I think I have gone backwards.Now what?

[Idahoboy72]

I have been an ABDL “more on the DL side of things for the past 6 years”. I have always had the DL side living inside me especially from a very young age I just never had the desire to fulfill that fantasy until I was in my 40’s. I started having urinary urge incontinence which was starting to become an issue, especially at night,

I would wake up from a dead sleep and having to urinate so bad and couldn’t control it by the time I made it to the toilet.

I got urine all over the wall all over the floor and
my underwater, this has happened more times than I can count, so I decided one day to find a solution so I had asked my wife to pick me up some medical diapers from Walgreens as she knew what I was going through.

This started my Diaper Lover addiction, I started ordering medical diapers from different websites until I came across ABDL diapers from Bambino, Rearz ect. I had no idea these types of diapers even existed, plastic backing 4 tape style just like when I was a baby. I was in Diaper Heaven. I was only wearing at night and then over time started finding excuses to wear during the day however not always, my DL addiction is still mainly at night but I do love wearing during the day especially when nobody’s home which is most days, I work from home so it makes this especially easy to do.

I have always only urinated in my diapers and never messed them, however one day I messed in my diaper just to see what the hype was all about, my experience with It is just something I just can’t explain, I do enjoy it just not every single time, I would normally do it first thing in the morning after my diaper was soaked from the previous night, I had to shower anyway so no big deal right?

This is where I feel I have gone backwards,I recently started sleeping with an adult pacifier, I have had the pacifiers for many years because they would come with cases of diapers that I would purchase from Rearz or Bambino as special promotion offers but just never had the urge to use them until now.

I feel like I can’t go to bed or get a good nights sleep unless I have one. this is very difficult to hide from my wife who sleeps right next to me but I manage.

Most recently I was watching an ABDL YouTube video from “Mindlessly Diapered”, who by the way is very interesting to watch, in one of her videos she introduced a Scentsy Buddy, these buddies are very amazing by the way.

This is where I feel I have gone backwards not only do I wear adult diapers to bed now, I am also sucking on a pacifier and sleeping with a stuffed animal. “I do not and will not ever have the desire to wear baby clothes” I do however have the desire to want to be changed but do not have the courage to ask my wife it would be a huge embarrassment and I just have a feeling she won’t understand.

Has anybody else had this experience? Can you offer any advice? Is this normal, I am very confused and don’t understand what I am going through.
I do not want to talk to a professional as I feel I would be scrutinized, And to be honest it’s really nobody’s business what I have gone through in my life, Was it my childhood? Was it my parents divorce? Was it my parents death? Was it something that happened to me when I was a kid? It could be anyone of those things that has caused me to be who I am today I do not know.

Anyways thank you for listening thank you for reading sincerely me.

 

[MisterRabbit]

These behaviours are uncommon for typical adults but are fairly healthy from a fetish perspective. You are not harming yourself. It's not odd that you went from IC to DL to some other paraphilic tendencies. Don't think of it as going backwards, more as expanding your exploration of the fetish.

But, your wife. That's a discussion you're gonna want to have sooner rather than later. This is gonna be something you're probably gonna have moving forward to varying degrees and you should be honest with your partner instead of hiding it. The reaction might be negative, positive or a mix of both, but to come forward with this as something that makes you feel good is important to avoid additional resentment from the lies and the hiding things.

You cannot however, expect her participation in any way. Acceptance is mandatory, participation is not.

Best of luck.

Edit : Oh and... mindlesslydiapered is a porn content creator. The fetish in real life and the fetish in porn are two different things. It's not always a bad thing but it helps to you know... keep that in mind.

 

[Punku]

No desire to wear baby clothes? At this rate I’ll give you a month or two until you change your mind on onesies out of practicality.

I got to agree with MisterRabbit (which is a very cool name) about telling your wife. You have dug yourself quite the hole already by not being open about this to her. She probably already saw your paci one way or another so it’s better to get it out sooner before she discovers something that is too much for her while you are hiding something like this from your spouse! She already bought you medical diapers so you have some support. This site is for IC support too so that a a great Segway into how you learned how others find joy and comfort instead of shame in your diaper wearing. T

Instead of watching mindlessly diapered, Try some abdl podcasts. They help with understanding, how to have a discussion like this with your partner and work through your conflicting thoughts on this such as what may have influenced this...besides the fact that diapers are awesome and super comfy!

best of luck and enjoy your diapered life.

 

[MandyBear]

I agree that a talk with your wife is needed.

Also, this rabbithole is deep, lol.
Im not an AB, but I'll try this pacifier.
Im not an AB, but this stuffie is nice.
Im not an AB, but a onesie makes sense.
I like the pacifier, wonder what a bottle is like?
You know, I have to wear diapers anyways and those AB ones are cute, its still just a diaper right?

Now, I'm not saying you are or could become an AB.
Liking AB related things does not make you an AB either.
But AB items do tend to get added along the way it seems.

I've always felt like a little, even subconsciously dressing the part and still don't truely think of myself as an AB or DL.

To me anyways I've always thought of the DL side as being more towards a sexual thing, which diapers are not for me.
I do not feel or want to be or regress to a baby, again not me.
But I have grown to like wearing (outside of when I need to at night) and AB things like Pacis.
I've been sleeping with stuffies & wearing onesies (bodysuits) long before all this anyways, I just do it more now, lol

So I guess my point is dont feel you have to label yourself as one or the other or both