Going out with friends -

[greatlake5]

Since I left college I only have a small group of really good friends. There's only a half dozen of them and of these I consider two of being super great friends. From these 2 only one knows that I'm IC. Of the others, none of them have a clue except one of them probably guess. She hasn't said or asked me and when after she questions me I get really nervous. I'm not sure I'd ever be able to come clean with her.

For these friends we go to diner, movies and hitting the bars beside other events. Only one of them goes camping with me and he knows I'm IC. Having small friends is fun but as you'd expect having to wear diapers is complicated. When ever I go out I'm always in a clean and dry diaper. Without exception I keep an emergency bag in my car. I've only used them a couple of times. Actually I hate using them (changing into a clean diaper) mostly because I don't want to risk asking questions. Most of the time
I can get through it. If I know we're going to be out for an extended period of time, I make sure I'm wearing a good booster along plastic pants over my diaper (Confidry 24/7 or Abena L4). I'll wear some compression shorts under some khaki pants. It's never been an issue.

I always wonder how you handle diapers when you're out with friends. What do you do when your diaper starts to get really wet. Do you just grab your bag and hit a bathroom? Do your friends figure out what's going on? I know my good friend already knows. But I worry about the others. Especially that other girl friend. Or maybe most of your friends already know? Let's face it, going out with friends is tricky. Particularly with her. I refuse to just stay home watching TV all the time. I'm just curious about how you deal with them.































/

 

[NotTheAverageMan]

Going out with friends, is what I consider being in a very difficult situation, usually this means changing is difficult without being found out. Essentially this means I’m in a thick diaper (the rare occasion I’m wearing. A thick diaper in public) and with a booster. Also, I’m usually adding a baby diaper as extra absorber, as this small one is easy to dispose of discreetly. its for me a very heavy combinatio, and one I dont like to do, but it works for me.
also a good supporting onesie to support everything so there’s no sagging etc.

 

[slimjiminy]

I don't go out much beyond the local race track in summer time. The track is a noisy enough venue that you can crinkle around in a Forsite am/pm and nobody will notice (I plan to use up my package there). The rest of our outings/meets tends to be in-laws or close family. Only my immediate family knows.

For dinner meets, my good friend already knows. Lunch only requires me to only worry about 1-2 voids and then go home.

Fleamarkets out of town are different. I will likely use a BetterDry and bring a change in case I need it (a laptop bag). We all tend to split up when hunting for those bargoons, so that helps. The flea I have in mind is about an hour away and 4 hours long before I head home. For that, I need to be discreet since my friends there don't know, and I hope to keep it that way. This is one event that I look forward to every year and one that incontinence will not deter me from.

 

[jdlake131]

I'm mostly an introvert. It's easier to isolate myself. Of course I do have a few friends and I do have a girlfriend. And we do go out. I've been in diapers since I was a little kid. Now that I'm older, going out with friends is delicate. There are only a couple of friends that know about my IC. Those that don't know only suspect. Obviously my girlfriend knows. When we go out I keep my change supplies in a bag in my car. I rarely use them. It's difficult changing. I just have to hope that I won't have a big accident. Wetting isn't the issue. But if I have a BM accident I know I will have to leave. It's only happened once and my girlfriend made an excuse and we left. Not really a problem. The only real issue is when we are out for the hole day. Then I'm forced to change when my diaper get's saturated. It's really not that hard. But I just use a good booster, plastic pants and fixation pants. Yeah it's a little tricky but I still go. I just have to be prepared.

 

[OnePiece]

The question could also be why are you so nervous about your female friend finding out.
I totally understand that you want to keep this to yourself, but since you were more nervous of her than others.

If she is a good friend, she would most probably not react negatively.
How would you react if it was the other way around?

 

[Kbaby84]

I became incontinenct and going out and doing things now has additional layers. Changing in the bathroom is scary unless you know it is an individual bathroom. Then that is a piece of cake.

I still go out and enjoy life, just have to take extra steps other do not. Not many people know, but when the challenge comes up, I have convo with my wife and discuss her thoygjts on how to handle it.

Example: we went to a confert and she had her perse with her. She put one of my diapers in there and went through secueity. If I needed it I could just grab and hide under my shirt to go to the bathroom.

Going to a theme park, I have to carry a bag now, quick security check, and the stress is over. Most parks have a family bathroom so I am good there.

Just takes more planning, but it does not havw to start your day to day.

Kbaby84

 

[greatlake5]

The question could also be why are you so nervous about your female friend finding out.
I totally understand that you want to keep this to yourself, but since you were more nervous of her than others.

If she is a good friend, she would most probably not react negatively.
How would you react if it was the other way around?

Mainly because I kind of have a crush on her. I met her about 5 years back. She might have a crush on me too.She's even kissed me before. When she did that I blushed dark red. And she knows it get's me nervous and she likes that. Why? How about because I'm IC? I think she might think I am.

 

[slimjiminy]

I was young and shy once in a universe far far away. When you find someone special, you don't pussy foot around and directly ask her out. The worst that can happen is a rejection, which is far easier to accept than seeing someone else take her away. It changed my life

 

[OnePiece]

Mainly because I kind of have a crush on her. I met her about 5 years back. She might have a crush on me too.She's even kissed me before. When she did that I blushed dark red. And she knows it get's me nervous and she likes that. Why? How about because I'm IC? I think she might think I am.

I suspected something like that. I understand it's more at stake then, but I think slimjiminy might be right.

 

[greatlake5]

I suspected something like that. I understand it's more at stake then, but I think slimjiminy might be right.

She might think but I'm sure she doesn't know the extent of how IC is. I don't have the guts to tell her.

 

[ParaRomeo]

One thing I can tell you is if they are true friends they will understand, girls are a different topic. For me only a few of my male friends know I am IC for me it's easier to hide being paralyzed so i am not walking around. I can say when I am going out for a few drinks and changing maybe questionable I do wear a higher absorbency diaper and even though seated in use a onesie type shirts to keep everything slim line I did have a buddy find out and he was like I never knew and he was respectful about it what didn't help was few years ago a .movie came out about a quadriplegic and his caregiver and that buddy actually asked me of I had to cath like that person in the movie because I always had a bag with me and I ended up having an honest conversation with him and in my case camping isn't easy because of my disability but I tried it once and no one knew or said anything

As for female friends I will say ones I had I didn't have a potential relationship with them but did tell them and they were super supportive and honestly few times big help it maybe just me but even though those that know are good people I have found my female friends that know seemed more supportive and sometimes for me I find it easier to have a conversation with a female. I only had one weird conversation with a female friend and she ended up being into bdsm stuff and asked if I was into abdl stuff and had to explain for me no it's only medical but have talked to people who have ic and use abdl as a way to cope but she has been a really good true friend.

 

[CheshireCat]

She might think but I'm sure she doesn't know the extent of how IC is. I don't have the guts to tell her.

You don't need the guts to tell her about your incontinence. You need the guts to ask her out! If a relationship starts, then you can panic about discussing your incontinence. Actually, if a great relationship does form, you'll probably not find it difficult to discuss it with her.

 

[greatlake5]

You don't need the guts to tell her about your incontinence. You need the guts to ask her out! If a relationship starts, then you can panic about discussing your incontinence. Actually, if a great relationship does form, you'll probably not find it difficult to discuss it with her.

The only problem is that I'm her boss. I hired her in 2017. I got to be friends with a couple of other friends before I hired her. She's been here now for almost 5 years (and she's great at her work). But I know that being close friends can be complicated. So far, so good. She's never said anything about my IC though she might suspect.

 

[CheshireCat]

The only problem is that I'm her boss.

So fire her so you can ask her out. Kidding!

The only complication is you need to be the perfect gentleman to avoid water cooler gossip at work. Which is good for you, as it will allow a longer period of time to really get to know her before becoming truly emotionally invested.

You should set several sequential communication goals to be spread over multiple dates. For example:
First date: Just see if the two of you have fun together
Another date: Discuss how dating an employee can be perceived in the workplace (she can share an employee's insight)
Discuss how to avoid landmines at work whatever the future holds (you value her as a person AND as an employee)
(Is the discussion agreeable, contentious, one-sided, non-existent? A lot to learn here about both of you)
Another date: Discuss compatibility
Another date: Discuss if the relationship COULD get serious for both of you
Another date: Discuss incontinence
Another date: Determine if the relationship IS getting serious for both of you

If a relationship starts and goes south, she might quit. Can you afford to lose her as an employee?
If you never ask her out, you retain a great employee until mister right walks into her life. Can you afford to lose her emotionally?

You can find a "problem" about asking any woman out. Are you concerned about the possible train wrecks to find love and happiness? Or are you concerned that no one will love you in the end?

There is someone else out there right now that desperately wants to be loved and in love, who is right for you. You're not going to find each other unless you're willing to embark on the adventure.

 

[greatlake5]

willing to embark on the adventure.

I'm happily being just friends. That way I don't have any complicated problems (like IC). First, it's easier. Second, we are both emotionally invested as very good friends. We met right before I hired her. She's now my office manager. If she was interested in being more then a friend I'd have to qualify the benefits.

 

[mackenz]

Since I left college I only have a small group of really good friends. There's only a half dozen of them and of these I consider two of being super great friends. From these 2 only one knows that I'm IC. Of the others, none of them have a clue except one of them probably guess. She hasn't said or asked me and when after she questions me I get really nervous. I'm not sure I'd ever be able to come clean with her.

For these friends we go to diner, movies and hitting the bars beside other events. Only one of them goes camping with me and he knows I'm IC. Having small friends is fun but as you'd expect having to wear diapers is complicated. When ever I go out I'm always in a clean and dry diaper. Without exception I keep an emergency bag in my car. I've only used them a couple of times. Actually I hate using them (changing into a clean diaper) mostly because I don't want to risk asking questions. Most of the time
I can get through it. If I know we're going to be out for an extended period of time, I make sure I'm wearing a good booster along plastic pants over my diaper (Confidry 24/7 or Abena L4). I'll wear some compression shorts under some khaki pants. It's never been an issue.

I always wonder how you handle diapers when you're out with friends. What do you do when your diaper starts to get really wet. Do you just grab your bag and hit a bathroom? Do your friends figure out what's going on? I know my good friend already knows. But I worry about the others. Especially that other girl friend. Or maybe most of your friends already know? Let's face it, going out with friends is tricky. Particularly with her. I refuse to just stay home watching TV all the time. I'm just curious about how you deal with them.































/

I have a few friends who know so they cover for me and I just go to the bathroom handle business then come back.

 

[Moicano]

I'm happily being just friends. That way I don't have any complicated problems (like IC). First, it's easier. Second, we are both emotionally invested as very good friends. We met right before I hired her. She's now my office manager. If she was interested in being more then a friend I'd have to qualify the benefits.

It sounds like you have your answer! Keep her as a good friend, and find someone new as a partner! If you guys are really good friends, she might even have someone in mind for you

 

[jdlake131]

Mainly because I kind of have a crush on her. I met her about 5 years back. She might have a crush on me too.She's even kissed me before. When she did that I blushed dark red. And she knows it get's me nervous and she likes that. Why? How about because I'm IC? I think she might think I am.

It looks like both of you have something going on. GREAT! Eventually you will become even better friends.

I met my girlfriend more than 5 months back. One of my sisters was friends with here and brought here to one of my hockey games. Apparently she thought I was cute. Eventually my sister told her that I had "medical issues" which really embarrassed me. And after a few dates she finally kissed me anyway. Of course IC is a major complication about dating. Being introverted I didn't even want to talk about diapers. But she pushed me to discuss it. It was touch and go for a month but she finally said diapers didn't make any different to her. We don't live together but we see each other 3 or 4 times a week. I don't let her change me (too embarrassing) but she likes to "diaper check" and feel my bottom. Do I love her? Yes I do. This hole thing really surprised me.

It was a process for dating and it will happen for you. I'm sure.

she might even have someone in mind for you

How about you?

 

[Wetshisbed]

All my close friends and family know I am incontinent and wear nappies 24/7 so I don't have to hide it. Those who don't know and find out well so what! I have been wearing nappies all the time for nearly 10 years now and to be honest am way past caring what others think. I used to be paranoid about people noticing but now I am just the opposite. Safe protection is way more important.