I hate everything (rant!)

[LilxFawn]

So.....my husband found my (un-used) Goodnites in the bathroom trash.....his reaction wasn’t what I was hoping for. “OH MY GOD IS THAT A DIAPER?!” He sounded so disgusted and appalled and he came in and asked me if it was a diaper. I dodged the question and hid under my blankie. I thought we came to a conclusion about this sh*t! He said he was okay with me wearing training pants how are pull ups that different? I broached the subject a bit after I calmed down from my near meltdown and he...idk I couldn’t get a read on his feelings. He kinda went silent when I told him I wear pull-up diapers occasionally to regress and feel comfy. I don’t know.....he says I’m not a freak or he doesn’t think differently of me but his tone says something different.... I’m so scared. We just got married in October, I’m scared he’s going to leave me if I wear diapers . Looks like I have to hide my trash too......I don’t want him teasing me or looking at me funny.... God that hurt...I can’t even begin to explain how betrayed, ashamed, and awful I’m feeling right now. Worst part is he even had the nerve to be like “so you just weren’t going to tell me you bought those?” Like uh NO!!! You reacted terribly both times dude wtf do you want from me?! I feel disgusting and awful. I feel like my husband thinks I’m a monster. I’m going to have a panic attack....I want to curl up into a ball and die

 

[DylanLewis]

So.....my husband found my (un-used) Goodnites in the bathroom trash.....his reaction wasn’t what I was hoping for. “OH MY GOD IS THAT A DIAPER?!” He sounded so disgusted and appalled and he came in and asked me if it was a diaper. I dodged the question and hid under my blankie. I thought we came to a conclusion about this sh*t! He said he was okay with me wearing training pants how are pull ups that different? I broached the subject a bit after I calmed down from my near meltdown and he...idk I couldn’t get a read on his feelings. He kinda went silent when I told him I wear pull-up diapers occasionally to regress and feel comfy. I don’t know.....he says I’m not a freak or he doesn’t think differently of me but his tone says something different.... I’m so scared. We just got married in October, I’m scared he’s going to leave me if I wear diapers . Looks like I have to hide my trash too......I don’t want him teasing me or looking at me funny.... God that hurt...I can’t even begin to explain how betrayed, ashamed, and awful I’m feeling right now. Worst part is he even had the nerve to be like “so you just weren’t going to tell me you bought those?” Like uh NO!!! You reacted terribly both times dude wtf do you want from me?! I feel disgusting and awful. I feel like my husband thinks I’m a monster. I’m going to have a panic attack....I want to curl up into a ball and die

LilxFawn
So sorry you're going through this. You will get through this.

The awful feelings of panic, fear and shame feel overwhelming. It's wounded 'little' part of you. Its all our past self rejection, and fear of rejection and hurt at the hands of others bubbling up. The 'little' part of you needs to feel protected and comforted. Right now the one person who can do that for your 'little' is your own adult/'big' side. If you feel you can/want - visualise your adult/big self, picking up and comforting your little side.

It's very likely, in the fear and shame of your 'little' self, you are imputing to your husband a degree of rejection or shaming that goes well beyond anything he meant to convey. That's understandable. Many of us do it when we have been in the same place. If you can give yourself comfort and take a little time to reach for greater calm. Later you can talk this through with your husband with less chance of having a hair trigger for a rejection which comes from your own past fears, rather than from him. Sure it is not easy to explain our little side and needs to our partner, but its a lot easier, and with a better chance of a good outcome, when we are not so wounded. All the best.

 

[Emily-the-wolf]

Hey, I'm so sorry this happened to you *hugs*. Maybe it's time to sit down with him and have a talk with him about how it makes you feel and it's how you relieve stress a bit like how he would just different. I'm sure he still loves you and always will he just might not understand it. I hope you get through this with him and things work out.

 

[Snuggie91]

LilxFawn
So sorry you're going through this. You will get through this.

The awful feelings of panic, fear and shame feel overwhelming. It's wounded 'little' part of you. Its all our past self rejection, and fear of rejection and hurt at the hands of others bubbling up. The 'little' part of you needs to feel protected and comforted. Right now the one person who can do that for your 'little' is your own adult/'big' side. If you feel you can/want - visualise your adult/big self, picking up and comforting your little side.

It's very likely, in the fear and shame of your 'little' self, you are imputing to your husband a degree of rejection or shaming that goes well beyond anything he meant to convey. That's understandable. Many of us do it when we have been in the same place. If you can give yourself comfort and take a little time to reach for greater calm. Later you can talk this through with your husband with less chance of having a hair trigger for a rejection which comes from your own past fears, rather than from him. Sure it is not easy to explain our little side and needs to our partner, but its a lot easier, and with a better chance of a good outcome, when we are not so wounded. All the best.

Couldn't of said it better he's probably just very confused right now and doesn't know what to think. Just give him some time and don't feel bad I'm sure it will all work out. If he can't except this then he in he no way deserves u!

 

[dogboy]

I'm also sorry things went so poorly. Like others have said, it sounds like you'll both have to have a discussion about this and hopefully it will be a calm discussion. Really, I see no difference between training pants and Goodnite pull ups but I guess he does. Time is probably on your side and things which at first seem startling over time, begin to become mundane. I hope that will happen for both of you.

 

[LilxFawn]

Ok so update everyone:
He thought it was some rando kids diaper in the trash that I found outside or something. I could see why he would be grossed out by that now lmao. Thank you for all the supportive comments. I just reacted in my usual self loathing way.

 

[BabyDenise]

I'm glad it worked out. We often jump to a conclusion (often wrong) before getting all the facts and having time to think about the situation.