ABDL since birth - a perspective

[paddeddownthere]

I decided to share some brief personal thoughts on why we identify as ABDL and where it came from. I decided to write this because there are so many posts debating, is it from trauma? Is it a kink? Should I come out to friends or family? Where did this come from? These are highly debated topics. Our personal stories will cause us to form different perspectives. The below are my personal thoughts, and I am not a health professional. However, I do think some share a similar story to me.

Personally, I have experienced some trauma; an addict mother, divorced parents and a father who fled the scene. However, I don’t think trauma has anything to do with my ABDL. Fast forward to today, I am mentally healthy and physically healthy, and I have a solid social life and career. The trauma and addictive behavior really didn’t start until 9 or 10 years old. My family life was mostly normal until then. So how do you explain my attraction to diapers as early as 5 years old? I vividly remember stealing them from my babysitter when I was 7.

I personally think that some of us may have physically been taken out of diapers, but we never really left diapers. Consider this. The first thing that almost always happens after you’re born is that you are cleaned off, given to mama, and immediately wrapped in a comfy warm diaper. This is a time of your life where everything is brand new and sensory. Diapers are one of the most sensory and emotional objects in your early years as your brain is rapidly developing. In the animal world “Imprinting” is to come to recognize (another animal, person, or thing) as a parent or other object of habitual trust. Diapers are to be trusted. We always wear them. They keep us warm and comfy, and mom and dad are there to keep it that way.

Then, a cruel thing happens. The pressure mounts to potty train fast and furious. Diapers are evil, and big boys and girls don’t wear diapers. The real trauma could be potty training kids before they are physically ready in some cases, or demonizing or shaming an object (sometimes potentially in an emotionally cruel way) that has huge importance in your early life, after building that trust.

I do personally understand why some people feel less on the kink end of the spectrum and more on the identity side. I’m in the middle, however it is highly frustrating to not be able to share a huge part of your identity to a world that is not even close to ready to accept ABDLs in the world. The urge is there. This is how we feel, and some of us want to have that opportunity to tell our story for acceptance, even if that’s a dream and less of a reality. We share our lives with our social network, but this piece of me I can never talk about. For some, I imagine they view it as purely a kink, and that’s ok too.

I wanted to share this to not only share this perspective, but also to reach out to struggling ABDLs. The world overall is not going to understand. The reactions range anywhere from acceptance to disgust. However, you should really focus on self-acceptance and partner acceptance at minimum. Anything less will cause stress, and anything more is a bonus. Please don’t feel shame for something that was such a huge part of your life at birth into your early years just because it stuck with you at some level. It’s not so crazy that nature and life works that way sometimes for something that’s not harming you or others.

 

[perlFerret]

Well said!

 

[abrich]

it is highly frustrating to not be able to share a huge part of your identity to a world that is not even close to ready to accept ABDLs

I really struggle with this too. I simply don't remember a time when I didn't want to wear nappies, so it feels intrinsic to who I am. It's not all that I am of course, but I wish I didn't have to keep this important part of me so secret and hidden.

 

[paddeddownthere]

I really struggle with this too. I simply don't remember a time when I didn't want to wear nappies, so it feels intrinsic to who I am. It's not all that I am of course, but I wish I didn't have to keep this important part of me so secret and hidden.

Nobody needs to know that doesn’t need to know. If you tell someone, just make sure you’re highly confident they’re trustworthy and capable of reviewing the information.

 

[abrich]

Nobody needs to know that doesn’t need to know. If you tell someone, just make sure you’re highly confident they’re trustworthy and capable of reviewing the information.

Yes, that's true! I certainly don't feel the need to shout it from the rooftops! I do wish that I had ever felt secure enough in any of my romantic relationships to discuss it.

 

[hodori779]

Your phrase of "immediately wrapped in a comfy warm diaper" kind of hit me close to home there (I hate to say "triggered", but you get what I mean). But that's okay-I don't mean that in a bad way.

Without getting too much into my life story, my mom was a single mom and put me up for adoption basically immediately after I was born-so I never really had that "bonding" that newborn babies get with their mothers. The only comfort object that I had, as you point out, was my diaper.

Fast forward to me as a toddler, and no wonder why I was so hard to potty train! I didn't want to give up my "security blanket," AKA diapers.

Now here I am, 29 years old, and can't fall asleep without a stuffed animal and wearing a diaper. Lol.

 

[lill]

I suspect that many of us wonder about the causal history behind our interest in diapers. It's outside the statical and social norm and contemporary culture is filled with discussions about LGBTQIA+ identity so it's natural to wonder where we fit into the whole spectrum of things. I would wager that the answer is likely to be highly variable from person to person since identity emerges out of such a complex system of factors. The old debates about nature vs. nurture have largely been put to rest now that we know at least some of the ways that genetic expression is variable and sensitive to a wide range of environmental cues. So there may be no one story to unpack. But it can help to think through some of the possibilities as you do here. So thanks for sharing your thoughts with us.

I've given some thought to Winnicott and his theory of transitional objects. He mentions diapers specifically as a common transitional object. Maybe that's the story to be told about the comfort side that so many of us mention. Then there is Bowlby and his theories of attachment in his studies of monkeys. The famous wire monkey experiment involved little monkeys becoming attached to diapers, so why not us? Then there is sexual imprinting, which is partly used to explain fetishes. Maybe that explains the sexual side for some people. I simply don't know. There is a lot more variation from person to person than someone looking in from the outside might predict.

I do think reflecting on all this can help with acceptance or self-acceptance. It helps remind us that our emotional and sexual identities are complex and the result of a system of causes. We aren't simple beings, are we? It's pretty beautiful if you stop to think about it.

Thanks for sharing your reflections. I think they have a lot of merit in the grand scheme of things.

 

[shollyknox]

I vividly remember being fascinated with diapers as early as age 3 or so. I had a couple of left over pampers that I kept and played with for a long time. I guess my mom thought it was ok. This was long before it was ever a sexual thing. I just remember them making me happy, and liking to "play baby".

I never really outgrew that, I guess.

Later, the sexual aspects of it became more apparent.

 

[ARBBB2]

I decided to share some brief personal thoughts on why we identify as ABDL and where it came from. I decided to write this because there are so many posts debating, is it from trauma? Is it a kink? Should I come out to friends or family? Where did this come from? These are highly debated topics. Our personal stories will cause us to form different perspectives. The below are my personal thoughts, and I am not a health professional. However, I do think some share a similar story to me.

Personally, I have experienced some trauma; an addict mother, divorced parents and a father who fled the scene. However, I don’t think trauma has anything to do with my ABDL. Fast forward to today, I am mentally healthy and physically healthy, and I have a solid social life and career. The trauma and addictive behavior really didn’t start until 9 or 10 years old. My family life was mostly normal until then. So how do you explain my attraction to diapers as early as 5 years old? I vividly remember stealing them from my babysitter when I was 7.

I personally think that some of us may have physically been taken out of diapers, but we never really left diapers. Consider this. The first thing that almost always happens after you’re born is that you are cleaned off, given to mama, and immediately wrapped in a comfy warm diaper. This is a time of your life where everything is brand new and sensory. Diapers are one of the most sensory and emotional objects in your early years as your brain is rapidly developing. In the animal world “Imprinting” is to come to recognize (another animal, person, or thing) as a parent or other object of habitual trust. Diapers are to be trusted. We always wear them. They keep us warm and comfy, and mom and dad are there to keep it that way.

Then, a cruel thing happens. The pressure mounts to potty train fast and furious. Diapers are evil, and big boys and girls don’t wear diapers. The real trauma could be potty training kids before they are physically ready in some cases, or demonizing or shaming an object (sometimes potentially in an emotionally cruel way) that has huge importance in your early life, after building that trust.

I do personally understand why some people feel less on the kink end of the spectrum and more on the identity side. I’m in the middle, however it is highly frustrating to not be able to share a huge part of your identity to a world that is not even close to ready to accept ABDLs in the world. The urge is there. This is how we feel, and some of us want to have that opportunity to tell our story for acceptance, even if that’s a dream and less of a reality. We share our lives with our social network, but this piece of me I can never talk about. For some, I imagine they view it as purely a kink, and that’s ok too.

I wanted to share this to not only share this perspective, but also to reach out to struggling ABDLs. The world overall is not going to understand. The reactions range anywhere from acceptance to disgust. However, you should really focus on self-acceptance and partner acceptance at minimum. Anything less will cause stress, and anything more is a bonus. Please don’t feel shame for something that was such a huge part of your life at birth into your early years just because it stuck with you at some level. It’s not so crazy that nature and life works that way sometimes for something that’s not harming you or others.

my attraction also started at 5, but I was jealous of my younger brother and sister getting diapered and attention, hugged on kissed and I wanted that but did not get it, mother claims she also had me trained at nine months

 

[babyjoe698]

Potty training for me was traumatic. It was forced on me. I was no where near ready. I do agree i was born to stay in diapers

 

[PCS]

I was 4 when it hit me, an age when many children are still wearing, at least to bed.

 

[sbmccue]

I was 4 years old as well; I remember stealing my little brother's cloth diapers and hiding them under my bed.

However, I honestly think my fascination with diapers has roots in babysitter sexual abuse that happened when I was about 18 months old. My infantilism, on the other hand, probably stems from being abandoned (for brief periods) twice as a toddler or small child. I'm simply trying to ensure that I'm cared for and that the caregiver will not leave me alone again.

I can accept that many infantilists were 'imprinted' between birth and potty training, but I'm not sure this was the case with me. I had potty-learning challenges, like most kids, and I was punished rather a lot for accidents. The attraction to diapers manifested itself a year or so later, and I doubt there was a real connection between the two.

 

[srmousse]

For me, I don't think it was trauma, but rather care/comfort.

My most vivid memory relating to diapers, outside of bed wetting and punishment for that, is one of comfort.

I was very young, maybe 6. We spent the night at family friends house and during the night I got really sick, throwing up and consequently popping/peeing myself. There lady of the house (parent's friends), found me. She helped me get cleaned up, helped me calm down, put my clothes in the washer. I didn't have a change of clothes so she got me a shirt and offered to put me in a diaper, just in case. I felt too terrible to argue. I just remember so clearly how much comfort she gave me when I felt so very aweful! When I played back down I felt so much better. The next morning, my clothes were not in the dryer yet, so I didn't the morning playing in just a tshirt and diaper.

Every experience involving diapers (not forced on me because of accidents), at least until I hit puberty, centered around feeling anxious, or stressed, so I'd make a "diaper" out of my blanky or whatever I had on hand and fall asleep feeling comfortable and peaceful.

 

[LittleScotty]

Most of my early years up to to about age 10 saw me in and out of nappies/pull ups and I'm certain that's where for me being a DL stems from. Without my parents realising, their actions which were intended well and done with all good reasons (medical/psychological on my part) led me to have a strong connection to nappies since childhood which I just naturally continued with into my adult like albeit in secret.