ABDL in relationships

[goodnites]

For everyone that is in a relationship or in a marriage with someone who knows about your ABDL side, or participates in the ABDL stuff, or maybe even is also an ABDL, how did you tell your partner about ABDL and your diaper wearing? If they are also an ABDL, how did you meet them? Was it just a coincidence?

 

[BabyBeeGee]

For me it was a very gradual thing, testing the water to see how my amazing wife would react. Over time I built confidence to say I wanted to be her baby from time to time and then just answered her questions. Not easy and a lot of taking deep breaths.

 

[Bigbabybret]

Whilst not in the AB realm from my side (the ex brought it up)

But with any kink or fetish or specific like, you need to be honest, and know that one specific thing like BDSM or ABDL or anything is the only thing in the relationship, but far from it.

You need to have a relationship, a sharing in life together, in many many ways, be friends, be together in so many ways to sustain a relationship for any length of time.

This would be one thing, but still needs to be talked about for sure, after years together its unfair to spring it on someone, better to bring it up earlier than later.

Also, know that MANY things not just a kink or want need not be the basis of a relationship, and rarely is it that way. But the relationship is based on mutual things you both like/complement/do together and also things you do apart.

I was not into the AB thing like my ex wanted to play with, it was not in any way the reason she is an ex, not by a long shot, but overall i tried it, tried acting like a baby and such, but never could get into that mindset myself, being IC diapers are just a thing, so the DL side is sorta meh.

Now, it wasnt a big deal to not do the baby thing, and in all reality i think it was that her kids had just left home to be on thier own, but we had many other areas we had fun with, and TBH alcohol was the major issue, which later turned into religious 12-step conversion over the top, and back and forth.

But, bring up the wants/likes in a fun way, bring up the "normal" things like some light bdsm and ask them about what things they like/want dos/donts and alike, like a game per se. Remember in a relationship there is always give and take or compromise in certain things. That said things change over the years as well.

I'm of the opnion that most people change so much over the years that they are not really the same person they were when they were 20 at age 50. And that may mean your relationship get better or worse over the years, and feel that people hang on till there ends up being resenment or worse in the end. All my ex's have at one point or another have been back and i dont really have any issues with them and if they needed something i've got no issues with it, and even seen them after broken up as well.

But, bring up the wants in a relationship up front, dont be afraid to say what the things are you want to experiance, there is not really any reason to not bring it up. either you do get that in the realtioship or you dont, and for the most part that one part shouldnt be the basis of a relationship anyhow, least not in my opnion. Or if it's a requirement, better to know earlier than later.

My 2 cents.

 

[Lumos]

I told my wife that I'm a DL after having to deal with post-void dribbles and having to buy some male guards. Now she lets me buy diapers to enjoy them on my own time, as she isn't into it. I've only wore training pants in front of her, and she was cool with it. I just don't want to freak her out if she sees me wearing real diapers.

 

[BobaFettish]

For everyone that is in a relationship or in a marriage with someone who knows about your ABDL side, or participates in the ABDL stuff, or maybe even is also an ABDL, how did you tell your partner about ABDL and your diaper wearing? If they are also an ABDL, how did you meet them? Was it just a coincidence?

When I "came out of the nursery" the first time to my first Mommy, eventually my wife and then ex-wife, i asked her where is the deepest darkest dirtiest place she goes in her head to push her over the edge and climaxing. She told me she wanted a threesome. I'm like let's do it. What's our first step towards this.
Then she turned the question back to me. I let her know only because I completely trust her, I told her about being a Little and being into diapers and such. The next day we bought diapers.

I have had 8 Bigs. 5 of them were Vanillas I asked the same question. It's got me into some fun stuff.

 

[Spankedanddiapered]

For me, we’ve been married 35 years in the first couple years of marriage. I kept it a secret, believing that after getting married, my desire was gonna go away once I started having.” normal sex.” Of course it didn’t, and I gradually worked her into it. I also had a spanking fetish, and that was easier to share than the diaper thing. Gradually over the years, it became more of a female lead relationship. That was mostly my idea and desire, and she gradually grew into it. She’s very beautiful, and always of had men hitting on her. She had no desire to be with them at the time. One day like a light went off in her head she discovered cuckolding. I had mentioned to her before, but she didn’t seem interested. I think she was beginning to realize how much control she really had, and could have, as well as enjoy herself. Now we are in a full on cuckold relationship. She has relationship with a bull bull has also become my disciplinarian. she’s not dominant by nature so she has really enjoyed having a dominant man in the bedroom and someone that could discipline me. we both now are submissive to him. He doesn’t live with us, but he’s pretty much in charge and with us regularly. But understand this is something that evolved over 35 years I don’t think we could’ve ever done this in the beginning.

 

[BabyTheleste]

Very early on in our marriage I bought my wife a cheap Ann Summers maids outfit. She wore it once, and the following weekend I surprised her with breakfast in bed wearing it. She thought that was great fun, we had great sex, and I said "Ooh, I must do this every week". And I did, and every month or so added something to the outfit - stockings, heels, a wig, make-up, and so on. There was never any pushback.

I then said, "Maid must do your ironing", which obviously she agreed with, and so over the next few months she got used to me dressing up outside the bedroom doing the ironing and then other domestic chores that she would rather not do. I also suggested that I needed a pretty pink dress too, and so on, until I had built quite a wardrobe of (expensive) sissy maid dresses.

So we never had "the conversation", which was very deliberate on my part. And from there, my cross dressing grew, she got used to being more dominant, and I was also wearing pretty nighties in bed too.

Wind forward at least twenty years and I was feeling the ABDL urge. I started by encouraging my wife to call my manhood tiny and inadequate. "Yes, it's like a little baby boy's, isn't it." I would say. And around the same time, bought a pretty little eyelet baby blue dress (pictured), and wore it one evening on holiday. And whenever wearing it I would encourage my wife to call me Baby. More pretty baby outfits followed, and very slowly I also introduced other baby items. I'll admit the wearing of diapers was the most challenging - I got a little bit of pushback at that point. But now I am diapered and bottle fed most nights, read a story, and put in my "cot" (actually a single bed with a wooden bedguard - unfortunately there's too much risk in having a proper cot from the grown up children visiting, as it couldn't be disassembled quickly enough).

So it's taken a long time, but my advice is to take it very slowly. Too much too fast risks her getting uncomfortable, unless of course she appears to be very accepting and even wanting to push the pace forward. Good luck!

 

[Forced]

As I posted many times here.

My G/F knew about my interests before we even met.
I joined an online dating site and in my info I said I was an occasional ABDLer (I did it so anyone who answered was aware before any ‘relationship’ started)
I had a number of ladies contact me, all complimentary about my honesty.
My GF was one, she sent me her phone number and we went from there.
That was around 10 years ago

 

[oreobaby89]

So I told my wife about being an ABDL before we got engaged because I wanted to give her an out if it was too much for her. Granted at the time I was still under the impression that I could overcome this. Well fast forward 7 year and I realized I couldn't over come it and was tired of trying. This was hard for her to hear but accepted it a little. She started to allow me to wear diapers on a limited basis. From there we had a lot more conversations and I expressed my needs and wants for them more as I better understood this side of my self. She now will mommy me a little will punish me for being bad including spankings. The more we go on the more it grows but it is slow. We read "There is still a baby in my bed" by Rosalie Bent and that helped produce a lot of good conversations.

 

[Subtlerustle]

Vanilla wife and I just more or less blurted it out about 2 years into marriage. I delivered it drenched in shame and was received as such. Took years to come to terms with myself and re approached the subject with confidence and expressed specifically what my needs were. She also expressed her specific needs (non diaper related) in the same conversation. We were able to come to a solid understanding of what we both wanted and are much closer and happier today. She supports me and the AB/DL community though she chooses not to wear or participate. I do have the freedom to buy and wear as I please. Life is good but I will add one piece of advice; understand yourself first and then articulate your needs and identity early. I am almost 100% sure she would have been an active participant if I disclosed early enough. That sliver of early dishonesty is the difference between good and utopia.

 

[Spankedanddiapered]

So I told my wife about being an ABDL before we got engaged because I wanted to give her an out if it was too much for her. Granted at the time I was still under the impression that I could overcome this. Well fast forward 7 year and I realized I couldn't over come it and was tired of trying. This was hard for her to hear but accepted it a little. She started to allow me to wear diapers on a limited basis. From there we had a lot more conversations and I expressed my needs and wants for them more as I better understood this side of my self. She now will mommy me a little will punish me for being bad including spankings. The more we go on the more it grows but it is slow. We read "There is still a baby in my bed" by Rosalie Bent and that helped produce a lot of good conversations.

Oreo, your relationship sounds a lot like mine in the early days. When I got married, I thought I could shake shake it and then realized I never could. Sounds like you got a pretty supportive wife there

 

[oreobaby89]

Oreo, your relationship sounds a lot like mine in the early days. When I got married, I thought I could shake shake it and then realized I never could. Sounds like you got a pretty supportive wife there

Thanks! I do and I hope she will grow into more just like your wife did!

 

[mammalun]

Connect with the person first. You have to like the person. And not just because you want them to be your daddy/ mummy. Caregivers need to be accepted as people with their own needs and desires just as much as their Littles do. You may be kinky, you may be ABDL, you could be whatever. But if you don't connect as people first the rest of it doesn't matter.

The second important thing is honesty.

My Little told me after we'd known each other a month. He pretty much came right out with it, although much of the details of how it works for him etc came out over the course of many conversations over the next few months. Now we had already connected in a generally both kinky kind of way. So the ABDL thing came up in one of our general "I like this, what do you think" conversations. But it's been almost a year now and to be honest, I'm still hanging out with him because he is more than his ABDL. It's been a pretty intense year if I'm honest. But I am one very enthusiastic mummy to the most wonderful Little.

 

[littlemoosey]

I never thought that in a million years that I would reveal this to anybody at all let alone my wife. This knowledge was my personal "nuclear launch codes".

It just happened, for 53 years I told no one at all, and I kept it a secret from my wife for nearly 30. She had no clue. (Although for those 30 years I did not wear at all)

One morning we went for a walk and I just began to open up to her... the more I told her the closer she got to me and her empathy was palpable. By that night I had told her every thing. When it was all said and done. She hugged me and said, "this was no reason not to love some one." She has been my mommy/wife for the last 7 years and kept me happily diapered.

 

[Joeysms]

do we met the person we share our lives with by coincidence or fate maybe some of both. keeping one's mind open to the people in our lives and those we meet will definitely help the possibilities of you meet someone amazing that could be right in front of you if given the chance. i met my wife through a friend and we became friends. neither one of us was looking for a relationship at the time only just hanging out enjoying each other's company. she was aware i wore diapers it wasn't something we truly talked openly about until we started dating and building a stronger relationship (the why, how, cause stuff in life). side note it was her who informed me we were dating (LOL). we connected and over time we both got to know one another the good, bad, and in between stuff. as far as AB/little side nothing was planned out or necessarily discussed things just developed and fell into place over time. i didn't necessarily see my little side outside of others (family and friends) mentioning my unique qualities. my wife however did see it and embraced that bring it forward and giving me the room to grow with it and explore who i am. she actually encouraged my little side to shine. she likes being mom and i thrive on the love and attention that comes with her being mom. However, she a whole lot more than just mom. we don't have what is considered a traditional relationship which is great because i think that would be boring. we have been to together for many many years weathering good and bad and still holding hands through it. we are lucky for we both can be a true selves especially with each other. being that ABDL is a part of our lives i think it has created a deep more loving bond for we both trust one another enough to be fully vulnerable with one another. i considered myself to be very blessed for i know i can be a lot to deal with and overwhelming at times. i believe life happen with a reason to it. so was it coincidence or fate we met i believe both.

 

[BoyLuc]

This would be one thing, but still needs to be talked about for sure, after years together its unfair to spring it on someone, better to bring it up earlier than later.

I think you are missing something here. People develop into themselves over time. What might have been insignificant 20 years ago, may have matured to come out as significant. Growth is growth, Fair? It's unfair to say "I will never change" on day one of a relationship.

 

[Bigbabybret]

I think you are missing something here. People develop into themselves over time. What might have been insignificant 20 years ago, may have matured to come out as significant. Growth is growth, Fair? It's unfair to say "I will never change" on day one of a relationship.

Yes you do change. That was not the point.

But to have a want and hide that from someone your sharing so much of your life is with IMHO is a bit unfair to both of you.

If you dont have the want now, the your not going to bring it up, but if you do say 10-20 or even 50 years down the road, even then you should talk about it.

This is NOT to say that one or another must DO anything with it or even be involved with it. It's mearly sharing you feeling with the other person.

I everyone was to share thier true feeling with one another when it happens, i think there would be much less divorce and even if you groe apart less bad feeling and more still being friends after a brake up. I have no issues talking to any my ex gf's, and whatever the reason we are not SO did not break the total relationship.

I someone is changing and growing apart, which happens, or has a life changing event (physical/mental/emotional/etc) that caused other changes in the relationship, if you talk about it when it comes up you can work through it and/or at least both understand the issues and still have a relationship despite it being of a lesser one, and not be so dam hostile as happens when people keep the feeling all bottled up and then one day there is this flood of 1000 things that are wrong and need to never talk to one another again.

Yes, i've had friends that kept things bottled up, and even friends that i just cant be friends with cause of thing that are not right (let got mad and then refuse to respond at all till i needed to have someone check on them as they live alone to see if they are ok).

But, if you discuss the wants/needs/feelings you for the most part will be better off than if you hide them away.

If 20 years down the road you stopped wanting ABDL you should talk about that too.

This is not an ABDL thing, this is just a general observation that if you trust someone (which a SO you should) you should talk to them about your fantisies wants needs dislikes, etc. You are in the relationship to share each others life after all.