sometimes minerals.
that doesnt mean, you shouldnt have time on your own. Sometimes that is the other side you could fall down, then evrything is poor harmony and others around you see you only in doublepak.

sorry my thoughts a moving very fast on this topic.
For sure, in a conflict, there can be always arguments, that are hurting and which are not ok. But if it wouldnt be the diapers it will be something other. I hope, that you never come to that point and if, that you could forgive.

the problem of being abdl is for me: to get in a passive structure in that is wearing diapers and being little enough for life. But life should be more, or?

but then you can ask the masterquestion: What is life?

Sorry for a too long reply - but i couldnt stop me

Haha no, you’re fine. I can understand what your thoughts are as well. We’ve explained everything in like detail because I had brought up the fact of attractiveness as well and the system I came up with was just asking if I could wear, telling her when I’m about to regress. She likes to know things ahead of time to prepare herself because she is autistic as well. Overall, she just really doesn’t care (in a good way).

I also fear my time here at ADISC as well. As much as this has been pretty helpful, I feel like I have gotten too relaxed on my diaper wearing specifically. But at the same time, I feel a sense of freedom with myself …. yet I feel like I do not deserve that freedom.

 

[VanillaWife]

Sometimes even with all of the boundaries I have set with my girlfriend, and her great acceptance of my diapers and my age regression, I still feel like I am a burden. Maybe it’s just the increased self-hatred rooted into me now and the fact I don’t feel man enough, or maybe it is the fact that I went from not having to worry about my little desires and diaper wearing back to worrying about it all over again.

I feel like one day I’m going to let this get too far. I’m already indulging as much as I can before I move, and it genuinely hurts that at one point I was so nonchalant with my diaper wearing, to the point where the binge purge cycle eased. Of course I didn’t wear for days at a time since I was busy, and of course I never let it get too far with my personal life. Now it feels like I am losing control of that and entering a binge-purge cycle again.

I don’t know honestly. I just think about how accepting my girlfriend is and take a breath of fresh air. How loving and sweet she is about all of this. How she doesn’t mind helping, doesn’t mind taking care of me, doesn’t mind eventually changing diapers knowing I’m flexible. Yet, the thoughts of how she reacted at first when I improperly introduced them to her and set no boundaries at all still come and haunt me here and there. But who am I to even judge the way she understandably reacted?

Maybe I’m just scared about the day we’re going to get into an argument and she’s going to bring up the diapers or my age regression. Use them against me in a way even though we have had disagreements after I properly told her (we are going through a rough patch right now, I unfortunately can’t see her) and she’s never said nothing about it. She knows I have the idea of the fine line between her wanting her boyfriend, and my diaper wearing and age regression. But yet I’m still so scared. I’m still so scared one day it’s going to get in the way. I’m still so scared even though I have placed down so many boundaries that she’s accepted and intend to follow them, plus her already showing progress, that something will come up.


I don’t know what’s scaring me really. It could just be my environment right now. It could just be I’m depending on her emotionally more than ever and I am scared to lose her since we are currently separated and cannot see each other due to some personal reasons. Or maybe it’s because I haven’t really fully tested the waters - I unfortunately can’t stay in little space long enough when she’s not around in person. But maybe I’ll try and see and start regressing more….

I feel horrible for doubting her about this. I feel horrible that I let the stories I read about unaccepting partners get to my head and scare me even though reading those better equipped me on how to explain things to her and in return, helped her understand more especially with the boundaries I put down. She genuinely accepts it as a part of me and doesn’t care and just wants to help me and help me feel comfortable.


Maybe it really is just me.


I apologize for venting so sloppily and in general - I have millions of thoughts in my mind and it’s very hard to collect them together.

Hi there,
I come from the other side, or to explain better, from your girlfriends perpective.
Like in your situation, I am a wife to an ABDL partner. He is in a place like you right now, where the diapers seems to be enough for him and he doesn't indulge in nothing more. He has his private space, where all the stress and bad days disappear, where he can live himself and his sexuality as he wishes.
Well, coming from the other side, the caring and accepting wife, I was open when he first confessed to me about his kinks. I was ready to take care of him and to make him as much as confortable to meet all of his needs.
Later then he started to isolate more and more. His diapers became like his number one relationship, if it can be described like that. He prefered to sleep alone in another room, put his diapers on and live his fantasies online.
Well, as you are explaining you feel a sense of freedom with yourself when wearing diapers. But at the same time you are concerned with your relationship. I can explain further my perspective: all I wish for is for my husband to be more open about his kinks, letting me be a part of it. Maybe his concerns are like yours, but he doesn't communicate them to me.
Maybe you can sit down with your girlfriend, tell her more about your concerns because if she is accepting she will continue to be so. Don't leave in fear...because you will continue to binge more, feeling worse about yourself and isolate more. It will start to be like a neverending cycle. But if you are open, she will listen. You will feel lighter and you relationship will maybe reach another level.
Don't live in a scary future, where your worst fears hunt you. Because eventually they will become reality if you don't open yourself up. And your girlfriend deserves that as well, it is not a one sided relationship. And I feel you love her deeply.

Sending a big hug and much love!