Confession Time- I wore my first diaper tonight

Status
Not open for further replies.
W

Writerbehindtheblock

Est. Contributor
Messages
25
Role
  1. Carer
  2. Other
Hi, I'm Writer.

(Hello, Writer.)

Hi. And I'm here tonight to talk about my first time in an adult diaper.
I have always been fascinated, obsessed even, with the idea of being an adult baby. I've tried to rationalize it. I've tried to embrace it. I've tried to suppress it. I've tried to quit it. Recently, after joining this forum, I decided to try to figure it out one more time, and try to engage it myself since I've always before depended on my wife to be okay with it so that I could be okay with it. (She is not).
So, a week or so ago, I find out from here that there is a company I can contact for free samples. I call. They are just as nice as can be, and soon I have two samples of two different patterns. Four Diapers total. More than I have ever seen before in person (besides the ones my kids used for toilets), and they were even ABDL pattered.

My plan was to put the kids down for the night and then try on my new "undergarments" and put myself in a happy place while I finished my lesson plans for the night.
I draw it out of the packaging, and unfold it as if it were mystical or sacred. I spread it out, examining the feel, experiencing the moment with every sense. I casually climb into bed and lower myself down, fastening myself into a fantasy that I had never dreamed I would be this close to. I stood, and admired what I had done.

I stood, and took stock of my situation.

I felt ridiculous.

I don't know what I was expecting, and I don't know if I didn't give it a long enough wear, but this, for me, is another experience where the reality did not quite live up to the fantasy in my head.
 
(I love your writing style.)

It feels different to everyone the first time.

I didn't know what I expected for my first time I put in an adult diaper, either.

My first adult diaper was a simple store disposable. I bought the package with an overabundance of caution, going to a store two zip codes away in order to make absolutely sure that no one who knew me saw what I was buying. When I got home, I tried on my new diaper and felt a relief that was so strong it was physical. That strange rush of relief carried over to when I got my stash of cloth diapers. I think the difference between our experiences is that we had different feelings in the lead-up to getting padded—I was frankly terrified, you were not.

Do you think that if you wore it for longer, or perhaps in a different frame of mind, you would enjoy it more?
 
Sometimes it goes that way. You're not the only one who has posted this kind of first time experience. I would say that my feelings were conflicted as a kid when I wore my first diapers after potty training. They felt right and sexy but also wrong and like I was a degenerate for wanting them. It took many years to get head right with this so that I could enjoy them without the unproductive feelings.

It could honestly be one of those things that's better in your imagination than in the real world. I think it's more likely thst you're too conflicted to enjoy them yet.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Fleetwoodmac32192
I'm not surprised.

As Trevor said, I think we sometimes build things up in our imagination so much that the reality just can not compete with it.

Just don't throw every thing away. Just try it again in a little while.
 
You "felt" ridiculous as you saw yourself in the mirror. Well your not 2 anymore! You will not look as cute as your kids do or as your baby pictures. Dont worry about it. It is not about the "visual" of how you felt, that will get allot better over time. It is about how you "felt".

You said that you have always been fascinated, obsessed with being an AB. Is this something recent, maybe something that you just read or heard about? And now you are giving it a try?

If this is something that you just wanted to try on a whim, you can now say, "been there done that". If this is something that has been with you as far back as you can remember, and this is your first dip of your toes in the water. It would be reasonable that you would be conflicted. Give it time.
 
The feeling will pass the more you wear. My very first time in diapers after potty training, I was in my early 20's and working at Walmart. I decided one day that after my shift, I was going to buy some goodnites pullups, since the pack was smaller than any of the bags of adult diapers we carried, and I needed to be able to hide them. At 10 o'clock that night I clocked out, went straight for the baby section, snagged the first 11-pack of XL goodnites I saw (they were camo-print for little boys, but I didn't care, I wanted to just get them and get out), and strode as confidently as I could to the self-checkout, knowing that if I didn't act suspicious, no one would have any reason to pay special attention to me. I'd already memorized my cover story about buying them for my little cousin in case anyone asked, but I've long since learned that strangers and store clerks really don't give a crap about what you buy, and I got out without incident. I smuggled them into my room in my purse (thank god it was a big purse!) and put one on. The first thing I felt was a zinging electrical shock, like my brain was struggling to process what I was actually doing. The very next thing was an incredible nauseated feeling of guilt, fear and shame. Still, I kept it on, but I didn't wet it because I didn't know how I was going to hide it.

Eventually I stored the rest of the pack in a garbage bag that was full of old clothes that I'd been meaning to donate, and had just been driving around in the trunk of my car. When I finally got up the nerve to wet one, I stuffed it in a grocery bag, smuggled it out of the house, and drove to a gas station to dispose of it.

I had used maybe half the pack when one day my step-dad saw that I was still driving around with that garbage bag full of clothes in my trunk. He grabbed it and offered to drop it off for me. I was petrified, and stuttered nonsensically about him not needing to go to the trouble, while trying nonchalantly to wrestle the bag out of his hands. To my absolute horror, I noticed that when he squeezed the bag, one of the pullups popped right out of the top and was literally ten inches from his face. I have zero idea how he didn't see it. Maybe he did, and didn't register what he saw, but somehow, miraculously, I got away with it.

After that, I panicked, threw the rest of the stash away, and buried the memory for several months after that, until I found myself unable to stay away again.

Fast forward to today, four years later, and I went out today in my thick, tab-style diaper and my shortalls, sat through two different therapy sessions, ran around in a park and climbed a few trees, and stood right next to my friend, looking directly at him whilst wetting my diaper, and being so deadpan that he never even paused the conversation.

I promise, it takes a while for the weirdness feeling to subside, as well as the guilt and shame that many of us carry with us, but it does eventually go away, and you're left with a wonderful free feeling that you're able to live your life in a way that makes you happy.
 
It actually sounds like you experienced a fast yet mild binge-purge cycle there. It comes from when we indulge in our need, then later feel intense regret because we gave into it. Except you still feel wanting and wear an adult diaper is somehow supposed to be wrong.

It's that, feels right but am told it's wrong, which most all of us have had to sort out. You've got to come to terms with it and fully internalize that being abdl is neither illegal nor immoral. Wearing diapers is also quite beneficial to us since fulfilling our need for them is relaxing and helps us to destress. And there's nothing ridiculous about that.
 
Wuggle said:
The feeling will pass the more you wear. My very first time in diapers after potty training, I was in my early 20's and working at Walmart. I decided one day that after my shift, I was going to buy some goodnites pullups, since the pack was smaller than any of the bags of adult diapers we carried, and I needed to be able to hide them. At 10 o'clock that night I clocked out, went straight for the baby section, snagged the first 11-pack of XL goodnites I saw (they were camo-print for little boys, but I didn't care, I wanted to just get them and get out), and strode as confidently as I could to the self-checkout, knowing that if I didn't act suspicious, no one would have any reason to pay special attention to me. I'd already memorized my cover story about buying them for my little cousin in case anyone asked, but I've long since learned that strangers and store clerks really don't give a crap about what you buy, and I got out without incident. I smuggled them into my room in my purse (thank god it was a big purse!) and put one on. The first thing I felt was a zinging electrical shock, like my brain was struggling to process what I was actually doing. The very next thing was an incredible nauseated feeling of guilt, fear and shame. Still, I kept it on, but I didn't wet it because I didn't know how I was going to hide it.

Eventually I stored the rest of the pack in a garbage bag that was full of old clothes that I'd been meaning to donate, and had just been driving around in the trunk of my car. When I finally got up the nerve to wet one, I stuffed it in a grocery bag, smuggled it out of the house, and drove to a gas station to dispose of it.

I had used maybe half the pack when one day my step-dad saw that I was still driving around with that garbage bag full of clothes in my trunk. He grabbed it and offered to drop it off for me. I was petrified, and stuttered nonsensically about him not needing to go to the trouble, while trying nonchalantly to wrestle the bag out of his hands. To my absolute horror, I noticed that when he squeezed the bag, one of the pullups popped right out of the top and was literally ten inches from his face. I have zero idea how he didn't see it. Maybe he did, and didn't register what he saw, but somehow, miraculously, I got away with it.

After that, I panicked, threw the rest of the stash away, and buried the memory for several months after that, until I found myself unable to stay away again.

Fast forward to today, four years later, and I went out today in my thick, tab-style diaper and my shortalls, sat through two different therapy sessions, ran around in a park and climbed a few trees, and stood right next to my friend, looking directly at him whilst wetting my diaper, and being so deadpan that he never even paused the conversation.

I promise, it takes a while for the weirdness feeling to subside, as well as the guilt and shame that many of us carry with us, but it does eventually go away, and you're left with a wonderful free feeling that you're able to live your life in a way that makes you happy.
Click to expand...

Cool story Wuggle!
 
Please dont misunderstand me, for I am indeed one of you. I call you all kinsmen...kinspeople....kin...(different group). I came here, if anyone else has followed my story, to find myself and ive always vacillated back and forth between AB and Daddy. I wanted to see if i was actually a switch, or more one than the other. After last night, i just believe i am more of an AB caregiver than i am an AB. And....that just feels right to say. I am not throwing anything away nor am i turning my back on this big wonderful world. As i stated before, i have been deeply enmeshed in this since i was little, like 2nd grade [(old man voice) the year was 1992...], and i will continue to be. But i definitely feel the role of AB caregiver suits me more than cared for. I believe thats why it felt ridiculous to me. I didnt look at my self in the mirror (i tend to not do that anyway), but it just felt wrong, like i was in the wrong clothes or costume.
 
That bad feeling is just a pashe. The wanting to wear diapers is not.... We were all there one time and some of us go in a binge, purge cycle. Either way... it doesnt hurt anybody and nobody has to know. Just enjoy it! :)
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top