No diaper girls I can date

While I do think it's reasonable to limit your focus to people who share a common lifestyle, using that as the main criteria does not sound like the start of a healthy relationship. As others have said, the other stuff is far more important. Further to that, if it's obvious you just want someone into diapers, you'll give off a creepy vibe that will drive most people away anyway. Fetlife is full of people looking for someone to fill a role in their fantasy, and they are mostly avoided because most people don't want to be an object (well ok, in some fetishes they do, but not like that..) in a one way relationship.

Don't seek someone out on the premise that they're going to need you. I do understand the feeling of wanting to "save" someone, and make everything better: but if you're looking for a girl who specifically has a medical problem (which is what it sounds like), why? A relationship built upon such a hollow foundation will fall to pieces before you can bat an eye. The closest you'll get to this is dating a little; As I mentioned in my previous post, head to tumblr. That's where all of them are. Just be warned, focusing on that too intensely brings the risk of overshadowing romantic love in favor of a caretaker setup, so if you happen to fall hard for this person and want something more serious and mature someday, you may run into trouble.


Now, obviously, I'm here, so I had interests of my own; I'm not criticizing the interest or personal practice of this sort of thing in any way. It's possible to be in a relationship with someone who is into this stuff, and there is nothing at all wrong with liking whatever you want to like, for either of you. Just don't go into it with such a heavy focus on just that. You should be on equal terms with your partner. I've been there and done that, and have been away from it for many months now, so I speak from experience. This is why I feel that "Parent-style" (a daddy, etc)/Caretaker/ LG style relationships are generally either 1) heavily perverse, or 2) unhealthy. If I had a second shot, I couldn't do it again. I'm just saying, you know. You want a relationship? Find someone who connects with you on a personal level, with similar interests and beliefs, who will work with you to be your supportive (but not supporting) equal, on more than such a narrow qualification. Don't look for someone who will obstinately refuse that; for if that's the case, they may be wonderful people, but they aren't ready for a relationship in the first place.

[many places are]... full of people looking for someone to fill a role in their fantasy, and they are mostly avoided because most people don't want to be an object (well ok, in some fetishes they do, but not like that..) in a one way relationship.

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I dont have much to respond with to this, I'm just quoting it because I just... agree with it so much. Thats why I'm so riled up over the subject. You focus too much on being "caretaker" or whathaveyou, you become too much that, too little a romantic partner, and it twists into a situation of it being the only feasible way to make your partner truly happy. If the person in question could reply to this post, she'd object heavily to what I'm saying; the running premise was that I should "want to do it, not have to be asked", but... the problem is, I did want to make her happy. That was the reasoning; I didn't get enjoyment out of the act alone, I wanted to make her feel loved. In the end, it wasn't healthy for either of us, and I ended up tripping all over myself when faced with the intense responsibility that comes with being a "caretaker". She can continue to be little at heart, and do all of the things that she's always done on her own, but I hope that she's moved beyond the need for someone else to support that now, to become a strong and confident person who doesn't need a "caretaker" anymore. I don't mean to cut this person down, though. They were one of my dearest friends for many years. All that I'm trying to say, really, is that the concept itself is not good.




TL;DR: Don't do it. Just go find somebody that makes you happy, don't narrow it down to something so oddly specific like that.

I think the 'harsh truth' is what drives so many to fantasy when it comes to what you seek.

Not to mention that a number of the stated females (that 10%) may be same-sex oriented, trans, inter, CD, or simply males with female names, or any number of other gender fluid variants or whatever is the new term of the day. And so it goes........

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Many well reasoned responses here, by the way. Good to take a step back from fantasy and agenda drives to just look at 'what is'...

There are so many more important facets to a relationship then just what goes on in the bedroom.

I'm not going to kick the "I want a girl who needs/wants/uses/likes diapers" dead horse. LOL

But as others have said, if you main focus is on her liking, wearing diapers, whatever.
You are going to majorly creep the poor girl out and turn her away. Sorry!

Thinking and acting like that is one of the reasons why it is hard to find a girl into this.
This does not just go for this stuff, but for anywhere that is a male dominated area.
A good example is gaming. As soon as you say your a girl your suddenly overwhelmed with creepy, nasty, derogatory, ect remarks. And my personal fav "T*ts or go home" Not a fun time!
I've left games, I've restarted games with male names/characters just to be left alone.

Personally, on some level, ya it would be great if I found someone who was like me. It would make my life a lot easier and less stressful. BUT all of that doesn't matter! I would rather go through that awkward uneasy "talk" with someone who I felt I connected with. Someone I had feelings for, who I liked as a person and how they made me feel, someone who I could talk with till 3am or not talk at all just enjoying our company together. Someone who shared some (not all) of the same interests as me, a carbon copy of yourself is never fun, trust me lol, they like Taylor Swift, you like MegaDeth, their idea of comfy PJs is a chemise, your is a flannel shirt. LOL!

Don't look for a girl into this, look for a girl you can't wait to see everyday!
And hope that when the time comes to tell her that she will still love you for you and accepts that this is just a part of the person she fell in love with.

I must point out, you do not necessarily need to find an ABDL partner, because there are others out there who you will first need to make sure other important bonds, commonalities and morals exist. This to me is most important, because if you share what a couple are supposed to have (unconditional love and trust), then ABDL or not, you will still be able to fit in your ABDL needs & desires.

I was able to do this myself (she was not ABDL anything of any sort!!), and today after almost 15 yrs live with the same partner (my wife) who after my own ways and ideas of _slowly_ obtaining her support, is no longer suprised to give me pats on the butt in the kitchen and feel padding, or reach down in front and feel the same. She diapers me and we BOTH love it!

Trust me, if you hook up with a partner who understands and is someone you feel you can REALLY trust, your walks in the evenings, talks in bed, watching movies at night, having picnics outside and those intimate sessions at night can turn into that diaper change that we all seem to crave for (from another person!)

I'm not saying to stop your search for ABDL, just that you can also still make something special happen out of a non-ABDL and not sacrifice anything long term. Most importantly, it's worth it to look everywhere (not just ABDL), because a good partnership and a good marriage consist of each other caring for needs of each other. Remember though (as with any relationship), it's always a 2 way street, if he/she is not ABDL, you have to make sure you fill their desires which may or may not include any diapers at first, but can EASILY be brought into the picture if everything else falls into place before hand (as in my case).

I took my time, thought it out, figured out a plan as I went along, wasn't too pushy, and years later still have thoughts of my wife bending over me and rubbing powder all over me, front to back.

If you can find an ABDL partner, that's great! I agree- everything else considered, that would be the penultimate. I can't say that I do not still go throgh struggles, but they are not bad, I just learn to adjust and all is fine again. Finding an ABDL who has same desires and mindset for it would "speed" things up (in a sense) and even guarentee they will not show support one day and then just one day change their mind. If that happens, you didn't find a supportive partner to begin with and one who didn't live up to their commmitment and vows.

Would be tempted to write a document/book on what I did to make this all happen for me, but some events just.... happened! Perhaps it was something of higher order doing that for me! It sure makes it easier having her on-board and already expecting me to be in bed with protection, and doesn't think anything of it, goes about the typical hugging, petting, etc.

It's not necessarily easy getting to this point. I learned a lot of lessons the hard way, and of course had to spend times alone with partner without diapers (don't expect to wear 24x7 with a non-ABDL) but I'm comfident it will happen to you like it did for me, if you follow the exact steps I took, including special approaches, how and when to say things, key words to use, learning patience at the right times and more!

I wish you luck, keep us updated.

Brustkle said:

but I wanna meet a girl in diapers first to satisfy my fantasie I have.

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Honestly, it sounds like you're looking for a sex worker more than a significant other.

After you've taken time to consider this, and you feel you're looking for a more significant other type relationship,... well, I was going to say don't ever say "wanna meet a girl... to satisfy my fantasies", but dishonesty isn't a good tactic

So I guess you should consider:
--a sex worker
--a mutual "friends with benefits" kind of relationship. Plenty of people seem ok with that sort of thing.
--dropping the "satisfy my fantasies" bit

Fantasies are not things that need be indulged *inherently*. Something else to keep in mind.

Hey,
I have to agree with what have been said before: You are much more likely to find a girl that accepts your fetish if you do not look for a girl in the AB/DL community.

Well, for me it worked like that, just the other way around. I had nothing to do with diapers until my SO came out to me about his fetish. I accepted it and tried it out with him and after a while I totally fell in love with the Little Lifestyle (and diapers as well). So there is a big possibility that if you find someone that truly loves you, that someone is willing to satisfy your fantasies together with you.

Best of luck,

Luci

Very true Mandy bear, Having a girl that liked nappies would be the icing on the cake but cant be the basis of a relationship. Also even if there isn't romantic intentions, nappy fun is also a possibilty. Too heavy and all nappy talk would creep anyone out lol

Taysidepampers said:

Very true Mandy bear, Having a girl that liked nappies would be the icing on the cake but cant be the basis of a relationship. Also even if there isn't romantic intentions, nappy fun is also a possibilty. Too heavy and all nappy talk would creep anyone out lol

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Thank You Tayside
You need some things in common, just not EVERYTHNG, lol!
some times having different interests can be great thing, it opens you up to new things.

And Ya, like I said, maybe finding someone into this but in a NON sexual way could also be a way to go. It may make easier for you (the OP).
Someone mentioned Fetlife too, an already "kinky" even if not currently into diapers, ect, would be a LOT more open to them then your average vanilla girl, just sayin

AEsahaettr said:

I would disagree as to that last point. I mean not indulging a fantasy won't make the world stop turning, but there can be a lot of value in an experience just to know what it's like.

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Sure. I wasn't saying you should never indulge in making your fantasies a reality. That's why I suggested possible solutions to fulfilling said fantasies. Just that you don't *have* to fulfill them, and there are circumstances where it might not be wise to do so.

If you're trying to start a long term romantic relationship, and fulfilling some specific fantasy is your primary motivation, it's probably a good idea to sit back and reevaluate. I think that's been the advice everyone's given for the most part.

I mean, if there are no good/acceptable ways to fulfill your fantasy, you're basically left with choosing a bad way of fulfilling it or simply not fulfilling it.

Anyway, my intention was not to ... er... fantasy shame? Is that a phrase? Just pointing out that plenty of people go through their life without fulfilling all of their fantasies, and there's nothing inherently wrong or bad about that. That's just life.

It's all about finding that girl that loves you for you and accepts your quirks. The girl I am going to ask to marry me at the end of the summer has seen and put me in a diaper and totally accepts me for it. She's not a abdl herself, but she's not opposed to experimenting. So that my friend is the key. Find a girl who loves you for you. If she's accepts what you do, all the better, but understand that wearing diapers isn't something that people normally do, and as such it isn't something you should attempt to integrate into every day life.

I honestly think that finding that girl like those that you see on tumblr sites are not typical cases. Not to mention many of them are basket cases when it comes to emotions. Love isn't about sex and fulfilling fantasies. Love is finding that partner in life who completes and complements you. You become a team, not just sexual partners. Diaper play is okay in the privacy of your home, but in all honesty if you ever want to live a normal life, keep it only as such.

My first sexual experience was something that was so far different than what I ever expected. I watched porn and saw how those people acted, expecting sex to be like that. It wasn't. It was so much better, it wasn't all about erotica either, it was about love. The same goes for the diaper girl thing, I found a girl who accepts me for me, who is curious, but if she's not into it that's fine!

Long story short, don't sell yourself out of love because you're only looking for girls who are kinky. Love is so much better than a cheap quick fuck. Excuse the language but that's the honest difference between making love and satisfying your carnal needs.

Whoah I had No idea this thread had taken on a life of its own like this.

I want to thank you all for responding to my first post as having 34 posts means you all care for one another. And secondly I when I said am after a diaper girl friend I meant it as someone as playful as me but not just to build the relationship on just that, Just someone with the same interests as I have like Cars, Sports, Hill walking, Costume making, (Just random examples)

The Prospect of me asking someone to like what I like is way to scary for me so I would rather meet someone who I would like for who they are and not just purely on a diaper fetish.

I am autistic so me trying to explane myself is very difficult for me to put in words as I become very nervous.

Brustkle said:

I am autistic so me trying to explane myself is very difficult for me to put in words as I become very nervous.

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You might consider writing it down, if you ever get to that point. I think people are very understanding of how hard it can be to talk about difficult topics. But you did a great job summarizing it here and I think there has been some very good advice and lots of different suggestions.

So, if you do ever meet someone, just write down what you want to say and give it to them. Ask them to give the response in writing too, if you're too nervous to listen to them talk.

Finding a girl/woman who is accepting of you wearing diapers isn't easy. Finding one who is also a little or even an AB is almost like finding a needle in a hay stack but most assuredly they are indeed out there! Best of luck and don't give up!