Accepting I'm IC

[nappywearingicman]

Hi I just felt I needed to express my feeling about my incontinence but a little background frist I started to have urine urge incontinence because of the stress fo been self employed and had to start wearing nappy as I would offen be away for a Toilet but I did like wearing them so wasn't much of a problem I did have control most of the time at the start but needed to use them more as time went on. During this time I meet my now wife she is amazing and accepting of my incontinence. But she never really understands like some of you properly do. She wants me to try and stop using my nappy as much but I have decided to recently just use my nappies for wee as it just easier then trying to get to the toilet and not make it and so trying to take some control of my life. She trys to understand doesn't it not her fault. It just annoys me sometime and I feel bad thinking it about her because its not her fault and I love her. Sorry I just had to say it.

 

[daylight]

She may feel that you are doing self-harm and is concerned. What do your doctor(s) say about this choice? Bringing her into that conversation could help.

 

[Wetshisbed]

My wife knows I gave up fighting the inevitable and just let it flow in my nappy and as a result lost mr remaining bladder control such as it was. Asd it was her idea for me to wear nappies she could hardly complain and just accepts it and isn't phased by my incontinence at all.

 

[nappywearingicman]

My wife accept my decision but don't understand why I would deliberately use nappy. I just sometime feel alone in this

 

[Wetshisbed]

My wife accept my decision but don't understand why I would deliberately use nappy. I just sometime feel alone in this

Always happy to chat.

 

[EcoIncon]

Personally, I have decided to only use a diaper when I must. If I don't continue to fight the IC, it gets worse, and I don't want to "depend" on nappies ;-). Most people (probably including your wife) believe using a diaper would be an awful thing. I still don't like it personally, but I must accept it.

I think your challenge is to help your wife understand why you would choose to use a nappy. To help think through it here are some reasons I have in the past chosen to use a diaper:
1. Every time I try and fail to get to the toilet I feel defeated and helpless. If I don't try, I can't fail. This one is the most compelling for me and the logic is seductive. It's really hard to keep trying to stay continent when your body is fighting you the whole way.
2. Trying to find a public toilet in Paris (or many other big cities around the world) is damn near impossible and there's no way I'm going to make it anyway with the notice I get from my bladder.
3. Did you see that last restroom outside at that gas station. Would you want to go in there?
4. I just put my taped diaper on for bed. If I get up and go now, I might ruin my $1.60 diaper.

I am sure you'll come up with your own reasons. Perhaps you found it disgusting at first and over time have come to enjoy the feeling. I think there are lots on this board that have had that experience. As always, just be genuine with your wife.

 

[Temeraire003]

My wife left when I became incontinent (after having a vasectomy she insisted I should have).

Got to love life… :-(

 

[Wetshisbed]

My wife left when I became incontinent (after having a vasectomy she insisted I should have).

Got to love life… :-(

Really sorry to hear that. How did having a vasectomy make you incontinent. I had one when I was about 37 and was not incontinent for another 10 years or more.

 

[Troy]

My wife left when I became incontinent (after having a vasectomy she insisted I should have).

Got to love life… :-(

Has anyone else become incontinent after a vasectomy ? I only recently realised that my problems started not long after I had one as well.
But I haven't seen any reference to this being a possible side effect

 

[Pino]

Hi I just felt I needed to express my feeling about my incontinence but a little background frist I started to have urine urge incontinence because of the stress fo been self employed and had to start wearing nappy as I would offen be away for a Toilet but I did like wearing them so wasn't much of a problem I did have control most of the time at the start but needed to use them more as time went on. During this time I meet my now wife she is amazing and accepting of my incontinence. But she never really understands like some of you properly do. She wants me to try and stop using my nappy as much but I have decided to recently just use my nappies for wee as it just easier then trying to get to the toilet and not make it and so trying to take some control of my life. She trys to understand doesn't it not her fault. It just annoys me sometime and I feel bad thinking it about her because its not her fault and I love her. Sorry I just had to say it.

How about using condom catheter and a bag for some time?

 

[slimjiminy]

She wants me to try and stop using my nappy

This is always the risk with "early acceptance" by a spouse/GF, based on what I've read.

They accept, believing doctors etc. can cure you somehow. But if there is no cure (or it is out of reach), then this is what she needs to accept. I have urge incontinence also, and when near a toilet I am fine (and use it). But if away from home, I have to use my diaper because I cannot hold it. Nerve damage (in my case) is incurable.

1. Every time I try and fail to get to the toilet I feel defeated and helpless. If I don't try, I can't fail. This one is the most compelling for me and the logic is seductive. It's really hard to keep trying to stay continent when your body is fighting you the whole way.
2. Trying to find a public toilet in Paris (or many other big cities around the world) is damn near impossible and there's no way I'm going to make it anyway with the notice I get from my bladder.
3. Did you see that last restroom outside at that gas station. Would you want to go in there?
4. I just put my taped diaper on for bed. If I get up and go now, I might ruin my $1.60 diaper.

Another reason can be:

5. Is it worth breaking bones trying to get to the toilet?

This is a huge factor for older/disabled folks.

 

[Diaperman95]

I Would say ultimately it is your choice but I would ask yourself a few things. I would ask how long you can go between having to use the restroom and what type of incontinence? If it is urge and then you can not hold it how far apart are the urges? If you can make it two or 3 hours between urges I would put myself on a timed bathroom schedule and try to keep what is left of my control as long as possible. I mean I would still wear a diaper or pull up to make sure that if I did not make but I would not try to go in it.. I say all this because I have interstitial cystitis real bad and I sometimes get urges every 10 to 15 minutes. So I gave up all together and I do not regret it but it is a lot of work. Back in the day I drove truck and it just was not possible to stop all the time. But now I am disabled and not working I have about 30 seconds from when I feel the urge to when I feel the wetness. But as a result my bladder has shrunk and it has thickened a lot. Making it less able to stretch and me even more incontinent and unable to hold much. On a good day I might hold 200 CC. Thickened bladder walls can lead to bladder cancer and painful bladder spasms. I already have those too as that is part of interstitial cystitis. Also bladder thickening can lead to interstitial cystitis and I do not wish that shit on anyone. But my bladder also never fully empties I always hold 5O to 75 CC so my my true capacity is next to nothing so I have small floods sometimes several times a hour . I also have to pass a catheter every day to get the last bit out or I will et infections. But I had that condition my entire life and not a result of letting go when I feel the need. I use to retain about 200cc.

If you feel like this is really is the best thing I would talk to the wife and maybe even the doctor. I myself would strongly recommend trying to strengthen and save your bladder control if possible. I have been in diaper almost 30 years. It takes a toll on a person. Granted it is not no where near as bad today with the MEGA Diapers we now have. Back in the day one good wetting and you had to change or you would leak. No if ands or buts they was not made for multiple wettings. But diapers are not cheap either and they are only getting higher ever month just about. I bet I have spent 50 to $75k on diapers over the years maybe more. I currently spend between $250 and $300 a Month. That is almost a car payment or a lot of mad money if you choose to spend it on a hobby instead. I know my old hot rod would be done a long time ago if not for my diaper expense. They are hot in the summer and diaper rash sucks. not to mention I never really could do things like swimming or water sports without changing back and forth when in or out of the water. Then every one can tell if you do not wear baggy cloths your entire life. Or thin protection and that is not going to do you any good if you are giving up control you will need good heavy protection.

Do you think your wife is embarrassed that you are wearing them or just worried about you and wants to make sure you have a good healthy life? Because their is some real negative aspects to wearing and using 24/7. I am sure she just loves you and worries about you. OAB really does suck and I am sorry you have to go down this road. I am glad you have someone with you that loves you as it makes it much easier. I was married at 19 and started wearing belted undergarments in middle school. She has always been supportive. As I have been. She had cancer at age 23 and has had a ostomy ever since. Now later in life she to is incontinent and wears pull ups. You never know the curveballs life throws. I say just be sure to look at the negatives as well. You have not lived until you have bad bladder spasms. They are so painful.

Best wish to you and the wife. I am glad you found this group. Lots of caring people. I think you will like it here no matter your reason for rearing diapers.

 

[nappywearingicman]

Thank you all for you support but for now I think I will still keep use my nappy as I think it also helps with abit deal with life as I have help look after my wife and daughter.

 

[Constantlydamp]

How about using condom catheter and a bag for some time?

Or a pubic pressure urinal if you cannot use a condom catheter ?

 

[NotTheAverageMan]

It’s an ongoing battle, incontinence! I wear a diaper as security, meaning it’s the last resort, if an urge comes, and I’m not able to get to a toilet very fast, I use my diaper. But it’s not my first choice to give in and let go.