Slomo said:
All the more proof why hiding abdl from those close to you is a bad idea.
This was your initial piece of advice, correct? As I and others have pointed out, how is her being completely upfront and not hiding her AB exploits helpful or constructive given the situation she is now in. Logic should dictate that had she told her parents earlier about these interests the end result would have been the same, ostracization and being kicked out. I see literally no upside to being up front with people who will never understand, unless all you wish to incur is heartache, rejection and self-doubt.
You'll also recall that I completely agree, we should be open and accepting of this side of ourselves, nothing that you quoted me on indicates otherwise. We should be open without telling absolutely everyone and open without thrusting ourselves into a public light, whenever you do that, the chance of backlash is hard to avoid.
LittleLoliKat's issue is not that she didn't tell her parents sooner, that's a moot point, had she told them sooner she would still have faced hardship, her issue is that her conduct was bound to leave her exposed sooner or later to people who could pass judgement and possibly make this into a problem. She maintained an online persona that made her interests public to anyone who watched her videos, she owned several pieces of AB paraphernalia including diapers, she engaged in this behaviour at times when her parents could have easily discovered her and she was modelling for diaper companies, she did all of this under the roof of parents who she admittedly knew wouldn't accept this side of her because of their religious beliefs. No matter how you scratch it, her confronting her parents with this would not have lessened the blow it just would have made it come sooner. Regardless of if she could have prevented her parents from finding out, this is still a sad situation for her to be in.
Slomo said:
That's EXACTLY what I've been saying all along. How can you even misconstrue or insulate what I've been saying was me advocating he go thorough this bad situation? I am offended you even think that!!!
I have LONG been an advocate for heading off and preventing exactly his type of situation. And to do that you take control! You bring it out in the open- on- your- own- terms........ You direct, or even redirect, the reaction of who you are telling, by telling it to them just the right way to ensure their reaction. Not be letting them come to their own misconclusions when they find out on their own
First off, I am sorry if I offended you, that was not my intention. Also, read what I posted again, I did not say you insinuated anything, at most I suggested that perhaps you misread Tiny's point on the matter. In any case, your anger seems misdirected, I never said you misconstrued anything and I certainly didn't say you were advocating for LittleLoliKat's bad situation, I merely suggested that your solution might not have been applicable in LittleLoliKat's case.
Secondly, I don't get what you are trying to communicate here, that you as an individual can guide a conversation with others regarding AB or that you can adjust another person's reactions to better fit a positive outcome?
I can sort of understand where you are coming from, if you talk to them about AB from your perspective they might have a clearer idea of it without jumping to wrongful conclusions, but I maintain that if someone is unwilling to accept something no amount of logical, personal or objective opinion is going to change their tune. If her parents don't accept her now, they wouldn't have accepted her if she broke it to them earlier and in an insightful manner. Same goes for people whose romantic partners turned tail and ran when they divulged these interests to them, you can spin something anyway you want to, present it as honestly and personally as you can, you can't change how others think and if LittleLoliKat's parents' way of thinking is presumably, "ABDL goes against our religious beliefs", then there is no foreseeable way LittleLoliKat, you or anyone else could convince them otherwise or make them accepting of it.
Slomo said:
Yeah, I get LittleLoliKat's parents are not accepting people. Neither were mine! But we don't need those around us to accept who we are or what we need. Only understand this IS who we are and what we need. You simply don't even give them that choice. And I've never said once we should be super open, only to those "close to us". Are our parents close (physically and/or mentally)? Well that's up to each individual to decide.
Fair point, I agree parents and people in general don't need to accept it, only understand it, however, some will do neither and we can't force them to. Based on what has happened to LittleLoliKat does it sound like she would have received even a smidgen of understanding from her parents? I would say no, not given the current outcome. We should all expect and be given understanding, but often times we won't even be granted that.
Also, I didn't say that you once said we should be super open to everyone close to us, I was merely highlighting some of the pitfalls to being too open about being an AB. I also went on to state that we should be open with people to a certain extent, friends, romantic partners, those types of people, people who we trust and think could understand. I'll point out yet again that LittleLoliKat's parents are not these types of people, she even knew this herself, so, once again, how would her coming out to them beforehand and telling them about this side of herself yield understanding?
Lastly, I think it is alright to tell people close to us, just not everyone. I think most people can feel out another person and gauge if they would be willing to accept us as an ABDL. So far, I've been quite adept at this as everyone I have chosen to tell has been both accepting and understanding.
Slomo said:
In LittleLoliKat's situation, he made a BIG online presence. What exactly did he expect with that kind of exposure. Anonymity? the problem you're thinking of is backlash against you. What about you back-lashing against your parents? It is a two-way street after all. And like you said, just like with being in his situation you did try to keep it a secret, your parents still found out anyways- just like with LittleLoliKat. That's because your strategy doesn't work, it never does. And sorry but it's bad advice to think otherwise.
To be frank, you gave up from the beginning. After all, you did say "and you know it's going to end negatively". Well of course it did end negatively- for both of you. Because you knew it would. My advice to everyone else- don't let it.
We seem to be in agreement here, the problem with LittleLoliKat stems from that major online presence, that is what led to her parents finding out. Of course, she couldn't expect full anonymity, there was always a chance someone would find out and put two and two together with her placing herself in the public eye via youtube and obscuring herself with the use of a monicker only.
How is the problem that I am thinking about backlash against you/myself? I suggested and I quote:
Poofybutt said:
certainly don't put yourself out on full display via the internet (Youtube) where everyone and anyone can see you and attach a name to a face, unless of course, you don't care about the possibility of facing backlash.
I think it's pretty clear that I am acknowledging that the type of presence LittleLoliKat maintained always had the propensity to lead to backlash against her for her AB lifestyle. Anyone who has a web presence without maintaining anonymity has the propensity to face backlash.
As far as me backlashing against my parents, once again, I am unclear as to what you mean by that, that wasn't anywhere in what I wrote. Are you saying that me choosing to keep my AB side a secret from my parents was a form of backlash? If so, you are mistaken. As defined, backlash is a strong and adverse reaction by a large number of people, especially to a social or political development. Once again, not sure what you mean by that.
Yes, in my situation where I tried to hide it, I was still found out, through no fault of my own. Had I told my Mother, the method you seem to be adamantly suggesting, I would have been ostracized and shamed immediately and I certainly wouldn't have had the handful of occasions prior, wherein I was able to indulge when my Mother wasn't around. Secrecy helped me to indulge until I got caught, had I come out and been honest with my Mother, I wouldn't have even gotten to do that. So, just like with LittleLoliKat's parental situation, if I had told my Mother from the get go, there was no foreseeable way for me to adjust or redirect my Mother's thinking regarding these interests even if I presented them to her earlier and in the most articulate way imaginable, whereas my keeping it on the down-low method at least enabled me, if only for a while, the luxury of exploring this side of myself in miniature. Also, I may have been caught, but I didn't have the web presence, nor the amount of gear that LittleLoliKat possessed, only a box of baby toys. Perhaps I was also trying to say that maybe her parent's reaction wouldn't have been so harsh had she kept these interests to a minimum while she was still living under their roof or had she tried to hide them completely, waiting to indulge when she had the time and freedom to do so or a place of her own.
I was merely trying to say that keeping this side of yourself a secret while living with parents who won't understand is an alternative to being completely out in the open about these interests and as you pointed out, even my preferred alternative doesn't work out all of the time although, my alternative did allow me to indulge for quite a while without being caught something that your "be up front" option wouldn't have yielded. Also, just because keeping it a secret didn't work in the long run for me doesn't mean it didn't work for anyone else with domineering parents and couldn't have worked for LittleLoliKat in this case. Conversely, just because your solution of being completely open wouldn't work for LittleLoliKat or myself doesn't mean it couldn't work for someone else, someone with more accepting parents perhaps. Clearly, both keeping it a secret (myself) and being out in the open (LittleLoliKat) don't work entirely depending on the individual's given circumstances, but I think with one of these options, keeping it a secret, you face less of a chance of being singled out and facing hardship. You can feel free to disagree if you like.
Also, what did I give up from the beginning? I didn't know when I was keeping things a secret from my Mother that it wouldn't work out in the long run, I wouldn't have attempted it if I knew beforehand that doing so would eventually fail. I'll quote myself again for clarity:
Poofybutt said:
Bottom line, if you are at risk of being caught and you know it's going to end negatively, keep this side of yourself hidden away almost entirely, indulge in private and only when you have an opening to do so or wait until you are on your own to indulge, explore and express, it's a lot better than being in LittleLoliKat's current situation.
I stand by this, even if hiding it completely didn't work out for me in the long run, that doesn't mean that keeping things a secret or on the down-low can't be a viable method of sidestepping intolerant parents for others.
Lastly, you close with a piece of advice for others, not to let things end negatively, how do you propose they do that? I'm not being smarmy, it's a legitimate question. Your first bout of advice, telling parents directly, clearly wasn't viable in this case and wouldn't be viable for a lot of people who have unaccepting, close-minded parents. My solution of keeping it hidden while effective in minimizing the risk of getting caught is clearly not 100% foolproof either, I never claimed it to be, after all I did say that even that option has the possibility of failure using my own experience as an example. So if keeping it a secret doesn't work and telling them outright doesn't then what does? Maybe this is one of those Catch-22's where no one has the answer. To quote myself again:
Poofybutt said:
I think ideally we should try to be both private and open... if that makes any sense? We should not be so private that we conceal this from absolutely everyone including ourselves, but we should also not be so open that we set ourselves up for ridicule or worse.
A middle ground solution is probably what would work the best, I'll admit I don't have one and you don't seem to either, so let's agree to disagree. Perhaps, depending on the context, either of our solutions could work out, but in a different context they could also fail. I will still maintain, however, that a level of secrecy and discretion on the part of LittleLoliKat, especially with regards to her publicly accessible web presence potentially could have prevented the situation she now finds herself in.
Maybe a sort of AB abstinence could have gone a long way in both my case and LittleLoliKat's, after all, after being discovered, I waited to be out on my own before I indulged fully and now, after 6 years of consistent indulgence and exploration, I have wonderful relationships, a Mommy, full self-acceptance and the acceptance of others. You seem to have reached a point of full acceptance too, if you don't mind me asking how did you go about achieving that?
I'm glad she's handling things alright though. Thanks for updating me, BabyMozart. 
